Sep. 20, 2006 - Goodbye for awhile

I've been feeling convicted lately about how I spend my time. People are always telling me how busy I am now that I have 4 kids and how its okay to take time for just me. Well, you know what? "Me" really likes to get noticed and do whatever she darn well pleases. Who is this "me" person anyway? Oh, she's also know as self or the flesh.

• ". . .through love, serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another." -Gal. 5:13-15
• "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." - Gal. 5:22-24
• "'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil."  -Eph. 4:26-27

I am wrestling with principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. I may think I'm wrestling with my husband and children, but that is not the truth. I have been fooled. I've allowed myself to feel sorry for myself. I've been feeling depressed, stifled, overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated. Don't get me wrong. I know that I can't be super wife and mom, but I do need to be a humble pray-er. My life situation should not affect the joy that I am to have in the Lord. Quite honestly, I've been pretty focused on the shortcomings I see in my husband. I've been falling into my old way of thinking, "If he really loved me then he would (fill in the blank). I've been feeling bitter toward him and I know that is tearing down my home. Anyway, I also realized that I've been watching more TV and reading books that have no profitable value in my life. Paul said something about all things being permissable, but not profitable. I have many books, besides the Bible, that will encourage me in my walk with Jesus. I need to get back to those. I've also been doing a great job wasting time on the computer playing mindless games or reading about everybody's lives. I've been eating more and thus gaining weight. Funny how that happens. I've also been wanting to spend more money. That's mostly because I'm angry. Somehow I think it will make things better here. So, I'm feeling all these things already when I read Amy's blog. Okay, I'm ready to get serious here. I'm miserable enough that I'll finally reach to Jesus to pull me from the pit I've dug. Foolish foolish girl, but ever so loved by the Father. Please pray for me in this. I have felt so alone in all this lately.

This is my plan for the next 30 days:

• No more TV (unless my hubby specifically asks me to- this is his idea of quality time together)
• Use the computer only in order to manage my home (finances, schedules, schooling stuff is on here), but have a scheduled time to do those things
• Read books that build me up in Godliness
• Spend money only on the necessities to run my home
• I'll focus on organizing and effectively managing all aspects of my home. I'm in charge of every detail except bringing home the cabinet making paycheck and mowing the lawn.
• I'll get back to the gym and back to healthy eating
• I'll tomato stake my children to me. They really can't play alone together. I need to get back into schooling them as well.
• I'll really do the 30 day encouragement challenge, I'm sure my husband will appreciate it even if he doesn't know its going on. The problem is that I have to humble myself.

Once again, I ask that you please pray for me. Feel free to email me, I need all the encouragement I can get. (I'll check it once a day.) You could even call me if you got the notion, but you'd have to email me for the number if you don't already have it.

I feel like this challenge will change my home. We've had a hard time in our marriage in the past and we even separated for a bit. I don't want to go back there and I can tell that I'm starting to think and feel how I did years ago. I know we have a new 'stress' in our life with the adoption and adding children to our family, but I really feel as though this time should be a blessing to us as a family. There are good things happening in the children, but I will save that for another time.

In Him who holds us so gently and firm~

Darlene

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Comments

Sep. 20, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Rebeca

Are you going somewhere? The moon? Timbucktoo?
Can I come?
I love you.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

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Sep. 20, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by keldaris

Yeah, somehow I posted the title without the other stuff. I got ya wondering, didn't I? And of course you can come to timbuktoo with me after you've eaten enough red meat to get your strength back! I love you.

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Sep. 24, 2006 - email

Posted by AsLivingStones

I sent you an email on your yahoo address.
Cammie

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