Well, I am no longer thinking about it. I am officially moving over to blogger. It's just easier to upload photos and publish. I have so little time to blog but enjoy it so much that I need something easy for me. And I think I will be able to do more with it as time goes along.
I am planning school out for this week. But I needed a mental break so I thought I would blog for a moment. Most of this will be just random thoughts.
1. Underdog and I are considering moving to a year round school model here at our home. I already do this to a small extent. Typically we start earlier in the summer and take a longer break during the holiday season. I am bothered by the fact that I don't have much time during the day to spend time with my pups. we do school all morning, take a break for lunch, and then read for Tapestry and Science in the afternoon. Once the little puppies get up, everyone is beat so they simply run off to play. I am beat so I sit down to veg. Before we know it's time for dinner and evening chores and I have had no eyeball time with any of my kids. As I have prayed about it this week the Lord has opened my eyes to the possibilities that year rounds school have for us. It would permit us to start spreading out our assignments through the week. That in turn would allow us the afternoon to pursue the things that interest us most. . .mainly my children. I wouldn't have to plan any review time at the beginning of our semesters. We could take a break when it's needed. I don't like summer anyway so we can just keep going and stay out of the heat and away from the pool. (I hate the pool. Too many children to watch and too much flesh from which to protect my boys eyes and heart.) If anyone is sick there is room to rest and not get behind. I still haven't figured out the logistics of it all. I am praying about it and seeking wisdom. We'll see where He leads me.
2. We have a field trip tomorrow. I am excited and not excited. We're going to the Dallas World Aquariam. It's an awesome place to go. I am dredding the drive to Downtown Dallas. I am dredding a field trip with a 2 month old. I assume it will work out just fine. It's always does.
3. I discovered facebook today. It's, well, um, different. I think I like being able to see where different people are now. But there is a part of me that doesn't like being found. I realize that I have the choice to be on it. I don't know how much I will participate. I am finding people that I had forgotten all about. We were friends years ago. Obviously not the kind of friends that kept up with each other. Now I am seeing some of them in a whole new light. It's interesting to see the church friends who are so much churched anymore. It's interesting to see how many children people have now and whether they are married or not. It's already given me new people to add to my prayer list. I tend to be obsessive at times about the internet. I just hope it doesn't suck me in again. The only reason I was on tonight is because I couldn't get Pinky Poo to go to sleep. Her naps were really thrown off today with church. (BTW, I've changed her nickname from Finale to PInky Poo.) I have been holding her most of the evening and bouncing her on my shoulder while I surfed. Even nursing her didn't work. . .so I just surfed the net.
4. I am considering changing my blog over to blogger.com. No particular reason. It's a little easier to post over there. Underdog is over there. I have always wanted to have a family website. It might be easier to do that if we were both on the same blog. i need update my blog with PInky Poo pictures anyway.
Well, I am done. I must go finish school planning and then figure out how I am going to get out the door on time tomorrow morning. Shouldn't be a problem. When my kids are motivated to be somewhere they beat me to the car. HA!!!!!
It always seems that the arrival of a new baby brings alot of sibling rivalry. Underdog and I have been talking alot of it recently. We are both wandering if perhaps we've set that up between them. For a long time we've set up our alone time with the children to include "special" things to do. It's not the simple reading a book or even just talking while you make a salad together. It's trips to Starbucks or Joann's with mommy. With the economy getting as bad as it is and Underdog venturing off in him own business we're having to cut back a lot. They aren't getting that much alone time anymore so we're having to rethink how to do this. It also means we have to retrain our children to understand that when we take 15 minutes to build a tower out of blocks that is good quality time. Truth be told, I miss the simple play that I used to do with my now older children. My two boys have brought back just how much fun that it especially when you get to knock the tower over. . . with your head (that would be K-heads ideas - he love using his head to bang into things.)
