My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Moving Stones and More

I think I mentioned in an earlier entry that I'm on the weight-loss wagon. Again.

Yes, I've been a yo-yo dieter for years. Deadly serious about it maybe three times in the past twenty or so years. This is the third, AND LAST, time I'm getting serious about it. Once I get it off, it ain't coming back on.

I've given much thought to the process...and back we go to my reality that I am truly a destination person and barely tolerate the journey. Well, that may be a bit harsh...to not tolerate it, but its really difficult for me to be patient. Espeically with myself.

I have often read things that talk about the Journey -- ANY journey. And life IS one. Every aspect of life is one. Tough for people who like to BE there but don't like GETTING there. That would be me. But I'm somehow, finally, coming to terms with the fact that it just doesn't work that way.

And what is so ridiculous about that is that in years gone byI have encouraged people about THEIR journeys. Telling them, "God prepares us at Point A for moving to Point B; we can't get to Point M without passing thru all the Points in front of it." We can only reach a goal by going through various steps. We don't just wake up one day 80 lbs thinner.

You may have read a recent post I stuck into the "Article" section...the "Stones" or "Rocks" entry...and I've been thinking about that, and may have to re-write it a bit.

first of all, there are things in life that are huge obstacles. We all have them, to varying degrees. But some of those 'mountains' are probably not going to be moved. What 'may'happen is that God, in His great wisdom (isn't that an understatement!) may simply give us the grace and strength to GET OVER IT.

I've seen the perspective of Him moving mountains, "one rock at a time" -- but that only applies to certain things in life. For instance -- in my weight loss efforts...my weight is not going to come off in one big blast. This experience, or 'journey', if you will, is a perfect example of something happening one stone, or pound, at a time. Being overweight is not a state of mind that I have to 'get over.' Sure, there's a measure of self-confidence, believeing in who I am in Christ and all that...but frankly, being overweight is not healthy. I have allowed this to happen and, if I don't get a handle on it, I may not live to see my boys raised, or see my girls' own babies! AND, I barely have the energy to keep up with my boys as it is. I really hate that...

And not only is it unhealthy, being overweight ruins one's self-image. I do not have the confidence I once had...I KNOW most people -- who do not know me -- judge me based on my looks. Even in the the church (and that's a whole other discussion!)...but I'm just tired of feeling self-conscious, frumpy...etc.

Yes, most of it is pride. But you know what...I also believe its just a reflection of what I believe I deserve as a child of God; as Mark's wife, as my kids' mom...I deserve to be healthy -- God intended it from the Beginning. He intends me to live life to the fullest -- I cannot do that at this weight.

I KNOW I have been robbed of wonderful opportunities for ministry because of the image of my weight. In my eyes It suggests gluttony, lack of self-discipline...and it has nothing to do w/ my genes. I did this to myself.

Thing is, I'm much more forgiving of others for not being their ideal weight...I do NOT base my friendships on what my friends look like. But somehow I don't apply that same grace to myself. Dumb. But true.

So, in life, there are things we can see God MOVE -- the stones in our way that come down a little at a time...like someone getting well after a car crash; like recovering from a surgery; like recovering from a stroke -- as I did! -- and in other ways there are things we simply must learn to climb.

Sometimes He moves the mountains, and sometimes He just gives us strength to climb! (I think I head a song about that lately!)

So, whatever our situation, God gives us the grace to do what needs to be done. We either do our part to move the stones (in my case, 'pounds'), or we stay the course and find the strength and grace to keep moving toward the summit.

My mountain is moving...10..6 lbs as of last Wednesday. Weigh-in is tomorrow. I'll report back how it went.

Please send me a note, will you, and share your own perspective on this.

Oh, and one more thing...I just learned that I have been published for the first time, in a print magazine!! Its the March/April 2007 issue of "Hearts at Home"... I don't know if you can access any of it on line, but you can try at: www.hearts-at-home.org

Its my "YAMGT' article....I didn't know they'd accepted it until I rec'd a couple copies in the mail yesterday! I'm excited, and now confident about submitting other things here and there!

And thanks to all of you who have enocuraged me thru the years...its paying off. I'm finally believing it!

Another Faithwriters Mag artcle! -- and more!

For what its worth, it HAS been a long time since I have had anything to say.

I've been consumed with several 'projects' in these past weeks, and have had little time for other things...things I really love...but I repeat myself....

We're just back from another jaunt to sunny FL. Mark had biz there and we made a week of it. Were blessed that my folks could join us, too, for a few days. A welcomed respite from the cold temps and ice in the midwest.

