The Rebellious Pastor's Wife

Feb. 3, 2006 - Church Sign

weight loss:

10 lbs.! (according to my doctor's office scale, which is where I started from)

6 lbs from the scale at work that I use to track weekly....I think it is just an evil scale.

lost: 2 inches chest, 4 1/2 inches waist, 3 inches hips (my husband said my breasts are smaller.....he didn't say if he liked it....)

but even more importantly:

11 days until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training!!!!!!

There is a church sign on our way down to Fort Wayne that says:

"Everyone ends up somewhere, few people end up there on purpose"

Is it wierd of me to think "what's wrong with that?"

In the course of my life, I have said (usually emphatically and repeatedly):

"I will never go to school in Utah" (B. Sc., Southern Utah University, 1997)

"I could never be a pastor's wife" (still insist on that, for 11 1/2 years now)

"I would never be Lutheran again" (going on 14 years now)

(to my husband)"I will follow you to the jungles of Africa, but I will never live in L.A." (we spent 7 years in Pasadena, and I still insist, its not technically L.A.).

and there are many other statements, too.

At one point in my life, I was never going to get married, have kids, etc. until I had my masters degree and a thriving career. Instead, I got married right out of college, am still working on that Masters degree, and don't know if I ever really want a thriving career....maybe just a part-time hobby that someone will pay me $75 an hour to do.

Different people relate to the world differently. When I wanted to start my Masters degree in California, and again here, my husband's first focus is "how are we going to make sure you can finish?" He's not concerned that I will drop out, he just wants to make the process efficient for me. The thing is, I could care less if it is an efficient process. I just enjoy taking classes...especially psychology and counseling classes. He's always related well to the goal orientation of school because it is a very clear path that you take, very clear goals, and expectations are clear and concise. Me, I could care less...I like the classes, the discussions, the exploration, and that painful feeling in the brain when it is embracing a new idea. That's my general approach to life.

When my husband and I got married, the plan was he would finish seminary, and if I could finish my degree in Fort Wayne, I would (which wasn't possible), if not, he'd be commited to my getting done after that, even if I had to go somewhere else to do it. Well, it only took a few months to realize that wasn't going to work...that, and I realized I didn't want to be without him, and I didn't want to wait an eternity to have kids (its amazing how that baby lust starts up). Somehow, my goals could be reached with a family, or after the family. After Chris was two, I went to school for a little while, then Maggie came, and I took time off. When I was ready to start up again, a call came that brought us here...who knows when this will happen.....sometime, it just will.

There have been a lot of things in my life that have happened that I didn't plan on. I didn't plan to breastfeed each child for at least 3 years. I didn't plan to be a confessional Lutheran, I didn't plan to be a La Leche League Leader, I didn't plan to marry a pastor, I didn't plan to be living in Indiana (though I like it)......I didn't plan to homeschool....and I still can't believe I'm a Dodger fan (go Blue!) Most of my life decisions are based on the fact that it "just felt right at the time"....of course, framed by principles that do not change.....but my goals can change or they can be pushed aside so that I can enjoy the trip.

I kind of look at it like some people are designed for the interstate...they can get on, go at high speed in a relatively straight line and get off when they get there. I like the winding country roads. I occasionally get on the interstate, but get off again. Whatever the goal is, I'll get there someday...maybe.....if not, then I bet I'll look back and think it was an interesting ride. (thankfully, my husband is more of an interstate driver - we'd be wandering aimlessly if he weren't. this contrast is probably the source of most of our conflicts, and also one of our biggest strengths ).

Will my life ever be what I planned when I was 18 or 21? NO. I am so thankful for that, too. I think it will be interesting to see where I end up. And so far, I've been completely wrong about what was good for me, when I thought I belonged on the interstate. Thankfully, God does know where I'm supposed to go...and He seems to have a sense of humor about it.

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