Dec. 5, 2009 - Birth and Death

An acquaintance of ours is expecting her first baby.  She thinks she wants to go natural with no epidural and wants to know my take on that since I've been through it a "few" times.    My advice is to not watch Hollywood versions of childbirth or listen to the horror stories of everyone you know.  Hollywood likes to dramatize birth and make it seem like a life and death situation that is just horrific to experience. 

Nov. 6, 2009 - That Red Hair

Feb. 21, 2009 - Theophobia

Nov. 9, 2008 - Going Au Natural

Well, we're all homeschoolers here, so I figure one thing we have in common is questioning the status quo, right? 

It is safe to say that I do not just accept everything at face value.  I like to think outside the box some and shake things up a bit, too.

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About a month ago I was challenged to re-think makeup.  I came across the opinions of others who believe that makeup is "a way of hiding or masking the truth of what you are, often used for sensual reasons but also used to change into something you were not created to be." 

Another fine lady says,

" I think God did just fine when he made me. I was made in His image no less."

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Now, I have never really thought about makeup.  My mom took me to a Mary Kay party when I was about 12 or 13 and I have pretty much worn makeup since then.  I was always under the impression that I looked like death warmed over without makeup or looked like I must be sick.  I believed that I looked anything but fine without makeup.  I just wasn't comfortable going without a little bit of blush and some mascara and maybe a bit of lip gloss.  I haven't worn just a whole lot of makeup the last several years, but I didn't like to leave the house without it. 

My kids would see me put it on and say, "Oh, where are we going today?"

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I really didn't agree with those statements completely when I first read them.  Honestly, I felt a little defensive.  My brain just wouldn't let it go.  Every time I put on makeup I thought about it.  I came to the realization that pride and vanity were very much in my heart when I put on makeup.  This sounds awful, but I knew I looked good and pretty when I wore my makeup, that I was attractive in the world's eyes.  I really believed that I would be treated differently if I wasn't wearing makeup, like I was less of a person without it.  I began to see some ugliness behind my simple routine of putting on makeup.

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I asked my husband for his opinion, because mostly I want to honor him.  He said he really doesn't care if I wear it or not.  He thinks I look fine either way.  I couldn't just simply accept that....I wondered if it was kinda like a woman asking her husband if she is fat......what man is going to say "yes?"

I wondered if my husband was just simply too smart to say,

"I think you look awful without makeup." 

So, I gently asked him for the truth and that I really sincerely wanted to know and told him the thoughts going on in my heart and mind on the issue.  He insists he likes me just fine either way.

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So, I decided to do a little experiment.  I would go without makeup for 30 days.   

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It was very hard for me the first week.

I kept waiting for a friend or acquaintance to ask me if I was sick or tired.  I just knew the librarian or checkout lady at the store would make some kind of comment or treat me differently somehow.  Ya know what?   It didn’t happen.  If anything, some of the people I come across in the daily grind treated me more kindly.  

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Slowly, I began to see myself differently when I brushed my hair in the morning.  I didn’t see a tired old ghost in the mirror.  I saw a woman created in the image of God.  I even began to notice that I do have some pink in my cheeks naturally.  My eyelashes are still pitiful…I was really hoping they would grow in a little thicker once I quit wearing mascara, but that hasn’t happened.

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My thoughts about myself have changed over the past month.

I never realized what negative thoughts filled my mind (subconsciously) before I did this experiment.  I didn’t realize I was so down on myself or that I was so vain and proud.  

This has been a good experiment for me and I am still thinking on the subject and talking to God about it, too.

I feel that His answer to me on the subject is:

1 Peter 3:3-4

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward — arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel — 

4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty  of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.    NKJV

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I have been impressed in my spirit that I am to focus more on what is in my heart and what my character is and less on how I look to others.  

I am in no way judging those who wear makeup, mind you.  I don’t think there is anything inherently evil about it.  I don’t know what is in the hearts or minds of other women, but I did see what was in my own heart and mind though this experiment.

I may still occasionally wear makeup in the future, I don’t know.  

For now, I think I am still working through some of the heart issues that have become apparent to me: pride and vanity mostly.  

This is just a little glimpse into what is in my heart these days.

Oct. 20, 2008 - A New Bible

We have been sooo busy lately, but I managed to go shopping on Saturday when Mardel (Christian bookstore) was having a sale.  They had all their books and Bibles for 25% off.  Normally I don't consider 25% a true sale, but in this case I figured the item I wanted wasn't likely to go on any other kind of sale.

