Posted on my category page: Married to the Best Man Alive

I need to start this entry on a tangeant  and give my Daddy credit for the phrasing I'm using. My Dad has a way with words like no one else I know. Often, he provides comic relief in otherwise stressful situations just by his use of the English language.

So a few weeks ago after I got my cancer diagnosis, I was talking to him on the phone. I was about 24-hours into the process and I told my dad, "I'm scared because I don't feel God." He said, "Sweety, you're  in shock. It's like you've got airbags on." It was so true. At that point, the only thing I had cried about was having to wean my daughter. Once I realized this, the floodgates opened up and I bawled on the phone to him. It felt so good to just *feel.*

Now to my topic. As a military wife, I've had to learn to "disconnect" from my husband to a certain degree because of the traveling he is required to do. When he leaves, we have to carry on. Homeschooling, doctor's appointments, oil changes, illnesses, play dates, everything about our daily lives must go on. In order to function, I cannot *feel* what my heart longs to feel. I have to have a tough skin. I have to be extra-strong. I have to be somewhat independent. And I thought I was doing okay.

Enter a scary medical crisis and a deeper need for my spouse than I've ever experienced. My knight in shining armour came home to care for me and my children. I was so humbled, grateful, and deeper in love than ever before. It was so good to have him home.

And then he had to leave again. I spent 2 days sobbing. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. How can I do this again? How can life go on without him? How can I sleep alone every night? It hurts terribly. I didn't want to disconnect from him. I want to be with him. But I can't. My sister-in-law said it was like I had to build a wall around my heart and I agreed with her. That's what it was like before he came home.

But it can't be that way anymore. A wall is too solid, too permanent. Walls don't allow any feeling at all. Now I have air bags around my heart. They're protecting me from hurting too much while he's away. but my heart still feels. I can still put on his deodorant and his t-shirt and cry into my pillow at night when I'm missing him. I can sit in the doctor's office alone, remembering him sitting on the chair next to me just 2 weeks ago, and shed a few tears. But I can also safely navigate through the daily-ness of life because of my airbags.

Lord willing, our family will be together again sometime next year. Prayerfully, sooner rather than later. Until then, I'll rely on God and my airbags to get me through.

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Married to the Best Man Alive

My husband is an Army Reservist. As we have discovered, there's no such thing as "one weekend a month/ 2 weeks during the summer" in the Reserves any more. He was away from us about 5 months total in 2007. All of this was for training and spread out over the course of the year. Being pregnant for most of that, then having a newborn at the tail end of it, I found this year to be rather challenging. During his last stint, I was in tears anxious for him to come home. I understand it could have been much harder. Many dear sisters have hubbies deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan for a year or more. But for us, this is still pretty new and difficult for me with so many little ones at home.

When Liam came home at the end of November, he was laid off from his civilian job. We have seen this as an incredible blessing. Although it's tight financially for the short term, we feel the Lord has blessed us with some precious family time after such a trying year. We've been able to regroup and unwind. I am so glad to have my hubby home! I have missed him tremendously.

We have another challenging year ahead, but I know the Lord will get us through. When Liam decided to re-enlist after 10 years out of the service, the Lord gave me a scripture:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~Philippians 4:13 KJV

It is so true. I'm learning to draw my strength from Him, rather than trying to muster it up from inside myself. I've learned that I run out of strength, but Jesus does not. The Lord gave us this year to teach us more about ourselves and about Himself. And at the end, he blessed us with a sweet gift -- time together. I pray my husband and I continue to grow stronger in faith, closer to one another, and more dependent on our Lord in 2008.

~Layla

Posted on my category page: Married to the Best Man Alive

My husband has a "bad" habit of leaving things in his pockets when he puts his clothing in the dirty laundry.  Early in our marriage this habit made me angry.  I felt he was being lazy and didn't respect my time.  I was forced to check every pocket of every article of clothing lest I should wash an ink pen and ruin everything in the load.  I have since repented of my attitude and accepted this "quirk" and the Lord has rewarded me.

The other day, as I emptied Dear Hubby's pockets, I pulled out a gum wrapper, a paper clip, and a check stub.  But it was the final pocket that made my day.  There was a toy utensil and a tiny pink sock.  As I held these things in my hand, I got tears in my eyes thinking about my Hubby being a Daddy.  A Daddy to 3 sweet boys and 2 darling girls.  And he's such a good Daddy, too!  I came upstairs to find him talking sweetly to our youngest daughter -- the owner of the tiny pink sock.  Thank you Lord, for my husband and the relationship he has with our children!  Thank you for the precious moments I glimpse throughout each day.  And thank you for the privilege of emptying my husband's pockets!

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Married to the Best Man Alive

I'm trying not to complain anymore.    It's a lot like going on a diet -- you don't realize how often you snack through the day until you are trying not to snack.  I never realized how often I complain. 

We haven't spent any time with Fred in 8 days because his schedule has kept him busy morning, noon, and night.  I am missing him terribly!  I bit my tongue so many times today when I wanted to complain.

I must overcome this bad habit by the grace of God for the good of our marriage and because I'm setting an example for my children.  Lord help me! 

Philippians 2:14-15 NKJV

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world....

Proverbs 21:9 NKJV

Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverbs 21:19 NKJV

Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.