Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

It's rare that I go to the store and qualify for the "Express" lane. I usually have an overflowing grocery cart. Recently I had one of those rare occasions when I had only a few items and I ventured through the self-check-out lane. Wow, what an experience.

As many of you mommas can relate, I usually have my children with me. Going through the self-checkout with children is challenging. Going through the self-checkout with SIX children is a battle! One decided to walk away. One decided to sit in the bagging area and the computer nearly flipped about the "unexpected item in bagging area." One daughter sat on the floor in an unlady-like position while wearing a skirt and caused the cashier to scold me for allowing her to sit that way. (She was behind me. I hadn't noticed because I was trying to convince the computer I wasn't sneaking merchandise into my bags without scanning it first!) Then there are the light items that you scan but they don't seem to register when you place them in your bag. And there always seems to be some problem that requires the cashier's assistance anyway. Really? Is it worth it?

Just venting,

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

Before I get into this topic, I would like to emphasize the importance of properly training our children. When an adult begins a new job, he enters a training period in which he learns how to do his job correctly. His boss or another proficient employee explains what he is required to do, shows him how to use the tools of the trade (from hammers to computers), and walks him through the tasks he will complete on a regular basis. We cannot expect our children to be thorough or effective at any task unless we first take the time to patiently teach them how to perform it.

Our role as parents is to train our children for life. This is a huge job. There is a lot to be learned. Many things can be taught as principles, however, that can be applied to many facets of life. One principle is that of thoroughness.

How is thoroughness taught? First we train our children how to do simple chores around the house, like making a bed. We show them how to do the task when they are reasonably old enough to complete it. Then we give them lots of grace while they practice this job every morning, not fussing over the lumps in the blanket or the off-centered pillow, but praising their efforts. In time they should get better and better at this job until they are able to do it nearly perfect.

There are times that a child will show a tendency toward laziness or rebelliousness when doing this task. After having been properly trained and given sufficient practice, a child may continually have a poorly made bed. This is an opportunity to teach an important life principle -- that of thoroughness -- and correct a character flaw before it costs him dearly as an adult.

If you go in to check that the job was done and you find it done poorly, the logical consequence is to have the child do it again -- correctly. If the poorly made bed has become a chronic issue, then a creative consequence must follow. In this case, the child may be given "bed duty" in which he/she has the job of making ALL the beds in the house for a week or until he/she is able to make the bed correctly, whichever comes later. This repitition not only gives practice in getting the task done, but drives home the point that a job is to be done -- and done well -- in a way that no other punishment or consequence can.

Another creative consequence to help children do a thorough job is to assign a "foreman." When one of my children was required to sweep under the dining room table after meals, I found her missing a lot of food on a continual basis, even after having her come back and do the job again. So I assigned her older brother to be her "foreman." He followed her around as she swept and told her "You missed a spot" every time she missed a chunk of food on the floor. This drove her crazy. :-) I've never had to ask her to come back and re-sweep since! Of course, when the tables were turned, she was thrilled. When that same brother did a poor job wiping off the table and chairs after a meal, she was assigned foreman over him. He is now a very thorough wiper-upper!

Occasionally explaining to the children how important thoroughness is in real-life situations may help them understand why you expect so much out of their chores. It's not about lumps in the blankets or crumbs on the floor. It's about a job well-done. It's about being a person that your boss or spouse and children can depend on. It's about representing the character of Christ to a lost and dying world. And it's about pleasing our Lord.

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' " Matthew 25:21 NIV

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

This is a phrase I heard a lot last year. Truly, last year was very trying. I was raising 6 young children --  ages 10 and under -- without my husband who was away on military orders. I was dealing with cancer, surgery, radiation, and a few other health issues. I was homeschooling and running our household alone. Many of you are also facing difficult circumstances right now. I'd like to share just how I did it so it may encourage you where you are.