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You see, I have been considering buying a journaling Bible for the past six months.  With the diaper bag and carrying a baby or two it is hard to fit in a BIG heavy Bible when one is going into church.  So, I have been just looking on with Rick or one of the boys, but I really have been wanting a small Bible that I can easily carry into church since it is hard to look on with someone else while holding a baby in your lap.

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I was wanting a Bible that has nice wide margins for writing notes because I like to write notes about verses that speak to me.  Or to remember a message from the preacher that helped me to better understand something.  And I was being picky because I didn't like the super-thin pages that make the writing on the other side of the paper visible.  Maybe it's the astigmatism in my eyes or maybe it's just me, but that really bothers me. 

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The problem I ran into with small Bibles is the small print.  Again, my eyes are getting older.  So I waited and hemmed and hawed and finally I decided I would just have to buy one of those page magnifiers like my Grandmama used when she was reading.  I won't need it most of the time, but when my eyes are tired it is nice to have.  And, yes, I do wear my glasses all the time. 

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 So, when the Bibles went on sale, I made sure I went and got one.  I was very excited.  Here is what I got:

The ESV Journaling Bible in Plum

I really like it.  It is small and light-weight and meets my other criteria as well.

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Generally I am very leery of any new translations of the Bible.  There are so many nowadays that change the meaning of the original text.  But I think the ESV is true to the original texts and is written in a way that is easy to understand.  You can read more about it for yourself if you browse around the link I gave above. 

I don't want to argue about Bible translations.  It is a decision that is between a person and God and should be made prayerfully, in my opinion.  I have spent a good part of the past year looking into translations and seeking God on the issue and I am at peace with the decision to go with the ESV.  I was very pleased to learn that our new pastor also likes the ESV.  That was just icing on the cake. 

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So anyhow, I spent Saturday and Sunday going through my old Bibles and transferring my notes to my new Bible and highlighting the verses that were marked in my old Bibles.  It was a wonderful time of reflection and renewal.   It was interesting to me to see where I was spiritually during the years that I had each of my previous Bibles.  I could tell what God was showing me during those different times by what I had highlighted and jotted down.  It was cool to see it now looking back.  And it was neat to see what different themes I noticed in going through it this time.  His Word truly is living and active.

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After having done all this, I have decided that I want us as a family to memorize the book of James and also Romans 12.  Those are the two places that I had the most highlighted and the most notes.  They really speak to me.  We may just do it as a school assignment or we might do it with Daddy.  I'll have to see what he thinks.

Sep. 2, 2008 - A Church Home

Many of you know that we have been seeking a church home for quite a long time now.  We visited one church for over a year, but never had a peace that it was where God wanted us to join and commit.  We learned a lot while we were there, mind you.  We had many expectations about what it would be like to be in a church with lots of other large, homeschooling families.  Some of those expectations were met and others were a learning experience for us.  I believe we were supposed to be there for a short season and there was a purpose for it.  In some ways it changed our lives forever and we grew a lot.  Yet, we realized many months ago that it was not where God wanted us to stay.  

So, we began the tedious search for a new church.  Rick wanted us to find a church close to home.  (The past 2 churches we have been in were 20 and 40 mins. from our home) 

We looked at many church websites and dug through many doctrinal statements.  We visited many churches in our area.  Some weeks Rick would go and take just one or two kids to visit.  It was always interesting to us how the people reacted to our little ones sitting in church with us.  Or the reaction when we walked in with all 5 kids.  Let’s just say that looking for a church is a discouraging experience.  I have much sympathy now for new believers walking into a church for the first time.  Or folks who are new to an area. 

In July we visited a little church that has been under our noses all this time.  They don’t have a website or an answering machine or a secretary.  But we both felt like we were supposed to go and check it out.  So we drove by and noted the time of worship on the sign out front and showed up on Sunday morning.  They were so warm and welcoming.  I bet every one in the church came up to greet us.  Mind you, there probably weren’t more than 50 of them and most of those are over the age of 50.  Eight years ago we would have written it off as a dying church, but not now.  We’ve learned much. 

The pastor is really young with a young family.  He’s been there for two years now.  His two little ones are the only children in the church.  Everyone there was thrilled to see our five children in the worship service.   They really do treasure the little ones.  Best of all, the pastor preached the Gospel.  He preaches in an expository manner and he stands on TRUTH.  Sadly, this is difficult to find in today’s churches judging by our recent experiences.  

Rick and I felt strongly that this is the church we are supposed to be in, but there were still two or three that we had heard good things about and wanted to check out, so it was more than a month before we returned to the little church.  The other churches we visited had lots of stuff for kids, many programs for everyone, dynamic music, etc, etc.  

