We have had a few 'challenges' lately with one of our children.  He is the most wonderful character when he is out, very responsible and a pleasure to have, so the parents of his friends tell us.  He managed to get a good job recently, with a company who doesn't usually employ people as young as him, when  I went along to meet his employer he was full of compliments.  But at home, he has been challenging for us.  I won't go into details but it has filled me with uncertainties and wondering how to manage it and what we had done wrong.

I woke early to pray about it a few days ago.  I wanted to gain God's perspective on the situation, to pray for wisdom and guidance of how to handle things. Well I ended up repenting myself, not for what I had done so much, but for the expectations I had for him.

I read a lot of homeschool books.  There are such a large number of great books out there.  But, somehow in all my reading, I had built up a picture of the life he should be leading.  You know the picture - family oriented, not selfish, stay pure before marriage, diligent and hardworking, evangelical ... ...

Now none of these are wrong.  In fact they are all very desirable and admirable.  But if they come from some sense of 'right', then they are empty. Mere externals are religion.  What am I going to raise? A Pharisee.  And how long has it taken for me to even begin to realise that I myself are a Pharisee, in great need of God's grace - a lifetime. 

We, and our children, are on an equal footing - empty sinners before God's throne of grace.

I found myself praying, not for wisdom for myself, but for God to reveal himself to my son.  To speak to him directly, to touch his heart, so whatever good he does, it is a response of a grateful heart, joyful in what God has done for him. 

There is a place in our children that only God can touch.  No amount of parenting will convict our children of their sinfulness, their emptiness without Him, they need to come face to face with God themselves, to see their state without Him.  They need to see Jesus, who he is, what he has accomplished.  They need the Holy Spirit guiding them into all truth.

God is well able to capture our childrens hearts.  He will bring them to a desire to know Him.  He will bring them to a place where what they DO (or don't do!) is a reflection of who they ARE - in Him.

Yes, it is important to bring them up in God's ways, to shelter them from evil, to teach them God's word, to pray with and for them, to build relationship with them.  But the most important task we have as parents is handing our children over to their loving Father, leaving them in His hands.