My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Happy New Year, Happy Valentine's Day, Happy St. Patrick's Day, Happy Easter

....thought I'd better get all those in since I have been AWOL for such a long time.

Let's see...how much water has passed under the bridge? Quite a bit. But where to start, and what matters?

Mark and the boys and I were in FL for two weeks, end of Jan-early Feb. Kate held the fort here and did great. She even gave us 'permission' to stay the second week! She was busy with work and musical rehearsals and church and her social life...she did very well. And we had a great time....of course we've all been sick pretty much since we got home, like the rest of the country.

We're starting to round the corner, finally, I think. Mark is still croupy, but promises to get something 'real' for it by tomorrow if he doesn't see a bit of improvement today with the OTC stuff he's been taking. We'll see.

The biggest news is that our Kate is the Leading Lady in "The Music Man" at her High School!! She will play "Marian" in this great story! We could not be more proud of her. If you're in the neighborhood, the play will be performed each evening, March 13-14-15, 7pm.   She's loving every minute of it, and we can't wait to see it! Unbeknownst to her, some of our family is coming out from KC, including Krissi! That'll be a ball!   She is still working at Target and singing at Genesis Church now and then, as well as at the "North Beach" youth ministry at Northview Church. And of course we're talking about her plans for after graduation, next year! Oh my!! Hard to believe we are on that threshhold.   God has great things in store for Kate and we're so anxious to watch it all unfold!

Mark is working hard finishing our basement. He's had a little help with some of the more complicated angles of plumbing and electrical and framing (that mostly because of time), but otherwise will be doing most of the work himself. He is a perfectionist, so I know it'll be nearly perfect. And we're excited. We love to entertain and this will give us a little more space for that. We're putting in a projection TV so we'll have a little 'theatre' there, and we were given a pool table ("With a capital 't' and that rhymes with 'p' and that stands for 'pool'!" -- could not resist that little ditty from The Music Man!)...there will also be a full bath, and a wetbar (with sink and fridge). Should be a cool place to hang out.      Then when the weather warms up, Mark will move outside and begin working on the landscaping. We're hoping to get our patio extended (depends on budget), and do some dramatic plantings and lighting. Then we'll enjoy outdoor entertaining all summer long!

Colton is doing well in first grade. Mommy has had some serious doubts about HER ability, and even if Colton would be better off in ps. But the Holy Spirit has done His incredible work...He has soothed my doubts and fears, re-confirmed my conviction to homeschool, and is working in me daily. My prayer is for all the skills needed to make this work. To ease our frustrations and to give me creativity and organiztion to make our time together profitable. It will not be perfect, but there is room for reasonable improvement and I'm asking for it.

This morning in my prayer time, I said, "Lord what do I need to do to get this in my life?" I'm sure He said, "Just ask me!" Well, I'm asking!!

So if you've ever wondered how you can pray for me -- Creativity, Time Mgmt, organiztion, patience, energy, wisdom, GRACE (for myself as much as for anyone!)...and whatever else it takes to make this a success.

Its been really incredible how the Lord has brought things across my heart in the last few days. I've truly been struggling with this (not for the first time), thinking Colton was missing out on so much. But I made time to sit down with TOS (which I haven't done in too long!), and believe it or not, there were probably 5 articles that hit me right where I needed it -- both in my head and my heart. Reconfirming what I believed 6 years ago -- that homeschooling was the way to go. I knew it then, but I have allowed the enemy to confuse me and discourage me. I've allowed myself to become an island. Not because I didn't think I needed help, but just because I have been too lazy to take advantage of the help available to me -- both in the written word, websites and local connections w/ other hs families.

My boys are not hurting for interaction -- we are at church weekly, they have playmates right here on our street, and we're out and about several times a week...not to mention that we actually TALK to our kids! A friend of mine mentioned that a friend of her's was a huge "Baby Einstein" fan -- but that this mom thought if she plopped her little one in front of the TV, the little thing would just soak it all in.   Now, while we probably do rely too heavily on TV to fill in our time-gaps, talking to our kids is something that's never waned. All four of my children were very verbal from very early -- because we TALK to them.   Our boys have spent more time at Lowe's and Menard's (another local huge hardware/home store) than most kids. They know something about plumbing and carpentry...they are learning. Outside the classroom and probably in ways we don't even know. And most importantly, "I" am determining what they will learn, HOW they will learn it, and how long it will take THEM. We are competing only with ourselves.