Thankfully the weather didn't hinder gettng home, for them or us. We've had that happen before. That is no picnic...trapped in an airport w/ two busy little boys???  I was not looking forward to that happening again. And it was so.

So, we're back in the saddle. There is snow on the ground as I look out our office windows. Its pretty, and I really don't mind it. My coat works well! As does the heater on the car.

BOTH things to be thankful for, eh? How often do we take for granted walking into a heated home? Or slipping on our winter coat (mine is 10 years old!)...blessings, both.

One of my personal goals this year is to be more thankful...to express my gratitude to the Lord first, for His bounty and benevolence. Then to my husband for his commitment to work hard to provide comforts for our family. To my kids...just for being the incredible people they are. To my friends...for BEING. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are a friend...so THANK YOU.

Our friends fill different slots in our lives, yes? And at the risk of repeating Dee Brestin "The Friendships of Women" -- our friendships ARE complicated...but oh so necessary to our growth and strength. I'm going to take more time to celebrate that this year. I hope you will, too.

If you are a man reading this (few of you, I'm guessing), I'd encourage you to do the same. I watch my own husband work hard at his relationships with other men -- Mark is VERY proactive when it comes to staying connected with the men in his life. But I've also seen him just flat give up, when there is no reciprocation. Its really disheartening for me...Mark is a quality guy and is a quality friend. Those who don't recognize that and embrace it....well, its truly their loss.

I know we're all busy...my word, I have a teenage daughter and two small boys (one of which I homeschool); I try to write now and then; I'm working on getting my Book in print (I'll keep you posted!); I like to read; I have a house to take care of...AND we are looking toward moving early this summer...so that means digging and purging, packing, giving away, making repairs and getting this old house ready for the market...I'm busy.

BUT, I hope I slow down enough to connect with those people who are important. AND THIS INCLUDES EMAIL. I don't phone often because I can rarely find a quiet spot that I'm not interrupted...but on email, there is no noise issues...other than the ones that might distract me for a minute....but I can leave it and come back if my boys need me!

SO, here's an admonition for you...MAKE TIME to  connect...express your gratitude for the people in your life who make your life what it is.  If "doing" is not your best thing, then at least acknowledge those others who are good at it.

My friend Julie Nott is one of the most giving people I know...I don't know how she does it, but she does and I'm so grateful...for her, and for her example. I hope to be like her when I grow up!

and, I could really go on and on...friends enrich my life in so many ways. I know they do yours, too. Just make some time to celebrate it, won't you??

“I didn’t find my friends;

God gave them to me.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, I did say something about that f/w article...it will be in the Feb issue of the Faithwriters Magazine online...I think its just www.faithwritersmagazine.com    Look in the "United As One" section. I wrote the article a long while back, but pointed Deb Porter, the mag editor, toward it back in the fall...she fell for it! So, I'm happy to report that she's asked to use it in the February Issue! All Praise to the One Who enables...

ciao!

Happy New Year!

Hard to believe we're watching 2006 draw to a close...wow. Where did it go? If you got our Christmas letter (did I post it here? Yes, I think I did...) you'll see we had a busy year.   I told Kate the other day, while she was waiting for something to cook in the microwave, that she was getting older by the second! Sobering thought, isn't it?

I'm looking foward to a new year, doing more of the things I really love. We are setting our sights on moving the boys to kate's vacated room (she took over Krissi's last year), and then we're going to set up the boys' old room as a schoolroom and craftroom FOR ME! I can hardly wait to see it come together. I hope to maximize the area w/ some better organization of my craft/scrapping supplies, and esp a work area.

Plus, we are looking forward to getting our school area set up, so we can have a little more flow to our efforts. I know many HS'ers just use the dining room table -- and we've been doing that, but it'll be almost heaven to have a nice area where we can expand our supplies -- posters, blackboard, etc..and make it more "classroom'y"...but I'm looking forward to enjoying my own creativity come back to life in getting work done on the kids' scrapbooks and making some cards that are long-past needing to be sent.

So, the new year holds lots of promise...plus, I've got my heart set on spending more time in worship. I've let that slide because I've been consumed with other things -- things I've allowed to crowd out my time with God, including my laziness and lack of drive...but I've been convicted about that and am ready to make every effort to spend time with the Lord.

I've just read Max Lucado's "Cure for the Common Life" -- and he says this (Chapter 8): "Worship...turns a face toward the Father and away from frailty...Worship adjusts us, lowering the chin of the haughty, straightening the back of the burdened.   Breaking the bread, partaking of the cup.   Bowing the knees, lifting the hands.   This is worship.  In the solitude of a corporate cubicle or the community of a church. ...

