I'm reposting this entry on submission from last year.
Sep. 27, 2006 - Sept. 27: Submission
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Submission
Wow! Now that's an unpopular word among women nowadays! I had a conversation with a friend about submission (that'd be you, Kath, if you're reading this) and it got me thinking some more about how submission is so misunderstood among women today. I think the common picture of a submissive wife is one of the woman as a doormat. I should say that first, submission is different in every marriage.
For me, a key to understanding submission was first figuring out what kind of husband I had and what submission looks like to him. I read Debi Pearl's Created to be his HelpMeet and was blown away by her discription of the three types of men- Kip is so clearly a Mr. Steady. Read here for her discription of the three different types of men. (disclaimer: I am not one of those who think this book is the be-all-end-all of marriage books. I thought her discriptions of types of men were good ones but by no means are they the only good descriptions- I'm sure there are others out there)
One of the most valuable things I learned from this was that my dh takes great pride in the successes of his wife. In fact, the more "successfull" I am, the better he feels about himself. For me, as a stay-at-home-mom/housewife the way that I am successful is to keep a clean, well-organized household, good meals on the table, children that are well-trained (working on that one), etc. To put it bluntly, dh feels sucessful and competent when the house is clean, the meals are delicious and the kids are well-behaved and neat. That was *so* convicting to me- that how I do *my* job effects dh's feelings of self-worth. Now, this is certainly not true for every man- there are plenty of men who don't really care about that stuff but it is an essential ingredient for happiness in our marriage. Kath said to me: "How is that submission? That's just being a good wife!" It's submission because truth be told, I often don't feel like doing housework or baking cookies. I'd rather take a nap or read a book. It's submission when I get up and clean the kitchen and bake some cookies even when I don't feel like it. It's submission when I take several hours to plan our menu when I would rather putz around online. It's submission when I haul the babies upstairs to change them, wash their faces and comb their hair and to fix myself up before Kip gets home even though I don't feel like carrying 55 lbs. of children up a flight of stairs.
I'll be the first to say, I really struggle with this submission thing. I've got lots of opinions and I'm the excitable type. My children aren't perfectly behaved all the time and sometimes the house is a wreck. But I'm really working on it.
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Sep. 27, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by sacurzon (IP Not Logged) |
| You are right that submission does have negative connotations in our society, and I think a lot of it is because our culture (espically in the South, and I can say that being a born and bread Southener!) tends to focus on the submissive wife and over-looks the roll the man is supposed to play. But if we look at the Bible and read the WHOLE story, the woman is submissive to the man, but the MAN puts the needs of the family and wife before his own! It is easy (or easier) to be submissive when one has a husband (like Kip and Kevin) who put the needs of the family and household before his own selfish needs. So, bravo to those men who are man enough to think of others first! |
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Sep. 27, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by kjfairch (IP Not Logged) |
| Sarah- you are exactly right- I think that is part of the reason that submission has gotten such a bad reputation. But you know what I've realized lately, at some point I'm going to have to stand before God and answer for *my* actions, regardless of how my dh behaved. And responding with "well, yeah, I should have done xyz but dh started it, was irritating me, wasn't doing what he was supposed to do, etc." *isn't going to cut it*! I need to do what I am supposed to do regardless of what dh does. And, of course, that relates to other relationships as well. There are some things I need to work on regardless of what my father does or my sister does- it's all about me responding in the correct manner, no matter what they do. I don't have to answer for their actions but I sure am going to have to answer for mine. Just a revelation I've had recently. :) Hope you're feeling better! |
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Sep. 28, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by TwaddleMeNot (IP Not Logged) |
Thanks for your comment on my blog - I was glad to "meet" you :-) I LOVE Created To Be His Helpmeet, and for many of the same reasons. I'm married to a Mr. Steady, too, and for awhile had been feeling discouraged when I compared myself to women who were married to a Mr. Visionary or Command. It was SUCH a relief and eye opener to realize how I help my own husband looks very different, but it's how he likes it. God is good to help us understand these things! Have a blessed day,
Melissa |
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Sep. 29, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by reformingmama (IP Not Logged) |
Also married to a Mr. Steady. Oh, how thankful I am that God paired me with him!
Thank you for your kind words on my blog... and for your faithful comments.
Blessings to you and yours,
Stacy |
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Sep. 29, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by TwaddleMeNot (IP Not Logged) |
Hi Kelly, thanks for your comment - I'd love to visit and maybe post on Quiverfull, but I looked it up on google and found a bunch of sites called that. Which one did you mean?
Melissa |
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Sep. 29, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| Posted by Rebeca (IP Not Logged) |
Oooooh, good topic! I'm married to a Mr. Steady too, and it's been easy for me to get frustrated that he's not more of a "take charge" kind of guy. (Although I'd not want to be married to a commando!) It's a real discipline for me to sit back and let him lead his way, and I don't always do a good job of this. I've been realizing lately though, what my example to my children is, and I need to honor my husbands preferences and whims as if they were commands, since that's all I have! Pray for me!
Bless you,
Rebeca |
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