I will probably always remember this very different New Year's in two parts.  First, it was all about Bridget, our boxer.  Before Christmas she was diagnosed with an aural hematoma, and as grim as that sounds to the non-medical personalities out there, is actually just a term for a bruised ear and is not all that serious.  As a matter of fact, with the help of my vet and truckloads of internet information, I had decided not to do anything about it and let the blood just reabsorb into her body.  Worst case scenario, she would end up with  an unattractive "cauliflower ear", but at nearly nine years old, cosmetics was not my main concern with her.  Plus I thought it was sort uncanny that she would now be a 'boxer' in a truer sense of the word.  (Just in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, human boxers sometimes get cauliflower ears from injuries in their sport.)

As Christmas approached, and we prepared to head south for our holiday, Bridget's ear swelled enormously.  She still did not seem to be in any pain, but I was feeling leery about putting her in a kennel, so off to Charleston she went.  When we got home, she took another turn for the worse, and was now yelping with pain anytime she moved her head.  As much as I hated to, I made the appointment with the vet for the surgery, but the earliest they could see her was January 4th...six days from the time I was making the appointment! 

After an afternoon of high-pitched yelping, I called an emergency, after-hours vet and took her in.  I can't describe how thankful I am that I did this.  This vet found a heart murmer which prevented a full-anesthetic surgery, which my vet was going to perform.  He was able to do an alternate kind, which she still did not react well to.  He was doubtful that she would have survived a full-blown surgery!  She has done remarkably well with the procedure he did, and despite his doubts has left the majority of her bandage on.  We are hopeful that this will solve the problem, and that it will not recur, which is sometimes likely.  For now, she's enjoying the extra attention and the bits of bread and lunch meat that I've been wrapping her antibiotics in.  Here's a picture of the invalid...

The second part of this New Year's began with my taking a pregnancy test and through a rather unorthodox and pretty humorous method (sorry...I just don't have the patience or humor to go into this story right now...if you're curious, ask me later...)  getting a very "if-y" positive result.  Obviously I retested (twice, actually) and got very faint but positive results both times.  At this point, we chose to tell our family, but pretty much keep it quiet until I had seen a doctor.  Unfortunately, on New Year's Eve, I began spotting, and the next day brought a more steady blood flow.  I went to the doctor today, and a pregnancy test came back negative in their office.  I'm undergoing some blood work, but it looks as if I'm no longer pregnant and had a very early miscarriage.

I realize that I'm telling this tale in a rather detached manner, but please understand that all of this seems so surreal at this point.  Honestly, the whole thing felt so natural, that if I had not had the positive tests, I would have chalked the whole thing up as a late cycle, which, by the way, is not unusual at all for me.

The grief I've felt has been strange.  At one moment, my eyes will flood with tears and I can't hardly bear what's happened.  And then I find myself in the next moment asking my kids if they'd rather have grilled cheese or tuna for lunch and just going about my business.  In one moment, I'm having thoughts of scheduling Damon's vasectomy so as not to go through this again.  And then seconds later, finding myself  daydreaming about a positive test next month or the next....   It's all very strange, and I'm not quite sure how to convey all of my thoughts feelings and emotions.

People who knew about this keep asking me how I am.  I am fine.  I really am...both physically and emotionally.  I know that God is in control.  I know that although I have suffered a loss and that it was hard, that I am a very blessed individual.  I have a loving, supportive husband.  I have two, beautiful, smart, healthy kids.  I have a wonderful family (on both sides!) who have prayed me through this.  Even if I am not ever to conceive again, I am content with what I have, and I will not err by second-guessing God's sovereignty.

New Year's is one of those times for me where I have a hard time remembering one year to the next how we celebrated.  2001....was that the year we played RISK into midnight?  2003....didn't we have some friends over?  Weren't we traveling for 2005?    Our entry into 2007 will not go down in history for us so remotely.  It will be the year I remember God's grace in a time of emotional upheaval, and I will know I was held in the palm of His hand.  I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to start a new year any other way.

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Posted by Debbles107

Sending more hugs and prayers your way! Thanks for this more in depth update. It was good to hear!

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