"Worship God. Applaud him loud and often. For your sake, you need it.    And for heaven's sake, he deserves it."

That really helped me, and convicted me that I need to focus more on worship than on the stuff of my life. Doesn't Matt. 6:33 tell us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything else will be added to you..."? Pretty simple...too bad we make it so hard.

God deserves our worship even when we don't feel like it. And I'm going to do better about that. Even when I don't feel like it...which is more often than when I do. Too bad. Do it any way.

Thanks to all of you who are interested enough in my life to keep tabs on me! Like many of you, I've had some dark days, but thanks be to God -- He is always ready to pull me out if I'll just reach up!

Reach up, and find that you are seeing things from a whole new view in 2007!

Yes, I'm still here...

I have been crazy busy, and I don't think I'm doing any of it 'well.' TRYING to, yes, but I don't think its working.

This will be short, but I did want to at least surface and say that its a beautiful winter here in Chicago...our family is warm and content and we are basking in the goodness of God.

I'll post the Christmas letter I'm mailing out -- it'll either be emailed, or snail mailed. If I don't have an address for you, then hopefully you'll read this and get caught up on all the excitement!

If I don't get back here before Christmas Day, please know how valued each of you are...to me, if I know you, and certainly by those who DO know you. We are each important to someone, and we matter very much to God. His birth was for all of us, regardless of our 'station' in life and He has so much to offer.

I pray each of us will reflect on His glory and His mercies this Season, and keep in mind His gift to us -- Himself. As we celebrate His first coming, let's be humble enough to admit our faults and accept His grace. He is lavish with that -- I ought to know. I draw on that every single day...

Also, you will find a post with something I received from a friend the other day. Its a poignant reminder of all that's important to those of us who know Christ personally.

Merry Christmas!

A Ten-Year Celebration (of sorts)

We are on the threshold of it being TEN YEARS since Mike passed away. Sometimes it seem unreal that that much time has passed. Other days it seems like just last week...and especially right now, as I'm digging through those old emails -- both sent and received before, during, and after his Home-going.

It really dredges up so many feelings...I've laughed over some, and cried over others. I am SO very thankful my friends had the foresight to keep my emails. I just never thought about it at that time, but someone suggested I keep them. To that point I hadn't, and so then was frantically trying to find someone who had...and I know for sure that a friend in St. Joseph, Salli Freudenthal, had kept most of them...so she graciously sent them back to me; I copied them, and that's what I'm digging thru these days.

I'm finally writing The Book. Right now my focus is just getting it together enough to send a copy to Mike's mom and Dad on this 10th anniversary. I feel it'll be meaningful to them...I wish $$ were no object, then I could afford to make enough copies for Mike's sister and brothers, and the girls. So, I'm praying about that.

I'm also praying about moving toward getting it published 'for real.' I may have to send out a survey to find out who would buy it. I think I'd have plenty of takers, but the financial outlay is pretty great, and I just don't know....I'm talking about 'self-publishing" or "Print-On-Demand." There seem to be a few good companies out there, but we just don't have the cash. Wish I knew someone rich who would loan me the $ on speculation...at least interest free until we recouped the investment by selling the book -- even for what it costs to do it. Pipe-dreams...but I know, too, that God COULD do that if He saw fit.

Guess I need to pray about that one a little more, eh?

The other thing is, I'd like to find the intestinal fortitude to approach a 'real' publisher. I just don't know if there's a market out there for personal stories...what do you think??

and I've also thought about doing an "E-Book." Seems to be a hot thing right now...but who would read it?

Anyway, if you are reading this, will you pray about this with me? I don't know where to start, and I want to do it right and with class.

So, best wishes for a grand day...

Kanner Lake -- "Alive" and Well

Well, I somehow found a roll w/ Janet...THANKS to my dear friends Marjorie and Lorraine. They each gave me some great feedback w/ some fabulous stories that were so adaptable to life in Kanner Lake.

Lorraine gave me a wonderful story about a sweet elderly couple in her church; the husband just passed away...a dear saint of God. It was so easy to use Elam's story in a characterization of the Detcher's church family. THANK YOU, Lorraine, for your inspiring input.

I should say here that Lorraine is one of those unexpected blessings...we 'met' thru Ebay! -- yep, about 4 years ago, I think. She bought an item from me, and we somehow connected and now here we are...friends, tho we've never met face-to-face. I hope to remedy that one of these days!   Lorraine is a true Christ-follower and has sharpened my 'iron' on many occaisions. It was truly a God-thing that Lorraine came into my life! She is a wonderful communicator and has also been a great encouragement to me in my own efforts.  The possibly-upcoming Janet-entry about "Elmer and Gloria" is based on Lorraine's friends in Pennsylvania. There are a couple of my own contributions to that story but the basis of it is Elam and Gertie. Boy I wish I had known them...but, truth is, I know several Elam's and Gertie's! Thank God for them.