We wondered how our kids would react when we told them we were going for a second visit at the little church.  Ya know what?  There were so excited.  They loved the church, too.  Really.  It doesn’t have the glitz and glam and the programs, but there is love there and God’s spirit is there and that is where our kids unanimously want to be.  We are in awe at how God works in our hearts and brings unity to the direction of His Will.  

We had the pastor and his family over for lunch yesterday.  Once again we were amazed at God.  As we listened to him share his heart we heard him echo much of what is in our own hearts.  We never would have guessed based on the appearances of the church that it would be the one for our family.  I suspect many other young families also wouldn’t recognize it by the face value.  

We reckon this will be yet one more area where our families will not “get it” why we are in this church.  After all, this church doesn’t seem to have anything to offer us.  Our kids will be missing out on the great kids’ programs, etc.  And you know, our kids won’t be entertained at this church.  But how many kids have grown up being entertained and catered to over the years only to fall away when they “grow up” and the entertainment value ceases?  Sure, the fun music leaves one feeling emotionally happy and it all seems good.  I want my kids to learn true joy, though, from hearty fellowship with believers of all ages and from the deep satisfaction that comes from serving others and not focusing on one’s self.  

We even went to their 5^th Sunday singing last night.  We haven’t been to an evening service in probably 9 years, y’all.  But we wanted to go and we really enjoyed it.  The pastor’s little 3 yr. old girl even sang a couple of solos.  The folks there told our kids they expected them to get up there and sing something at the next 5^th Sunday.  Our kids are planning to present a couple of songs at the next singing in November.  They are so excited.  Cale is going to play Amazing Grace on the piano while Joe sings.  Then they are all going to sing the song for the books of the Bible.  

So, here we are, excited at the new path before us.  We don’t expect it to all be rosy and smooth.  Any time there are humans involved there are a few thorns along the way.  I’m sure we have probably pricked a few people ourselves in the past.  But, we know this is where God has led us and isn’t it just like Him to take us somewhere we would have never gone in our own “wisdom”?

God is good.

Aug. 14, 2008 - The Lie of "Beauty"

So I recently turned on the TV (which is finally sorta working again) to watch the Olympics.  I wanted to show the boys Michael Phelps’ swimming.  Really, I want them to see what good swimming looks like in general since we are still working on those swimming skills.  Anyhow, I turn on the tube and discover Women’s Beach Volleyball and the lack of coverage on those ladies’ cheeks.  I turned it right back off.  Not that I don’t like volleyball, I really enjoy watching it.  And not that their “uniforms” pose a problem to me; I can look past it.  But, I have boys in my house and that image is not something I feel they need imprinted on their  minds.  Later on we did watch the Men’s Beach Volleyball and rather enjoyed it.  I noticed that the men were wearing long shorts and t-shirts.  What bothers me about this is the double-standard……..women “must” show it all and bear what I believe to be an uncomfortable thong  for the ratings while the guys can relax and be truly comfy.  Young women are being so exploited by our culture and our media and I bet they don’t even realize it.

I know I didn’t realize it in years past when I dressed myself in ways that were “cute” and trendy and provocative.  When I wore a bikini it was to be seen by my friends and any gorgeous guys that might have been around.  I never even considered that sick-o pedophiles might be enjoying some eye candy by it.  Or that some 40-something man was enjoying the show while his wife was lamenting her lack of ability to turn his head anymore.  Those things never crossed my mind because, you know, life was all about me and I was a very self-centered teen. 

The media and the men in my life sent me the message that my worth was in my looks.  My purpose as a young woman was to be attractive, to show it off, and to provide them pleasure.  And I believed it.  I believed that my worth was in my looks.  For years and years and years.  Even after becoming a Christian I still struggled with the lie that I was worth more if I looked pretty and put-together.  Now, there is nothing wrong with being pretty or dressing well, but to find one’s worth in those things is wrong.  It is a lie and it is selling us short as women. 

We are so much more than a face and a body.  We have thoughts, opinions, ideas, and dreams to share.  We are capable of learning and doing new things and of doing much to make this world a better place, even if it’s just in our little corner of the world.  We have big hearts to share compassion and mercy with those in need around us and to serve others in love.  It wasn’t until I finally realized that my value is in Christ and that when I stop focusing on myself and how I look (or how others’ perceive me), that I found freedom and true happiness.  Honestly, I am still not 100% sure that my ideas and contributions are worth much or that anyone cares.  It’s that lie from the enemy that I still battle with frequently.  I am weak, but my God is strong.  He says:

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.

