My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Chapter 4

When we made the calls to our families back in the States, Mike’s family began looking into where we should consider going for medical diagnosis and then treatment. As it was, not long before this happened, Dad Driver had read an article about the fantastic team of neurology doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. And since we didn’t know where else to start regarding Mike’s condition, that seemed like the best place.

Mike’s sister, Susie, is a Registered Nurse. At Dad’s suggestion, Susie called the Clinic and spoke with someone in the Neurology department.  Because coming into the Clinic as an outpatient can take weeks, or even months to schedule, they advised us to come to St. Mary’s Hospital. From there, Mike could be assessed and diagnosed and then we would know how to proceed.

We decided to leave the girls in the care of Phil’s wife, Cherri. She offered to keep them for as long as necessary, and we also agreed that it would be a good idea to enroll the girls in school. We didn’t know what they days ahead would hold, and it was important to all of us that the girls feel some sense of security and stability. So, on Monday, August 19, Aunt Cherri enrolled Krissi and Katie in school with Leah and Rachel. Leah was in 4^th grade, Krissi in 3^rd. Kate and Rachel started Kindergarten together! It was more than a little heartbreaking that Mike and I were not there to see Kate off to school on the first day, but in her usual thoughtful fashion, Cherri took video footage of the morning! It was the next best thing!! Knowing the girls were being loved and cared for by a “mommy” was truly a blessing and a load off our shoulders. I will always be grateful to Phil and Cherri for all the help they were to us.

On Saturday, August 17, we drove (with Mom and Dad Driver, Susie, and Phil) to Rochester, Minnesota, about a 4-hour drive from Linn Grove.

We walked into the ER. I went to the admissions desk, told them our names and they said, “Come right on back. We’ve been expecting you.”

There were several doctors that visited Mike in those first few hours in the ER. They asked lots of questions, did several little tests, and then made arrangements for Mike to be admitted into the hospital.

Initially, the doctors were discussing doing surgery on the one brain tumor. That surgery was tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, August 21. In the meantime, several other tests would be run to see just what else might be going on. I know now that the doctors had an “inkling” about what was really happening, but without proper testing, it would have been presumptuous for them to give us a diagnosis based on just “inkling.”

On Monday, August 19, Mike under-went a “bronchoscopy”, a procedure whereby they insert a tube into the lungs and take scrapings, or samples, of the tissue..

On that day, I sent this in an email:

“We are sure God is in control and I am asking for strength and courage to face

whatever He allows. I want Mike to be well and strong, so we can go back to

Lithuania. We just don’t know why this is happening…..God does and he isn’t

telling.”

The test results didn’t come back until the next day.

It was this test that gave us the news that Mike had “non-small-cell squamous carcinoma.” It was virtually just like smoker’s cancer. We were stunned. “Smoker’s cancer?” How could this be? Mike didn’t smoke. Mike had never been around cigarette smoke. There is no history of cancer in his family. It was truly a shock.

I was afraid. This is what I wrote in an email I sent out to friends on Tuesday, August 20:

“The bad news came today. Mike has cancer in his lungs. I am devastated.

Grasping for sense and answers. Not getting any. Where is God?    Thousands are

praying for us and in my heart of hearts I want God’s perfect best in this. I am

afraid, though. Even knowing that God is in control I am afraid of tomorrow. We

want God to be glorified here, but I am afraid of the price. I don’t want to live

without Mike. I don’t want the girls to not have a daddy. I don’t want Bob and

Aurlette to lose another son. I don’t want the world to lose him either….we don’t

know what the future holds. I am trying to remember Who holds the future…

(Later that day) “I do feel the strength from the prayers of our friends as the day

goes along. I was cracking up when the Chaplain was here. I am reminded of the

tie the disciples asked Jesus about the man born blind. Their question, ‘Who

sinned? This man’s father or mother?’ Jesus said, ‘Neither, but this happened so

that the work of God might be displayed in his life…’ How will God’s work be

displayed in this?”

