My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Okay, so I'm a year older...

Yes, its true. Today I am 44. Man, it just doesn't seem right. I remember when we had my MOTHER'S 40th, and she seemed almost rickety. Well, not really, but you know how it is when you're 20...40 DOES seem old.

And so now, here I am...pushing toward the mid-forties. Its almost surreal.

But, in many ways, I would not want to go back and repeat any of it. Yes, there are "pockets", or seasons, that were sweet, but over all I don't want to have to re-live the pain to get to the pleasure.

I know myself better than I ever have...I'm learning to like myself. Finally. THAT'S been a journey, let me tell you. and you know how I hate JOURNEYS. But its true. I am learning to like myself and to be more confident in who I am. I still don't like the fact that I am too heavy -- and not willing to do the hard work it takes to change that -- I wish my skin were clear -- the dermatologist tells me I'm plagued with "rosacea" for the rest of my days (treatable/manageable but not cureable)...So there ARE "things" I don't like about myself, but I'm learning to like ME. Does that make sense?

I think its  resignation to the fact that I'll never be perfect. EUREKA! I'm finally embracing that reality, and not being so hard on myself because I can't reach that pinnacle. I'm overweight, I have ruddy skin, I get impatient with my kids, I can do nothing all day long, etc etc etc. But "I" am smart, loving, nurturing to my family; I love to learn...all things that contribute to making me better. Not only a better person, but just more fulfilled. And better equipped to making a contribution to those around me.

So, on my 44th Birthday, I celebrate LIFE, and thank the Lord for giving me another year...and I thank him for my husband (who bought me 2-dozen red roses!) and my children (who gave me slobbery kisses!), and the friends who encourage and inspire me toward more.

God is good. All the time. I anticipate His blessings in new and exciting ways. That's just how He is!