Here's another little story I found while cleaning out my hard drive. I wrote it a couple of years ago after experiencing a day not to be forgotten...have a good laugh on me.

Once upon a time there was a queen named Mommy who woke up one Saturday morning determined to do everything she set out to do while being cheerful and kind to her children and helpful to her hubby. She got out of bed with a smile and served breakfast to her children, even managing to eat herself. Feeling sorry for her overworked prince charming, she cooked a special omelet for him along with some sausage, and made him his favorite flavor of coffee. Since he had to work at home that day the queen knew prince charming wouldn't be able to help very much, but she was sure everything would be okay as long as she kept a cheerful, positive attitude. After all, what could go wrong?

Her first goal of the day was to exercise on her machine for twenty minutes. But as Queen Mommy began her workout, she noticed some squeaks and noises coming from her machine. She rummaged through the garage for the WD40 and some tools. Finally, a half an hour and four interruptions later, she stepped onto the machine to begin her workout.  But then her little princess, in the joyful stages of potty training, needed some assistance. After getting the princess situated on her little throne in front of the television, the queen was ready to continue exercising. Prince Charming even gave her some headphones so she could listen to music and block out the children’s noises. Undaunted by the headphones, however, Queen Mommy's royal children shouted louder in order to be heard, forcing her to remove her headphones every two minutes to make sure that there was nothing urgent needing her attention. Of course there never was.

After the workout it was time for a shower. But one of the queen’s princes had been waiting patiently for her to play a game with him. After tossing some clothes into the dryer which contained the only pair of clean pants she had for the day, she was ready to play. But then her little princess needed her throne emptied and her pants put back on, so that came first. The prince, who had already set up the game and had been waiting for her, grew impatient and threatened to interrupt Daddy, who was shut up in his bedroom on a work phone call. Mommy finally sat down with the prince to play Chutes and Ladders. Unfortunately the prince became discouraged that he was only getting chutes, and no ladders, and stormed off the battlefield. Mommy cleverly put on her psychology thinking cap and coerced the prince to return, saying that she herself got a chute and had to go all the way to the bottom. Feeling no guilt over her lie, she fooled the child, who eventually won the game to the queen’s relief. During their play, prince number two constantly begged to join the game, so Queen Mommy promised him a turn. During THAT game, however, the princess wet her pants and needed to be changed. Prince number two was growing bored anyway and left the game. Now was a good time for the queen to finally get her shower.

The queen undressed and turned on the shower. While waiting for it to get warm, she bent down to pull out her scale. Then she noticed a puddle on the floor beside her. As she moved her pile of wet clothes from the puddle, she realized the puddle was growing. Turning around she discovered to her alarm that the shower head was cocked at an angle and water was spewing onto the floor. Leaping to her feet, she whacked her head on the towel bar. With skull throbbing, she pulled back the shower curtain and a spray of water met her face. She reached in and adjusted the showerhead while trying not to slip on the wet floor. At the same time the princess came in to use the BIG throne this time, so the queen put her on it. Then she returned to sopping up the lake in her bathroom. Picking up the throw rug, which dripped with water, she noticed a suspicious circular stain on the underneath of it. One sniff told her that one of her cats recently used it for a litter box. So, while the little princess was still on her throne, choking the toilet with large wads of paper, Queen Mommy gathered up all the wet and soiled items and carried them to her bedroom hamper. Prince Charming, ever so kind and sweet, laughed at her disheveled appearance, for she was cold and wet, had an armload of dirty laundry, and not a stitch of clothing on. Taking pity on her, he came to the bathroom to help the princess finish up. Finally, after frequent visits from a prince or two inquiring when she would be finished, the Queen Mommy stepped out of the shower. It was then that she discovered a fresh yellow puddle on the floor. Deducing that her princess had not yet mastered her potty training, the queen cleaned this up as well. After partially dressing, for the queen’s pants were still waiting in the dryer, her princess came to her with wet pants again, requiring another change. The queen then decided to ban her from juice for the rest of the day. She barely finished redressing the child when heard the other children coming. Still half-dressed herself, the queen raced to her bedroom to hide, slamming the door behind her. Prince Charming was sitting on the bed, working on his computer. She begged him NOT to give away her position. Unfortunately the noise of the slamming door gave her away, and the children pounded on it, begging for a snack.

Prince Charming owed her one.

The queen then left the room to face the royal pains…er…children. Determined to finish dressing, she made her way down to the dryer with whining children in tow. Feeling ever so loving, she tenderly yelled at them to leave her alone. Finally the queen donned her royal pants and was ready to dole out some food. Desiring that her children only eat healthy snacks, she served up some chocolate chip cookies and sent them to the couch to watch TV, breaking her own rule about eating food outside the kitchen. The queen became hungry herself, so she popped in a video to keep them from disturbing her and went to heat up some lunch. The children, however, were not fooled by her clever trick. Immediately disinterested in their favorite Barney episode, they visited the kitchen frequently to ask for drinks, beg for a different video or complain that someone had pushed them off the couch. Fiercely defending her right to a hot meal, she practically tossed them back downstairs. Suddenly there was a noise from the living room. The queen rushed in to discover one of her cats (the one guilty of soiling the bathroom rug) climbing up her sheers. Aghast, she leaped to the window, shouting. The cat frantically scurried away, having had a few lives frightened out of him.

Returning to her now cold meal, she gobbled it down before something could interrupt her again. Sure enough, one of the princes came along to remind her it was time for his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The queen’s heart sank as she remembered using up the last of the peanut butter yesterday. Upon learning this, the prince broke down in sobs and hysteria, crying royal tears. Knowing that the other children would soon follow suit, the queen thought it best to hasten to the nearest convenience store.

After everyone had eaten their sandwiches, it was time for a trip to the park, the weather being so nice. The royal children enjoyed climbing, sliding, and swinging, and wearing themselves out good. While they played, the queen took stock of her day. Despite the mishaps and interruptions, the queen had managed to eat breakfast and lunch, exercise, shower, and dote on her husband a little (which paid off when he emptied the dishwasher for her). She even got to spend some quality time with each child and play with them at the park. All in all it was a successful day. And despite new piles of soiled laundry, cookies crumbs on the couch, a dirty bathroom floor, snagged curtains, cold meals and frazzled nerves, they DID all manage to live happily ever after.

The End

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