And to Marj -- oh my. Marjorie Harris is a one-in-a-million woman! Marj and I met in December of 1982. My first husband, Mike, and I were invited by Steve and Marj to be the first youth pastors in their little church in Brush Colorado. It was a match made in heaven! Steve and Marj embraced us as family, and they still do. Marjorie was the older sister I never had and to this day has taught me so much about life and ministry... She has been one of my biggest fans and inspirations...she believes in me like few others.    I love you, Marj!

I sent a "Brush" story to Brandilyn for the Blog; not sure when it'll show up, but just know that when/if it does, the story is based on real people and real events--a part of which I actually lived! It was a perfect fit for New Community Church! And by the way, "Skip and Dawn Harris" are really Steve and Marj! Tho they were not the actual 'directors' of our music in Brush, they had a profound and gifted influence on the music -- both being great singers and musicians in their own right...Marj can make a piano 'talk!'

anyway, just wanted to give praise and gratitude where it is due...and while I'm at it, for those of you who know Julie Nott -- my dear friend and fellow Blogger here at HSB, Julie was the inspiration for the July 4 "Larry Cellaway" story. The eye-glasses thing actually did happen to her, and I just embellished it a bit to fit the tone of the blog entry. THANK YOU Julie...for everything!

I guess I'm in a thank you mode today...thing is, I have so many people in my life who inspire me and believe and hope the best for me...and I'll bet you do, too.

SO, with that in mind, why don't you take a few minutes TODAY to tell them!? Pick up the phone or drop a card or an email and say "THANK YOU for what you have meant in my life" -- you just never know what that note will mean, and how timely it just might be. Don't miss an opportunity to bless the ones who've blessed you! 

I'm on it....

A few words about very little...

Well, I was SURE I'd added a new entry here recently...but now that I think about it, I believe Connor got on here when I was interrupted and somehow shut down the whole computer and w/ it went my latest words of wisdom. No great loss, I am sure...but a waste of time all the same!

SO, we are in FL this week. Mark and the boys and me. Mr. Thomas is here on biz and the guys and I came along to keep him company. So far so good.

This morning we spent about an hour in the pool. Came in for lunch and Connor's nap...sometime during before naptime, Connor lavishly sprayed Daddy's cologne (not cheap!) all over the bedroom. What I once thought delicious is now almost nauseating! I'm thinking that now I'm into the Second Stage of the Dennis the Menace Syndrome...Colton had his turn and now Connor is up to it. OH MY.

I've  not written much lately. I've been uninspired. I'm trying to find some inspiration, though. But as usual, I'm doubting myself and not willing that anyone should have to endure the pain of reading anything. And honestly, there just isn't much to say right now. No, nothing's 'wrong', but I'm just in a dry spot and will have to find a way to get out of it.

I spent a glorious hour on the beach this morning...ALONE. Just me a my Bible, and the "Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul" book. I sort of feel like a fraud, reading a book for "writers" since I don't think I really qualify, but all the same, I'm finding that many of the contributors felt the same. Many, for years. So I guess I'm in good company. I think I truly do fit the "artist" mold, tho...we creative sorts tend to be moody, and almost bi-polar. I don't think I qualify for medication, but boy its some hard days.

I'm afraid to jump out there and submit anything to any publications. I don't think its a fear of rejection itself, but rather just this nagging fear that its just not worth it. There are too many details...and I am not a detail person. Now if someone were to look at some of my work, and say to me, "this would work well here" and then do it FOR ME, well, that'd be easier. But I don't think that's realistic. And I do know that "real" writers would tell me I'm a coward, and that I have to beleive in MYSELF first.

I know.

But knowing and moving ahead are two different things.

So, for all this musing, I am till stuck in the No Man's Land for the Uninspired.

But keep watching. You never know when a bolt of lightening will strike and I'll roll out something marvelous. Maybe later today...

Reflections on our week

I felt my remarks connected to Connor's misfortune deserved a separate post...so...

We had a great week last week. My folks and our daughter were with us Sat-Tuesday. They had to move along, so then it was just Mark and me and our boys. We had a good two days together, time at the pool, then a few minutes "shopping" at Bass Pro. The boys got some new toys, so they were happy.

Thursday evening we were blessed by the company of our DEAR friends Jeff and Kim Smith. The Smiths joined us on staff at Northview Christian Life Church in Carmel IN about a year after we had gone -- so probably in 2001. They have recently taken the Lead Pastor role at a near-by church, Genesis Church, in Westfield/Noblesville IN. It was exciting to hear what God is doing there, and to sense their excitement about what lies a head, by faith, in the heart of God's people at Genesis.