When I say I felt the strength from the prayers, I mean that! There IS comfort and strength in the prayers of the saints, and maybe even in those who aren’t so saintly! However that works, I know I was feeling better and more full of faith than earlier in the day.

Still, I was afraid.

This is my email “journal” entry for Tuesday, August 20:

“They came and told us this evening that they found two more tumors on Mike’s

brain and cannot operate. We are in Stage IV, fast moving stuff….

“I know in my heart that God is more than able to heal Mike. I just don’t know if

He will. I don’t want Mike to suffer. I don’t want the girls to watch their daddy

die. I don’t want him to hurt.

And from my private journal: “God, where are you? Can you please strengthen

my heart?..♫.’Whom have I in heaven but You? There is nothing on earth I desire

beside You. My heart and my strength, many times they fail, but there is one truth

that always will prevail…God is the strength of my life…..and my portion

forever.’ I am weak, Father. I know that you sometimes say, “NO.” I don’t want

you to. Like Jesus prayed, I pray, ‘if you are willing, please let this cup pass from

me.”

“Help us be full of grace in all of this. Give me what I need to stand strong beside

Mike and get him through whatever he may face. I am afraid, Lord. I have no help

for that but You. I commit Mike and US, to your heart and your hands. Please use

us. Help me to release him and the girls and me to your PERFECT care. You are

good. You are merciful. You are faithful. I want to trust you. Help my unbelief.

Take my fears and be glorified. Use ME in this valley…..I know you are out there

somewhere, but WHERE?”

I wish I could tell you that God just swooped down and took my hand, looked me in the eye and assured me that it would be all right. It didn’t happen. Every day I kept looking and listening for some explanation. There wasn’t one. Maybe He was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear Him.

Following this diagnosis, Mike was released from the hospital and was then scheduled to return to Rochester on Monday of the next week to begin the series of radiation treatments on the brain tumors.

We returned to Linn Grove on Friday morning, August 23.

We stayed with Mom and Dad Driver over the weekend, and then on Sunday night, August 25, Mike and I drove back up to Rochester. Monday morning he was to begin a series of 10 radiation treatments. Each daily treatment was only about 15 minutes long, but it was obviously too far to drive back and forth.

Following the Labor Day weekend, we returned to Mayo to complete the last 5 of the ten radiation treatments.

During that week, this is an email I sent to friends around the world:

“…As I write Mike is having his 8^th radiation treatment on his head, and will finish up on Friday. We will see the chemo oncologist on Friday and will at that time be given the prescription for the chemo-therapy. At this point we’ve been told that it will be a four-hour IV every three weeks, for 4-6 treatments; which means that this will transpire over the next 3 months. The good side is that we don’t have to “live” in a Rochester motel, but can actually have a life! PTL! At that time they will evaluate the progress and go from there.”

Those days were really great for Mike. He was able to help around the farm and spend time with Dad and brothers Phil and Royce. There were moments when you could just pretend that everything was perfect. Mike felt good, hadn’t lost his hair, and still had a pretty good appetite.

The oncology team decided to schedule Mike for “5” chemo treatments, and then assess his progress and take it from there. He was scheduled to begin the Monday following Labor Day. The plan was that we would drive to Rochester on Sunday evening, rent a hotel room, and Mike would have his chemo on Monday and we would drive back to Linn Grove afterward. There would be three weeks between infusions. At each visit, Mike would have blood work done, as well as X-rays of his lungs. This would indicate what the previous chemo therapy had accomplished. A typical day began at 8:00am and Mike was done by about 4:00pm. The actual infusion was a 5-hour IV drip. During those hours I spent time at the local Christian bookstore. Not a bad way to kill time!

When we were not at Mayo, we were staying with Mike’s folks. A more hospitable family you cannot find. We were comfortable as we could be, but as the days wore on, and we were less certain of when Mike would be well enough and cleared to return to Lithuania, we felt we needed a place of our own.

We spoke to Phil and asked him to ask around if someone knew of a house or mobile home to rent for a while. We wanted to stay close, so the girls could stay in school, and of course so we could be with our family. So, Phil set out to see what he could find.

What came our way was more than we could have even asked for!