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Nothing stinks more than conviction, and lately I've been hit over the head with it thanks to a couple of Steve and Terri Maxwell's books Keeping Our Children's Hearts and Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit (see Titus 2 link at right). I really wish they'd let up, and yet I dive into the pages of one book or the other each morning just to see if they can make me feel worse than I did the day before. All kidding aside, this wonderful couple has a gentle, humble way of opening my eyes to the wonderful truths of God's Word as it applies to both parenting and homeschooling. I am learning so much, though it will be a lifetime to master all of the things I have been challenged with. There is one bit of wisdom that I have found invaluable, and I believe every parent needs to put this into practice. The results might just amaze you. Here is a quote from Keeping Our Children's Hearts: "What we discovered in our parenting was that generally it was easy to love a child, but sometimes it required a choice on our part (I Corinthians 13:4-7). When the child was struggling with wrong behaviors and bad attitudes--particularly when this was ongoing--our natural tendency was to pull away from that child. Instead we had to return love for his unkindness. It was important to reach out to the child with hugs, pats, and physical closeness. As parents, we needed to encourage each other in our loving the difficult child and abundantly expressing this love to him. If consequences were necessary, then we had to be very gentle, matter-of-fact, and patient while giving them. Nothing could be done in a spirit of anger or revenge. If we are to keep our children's hearts, they must feel our love so strongly that there is never any doubt of it in their minds. They should know we love them when they are obedient and when they are disobedient, when they are happy and when they are sad, when they are diligent and when they are negligent--all the time. This will be expressed verbally and through physical closeness such as an arm around a shoulder, a good morning kiss, a smile when we see them, or a walk-by hug." (emphasis mine) Okay, I admit it. When one of my kids balks at a chore or loses his temper or talks back to me, my fuse is short and I take these offenses personally. How dare he/she defy me. Heads will roll! The results of "strong will meets fiery indignation" don't make for a good rest of the day. So how did this bit of Maxwell wisdom work in my home? Just the other day when I asked my oldest son to empty the dishwasher, one of his hated chores, I met with the usual opposition. But this time I willed myself to come close to him, put my arm around him and give him a squeeze while saying "I know you don't like doing this chore, but it's very important to me and I need you to obey." I pushed out a smile. "AND you'd be pleasing the Lord too." With a kiss and a toussle of his hair I said, "c'mon, let's get this out of the way, okay?" I was not prepared for his reaction. That strong-willed, work-evading boy dropped what he was doing and complied. He still didn't want to, and I still needed to check in on him from time to time to keep him on task, but his heart was softened when he realized he didn't have to brace for a battle. I was shocked. It was like magic. Do I struggle with loving my child sometimes, both in attitude and action? Of course! Is it normal? Some would say so. But is it the will of God that I only show love to my child when he or she is well-mannerred and compliant?Absolutely not! I don't ever want any of my children to doubt my love for them, even when they're unloveable. After all, if a holy God, who HATES sin, can love me, a selfish, sinful, disobedient, rebellious child, can I not do the same with my own? So...you say your child just took the car without permission and crashed it into a police vehicle? Grit your teeth and give him a hug, and tell him you're glad he's safe. (THEN, ground him till he's forty). |
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