My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Chapter 7

Email, October 29, 1996:

“Mike had the 3^rd chemo treatment yesterday. The x-ray showed no change, and Dr. Adjei was concerned about this. He says that if this chemo “recipe” is going to work, it will show a change in the tumor in the lungs after the 2^nd treatment. It didn’t. He says its rare to show improvement after that. He tells us that if there is for certain no change after this 3^rd treatment (which will be checked in the pre-therapy x-ray next time), then chemo isn’t going to work. Period.

At that point, they will just let it go for a time, see what happens, then move to do radiation on the rumor in the lungs. In other words, we’re at the end of the medical rope.

Today (its 8:00am here), Mike is coughing up LOTS of blood again. We called Dr. Adjei and he recommended one day of a cough med with codeine plus another day of Augmentin, then call back. Mike is short of breath today and feeling a little weak. Why these problems couldn’t have shown up yesterday I don’t know…however, if it means that Mike is just going to ‘hock’ those babies out of there, we’ll take it in whatever way it comes!

So where does this leave us? I guess in the words of a Scott Wesley Brown song, “when answers aren’t enough there is Jesus…” I am facing fear again. Just when I think I’m over the hill with that one, something ugly like this rears its head and I am struggling to stay in this boat of calm faith.

“Yesterday I went to the great Christian bookstore in Rochester (I go there everytime we’re in town) and picked  up a book by Max Lucado, “A Gentle Thunder – Hearing God Through the Storm.” I have not read much of Pastor Lucado’s work, but this time, alone in the motel room, I found myself in this book, and I saw ME. Chapter 4, “The God of Perfect Timing” was especially riveting:

            “Lucado recounts the time the disciples were in the boat on the Sea of Galilee; Jesus had ‘not yet come to them.’ Let me quote:

“’What a chilling phrase, ‘Jesus had not yet come to them.’ Caught in the storm of the ‘not yet.’ They did exactly what Jesus said, and look what it got them! Its one thing to suffer for doing wrong. Something else entirely to suffer for doing right…the disciples had been on the sea for nine hours. How many times did they call out his name?

Why did He take so long? Why does He take so long? Mark tells us that during that storm Jesus ‘saw his followers struggling.’ Through the night He saw them.  Through the storm He saw them. And like a loving father, He waited. He waited until He knew it was time to come, and then He came.

‘What made it the right time? I don’t know. Why was the ninth hour better than the fourth or fifth? I can’t answer that…I don’t know. I only know His timing is always right. I can only say He will do what is best. ‘God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them’ (Luke 18:7). Though you hear nothing, He is speaking. Though you see nothing, He is acting. With God there are no accidents. Every incident is intended to bring us closer to Him.’” (permission to quote not secured)

 “Well, isn’t that powerful? But I tell you, my friends, I do feel like I hear nothing and see nothing. God is so silent sometimes, and I keep asking myself, ‘Am I missing something here? Is there something I’m NOT doing that is preventing the miracle from making its way to us?’ I just don’t know, and today, quite frankly, my heart aches for Mike. Yes, he looks find on the outside – except for his poor, bald head you’d never know he was sick. But it is just so hard to see him confined to the La-Z-Boy when I know he is not a lazy boy! I keep wondering what will happen to us, what is this time frame? Am I growing closer to God in all of this? Will I be able to look back and see the improvements He was able to make in Kim? I hope so. I sure don’t want this time to be a waste.

“Once again, I have used up a lot of your precious time. You’ve probably figured out by now that I am using you all – ha! – You are a good sounding board, plus you can’t interrupt me when I am talking! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your patience with me, with us. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have this medium to vent all these feelings. Its definitely ‘free therapy’!

“I love getting your replies. They DO lift and help me, so please take all the liberty you want. I print them out and save them to read over and over.

“I promise to keep you updated. Take the liberty of passing the news on to your churches and prayer groups. I think I have decided that Mike is getting famous in all of this – amazing the letters and emails we’ve received from people we don’t even know, and also are hearing of churches praying for us that don’t even know us! What a way to make a name for yourself! DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!”

The weekend prior to this writing, Mike had a great weekend! Its amazing how good he felt going into the weekend, and how poorly he felt after that Monday chemo treatment.

He’d enjoyed the company of a friend from Burlington, Iowa, Todd Higdon, who drove up to do a little “coon hunting” with Mike and Phil. They had a great time. Also, it was on Saturday that Mike drove the combine, with Krissi riding shot-gun, in the effort to get the soy beans harvested.

On that Sunday morning, Mike shared the “Children’s Sermon” at Riverside. He talked about “good corn vs. bad corn,” and how that their dads and grandpa’s worked hard for a harvest of “good corn.” He related this to the children that God wanted them to be “good ears of corn” for His kingdom. Of course he used “real” ears of corn as his object lesson.

The days following the third chemo therapy treatment were hard for Mike. He was weak, he was nauseated and he was just completely wiped out. He didn’t want company, which was so unusual for Mike. It just was not a good week. Like I said in my email, he spent most of his time in the recliner. It was really hard to see him like that.

