Monday, March 2, 2009 - not deleted
Well!
I thought I went through and deleted my blog....but I found it here today. Guess I didn't finish that job!
Let's see, it is MARCH, yay!! February wasn't too bad for me this year, praise God! We did a seminar on "A More Excellent Way" and I got off my depression meds. February is usually the WORST month of my year....and this year not too bad. Not to bad is fabulous!!
Jo is at public school still, but we plan to bring him home next year. Violet is still home. Sean is still working! I'm still........... what do I do around here?
Tonight we're hosting a "Love and Respect" video series. It is awesome. One reason Sean and I are still married, in fact. The other day I signed up to help raise money at a golf tournament for International Justice Mission. AWESOME stuff they do! (Was that Yoda-speak?)
Right. Blogging. Short and sweet. :)
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Tuesday, September 30, 2008 - Learning Center Day
Tuesdays this semester are spent at the Skagit Family Learning Center. ALL DAY. I get here before 9am, and leave just before 4pm. I am SO not used to being cooped up away from home this long! Heck, how long has it been since I worked full time? 11 years????
I'm using one of the computers they have here at school to type this. At least I can get online, but for the most part it is kind of a wasted day. If I could use MY computer to get online here, I could at least do the household books and pay bills.
Violet has a class on being a LADY, a scrapbooking class, a critical thinking class, a backpacking and outdoors class and a 2-hour sewing class. She is sewing a dress that is looking almost like a formal! She is growing up. I'll post a pic somewhere of the dress when she is done. It has been nice to spend that time with her.
I love to read. I just picked up a "Christian" book to read about the gold rush. It looked interesting. UNTIL in the first 5 chapters they introduced 40 people by first and last name! Who cares what the name of the cabby or cook is?? I mean, yes, they are people (fictional), but my little pea brain cannot keep track of who is important and who is not, and who the heck THIS person is, anyway. I was rather frustrated, thus the rant. The thing is, I think I have run into this problem before with another "Christian" book! I wonder if it was by the same people.
Well, 9:30. Only 6 hours left to kill.....
Sunday, September 28, 2008 - parenting with love and logic
Well, we got the book. It IS as good as everyone says. I have not had the guts (me? soft??) to be that hard on my kid, but this book puts stuff in perspective. Best of all, it gives me a plan and HOPE.
Long, boring story, but today we had to take something from Jo that was VERY special to him. He had waited to make it, wanted it, loved how it turned out.....but disobeyed us to get it there. So we took it. He cried, made excuses (I didn't hear you!), offered to pay to get it back.... But we need to use this as a learning opportunity. For him to learn our word means something, it has to HURT. Sean and I are both wishing we could let him buy it back....but that would undermine the learning opportunity that is here. This kind of parenting is not for wimps. We will need to lean on GOD to pull it off. But I have hope.
Now he is playing chess with Sean. Go figure? Sean took his thing, it is Sean's fault, the only thing Jo did was not hear well (twice)......Dad, will you play chess with me?
Saw Jay and Faith TenBrink last night. It was good to see them and their kids. They are so big now!!! We hope to see them again soon.
Off to church for us. I have a friend who is not going because he's upset with God. Things are not going his way. It is the opposite for me! I go to church sobbing, life falling apart, because I know I need GOD above all else. I feel like the agony, tears, waiting and heartbreak of the last month are coming to good fruit now. Stuff with Jo is hopeful. Sean has realized some things and made drastic changes to how he lives around here. I've learned a lot recently. GOD is so goooooood!
Thursday, September 25, 2008 - mature and complete
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Well, we are still persevering. Jo is doing better, but still hates school. Well, he hates home, too, so what can you do with that?
Our marriage is really getting hit right now. GOD has good things for us, but it is a FIGHT against the old man and the sin that lives in us. What a battle to kick out that sin! Rejection has been rampant in our homes as children, and we have passed these things on to our kids. To do the Word, we must accept and not reject. Accept ourselves and not project rejection on others (against them or against us).
So, the revelation is good, but the working it out is a battle. I pray this will be broken in my kids and they will be accepting of themselves and each other. We are working on accepting ourselves and the love God really does have for us.
In the mean time, the battle is real. It is painful. I must put my hope in God.....in things that are unseen, not what is seen.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 - FFFFFFD
Well, Jo's grades are not good. We got a report from the first two weeks. The good news is, he got a D. The bad news is that everything else was an F.
