• Jan. 6, 2009 - When you have a struggling learner.
Recently on one of the groups I belong to a mom shared her frustration with her child who is struggling in the area of reading. Like I had so often done in the past I heard the hurt and the hope that someone will have the magic answer. If you do this or use that life will become wonderful again. So this was my answer. The answer born of walking this road. An answer born from my own tears and heart ache. And I decided to post the answer her in the hopes that others who struggle with their own feelings while watching their child struggle will find some comfort although no answers in these words.
If you read some of my early post here you will see that I tried every program available at the time of our struggles. None of them worked. The only thing that did work was intense and long term eye therapy. Even with all that we had to start over and his reading will all be an area of weakness. Just using the Sonlight readers at a much slower pace, sight word cards, ETC, and MCP Plaid we got him up to mid 6th grade level. Adding in the RFBD(Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic) audio reader program we got the word recognition to mid 7th and the comprehension up to mid 10th. The reality is that he will never read for pleasure, reading will always be a chore, he will never love reading. Through audio books he will be able to continue to feed his brain. He will continue to enjoy good literature. He has enough reading skill that he can read for information. He can read enough to play his video games. He is holding his own so far at the Adult Basic Education classes. Once he gets his TABE (Test of Adult Basic Education) score up to an over all 9th grade level he can begin GED classes. It is still a very painfully slow process. I still get frustrated. But I have had to surrender everything I thought would happen for my child.
I taught myself to read at a young age. I loved to read. I love books. Jacob was a bit older but he taught himself to read. Caleb can read but he reads slowly and not for pleasure. I figure he will end up in a remedial class if he goes to the public school. Joshua is only a year ahead of Hannah but is making steady progress now. Hannah well I'm not sure if she teaching herself or what I'm doing is actually working for once.
Every early reader story used to break my heart and fill me with guilt. What am I doing wrong? Have I ruined my children for life?, etc. And if I read one more article or had one more mom tell me that early readers are born to moms who spend time reading to their children I was going to strangle someone. I've read to each and everyone of them since before they were born. I would read until my throat was scratchy and raw. I provided a stimulating learning environment. We had years with no TV, video, or electronics games. And we have had years with them. I tried all the wonderful this will work programs. I've been free flowing and relaxed. I've been highly structured. And in the end my children are who they are, they are as God made them.
The road of the struggling learner and therefore their parent is long. The road is lonely. No matter how many other on the road everyone's place is unique and it seems that you are on it alone. And the hardest part is that there are no guarantees that if you just do X, if you just use Y that things will suddenly and magically be okay. That depending on the challenge extra work or special programs may catch them up and move them forward but the reality is that some of them will never reach what our peers would view as "normal". It hurts so bad that my son who is bright and intelligent will always have to struggle for his place in this world. Or worse still is that even if others don't care he cares. He compares himself. He feels less.
So prayers and hugs. No easy answers. No,do this and it will all be magically wonderful. Because from the perspective of being down the road and looking back the road was rocky, full of pot holes, and periods of dense fog. I'm glad that I homeschooled. I'm glad I was able to walk down that path with my son together. I'm glad that I got him to the point where he is able to move on to the adult education program. But I can't say that I got to the end of the road and walked out into a beautiful sunlit field of wild flowers or that I came out to the interstate smooth and ready for forward movement at great speeds. I came down the rocky road to head up the next bumpy road. I can't see yet if this will lead to a better, smoother road or not. And that of everything is the hardest thing for me as mom. I don't feel I failed but I wish with all my heart that what I did had changed him. But it didn't and that's what I laid down. That is the child God made. He is just the way God wants him to be. And ultimately he is in God's hands.
So that's it my heart and my thoughts raw and emotional. Use what you can. |
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