First and foremost, I learned to rely on Jesus my Christ in new and deeper ways. FROG -- Fully Rely On God. Nice token phrase, right? But what does that mean, practically speaking? It means praying a lot. Not necessarily a formal, scheduled devotion time. Although this is a good thing, it wasn't always practical for me. I discovered the meaning of I Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing." I prayed all day long. Not continuously but continually. I prayed for strength. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for help. Sometimes I didn't know what to pray, so I just said, "Jesus." This continual recognition of Who my source was carried me through when I had no strength left. I also read my Bible asking the Lord for insights for my specific situations. He always provided. And I journaled. I recorded what was happening in my life, what I was praying, what I was reading in the Bible, what revelations the Lord was giving me. Often, just re-reading my prayer journal was enough to encourage me for a new day.

Secondly, I learned to take things one moment at a time. Really. I learned that I can only do what's in front of me right now. Focusing on one thing at a time, and doing my best on that one thing, kept me from feeling overwhelmed with everything else that was on my figurative plate.

Thirdly, I let my house go. As much as it pained me to have a "dirty" house, I had to come to terms with the fact that I could only do so much. My older children had regular chores and I cleaned A LOT as well, but we just couldn't keep up with everything. This meant that things were dusty. Floors needed to be mopped. There was always a pile of laundry to be washed and another pile of laundry to be folded and put away. I rarely went to bed with an empty sink. (We did not have a dishwasher, so everything had to be hand-washed which takes a lot longer.) Clutter piled up here and there. It wasn't very pleasant, but I quit beating myself up mentally over it.

Finally, I learned to ask for help. This was very humbling for me because I am a task-oriented, self-sufficient person. I did not like to admit I was in over my head. I did not like to ask people to come to my house and see my inadequacies. But I truly needed other people more than ever before. My parents and my husband's parents were incredibly helpful. I couldn't have made it through without the help they provided. Others that helped were other family members, church members, families from our homeschool support group, friends and neighbors. Essentially, I made myself vulnerable to everyone I knew. But it paid off. The Lord used them all to meet our needs. Some people helped only once, some people helped out on a weekly basis. What mattered was not who did what or how often but how God met our needs through the serving hands of others throughout the year.

This year we have been re-united with my husband. I'm having semi-regular devotions in the morning. I'm keeping up with my housework. Our homeschooling is going very well. My health is greatly improved with no signs of cancer. And I am making many healthful changes in our lifestyle. I've learned so many things, especially spiritual lessons. I wouldn't trade last year for anything. It was worth it all because I wouldn't be where I am today without it. I thank God for loving me enough to grow me.

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

I had a complete thyroidectomy last Friday. Prior to surgery, my endocrinologist told me I had papillary cancer, the most curable form of the disease. My CTscan showed the cancer to be isolated in my thyroid, no spread inside my neck or to the lymph nodes. After surgery, my surgeon said this still appeared to be the case. The entire thyroid and both tumors were removed. Next step is a full-body scan to find any radical thyroid tissue which has the potential to become cancerous. If it exists, I will receive radiation to kill it. Survival rate is excellent.

Yesterday, I received a phone call from my endocrinologist's office. "The pathology report is back and he needs to see you right away." I've never had cancer before, but I've always heard that this type of phone call means bad news. I was sure pathology had shown that I had a worse form of cancer. Suddenly every ache and pain in my body became cancer in my mind. Last night was a long night (to be numbered among many long nights in the last few weeks).

When you're facing cancer, and maybe even death, straight in the face you're whole view of the world changes. Drastically. Many of the things that I used to think were important suddenly no longer are. My only priorities have been talking to the Lord, spending time with my family, and trying to sleep when I can't handle my reality any more. The worst part about sleeping is waking up and realizing that cancer is still my reality.

Another thing that happens is that you begin to evaluate what you've done with your life. Of course, there are a lot of things that I would still like to do. I'm only 35. I have a super husband and 6 gorgeous children, the youngest is only 9-months-old. Things I still want to do are reluctantly surrendered. But things I have already done become scrutinized. Have I pleased the Lord with my life? Really? Have I been a good wife? Really? Have I been a good mom? Really? How have I treated other people in my life who have faced cancer or other diseases? It's hard to realize some very big mistakes and wonder if I'll even have time to make them right.