Jeff and Kim are wonderful people. If you ever get to that area of Indiana, I'd STRONGLY urge you to look them up and visit Genesis Church...you'll LOVE it, and them!

We left Branson Friday morning, heading for St. Louis. StL is our 1/2 way mark from Branson to home...so its a reasonable drive time coming and going, and we made plans to stay overnight there....we'd had hotel reseervations, but were invited to stay with a friend of Mark's. Rusty Lewis, and his wife Andrea, were so gracious to open their home to us. We arrived at about 5pm, got acquainted (I'd never met them) and then we eagerly left the boys in the care of their teenaged kids (13 and 15), and the four adults went out to dinner at a very nice place near their home.

It was a delightful evening and we enjoyed the company so much. We had more-than-comfortable accomodations, and the boys were thrilled to have so much room to roam....the Lewis's have a BEAUTIFUL home, on three acres, in Wentzville MO. They are a neat family -- who also love the Lord, and have the gift of hospitality.

Rusty is a consultant for a Capital Stewardship company called "Generis". He helps churches coordinate their campaigns for raising money for new buildings, or whatever. SO, if you are ever in the market for someone in that line of work, let me know....we can put you in touch with the right guy!

On Saturday morning, we were moving by about 8:30...on to the home of another dear friend in the St. Louis area, the Ereharts. Don and Ann were the youth pastors at Northview (not sure how many years!?)...they have three beautiful children -- Katie, and Ellie, and Payne. Payne was born on July 4 -- just like Colton, about 3 hours earlier than Colton. They are great pals. We are determined to keep them in touch as much as we can. They play so well together...its truly a blessing.

Don and Ann are now the youth pastors at a large E-Free church in Manchester MO. They really love it, and I know God will do great things through them there. Don and Ann have a passion for young people that is hard to find....they are "seasoned" in ministry and in life and are commited to leading people to Christ. Mark and I are ALWAYS blessed when we spend time with Don and Ann.

This trip, however, Don was not home. He was on his way from a missions trip to Mexico -- we missed him by about 12 hours! We spent a couple hours with Ann and soaked up the sunshine that she is!

Anyway, we love Don and Ann and thank the Lord He has allowed them to be part of our life and our family....

Mark and I are hoping to coordinate a week's vacation with Don and Ann and Jeff and Kim and our families -- maybe next summer!? We adults agree that it'll be a blast...so we're going to set our sights on working that out.

Mark and I talked about the value of these friendships in our lives -- and our LIFE as a family...we truly felt it was "iron sharpening iron" -- except that honestly, I think it was one-way.....WE were sharpened, encouraged and inspired by each of these families. Our faith was built by listening to the Lewis's story of God's provision in an uncertain job transition...we were blessed to watch Jeff and Kim glow with excitement about the opportunity they have to take a church through an important transitional time. We were blessed to hear about the new relationships they are finding, and the new ways to use their gifts to serve God and this congregation.

We were so moved to hear Ann share her passion for "their kids" at this new ( for them) church....they have already pegged some strong leaders and Ann was so excited for what she is seeing develop in their lives and is so passionate about Don's and her role in mentoring these kids for service in the Kingdom.

My prayer now, after seeing these wonderful friends, is that "I" would be open to allowing God to do in me all the things they have allowed Him to do in them...each of them are in places in their lives that are unique from each other, but unquestionably they are commited to Christ and to fulfilling His call on their life. They are content with this season -- but all of them know that God could change their pre-conceived course at any time -- so none of them are holding on too tightly...

It was probably the most encouraging vacation we've ever had....only because of the THREE families we got to spend time with. It cost us about $300 in gas, but it was worth every penny!

Find people who will fill your heart and life the way these people have filled mine...better yet, BE a person who will be this to someone else...Ask God, who gives liberally to all...

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig...

...to market, to market to buy a fat pig...

I'm sure most of you have heard that one...?

We ARE back home. Got here yesterday afternoon, at about 5pm. We had a fine trip home...no problems.

Last Saturday, however, on our way from St. Louis to Branson, Connor did get sick. He has motion sickness -- at least in the car. I hadn't given him the Dramamine soon enough and the poor little guy lost his breakfast. THREE TIMES. What a mess.

On the third episode, we finally did just fore-go dressing him at all...obviously we'd have to strip his pukey clothes off, and then we just decided that it was comfortable enough in the truck (Suburban) that he'd be fine in just a diaper...and so it was.