On Thursday, October 31, my mother had come from Kansas City for a visit. We called it a day by about 9:30 that night. Mike slept well that night.

The next morning, Mike didn’t feel like getting up. The girls were getting ready to go meet the school bus, and Mike asked Kate for a kiss before she left; he also asked Krissi to bring him his medicine and a glass of water. She did this, and also kissed him good-bye.

Less than an hour later, from his bed, Mike called out for me. His voice was panicked. My mom and I ran to his room, and he was frantically telling us he could not breathe. He was trying to pull up his shirt from off his chest… Mom asked him if he wanted us to open the window. Yes. So Mom opened the window.

I asked Mike if he wanted me to call an ambulance. Yes. But he also wanted me to call one of his best friends, Jeff Genson. Jeff lived in Linn Grove and was a frequent visitor. He and Mike had been friends since childhood.

I ran to the phone and first called Mom Driver. Then I called Cherri. She offered to call the ambulance. I then called Jeff Genson. I told them all to come, that Mike was having a “spell.” I didn’t know what else to call it.

Mom Driver called Dad and Royce and Phil on the CB-radio they used on the farm. Cherri did call the ambulance, but they were 15 miles away.

In minutes, everyone was there. Mike had, in the meantime, made his way, with my Mother’s help, down the stairs and into our enclosed front porch.

Mom said later that he kept saying, “I am not going to die like this.”

He layed on the floor in the porch, nearly climbing the walls for breath. I was still making calls at this time, and he asked my mom several times, “Where’s Kim?” Mom assured him I was there.

When everyone got to our place, Mike was almost unconscious. Cherri, being an RN, gave Mike mouth-to-mouth. Soon after, the ambulance came, and continued their life-saving efforts, including using a defibulator. But it was to no avail.

We followed the ambulance to the Storm Lake hospital, about 20 minutes away. Mike was rushed into an ER exam room. At 9:42 AM, on November 1, 1996, Mike was pronounced dead.

We were all there….Mom and Dad Driver, my mom, Deanna; Phil and Cherri, Royce, Jeff Genson; our Riverside pastor, Terry Nerem; Mom and Dad’s pastor, Garth Lambe.

To say that we were in shock would be an understatement. It was just so weird. To see Mike lying there, lifeless. It was surreal. I can’t really describe the feelings, thoughts, emotions. It was just numbing.

What was so amazing to me, is that when Mike’s mother, Aurlette, embraced me, she said, “Oh Kimmie, I pray the Lord will bring someone wonderful into your life, to take care of you and the girls.” All I could say was, “I don’t even want to think about that.” Mom Driver and I talked about that later. It was her first concern that I and the girls were loved and cared for.

I asked Mike’s dad, Bob, to make a call to the funeral home of their choice to make the arrangements. I was facing going to tell the girls.

My mom drove me to the girls’ school, and waited in the car while I went in, but came to the school doorway when she saw Kate come out.

Katie was in kindergarten, and Krissi in 3^rd grade. We were so blessed with the teachers the girls had. Mrs. Blomberg, Kate’s teacher was so precious to Kate. She was kind and caring, and was so supportive and loving during that year.

I went to Kate’s room first and I know the look on my face told Mrs. Blomberg all she needed to know. I asked for Kate to come with me, to bring her things. When Kate got into the hallway, I told her that Daddy went to heaven that morning. She asked me, “Does this mean Daddy died?” Yes, I told her. I told her that Grandma Dee was at the front door waiting for her. I watched as Kate walked out of the building, and Mom met her and swept her up into her arms and just held her.

Next I went to Krissi’s room. When she came to the hall way, I told her what I’d told Kate. All she said was, "My dream came true.".

We walked to the car and rode home in silence.

This is the email I sent later that day:

“Most of you have already called me, or have been called by me or someone else – but I wanted to send a note to let all of you know Mike went to be with Jesus this morning. I am winding down a very long day and after everyone has gone I am missing my Michael. I want you to know what an honor it has been for me to spend the best 13 years of my life with someone everyone loves. I said today that I really did marry above my station! Its so true. God really gave me the best man on the face of the earth.

“I am not a pillar right now, and I know none of you expect me to be, and I just dread the nights without Mike, and the days and the seasons and the harvest and the LIFE without the best friend I ever had.

“I know God is still a loving and wise God. He did not make this happen to us, but I know that Mike has received the ultimate healing and I am certain he doesn’t want to come back.

“He had a better day yesterday, but this morning at about 8:30 his lungs were so full that he was struggling for breath, and by 9:00am he was gone. I picked up the girls from school at about 11:30 and told them Daddy went to heaven. Kristine said, ‘My dream came true.’ Pray for her little heart. I know Kate at 6 is handling this in her tiny way, and there will be days for her, too, but Krissi is such a deep person. I want her to see the Lord in all of this. I WANT TO SEE THE LORD IN ALL OF THIS.