Without getting into a lot of personal details, my life evaluation has led me to repent of some things before my God, my husband, and my children. It has also made me realize that I have been so scared of cancer that I have avoided other people in my life who have had it. I'm ashamed. And yet I'm forgiven.

Today I saw the endocrinologist. He said pathology showed that I indeed had papillary cancer, there was no spread of the cells inside my neck, and we have scheduled a full-body scan in a few weeks. For now, that's all really good news! Praise God!

I feel like I've been given a new lease on life. Lord willing, I just may have some time left to make up for my mistakes. My life looks very different today than it did just a month ago. My husband and I have made some decisions that have essentially turned our world upside down -- or is it right-side up now? Our "plans" have changed, my priorities have changed, my faith has changed. I'm eating humble pie, and it has never tasted so good!

~ Layla

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

I went grocery shopping yesterday. My mom offered to watch my children, so I just had the baby with me. She slept through most of the trip, waking just before I got in line to check out. While waiting in line, she started to get a little fussy so I began to play peek-a-boo with her trying to keep her content in her carseat for just a few more minutes.

I happened to notice the young lady in line next to me kept glancing over at us. She didn't look trashy at all, but "trendy" -- what my hubby and I refer to as "high-maintenance." She had perfect make-up, perfect hair, perfect body, tailored leather coat, a skirt just-a-bit too short, and stiletto boots up to her knees. I went through the check out and didn't think much more of the young gal next door.

When I got to my van, I realized she had left the store just in front on me. She went to her shiny sports car across the aisle and loaded her 1 bag of groceries into her immaculately clean trunk. I put the baby in the van, popped open the hatch, and began to load my 20 bags of groceries into the back end. I was piling them on top of a muddy stroller, a pair of patent-leather shoes -- size 6, and a bookbag full of coloring books and crayons. My groceries were a bit wobbly in their precarious perches. My van was a bit grungy from the muddy stroller. I was a bit frumpy in my sweats. I watched as the booted lady drove away in her perfect, shiny car and I prayed that she, too, will have children someday. Lots of them! Because I honestly felt no envy toward her but wished she could have what I have!

It's so backwards in our society. She was the epitome of female success; yet, I wouldn't trade my muddy van for any fancy car on this planet. I am so blessed to be where I am. At the end of my life, I will never regret having a body that's a little stretched out from carrying babies. I believe I will be completely fulfilled from spending my days pouring myself into my precious little ones. There is no higher calling than raising up a generation for the Lord. I am humbled and ever-grateful to be a Momma! Thank you Jesus.

~Layla

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

Can a child have Tourette Syndrome if he doesn't know any profane words? Just wondering, 'cause every now and then, and especially when he's upset about something, my 3yo son will yell out "Bad word! Bad word!" Since we do not swear in our home, he hasn't been equipped with any truly bad words. Kind of silly.... Kind of curious....

~Layla

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

We were planning to move to another state this year because of my husband's committment to the Army. Instead, we are staying "home" while he temporarily moves without us. This will leave a lot more responsibilities on my shoulders. The only way it's all going to get done is if I can delegate some things. I decided my 2 eldest children are plenty old enough to handle a few more responsibilities around the house and my 4yo can pick up a few minor chores as well. I also put out a call for help with our family and church friends. Then I sat down this past weekend with my Managers of Their Homes book and CD and set about revamping our schedule in order to make it all happen. Wow, do I have a pretty schedule on my wall !!!! I scheduled each day of the week since the weekend days are so different from Mon - Thu. I typed it out in a spreadsheet, color-coded even, and posted it in our hallway. If implemented as it stands, I would have absolutely no problem keeping up with it all. But there is a reality that no schedule can incorporate. That reality is called "life."

The night before I implemented the new schedule, two of my children took turns waking up through the night and couldn't settle down. This is rare. So Monday morning came and I slept in. No biggy, we could just jump in right where we were and do our best to keep going. The rest of the morning went fairly well. I sat down with Luke and Lucy and briefly explained the new schedule, why things were changing, and what their new responsibilities were. One of the big changes was cutting back on tv time because its a big waste of time. They didn't even complain. In fact, Luke said, "Good, because I was going to suggest that." I was thinking, "Awesome kids!"

