I just finished reading Gavin de Becker's books The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift, and I have to say... Wow!  De Becker is a well-known violence prevention expert - the guy who designed the threat-assessment systems that protect many politicians, celebrities, universities, and corporations.  He also understands violence on a deeply personal level.  As he says (in the context of recounting stories about his childhood), "Predicting violence was my calling long before it was my profession."  In The Gift of Fear, his point is basically that human violence is usually predictable, and if we learn to listen to our intuition (which is actually a well-designed survival system) we can very often avoid and/or prevent it.  If when the elevator door opens, the man already inside gives you "the creeps", for example, there is a reason you are getting that signal, even if you can't rationally explain it, and thus it might be best to simply wait for the next elevator, even at the risk of appearing rude (a cardinal sin for women in our culture.)

He also argues that  worry, anxiety, and unfounded fear can drown out the important survival signal of true fear, and thus actually make you less safe.  As he puts it, "The very fact that you are worrying about something means that it is NOT happening."  (If it were happening right now, you would be reacting to it, not worrying about it!)  This is a very key point in the second book, Protecting the Gift, which is written for parents on the subject of child safety.  When parents spend a lot of time and energy worring about very remote dangers (stranger kidnapping, for instance), they can easily miss the dangers that are far more likely (molestation by a family friend, for instance).  Mr. De Becker discusses at length the specific manipulative strategies used by predators of all types, as well as how to respond when someone is trying to apply them to you or to one of your kids.  There are also specific chapters on safety issues concerning teens, and how to equip your children to better protect themselves.

Although they were both very well done, I actually liked this book better than the first.  Although the tales of stalkers, abusive husbands, etc. in the first book were insightful and interesting, those things are pretty far removed from my personal experience.  The discussion of issues related to the safety of my children, however, has immediate relevance, and from beginning to end Mr. de Becker had my complete attention.  I highly recommend this book for every parent (or anyone else who spends a lot of time around children.)  I would also recommend The Gift of Fear for everyone else, especially for young women.  I was able to find both of them at the public library.  The other day I checked out his third book, Fear Less, which was written in the wake of 9-11.  I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say about modern terrorism...