My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

In a nutshell -- My Story

Ladies, this is the abridged version of my story...I will consider putting in here what little I have actually written, with the details, chapter by chapter. It does my heart good to get this out, dust it off, and remind myself of God's GRACE. I pray that as you read this personal account, you will be challenged to entrust to God the things you cannot own..."every good and perfect gift comes from the father of light" ALL our gifts (husband, children, ministry) are His. It does no good to hold to these too tightly...but in any loss, we can know His higher purposes are at work, FOR OUR GOOD.

If you take nothing else from this, I pray that in your times of loss and disappointments, (I know you've had them!) you'll remember this one thing: "When you demand answers, you sacrifice peace."   Think about how many people are trying to demand answers from God -- and without answers they are either trying to drown it all with liquor, drugs, or are in some kind of mental state that man cannot fathom. Our mental institutions are likely filled with people who are there 'simply' because they have had some terrible loss and cannot come to grips with it...So, today, as you consider where your treasures lie, take command of the enemy who would make an idol of those things...they are not yours.

(A Journey Toward)

A Trusting Heart

By

Kimberly Thomas

In the early hours of a morning in September, 1995, it seemed our two small ponies had gotten loose from the tether we thought we’d secured earlier in the evening. They wandered up to the front of our house and then out into the road. An unsuspecting driver came up over the ridge, and in the darkness and patchy fog, didn’t see them, and her car struck my oldest daughter’s pony, Rose. Thankfully the driver of the car, a young mother, was not injured. And somehow, Rose survived.

The days that followed were rife with worry, and hemmed in prayer. As a born-again Christian, I believe in the power of prayer and in God’s ability to heal. Animals are not an exception. They are not out of God’s reach nor His concern.

The vet had suggested giving Rose one week. If there was no improvement, we’d have to put her down. I watched as my daughter, Kristine, then 7 years old, prayed for her pony, and daily went out to feed her, water her, and love her. She put a prayer request into the Prayer Box at our church -- I still have that note!

When the week had passed with no change, my husband had no choice but to put Rose out of her misery. We buried her in a field behind our house, and Kristine marked Rose’s grave with a cross.

The hardest part of it all was trying to explain to my daughter why God did not answer her prayers. It was especially difficult because I didn’t understand it myself and I was angry with God. I truly grieved over that horse. But more than that, I struggled in my heart with God’s resounding, “No.”  All I could tell Kristine was, “Sometimes God says ‘no.’ ”

Soon after that, a close friend spoke what was to prove prophetic, “Kim, I believe God could be using this to prepare you for something else.”

That something else was not far off.

In July of 1996, my husband, Mike, and I and our two daughters, Kristine and Kate (then 8 and 5) and our dog, Penny, left the States for a 2-year missions assignment in Lithuania. We had prepared for months and left with great plans and dreams.

[This part of the story is a story in itself. God worked miracles in the short 6 months of our preparation. I plan to elaborate on this as I write my complete story].

Three weeks into our term, Mike experienced a seizure. Within 24 hours, a CT scan revealed a brain tumor. The neurologist confirmed this was cancer, that it was coming from somewhere else in Mike’s body, and that we needed to return to the States immediately. [The details of this time will be expanded upon in the book.]

We left Lithuania on August 16, 1996. Sadly, our time there was little more than an extended vacation.

We went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. By the following Tuesday, August 20, Mike was diagnosed with “non-small-cell squamous carcinoma.” This cancer was very aggressive. Two additional tumors were discovered in the brain, as well as a mass in his lungs. We were told it had metastasized from the lungs to the brain. Surgery was not an option. We of course enlisted the prayer support of family and friends all over the world. I got emails from folks I did not know -- from countries I could not pronounce! How wide and vast is the Family of God!

Mike underwent ten radiation treatments for the brain tumors, followed by three chemotherapy treatments over the next several weeks.