The only other car time he had through Thursday was from our resort to the Lake, where he went on the jet ski with Mark, my dad (Papa), Colton and my daugther Krissi and her guy Matt...so no problems.

However, on Thursday, we (just Mark and I and the boys) decided to drive over to the new Bass Pro Shop at the new Branson Landing shopping area... not a 10 minute drive...and Connor tossed his cookies. Being so close to "home", it never occured to me to bring a change of clothes, or even a diaper/wipes...so here we were in a web of traffic....we found a little grocery store; Mark bought some wipes and we cleaned him up.

Not to be deterred, we went over to Bass Pro, and Mark went in to see about shorts and a t-shirt for Connor. The boys and I waited; about 10 mins later, Mark comes out with only a t-shirt. There were no shorts to be had...So, we put his shirt on him, found a shopping cart as soon as we could, and hoped that no one would notice that he was in just a t-shirt and diaper...we didn't want to look like we had no pride in how our kids looked.....

And in thinking about that...how often do we work SO hard at keeping the outside looking respectable and presentable, when our insides are a mess? If you are reading this, then chances are you know someone who does just that...maybe its YOU!? There is a pretense that everything is beautiful, when all the time, the wood underneath the paint is rotting away.

Its like those whitewashed tombs Jesus talked about in Matthew...all pretty on the outside but nothing but death on the inside...

Think about it...

Thursday Thoughts

Catchy, dontcha think?? Oh brother...

We're gearing up to leave tomorrow for FL, for TWO WEEKS!! Its our first 2-week vacation. We usually split up the four Mark has into at least that, all a week here/there...but this time we're stretching it. Will be interesting to see how it goes.

I'm taking no more clothes than usual...we can do laundry...but I am taking several books, plus my writing "stuff" (floppy, notes, etc)...and music (iPod) and some walking tapes.

I'm at it again...walking, I mean. I go in spurts. Last time I gave up because I just wasn't seeing any benefits quickly enough. I mean, honestly, I was walking AT LEAST 3 days a week, for about 45 mins at a shot, and noticed NOTHING changing at all. How discouraging. I mean at the very least I thought maybe my shoes would be looser or something!? I am gonna have to walk a LONG time to see any improvements in the body, but there was NO visible improvement anywhere...I at least thought my face might show it. But no.

SO, I'm at it again. This time determined to stay with it, improvements or not. In the long run I know it'll happen...I must stay the course. So, I'm supplied with some walking music, and a couple DVDs for walking indoors. (Leslie Sansone) I haven't tried those yet, but might find time while we're gone...considering it'll probably be 100 degrees in Orlando, even early!?

Wish me well, will you???

Too Kate down south about 45 miles to meet up with our long-time friends, the Jorris Family, from Ft. Wayne IN. They are kids pastors there; heading to IA to do the Assemblies kids camps for the next two weeks. Kate is going along for the fun of it, and will help with puppets and a few skits...plus probably find some stuff to do around the campground. The directors are also dear friends, the Oberbecks. So it'll be like spending two weeks with family...then after that she WILL be spending time with family.

Her dad's parents, Bob and Aurlette Driver, will pick her up from camp on the 21st. She'll then spend about 10 days with them and the other Driver clan, esp her cousin Rachel. Rachel is older than Kate by 2 months. They have stayed very close...

then on the 30th, they'll drive her to Des Moines where she'll be met by my brother and then they'll head to KCMO, where she'll spend about 10 days with my family.

Whew...busy busy times, eh?

THE KANNER LAKE/JAVA JOINT SCENES AND BEANS site is up and running...please stop by there: www.kannerlake.blogspot.com

and read the entries and leave a comment! Please join in the "fictional" aspect of it. Its all in fun, and you'll LOVE the book, "Violet Dawn" due out in August.

check it out!

Must run...prayers with the boys and bedtime for Mommy!

I'll be in now and then while we're gone...happy July!

Okay, so I'm a year older...

Yes, its true. Today I am 44. Man, it just doesn't seem right. I remember when we had my MOTHER'S 40th, and she seemed almost rickety. Well, not really, but you know how it is when you're 20...40 DOES seem old.

And so now, here I am...pushing toward the mid-forties. Its almost surreal.

But, in many ways, I would not want to go back and repeat any of it. Yes, there are "pockets", or seasons, that were sweet, but over all I don't want to have to re-live the pain to get to the pleasure.