Missing assignments, stuff just not done right....ugh. We didn't realize he could re-do the work and get better credit for it. We'll be doing that from now on, in addition to his normal homework. We are trying to get an appointment with his teacher this week to see if we can work out some better systems.
Meanwhile, Violet and I are having a week off of normal homeschool. Monday was uneventful, today we were at the learning center (school) all day....but the rest of the week there will be lots of time to work on her sewing project or goof off. :) Of course, I have to get back to it and schedule the next session of school for her before Monday......
Sean hasn't been doing well with the Jo thing lately. With me, I struggled with guilt, failure, despair, etc. I have worked through a lot of it, but it has been tough. For Sean, it didn't really hit him until last week. So these things with Jo and school this week have been tough on Sean. He has to struggle through the feelings of failure and guilt, feelings of inadequacy. These particular issues have been tough in our marriage since day 1. He has come a LONG way in dealing with them, and this is but another installment. Life in the Lanahan house has been hard. Nevertheless, God is good.
Monday, September 15, 2008 - titles are the toughest part of blogging.
The Great Wolf Lodge was a lot of fun!! Yahooo!! We were there Thursday and Friday. It was nice!
There was a pretty freaky waterslide. I had no idea what to expect when we went down it! The kids went without us, then were hollering and telling us all about it. We thought they exaggerated....but in reality it was pretty big! I hear there's a youtube video of it.
We went down on a 4-person tube. Gently curving, going down, THEN a BIG dropoff! We ended up in a bowl/funnel like place. After the drop, we went up the other side, then the other side, then again until we went down the shute to the end. Quite fun!
So now it is back to the grind. Jo has homework tonight and is still working on it (5:10 and not close). I don't like the quality of work they are accepting from him, and honestly his grades STINK. He got a 29 on a paper he brought home today. SIGH. Don't know what to do about these things. Still praying, still working.
Violet is starting a sewing project. It is a dress. It will be very pretty when she is done. I hope it comes out well.
Sunday, September 7, 2008 - Sunny Sunday
What a beautiful Sunday it has been here today! We went to church, then went up to "the lot" at Lake Tyee to visit my folks and cousins. We had a wonderful BBQ lunch and did lots of hanging out. The kids got to swim in the pool and play in the fire. It was nice!
Praise God, He is so very faithful. He has shown me my doubts, guilt, unbelief and despair that I have been hanging out with this week. That is not from God! I am once again turning away from the darkness and choosing to believe all that Jesus said is true. The Lord is able to keep us from falling when we lean upon Him. God is so good to lift me out of the pit. Perspective is so nice. This life is but a breath, and then we will be in heaven forever. Not that it makes my responsibility here any different, but the perspective is so much broader and God-centered. Like a breath of fresh air in a very stale house.
So, we shall see how school goes with Jo next week. Violet starts her school on Tuesday, and I'm still trying to figure the schedule things out. It will all work out.
Thursday and Friday we are going to the Great Wolf Lodge. That should be FUN! We got a discount through the First Class Co-op.
The following Thursday we are starting another home group at our house. We will be using the materials "True Faced." I don't know a lot about it, but from what I gather it is about knowing who God says we are and living in the "room of grace." WOW, I want to live in that room!!!
Saturday, September 6, 2008 - Happy Saturday!
So, it is Saturday. Week 1 of public school survived. Things could be better with the work he is bringing home, but I am kind of out of that loop now. His writing is TERRIBLE. We have worked all summer on that and it was looking rather nice. But now, there is no accountability, and sometimes no time. He just has to scrawl something down as fast as he can (assignments).
Violet is doing well and looking forward to school at the Skagit Family Learning Center on Tuesday. That was Jo's biggest disappointment about public school is missing Tuesday school. :(
I'm OK. Not adjusting well to only teaching Violet. Feeling a little useless..... Thinking about a lot of things. Have I been holding too tightly to Jo? Should Violet go to public school next year? AND if she does, can I still blog at homeschool blogger??!
Friday, September 5, 2008 - Friday Morning
Wednesday night we prayed with Jo following A More Excellent Way. Thursday the report from the teacher was that he had a great day, and whatever we were doing to keep it up! PRAISE GOD.
School is weird and lonely at home with just Violet. If she goes off to public school, I have no idea what I would do all day. The ladies at school were going golfing....!
So we prayed again last night, and we are hoping today goes well also. Thanks all for your prayers.
Cheryl
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 - not good.
Day TWO and the teacher and principal are suggesting meds for Jo (in the kindest possible way).