[During this time we lived in Linn Grove, Iowa, where once again, God provided for every need: a home, financial blessing, friends…in more ways than we could have asked. Again, there’s more to it than I can include in this article. READ THE BOOK!!]

In spite of all the medical team at Mayo tried to do, and in spite of all the prayers, Mike left us suddenly on November 1, 1996, just 9 weeks after the diagnosis.

[The girls and I stayed on in Linn Grove for the remainder of the school year. Our time there and our springtime move to Springfield MO are additional “God-things” that will have to be kept for the book version.]

If someone had told me I’d face a challenge like this, I’d have said, “Prepare for two funerals. I will never survive that.”  However, in God’s mercy He gently reminded me of the two beautiful daughters I had to raise.  I also remembered the journey I had taken when we lost our pony. He gently spoke that I was His child and that my life was in His hands. (I used to sing a song about that!) In my search for answers to the “whys”, God simply told me, “When you demand answers, you sacrifice peace.” That was a truth I hid deep within my heart. I knew I would rather have the peace that is beyond understanding, than to be plagued with questions He was not obligated to answer. There was no contest.

I discovered in myself a strength I never knew. I found I am capable and bright. I determined I was going to make a good life for the girls and myself.

In the years that followed, I bought a house, managed our life on my own, and then met a wonderful man, Mark, who is now my husband.

As if Mike's illness and death were not trial enough, in April of 1999 I suffered a stroke as a result of a routine chiropractic adjustment. And on July 4, 2000, our son Colton was born and was diagnosed with severe Hemophilia A/Factor VIII deficiency. (this means that Colton's blood does not clot to heal bruises/injuries -- another chapter!)

In spite of all these things, I have learned that God is good. All the time. When He says “no”, it means He has something else in mind for us. I believe as Christians our lives serve an eternal purpose. We are called to glorify our Lord, trusting Him with all we are and all we have. After all, “all things work together for the GOOD of those He calls according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

When we allow God to work HIS good in our lives, knowing that no matter what comes our way it has passed through His loving hands, and that He wants better for us than we want for ourselves, we CAN live happily ever after.

I know. I’m doing it.

Copyright 2006 Kimberly R. Thomas

Untitled Comment

11:45 AM, May. 29, 2006 .. Posted by TOSPUBLISHER

Is God good, or what?! He has brought you through so much - only so that you can glorify Him and lift Him up. Our one hope is to hear from Him, "Well done, My good and faithful servant." Glad you are here at HSB!

-gena

Wow!

12:07 AM, May. 30, 2006 .. Posted by redmom

What a wonderful testimony. Thank you so much for taking the time to share it.Lessons I seem to need to learn and re-learn.

Wow!

11:06 AM, May. 30, 2006 .. Posted by tn3jcarter

What a beautiful testimony. Peace is definitely better than getting the answers, but it's our human nature to try and demand those answers, huh? Thanks for sharing your testimony with us. It's so wonderful to see how God worked through all of those hard times in your life... and continues to do so.... I'm figuring if you can make it through all of that, you can definitely homeschool your little guy! ha!
Blessings,
Nancy Carter
Senior Editor of HSB

It seems words are not enough, are they?

5:44 PM, Jun. 22, 2006 .. Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

To say you are a blessed woman would seem like such a demoralizing or unsympathetic thing to say. I have a feeling, though, that, in spite of your trials and anguish, you do know you are a blessed woman.
Blessed to be a daughter of the King, blessed to be held in the palm of His Hands, Blessed to be the Mother of Blessings that are truly His.
This is an inspiration. It is a testimony to even more than your strength and God's Hand. It is a testimony to the frailty and uncertainty of life, the value we miss if we do not make the most of each moent God gives us.
Thank you for showing us that believeing in and trusting the LORD may be the hardest road, but it is the Truest and most rewarding.
Many Blessings to you!
Jacque
Mom of SuperAngel, Jocelyndixon and rjdjohn316