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friendships
10:55 AM, Feb. 6, 2008
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Yesterday was a great day for my son. Our homeschool group sponsored a free "dunk and munch" time at one of our local pools. The group paid for the pool for an hour, and the adjoining community room so that anyone in the group who wanted could come and swim and visit for free. It was a really nice social outing, for moms and kids!!
The best part is that we brought along a friend for my son. Since he is an only, and has Asperger's, the whole social scene can sometimes be a bit bewildering to him. Large crowds can be overwhelming, and just "mingling" in with a bunch of kids really doesn't work for him. So this year I intentionally planned for him to have a friend come with us. This is a relatively new friend(within the last year) and the best part about it all, from my viewpoint, is that he is the oldest child in his family and one of his younger brothers has a few "issues" as well. So not only is he used to dealing with a special needs sort of personality, he is also really pleased to come to a home that is so much less chaotic than his own :-)
After lunch, the boys petitioned me to have this child back to our place for a continued playdate, to which I happily agreed. At the end of the afternoon, when we were driving him home, he asked if it would be okay to have our son go to youth group with him on Sunday evening. And my son wanted to go!!
Now, for those of you with "normal" children, this won't seem like a very big deal, but in my family, this was absolutely huge. Not only was my son wanting to go to an unknown place, for an unknown program involving unknown things(all of which are quite scary for him), but he has made such a connection with this boy that he was actually invited. That is the part that blew me away, because my son very rarely gets invited anywhere.
First of all, he has some very severe food allergies, which tends to make other moms nervous - as in, will he have a reaction while he is in my home? what can he actually eat? that sort of thing. But the main reason he doesn't get invited anywhere is because of all his "quirks". He is a very pleasant natured kid, except when you run into one of the areas that are difficult for him. Like dealing with small children(like there are many homeschooling families out there with no small children!!) or abrupt changes in plan(he has a very strong need to know what is happening, when it is happening, etc) or general unpredictability in a situation. When you trigger one of these areas, he responds fairly loudly and aggressively, although never physically - just shouting and the nastiest face you ever saw. But it can be pretty scary to watch a meltdown.
So he doesn't get invited places. I guess the biggest hurt to all of it is that his meltdowns just look like bad parenting, you know? The kind of hands on hips defiance that makes your blood boil. And it really all goes back to his inability to read social cues. But from the outside, it can look like a spoiled only child just getting upset because he isn't getting his way.
So yesterday was a stellar day - for him and for me! And it was one of those days that really caused me to count my blessings, because God is good enough to care about my child making and keeping a friend. No big deal for most kids, but a real answer to prayer for mine.
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