In addition, my boys play together! They are almost 4 years apart in age, but they are great pals. They prefer to sleep in top bunk TOGETHER, and Mark and I just laugh, listening to them carry on before they fall asleep.  They laugh and joke...its music to our ears and our hearts.   In fact, they just got up, and Colton said to Connor, "Come on, Connor. We're gonna do something!"  They play together all day. Its just a blessing...and I think this is what gives Colton his ability to play well with younger kids. He won't learn that sitting in a classroom all day long with other kids his age-- MEAN kids, in some instances.

The other consideration is the risks at play letting him play with other kids who's families are a mess. Or fathers who are indulging in things not meant for anyone - let alone children. I'm not willing to put him in that place. Its my job to protect him. Where better than at home?

Of course its been hard ..thinking we were somehow behind. But you know what...I know that's a lie. Its a lie from the enemy who would like nothing more than for me to believe someone else could do better...someone else would love my son more than me...that someone else would care more about what/how/when he learns than me. LIE LIE LIE!    Sure there are LOTS of things I could do better (and I'm working on it!) but no one will love my boys more than me and their daddy.  They will NOT learn that GOD created the heavens and the earth; they will NOT learn a new scripture verse each week; they will NOT learn how to treat others better than themselves.   I've gotta say -- more than once when we've been to McDonald's during a day when most kids Colton's age are in school -- I've had a mother say to me how nice and well-mannered my boys are...esp Colton.   One mom even said "You homeschool don't you?  I knew because its clear you spend a lot of time with your boys...they are very well-mannered." BOY, what kind of kudos is that???     The guidelines for time at McD's is that there are kids there littler than you; you are expected to play safely and kindly, being helpful to the little ones.   Colton is awesome with this! Tell me of how many other 7 year old  boys that can be said?  Few, I'd wager.

Yep, I'm proud of my guys. They are learning all kinds of tools for LIVING...things they will not learn in public school.  and most of all, I can teach them the truth about our world from the word of God. Sounds lofty, I know, but its becoming more and more clear to me, almost by the minute, that this is my MINISTRY for this season in my life.

Interestingly enough, I started this homeschool journey with the attitude, "We'll take it a year at a time" thinking that eventually we'd all get sick of it and I'd toss them in public school...but you know what? I'm changing my mind. The Lord is working in my heart, giving me confidence, that we are in this for the long haul! He will equip us to do this, provide the resources to do it right and well, and my boys will make a great contribution to the world someday!

I guess you could say I've come almost 180-degrees from where I was even just a week ago! My good friend Anna, who is a public school teacher (a great one -- who loves the Lord!) came and gave Colton a reading assessment.   In the reading area, he's a little behind...but in the comprehension and sequencing, she says he's on the high end!! So, that tells me we just need to practice more. We're reading every day, learning new words. And he'll get there. I'm asking the Holy Spirit to give me a relaxed approach, but at the same time  deliberate and disciplined efforts at getting better each day.

I'm learning -- just like my homeschool friends have told me...the Lord is teaching me much about myself, about HIM and His faithfulness in this particular area of my life. I expect I'll be learning right along with the boys!

So, I'm praying today for success. Just for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself, and I know the Lord will be there waiting for me.

Like Dave Ramsey says in his Financial Peace ministry, "Is it easy? NO! Its hard...but it is worth it!"

It IS hard, but DEFINITELY worth it!

10:26 AM, Feb. 25, 2008 .. Posted by suffgrace

Hi Kim!
I was blessed by your blog this a.m. and am so thankful that the Lord has encouraged you greatly. Keep your eyes on the prize and remember that when all is said and done, the spiritual impact you have on those 2 precious boys will be worth it all! When we are weak, He is strong. The Lord is faithful and will help you to run this race with perseverance! I'm praying for you!

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10:26 AM, Mar. 6, 2008 .. Posted by Anonymous

Kim - I love your blog. I check it from time to time and I am always blessed by your wit and wisdom. Keep up the entries.

Leigh Ann