“Thank you for your faithful prayers and your FAITH. I have learned what real faith it: it is believing that GOD CAN, without the guarantee that HE WILL. There is no guarantee of that. Good grief, if the quantity of prayers were enough we’d be back in Lithuania right now, but I know that God will do His will in every situation, and this is no exception. I believe that God did begin preparing me for this back in the beginning of it all. I knew God was ABLE, but I also know that sometimes he says no. (I won’t go through that again – whew!) This is one of those times. I would not have wanted Mike to suffer; he would have hated that, but I just wish it hadn’t been so fast. I have no regrets, nothing left unfinished. I just wish I’d had more time, and that I’d used the last 24 hours in closer touch with Mike’s person. Last night we prayed together and I kissed him and told him I loved him. What more could I have done?

“The service will be in Storm Lake, Iowa at Faith United Assembly of God church at 2:00 pm on Tuesday, Nov. 5. We will also be having a Memorial Service in St. Joe at Caring First Assembly on Wednesday, Nov. 6 at 7:15 pm.

“Please know how much I love you all, and thank you for your friendship to Mike and me through the years. I will miss him so much, and I beg you to keep me and the girls in prayer and DON’T EVER feel like you are intruding if you’d call, or whatever. I NEED YOU NOW.”

In a later email, I had this to say:

“In those weeks following our return from Lithuania and during Mike’s illness and treatments, I really examined all I believed about God, His will, His love, His grace and mercy. That’s not to say I learned it all, but boy did I do some searching, and in His grace he revealed some great truths.

“I learned that in the whole scope of God’s plan, sometimes he says no. No explanation, just ‘no.’ And I don’t think He thundered it, either. I heard it in a soft, gentle and loving voice, ‘No my child. I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.’ How in the world can you argue with that? He speaks as a wise and loving Father who knows what’s best.

“In my mind I cannot see that taking Mike was the best thing God could have done, but then I don’t see the BIG PICTURE. God made the map, He’s holding it, and I’d rather trust the Navigator than the driver any day.

“I surrendered Mike to the Lord fully on August 13, 1996. From that day forward, I fought Him and tried to revoke my end of the deal, but I let Him win, because then I WIN. Mike wins. We can all win because we have the CHAMPION on our side and He is working all things for our good. I accept that!

“Yes, I do miss Mike. He filled my life like no one else could. God knew we needed each other to be complete, and I am so thankful. I have had hard days already, and there will be more, I know. But I know “The Anchor Holds” and I will not drown.

“THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the countless prayers offered on our behalf. I know many of you were so full of faith that God would heal Mike – Believe me, MIKE IS HEALED. God did answer. I wish I could thank each of you personally for what this has meant to all of us in these past weeks. I will just have to depend on the Holy Spirit to bless you for your time spent in prayer for us. He’ll do better for you than can anyway, so you’re better off!

Mike funeral service was a great tribute to his life. We laughed and cried as many friends shared favorite memories of times spent with Mike. We were blessed to have a more-than-packed church for his service in Storm Lake. We had friends from all over the country, including Mike’s CBC roommate and best man in our wedding, Howie Lake. Howie and Mike were so much alike in so many ways, and yet so different. They shared a love of life, and their love of the Lord and for ministry, and BULL RIDING in college rodeo! Howie gave the gift of laughter in his eulogy to Mike.

Another pleasant surprise was the presence of another college friend, Guy Penney. Guy and his wife Jane were friends from college, as well. They are native to Newfoundland, Canada. Guy made the long trip to Storm Lake. It was such a blessing for all of us. Mom and Dad Driver were especially touched.

Paul and Linda Ecker drove up from Dallas. Paul was the manager of the cafeteria when we were students at CBC. Mike and Howie worked for Paul for about 3 years. In 1982 Paul accepted the position as Director of Dallas Teen Challenge, where he and Linda still serve today. It was so funny to hear Paul relate several incidents with Howie and Mike in those working days.

Mike’s childhood friends, Barry Jorris and Bill Wenig, both shared stories about Mike. The Iowa District Youth Director (Assemblies of God), Mark Oberbeck, had become a great friend over the years. All three of these men gave us many things to laugh about!

Mike was cut from a one-of-a-kind cloth. He was stubborn, serious, tender-hearted, loving and dedicated. Each person who knew him testifies that Mike’s life touched them like no one else’s.

In honor of Mike’s uniqueness, Susie and I worked together on Mike’s floral casket spray. We knew he wasn’t a “flower” kind of guy, so we chose a “woodsy” theme: branches and brush from the woods; a raccoon tail, an ear of corn, a pheasant tail feather. It was so “Mike.” Many remarked later how much they loved it. It seemed to fit his personality so well.

We had a Memorial Service for Mike at our church in St. Joe. There were over 700 people in attendance. Among those were many children who had spent five years of their lives under Mike’s ministry there. There were several moving testimonies about how Mike touched their lives. I remember standing in a “receiving line” as our Caring First family came by to offer their love and to say a word about Mike. I said to each of those children, “Remember, Pastor Mike would say, ‘Live for Jesus. That’s what matters!”

It was a lovely service. A wonderful tribute to a wonderful man.

            What was next for me? For the girls? I had no idea…