I know myself better than I ever have...I'm learning to like myself. Finally. THAT'S been a journey, let me tell you. and you know how I hate JOURNEYS. But its true. I am learning to like myself and to be more confident in who I am. I still don't like the fact that I am too heavy -- and not willing to do the hard work it takes to change that -- I wish my skin were clear -- the dermatologist tells me I'm plagued with "rosacea" for the rest of my days (treatable/manageable but not cureable)...So there ARE "things" I don't like about myself, but I'm learning to like ME. Does that make sense?

I think its  resignation to the fact that I'll never be perfect. EUREKA! I'm finally embracing that reality, and not being so hard on myself because I can't reach that pinnacle. I'm overweight, I have ruddy skin, I get impatient with my kids, I can do nothing all day long, etc etc etc. But "I" am smart, loving, nurturing to my family; I love to learn...all things that contribute to making me better. Not only a better person, but just more fulfilled. And better equipped to making a contribution to those around me.

So, on my 44th Birthday, I celebrate LIFE, and thank the Lord for giving me another year...and I thank him for my husband (who bought me 2-dozen red roses!) and my children (who gave me slobbery kisses!), and the friends who encourage and inspire me toward more.

God is good. All the time. I anticipate His blessings in new and exciting ways. That's just how He is!

Friday Thoughts

Good morning, All!

Well, its been a "depressive" week as far as the writing goes...I've decided that I'm bi-polar in this effort...some days feeling I can't get the words out fast enough and other days when I could not care less.  Anyone else out there ever felt that way??

So, I've done little. Part of it is the let-down that I didn't place well (AT ALL) in last week's writing challenge on FaithWriters. I really think the "bones" are there for the piece I submitted, but I knew there were some areas that just weren't very tight...

HOWEVER, I did get a note from "Deb" -- the editor for the magazine (who actually did accept my first submission about 2 weeks ago), and she has offered to help me with the details of the Challenge article. I don't know if she does this for everyone, but I'm certainly happy she at least picked me! So, I'm eagerly awaiting her input and hope I am sharp enough to take it all in and commit it to all further efforts.

Today I need some encouragement to keep on. I just can't seem to organize my thoughts...so I'll be praying about this.

Some of it, I KNOW, is because my quiet time has been "off" this week...I've been SO tired, and for some reason, with Kate out of school now, I can't seem to get moving....probably because I don't have her as a reason to get up and get moving. SO, I must get back on track. Not only do I know that my SPIRIT needs time with God, I also know that He is The Source for creativity.

I recently "auditioned" for a little ditty w/ Brandilyn Collins...she has a new series coming out in August, "the Kanner Lake" series. In this series one of the characters, Bailey Truitt, own a Starbucks-like coffee shop called "Java Joint". "Bailey" has set up a Blog, for Kanner Lake residents to join in.

Brandilyn opened it up for auditions for the "residents" of Kanner Lake to do a blog...so she gave us the names of the characters, and then after reading the first book "Violet Dawn" ("Advanced Reader Copy"), the reader got a feel for the character, and then could write AS that character on the Java Joint Blog...does that make sense?

I got the notice yesterday that the winners will be announced on Monday...but to be honest, I'm not very optimistic. I just don't think I am creatively imaginative. I tried out for "3" characters, actually suggesting one that doesn't really have a place yet (the local pastor's wife)...considering I have lived the life of a pastor's wife in a small town, I thought I cuold offer a perspective....

SO WE'LL SEE...just not sure how it'll all come out. But it was fun trying, and it was fun connecting with Brandilyn...

I'll post when the Blog is up and running...it'll be sure to capture you, and to get you reading this new series, starting with "Violet Dawn" in August!

So, I must move along ...hopefully I can do somthing constructive today, whether I find a "home" for it or not...

Monday Musings

its been a few days since I've been on here...i've been preoccupied with looking for writing opportunities...its exhausting. mentally and emotionally.

am I cut out for this? I don't know. today, I don't know. My brain hurts. I can't seem to get anything (I think is) worthwhile "on paper." It all seems pointless.

I sort of feel like Solomon, "vanity, vanity, all is vanity" and "worthless, worthless, everything is worthless."   I think its that manic side of me coming out...maybe I really am bi-polar and have never been diagnosed.

thank goodness I don't have to write to make a living. Mark takes care of that....

But I do think there's something in there that needs letting out...but maybe just a little at a time. I think I'm trying to do too much at once. Typical of me. Exhausting.

I run gung-ho out the chute, and then poop out. I need to learn to tame my tendency to sprint, into one of distance running...I'm not a sprinter...I can never get to the finish line -- never complete anything. But I keep banging my head against the wall, trying to do it anyway, knowing its futile. I must go for the distance...and PACE myself. I'm sure the journey will be much sweeter..not easy, probably, but sweeter.

thanks for hearing me out on this...esp you, Mrs. Nott. I know YOU'LL understand...and will pray for me.

it does not ALL have to be done TODAY. Or even THIS WEEK. But do it I will...in due time.