4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

What is important to Him is what is on the inside.  My character, my thoughts, my choices.  I don’t think the outer things are necessarily wrong unless that is where we find our beauty and we don’t cultivate our inner selves and find our worth in God.

So, while I am certain that those volleyball players are magnificent women, it makes me sad and angry to see them being used as eye-candy for ratings.  They are obviously talented and strong.  They must have tremendous character in the areas of perseverance, faithfulness, diligence and the like.  But their images are being used to perpetuate the lie that our bodies are where our value lies as women.   I hope that those women don’t actually believe that.  I hope they realize that they are so much more.  I’m afraid that the young women and girls in our nation don’t realize that.  So many play right along with the notion that their worth is in what they have to offer for looks, that they must be “cute,” and provocative to be someone.  When I see the young women today dressing in such a way, I don’t judge them, I feel sad for them.  I see another young woman who has bought into the lie and who will always be judging herself based on how she looks compared to others.  I know that is not a good way to live.  It does not bring happiness or contentment.  It brings insecurity and pride.  I want more than that for my daughters and for the young women in this world.

Nov. 19, 2007 - I wanna be transformed

It's funny how i have been thinking about what i'd like to post all day, but now that i get a chance to sit down my thoughts don't seem to gather together at all.  It's like walking into a room knowing what I want, but when I get there, i can't remember it for the life of me.    So maybe if i sit here long enough i will remember.

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I woke up with a tremendous headache this morning.  I didn't even try to get school done as i was hoping it would subside and we could get something done while the little ones nap.  I did need the children to be quiet as the noise just made my head throb all the more, so i put in a dvd of old home videos.  We haven't watched home videos in quite a long time and this one was from when we just had two little boys in our home, the youngest a little baby.  They were fascinated to watch the old videos and see what our house looked like when we first moved in and how it has changed, etc.

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I mostly enjoyed watching the video, too, but one thing made me so sad.  The video included footage of some old friends with whom we went to church at the time.  One of them abandoned her family for another man a couple of years ago.  Another of them lost her family to an addiction to meth.  Two of her daughters are forever changed as she was driving while she was high and had a wreck.  It was so sad to me to see those little girls on the video and know that they will never again be the same and to know that their family has been destroyed by drugs.  I know many others who have gone similar ways and so many families that are divided and destroyed. 

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None of us is immune to these things.  We are each capable of going astray just as my old friends have done.  They never set out to lose their families.  They were bright young women and they loved their children and their husbands.  Our enemy is so deceptive and we can be slowly led astray. 

I know there have certainly been times in our marriage where i have listened to the wrong voices and dwelt on unholy thoughts and i have been either tempted to leave or been very vulnerable to others.  If i am not careful those thoughts can creep back in.  I have to be vigilant to identify those thoughts when they pop up and see them for what they are and counter them with God's truths.  I have to decide to love and to serve and to sacrifice.  Sometimes i make the decisions to do those things, but still have a bad attitude about it.  I am constantly learning to submit and to serve and to deny myself.  And i have a long way to go on learning a new attitude at the time of doing those things.  Now, i've found that usually once i do the right things, my attitude will come along and catch up to the actions, but it's hard to remember that when I are indulging in a pity party or a grumble fest.  Often i am so focused on how wrong my husband is that i lose sight of the fact that how i am behaving is terribly ugly and probably worse than whatever he has done.  If i listen to the Spirit about how wrongly i am acting, then i become so disgusted with myself that i am sulky and stuck in the muck.  Hmmm...seems i have a problem with focusing on me.  Maybe if i would focus on HIM and His grace then i'd get out of that muck alot faster and back to a right attitude.  There is so much to learn about re-training my thoughts.

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Romans 12:2-3
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

So much to learn.  I hope my kids learn these lessons faster than i do.  We are now working on not allowing our emotions to control us and we're trying to figure out what God's Word says about each situation compared to what our emotions are telling us.  I feel like i need to learn so much more of what His Word says as i find that i don't know the scriptures well enough to apply to the situations that arise. 

A big one we've been working on the past week or two is arguing and fussing between the boys. 

We are using Proverbs 6:19 for a reproof

One of the seven things God hates is one who stirs up trouble among his brothers.

and then Proverbs 12:20 for God's Truth

God gives joy to those who promote peace.

We are working on being peacemakers rather than one who stirs up strife. 

We have a long way to go, but i pray the boys learn to make the wise choice quickly when they are tempted to "mess" with one of their siblings.  I pray they will learn to graciously share the favorite swing in the backyard!!!!!