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In reading Gena Suarez's latest post on recent criminal activity among school employees, I was struck with how trusting we as parents can be when it comes to our children's care. The article listed several links to news stories about school employees (teachers, teachers aids, a bus driver, and even a cafeteria worker) who were charged with drunken driving, sale or possession of illicit drugs, child pornography and sexual assault. The parents interviewed in these articles were either shocked, angry, or shaken. These families had trusted the individuals whose children were in their care. It can be so easy to fall into this trap of trust, and I'm no exception. Let's face it...when I'm desperate for a date night with my husband or have had an especially stressful week, I'd be inclined in those weak moments to yank a virtual stranger off the street to watch my kids. Because we as Christian parents strive to create a wholesome environment for our children, we generally want to believe that others who we put our trust in hold to those same values or eithics, simply by virtue of the position they hold. Not necessarily so. I, for one, prefer to believe the best about people, and not even because they have done anything to deserve it. Perhaps it's my way of protecting myself from the idea that there could be so much corruption in our world. I know in my head that our society is corrupt, but I so want to believe that such a cancer hasn't found its way into my sphere of contact. But then I open the paper or watch the news and I learn that it's closer than I'd like it to be. Probably the most unintentionally deceptive way to gain a parent's blind trust is through the mandatory background checks that are required for employment in virtually every occupation, especially those related to child care and education. A church I once attended even ran one on me as standard practice before I was allowed to serve in the nursery. While I see nothing wrong with the idea of a background investigation and appreciate its importance, I have come to realize one thing...it is FLAWED. Why? Because it can only check an individual's recorded history. Let's face it...a pedophile who hasn't been caught in the act, and therefore has a clean record, is still a pedophile, and an unacceptable choice for a gym teacher. A woman who deals drugs but doesn't do them herself and therefore has a clean urine test is still unfit to be driving an elementary school bus. In one of the news articles listed in Gena's blog, a parent was quoted as saying she was surprised that the individual charged had an occupation at the school since the school performs background checks. Basically she was saying the individual should have been weeded out before he was hired. She put her faith in a flawed procedure. Let's think about this another way. A person who sexually abuses children in his care had to have a first victim. There had to be a first time. The seed had to have been planted in his or her heart at some point in order to do such an atrocious act. But where would the documentation on that be, which would warn parents not to trust that individual with their children? You won't find it. It's impossible. It only comes about (if at all), AFTER the incident has happened. But for that victim it's too late. The damage has been done. There IS valid documentation on the state of a person's heart and motives, and it comes from Jeremiah 17:9. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?" In other words, don't blindly trust! A person left to himself is inclined toward evil, not good. I don't mean to say we should assume the worst about everyone or treat every caregiver with disdain (cynicism and disrespect aren't holy), but what I do believe is that we should not assume anything. I once had a conversation with a police officer in my district who told me he used to teach "stranger danger" whenever he visited schools, but no longer. Why? Because kids aren't very good at recognizing strangers, and are often abducted by people who are not strangers to them at all. We as adults aren't much better. We seem to think that because we are grownups we now have the ability to differentiate between the good and the bad. But that's an impossible job! For example, we might say "our son's 4th grade teacher isn't a stranger. She's my son's educator. I know her." or "my daughter's bus driver is so friendly. She smiles and waves to me every day when she picks my child up in the morning, and my daughter really likes her." Truthfully, there are a TON of wonderful people who serve our children every day. They're not all bad. So, your job is to know which ones are safe and which ones aren't. And you only get one chance to be right. Not so easy, is it? I had to put my money where my mouth is recently with regard to my son's therapy. For several months he was attending Wonderkids, a social therapy group for kids with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). He spent six hours there every week. Wonderkids has helped many an autistic child learn the social and communication skills that are often lacking in kids on the autism spectrum. Thankfully, as it seems, my son doesn't struggle socially, but that's not the reason I pulled him. Every day that I took my child to the therapy sessions we went through a little side door in the basement floor of the building. We sat in a tiny waiting room until the staff specialists (who looked more like college students than professionals) opened a locked door to let all the kids in. Parents were not allowed back. I'd hug and kiss my child goodbye and send him off with the others for three hours. When it came time to pick him up, I'd wait in that little room again until the locked door opened to let him back out. I was not allowed to observe anything (for the sake of other parents' privacy). I was never even invited to tour the facility or given information on their techniques or their daily activity schedule. I didn't like it, and I imagine it doesn't sound too good to most of you, either. I didn't know those girls who took him from me each day. We were never even introduced. I had to find out from my son what their names were! I had no information on their credentials, their education, etc, except that they were college grads. A school wouldn't even operate this way, and I was to intentionally allow this for my son? Sure, he was having fun, and was disappointed when it came to an end, but I believe I did the right thing by him. We use other therapy services now, and it's much more parent-inclusive and in the safety of my home under MY supervision. I sleep better at night. Some final food for thought: It's certainly true that your child may NEVER come in contact with a pedophile or a drug dealer during his entire educational experience. I, for one, never came across any, either in the public or private school. I thank the Lord I don't have those experiences to haunt me for the rest of my life. But I can tell you that I picked up on my fair share of garbage from other students. That opens up a whole new topic I don't want to go into at length, but I regret being exposed to things I should have been kept from, and I must note here that the bulk of it was at the Christian high school I attended. I did not choose my friends wisely, and they were a negative influence, and it was one of the lowest points in my life as a believer. One of my relatives was devastated to learn her elementary-age son was taught about all kinds of abberant sexual behaviors from a friend--things she wouldn't have even imagined, as well as all the crude phraseology to go along with it. She hadn't even had the chance to teach her child about sex before he received a corrupted version that will remain in his memory forever. In life our kids are going to bump elbows with lots of folks. Some good, some bad, some downright dangerous. Consider the ways you can reduce the probability that they will be jarred by the wrong elbow. |
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Posted by Marian
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