I made lunch only 1/2-hour off-schedule. I got hubby out the door for work while Luke and Lucy were washing lunch dishes. I went in to make my bed since I didn't get that done in the morning and Liam came back in the house because he forgot something (incidentally, this happens almost every day). I kissed him goodbye again, lifted my blanket off the floor to spread over my bed and called out, "Who pooped?" (This also happens every day because we have 3 in diapers. ) Then I realized that wasn't human doo-doo I was smelling. I knew instantly what had happened. I quickly followed the trail from my blanket to the bedroom carpeting, to the hallway, on out to the front door. And just to confirm it, Liam opened the door again and said, "Honey, I'm sorry. I stepped in something outside --"  "-- and you tracked it in." I finished for him. "I know. I already figured it out. It's all right. I'm on it." Of course, this is when the little ones start having problems as well, so I say, "Hey, let's put on a movie while Mommy cleans the floor." And Lucy yells out from the kitchen, "You said we weren't going to watch lunch movies anymore." And the point is: There was no poo-poo accident on my schedule! That's life for ya.

Then I discovered that my pretty schedule was making a HUGE assumption. That haughty little thing actually expects my children to complete a task within a designated amount of time. Yeah, no kidding. And guess what else? If they run over time, it throws off the whole rest of the day. Ha! Like when I asked Lucy to wipe off the table. Ten minutes later, my little perfectionist is still wiping away. "But honey," I gently explained, "I've only scheduled 30 minutes for wiping the table and washing the dishes. If you spend half of that time wiping the table, you'll never get the dishes done in time." "Why not?" she asked genuinely. *sigh*

Oh well, we'll keep trucking along. Some of the things on our schedule will eventually become habit, some of them will get tweaked out. And we'll continue to bounce in and out of the schedule, loving life and all of its unexpected changes.

~Layla

P.S. Just for the record, this post is in no way intended to knock Teri Maxwell or her book Managers of Their Homes. In fact, I highly recommend it. She even speaks about "blessed interruptions." Just want to clarify that since I sited her title. *grin*

Posted on this category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

Several years ago we belonged to a small church and had 3 children. At the time I felt a conviction to keep our children in church with us. I felt it was important that they learn to reverence the house of God and learn to worship the Lord by the example of their parents. How are they going to learn these things if they are never in a service, but always tucked away in a Sunday School classroom? For about 2 years, we kept our children in service with us. They behaved very well. Our pastor didn't understand our decision, but we did what we felt was best for our family.

After a time, that small church "dissolved" and we began the search for a new home church. When we chose a much larger and rapidly growing church, my husband made the decision to put the children back into the Sunday School program. The program is well-organized and we have been pleased with it for a time. But I have been disappointed to find out that my older 2 children have forgotten how to behave in a church service. And my younger 3 (who have been in classrooms since they each turned 1) don't know what a church service is.

A few weeks ago, I was told that my 3-year-old shouldn't be in the 3-year-old class because he is not potty-trained yet. This, along with a few other issues, have been the impetus to bring our children back to church with us. But I can't do this overnight. I have had to start church training at home. Here is what we do:

At 10:30 in the morning, a local pastor is on the radio teaching for a 15 minute segment. At 10:25 or so, I sit all 5 of my children on the couch with me. I give each of the youngest 4 a coloring book and a few crayons. I give my 9yo son a notebook and a pen. I tell them we are having church practice. I explain that we don't talk when "Pastor" is talking or praying. We need to be quiet in church. I ask my oldest son to take notes and tell the youngers that they can color, but they must be quiet. I try to take notes as well (for example's sake), although so far I've had to spend most of my time training. When someone talks, I say, "Shhh. Church." My 2yo always repeats loudly "Church!" The older 2 are doing well. The younger 3 will take some time. But we're working on it. I will be pleased when I can take them all back into the service again. We'll be together as a family as we should be.

~Layla