I'm not surprised, but I had hoped it would take longer than two days.
They suggest that he is set up for failure with what he is bringing to the class if he doesn't get some help. So we are now looking for help.
Please pray for Sean as he seeks the Lord on how to lead our family. Do we go for ministry? Medication? Counseling? Where is God leading us?
Crying again,
Cheryl
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 - Day two!
Well, things are good here. I seem to have left off the crying for the most part! Jo isn't sure he likes school yet, and he is still VERY disappointed about not getting to do "Tuesday School" at the Skagit Family Learning Center, but I think it went OK.
I am going to see his teacher today after school and show her the work he has been doing. She seems really wonderful (from all I have heard) and I look forward to meeting her.
Thanks to those of you who have been praying for us. :)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008 - First day of school
12:30 on the first day of school. Sean took him in at 7:30 to get him all signed up. I would have cried my way through it all, so it was so nice that Sean could do that for me.
I had NO trouble letting my kids go to kindergarten or, for Violet, first grade. I missed them some, but I wasn't beside myself, sad, crying.....
Not so this time!! I have been crying all day. Violet and I sat down to do school.....oh, there's Jo's pencils. He won't be needing them here today. Here's his bookmark in the spelling book. Here's his assignment book. We sat to do History, he isn't here with us. There's his toys in the kitchen, toy gun on the school shelf. Honestly, you would think somebody died around here. There is a huge hole in my heart.
I know it will all be fine. It will all work out. He will be better off in school than home fighting with me. Perhaps some of it is the lingering feelings of failure. Some of it is just plain grief. Things have not turned out how I had hoped and expected on SO MANY levels. Much more than school, I cry for my child's heart. It all has just come to a head this week. I am grieving and crying. Plus, it has been rather sudden. Friday we wrap up week four of our homeschool this year, and Tuesday he's in public school.
So, I have the cookie dough ready. I'll go get him in just 2-1/2 hours and have homemade cookies waiting for my boy.
Violet is done with school already today. She says she'd still rather homeschool. :)
Monday, September 1, 2008 - Back on the roller coaster.
Here is a note I wrote to an aquaintance. She saw me struggling at church and emailed to see if she could pray. Here is my response to her:
Thursday, August 28, 2008 - Rainy August
WOW, the weather is BLAH around here! It is the last week of August, and it has been dreary and rainy. This morning as I look out it is all gray and drizzly. I have to kick up the spiritual warfare in weeks like this!
School is going OK. Jo has done so much better this year than in years past. Our parenting has changed as he has gotten older, and things in general are much better. He is putting forth effort in school as well, which was a concern of mine. Praise God!
Violet is also doing well in school. She is the first born, do what she's told, kind of kid. She is able to manage her time very well by herself. She is definitely a tween, though! Sometimes the piercing looks I get from her.....! We started doing art lessons here (after taking a year off) and I am so happy about it. They are nothing fancy, but she is drawing again daily, and I think that is good for her.
Sean is working, which is nice. It has been pretty steady lately. He's been SUCH a big help with school this year, daily checking some of their work. It gives meaning and validity to the kids' work they have done all day....and mine, too!
Sometimes I am feeling quite BORED. Busy, yes, but bored none the less. Feeling a little trapped and without vision. Do school. For 8 more years. I am too busy to really take on more, yet what I am doing leaves me feeling a little....bored. Blah. Same old depression issues? Maybe. Lack of faith? Maybe, however life with God is really good for me right now. He's shown me some things and I see His working in my life. I spend time with Him and read the Word daily. I have been devouring the Word lately. I kind of feel like I'm in the "keep on keepin' on" mode of life.
Sunday, August 17, 2008 - School is IN
We just finished week two of school. YAY! It is going QUITE well this year, praise GOD. The kids are more independent in their studies, which is nice. The biggest change is that Sean grades some of their work when he gets home. It has been really cool. He does such a great job. The kids love that he has interest in their schoolwork, especially Jo. It has taken a LOT of pressure off me. I am no longer the end-all of this school, Sean is. Jo isn't pushing me on stuff he did last year, and I think it is because he knows he will have to answer to Dad for his lazy schoolwork. :)
Yikes, must go clean the cat box!!
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Sunday, August 17, 2008 - I'm baaaaaaaaaack....
Done with Multiply. I liked it, but people had to sign up to read it, so I'm back.
I won't bother trying to catch up this blog. :)
....
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - multiply
I think I'm going to work on moving this blog.