Musings

Good morning, Friends!

Well, yesterday was pretty eventful for me...I got an email that one of my pieces has been selected for publication in an online magazine: www.faithwritersmagazine.com

You can go to www.faithwriters.com  and read some great stuff by people from sea to shining sea. There are some really gifted folks out there!

Frankly, I was astounded. That's really the best word for it. I could not believe it. But I give the glory to God for enabling me to formulate and articulate the thoughts that swirl around in my head.

I am a reader. I can virtually inhale a book in a day. Yes, the house goes to pot and the kids have to feed themselves (well, not quite!), but if it grabs me, I gotta finish it.

That's the kind of things I want to write. Things that grab ya. That get you thinking. And maybe I can convey the same conviction I may be feeling about a certain subject. Lord knows I have mastered nothing.

So, today I'm feeling inspired and motivated to write like a crazy person. With me, its sort of manic...I have to control the urge to do it all TODAY. As if someone else will beat me to it...well, que sera sera. That's a reasonable reality...but I must submit all that to the Lord, right?

So, sisters, THANK YOU for your recent kind words and encouragements. I take them all to heart - very deeply...and am encouraged to march forward. Praying for God's wisdom to pierce my heart and to give me the words to divulge what He's doing in there, and the mailboxes to put it into!?

Blessings for a grand day...BE SURE TO LAUGH OUT LOUD TODAY!

I promise to do the same!

Wednesday, April 26

It's proving to be challenging to get on here, and I regret that I have little time to read all the blogs I'd like to. I imagine its that way for everyone.

I rec'd a Max Lucado devotional today, from his book, "Its Not About Me." I have not read that one yet, but will pick it up! Two statements stood out in this excerpt:

1.  "GOD DOES NOT EXIST TO MAKE MUCH OF US. WE EXIST TO MAKE MUCH OF HIM." (John Piper). I will do some research on Mr. John Piper. What a deep thought. And here I thought God was all about me.

I really appreciate hearing that. I don't think I'm that "me" focused, but it helped to bring me back to the reality that I'm on this earth for the glory of God...not for any other purpose. All I do and say must be a reflection of the Father.

2. "My pain does not prove God's absence, but rather expands God's purpose."

Like many of you, I've had some real pains in my life. Death, illness, difficult childbirths, etc...frankly, I'm not sure I've realized the exact purpose of many of those experiences, but in some I have.

God will use whatever means to get our attention. Its our responsibility to respond, in surrender, to His means. I think in some ways its the "pruning" Jesus talks about in John 15 -- the branches are pruned (painful) in order to bear much fruit.

Wouldn't you hate to look at some of these painful experiences and find it was worth nothing? At the very least I'd like to have something to show for it...so I pray that all in all it'll result in an opportunity to point others toward the grace God gives, and hope.

Everyone needs a little hope.

Okay...that's the musing for the day.

I joined a friend this morning at the home of another friend to do some cleaning. Anna is a single mom, whose DH passed away about 3+ years ago. She has 3 little girls, and had some "girl" surgery last week. Recovery has been challenging...so Carol and I popped in for a while to do some vacuuming and mopping, etc. It was nice to serve Anna. Work up a little sweat, then come home and look at the tornado in my own housse...and take a nap!  Honestly, that's what I did. Got Colton to preschool, brought Connor back here and he and I napped. I slept for about an hour. Enough to take off the edge...didn't sleep well last night.

Dear Julie and I met at our fave haunt, Chili's, for chips and salsa and TOO MUCH Diet Coke, but such fab fellowship. You should try to do that with Julie sometime! She's a great companion!!   So, we closed Chili's and I got to bed at about 12:30. Did not sleep well, and got up at 5:30. And to be honest, I didn't get my quiet time like I needed. Maybe that's why today is so blah. Nor did I get my walk in. Nor my TV preacher time.   I think my day did not get the start it needed.

I did talk to my DH for about an hour. He's in FL on biz this week. He calls maybe 6x a day!! We like it. We talk first thing in the AM, and last thing at bedtime, and several times in between. He calls betwen appts. So, I gave HIM my quiet time!!  Not a bad exchange, but HE isn't the Holy Spirit...I missed my "power session."

BUT NOT TOMORROW...hopefully my internal alarm will go off and I'll be rolling out by 5'ish...it works best that way. Yes, I need a nap in the middle of the day, but I'm okay with that.

Enough for today...I'll try to add Chapter 2 for any of you that are interested!?

Cheerio, Friends!