Please come see me at http://lanahan95.multiply.com !!
I like that I can put video on this site....we take lots of video. Plus according to the info page I can put as much stuff on their server as I want for free. So who knows, maybe it won't be around for long!!!!
Cheryl
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Wednesday, February 21, 2007 - EmptyTombGear.com is now open for business!
Well, he did it! He opened his internet doors on Monday! www.emptytombgear.com is Sean's new business. This is week one, and some of his friends have been waiting for him to open up! He's got orders coming in already. We really hope the word spreads and things start booming! It is all God's.
Things here are OK. I've been a bit anxious and stressed. Still working with my doc on the meds. Blah.
Jo is doing better. He and his counselor are talking about strategies for him to learn from his experiences. The good ones, learn to repeat what got him there! The BAD ones....learn what NOT to do to go back there. The overall progress is in the direction of improvement. Praise God!!!
Violet is 9. She's been quite dramatic lately! I'm sure some of it has to do with my tension. She's made a couple of new friends at her new school and I am so thankful for that.
Well, tell your friends! Tell your neighbors! Tell your dog! www.emptytombgear.com is now open for business!
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - Happy Valentine's Day!!
WOW! Sean and I have been married 12 years! We're enjoying our 4th happy year.....this is even two in a row! Anyone who hasn't seen Emerson Eggerich's Love and Respect videos, I HIGHLY recommend them!
Jo has been in counseling about a month now? Things got worse and worse and worse....and I hope we have turned a corner because they just started getting better. I tell you we have had to lay down the law. NO wavering, NO discussion. He lost his video game privileges (getting up in the night and sneak-playing) for a while, so his consequences became chores. He liked them! He felt useful! So we had to come up with a new plan. We bought a ton of easter eggs from the dollar store. We put weighted laundry baskets about 30 feet apart. His consequence became "move eggs." He didn't hate it at first....but then he did!
As my friend said, "at least he moves the eggs." No kidding. The next step would have been to remove everything from his room but his bed and clothes. I tell you it has been HARD. But I think we might be getting through. I know where he gets his stubbornness -- from me! It is a good thing I am so stubborn, or he would be ruling the house right about now!
Sean's website is going to be up and running any day now. He is SO excited....I am freaked out! What if he gets slammed with orders?? How will he fill them all in the time frame he wants? God's deal!
Violet is doing well. I talk about Jo a lot, but my Violet is doing just fine. She is a bit lonely. I need to make some playdates for her.
Depression/Anxiety: I've been working with my doc the last couple of months on my meds, and things are so much better! I'm on Celexa 30mg and have been for the last three weeks. Praise God!
If anyone is reading this, drop me a line!
Cheryl lanahan95@hotmail.com
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Friday, January 26, 2007 - What's in a title?
OK, I hate giving my entries titles. Every title would be "update" or "useless rambling!"
I'm almost ready to hang some of the kitchen cabinets. Then they get their last two coats of paint (different colors, of course!). I don't work on it unless Anne comes over, so it is slow. But that's fine with me, obviously, or I would work on it more!
Anne might be moving away, that's a bummer for me, but I know their family is in God's hands. I will miss her and their fam terribly....but I'm in His hands, too. He will take care of us both.
I'm trying to homeschool, prepare taxes (self-employed no less), create a website for Sean, take kids on playdates, have family time together (go-cart and pottery wheel time) and have a family over for the first time. All this weekend. I don't think it will all happen! Plus Sean is gone all of Fri and Sat. As long as I don't blow it ALL off and play video games, it will be ok. :)
Video games....I'm playing Lego Star Wars II, the Original Trilogy right now. It is SO fun! I mean, we've got Star Wars -- FUN! LEGO Star Wars, DOUBLE FUN! Put it all in a video game, and we're borderline bliss. Plus they do little lego video clips of the movies....lego-ized and spoofed. They can be really funny.
Jo's counseling is going very well. No dramatic changes, but some good tools for him and I. He's trying to learn where the train is going before he gets on it. A challenge for us all! Thinking ahead.....
Our frist semester of the Skagit Family Learning Center is now over. We've gotten into the groove, and now that the kids are in the writing class I really like it. They are liking it, too. Violet is making some friends, which is so good. But it is hard to believe the school year is half over! Of course, not for us.....we will school this summer....but I still plan around the school year. I've now been homeschooling for 1 and a half years! Seems like FOREVER......
Someone shoot me an email or post a comment please.....I'm feeling lonely in cyberspace!
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