Today is supposed to be our co-op day but two of our morning classes aren't meeting so we've had some free time. I am working in my kitchen trying to close a few things down from last year (my Christmas inventory) and my children are scattered through our home. Two of them are outside on the trampoline. JB and K-head are jumping together. When I looked out a moment ago JB was on her back and Khead was sitting on top of her. Both were smiling at each other and laughing. I have been so weary with all the fighting. I pray alot these days. But that scene gave me hope for my children and their relationships. They are young. They are learning so much about Jesus but they are still young in their faith. Some do not yet have Christ as their Savior. Sanctification is often a slow process. And sometimes weariness can set in that they will never get it (sometimes I will never get it.) But I have great hope in the Lord that when they are all older, they will walk with Him and have strong relationships with their siblings as well.
What also struck me is just how good JB really is with her younger siblings. I took K-head to the dr yesterday because he's just got horrible eczema and I am at my whits end in finding the trigger point. I took him and Finale with me. . .alone. The last time I was alone with children that age was when JB was 2 yod. I realized just how much I depend on her help around here. She helps me change diapers on BOTH youger ones. She gets them into car seats. She entertains them when I am frantically trying to finish a job or deal with another discipline issue. She bakes our bread for us (with just a little help.) She does alot around here and I shamefully don't always recognize that in her. She growing to be quite a servant. I am very proud of her and need to be telling her that more often.
One other kuddos for her this week. I changed a few things up on Tuesday after our first day back to school didn't go so well. Basically, I set a timer for the amount of time I think it will take her to do a subject. If she's not finished with it at the end of that time she puts it away and finishes it during free time. Now don't get me wrong. I give her tons of time. This is to help her cut down on daydreaming and dawdling. She really stepped up to the plate on this one. There must be something about that timer hanging over her head that makes her concentrate. She even figured out that if she finishes early she can start another subject and possible finish before she ever has to start it. She gained alot of free time this week once she figured it out and acted on it. I saw her mature in this way. . .alot.
She will be 10 yod in May. She's still got lots of 9 left but I have learned that time flies much faster when you get older. She's growing up and I can't stop her. She's not my baby anymore. My only hope and prayer for her (outside of her salvation) is that she and I will have a strong relationship and friendship in the end. I crave that with all my girls. I pray most often to win her heart. She's certainly winning mine.
You'd think it's the middle of spring around here. After finally falling asleep last night, we had a thunderstorm hit. No biggie until the loudest clap of thunder I have ever heard. Ten minutes later we have a first in December. . . .TORNADO SIRENS!!!!!!!! My first words as I woke to this was "you've got to be joking me." Thankfully the storm was past us. When the whole city is under a warning everyone gets the sirens. Since there was no storm around us, Underdog and I (along with JB who I think flew out of bed. . .literally) turned on the news. Sure enough, there was rotate in a cell over our city but it had already past our home and there was nothing behind. We decided to go back to bed. Unfortunately, my adrenaline was already pumping so I could fall asleep again after that. The enemy sure does have an interesting way of keeping me from doing what I feel is most pleasing to my Savior. I have felt for months now that I needed to be going to bed early and rising early to spend time in the Word. Well, last night was the first night I got in bed before 10pm. Finale wouldn't fall asleep for nearly an hour (until Daddy turned out his light) and then we get this silly warning. Needless to say, it was kind of a rough night for me. Once Finale went to sleep she slept all night (much to my dismay as my body is still adjusting to nursing, URGH!!!!) I finally got up at 6:30am which is not what I intended at all. Oh well. There is grace and forgiveness for not getting up early this morning. But I sure looking forward to it.
(BTW, they haven't determined if we had tornadoes last night or not. There is a county nnorth of us that sustained pretty severe damage and people are waking up to not electricity this morning. They better hurry on that part though. We have a pretty significant cold front headed our way. It going to get cold and those people are going to need heat.)
My plans for today are continue cleaning my house. It's really hard to clean a house when you can't vacuum. I have two weeks to go until my 6 weeks post partum appointment. I can't wait. Then I will be released to vacuum my house. In the meantime, I am doing some major decluttering around here. I want to simplify this place and get it in top order before we start our second semester. We also have to make bread this morning. I need coffee!!!! LOL!!!!
We had such a wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday. We originally planned to spend that day with my mom and dad. But plans were made to go to my aunt and uncle's house which is over an hour away. Considering that I have a newborn, I just didn't want her to be around other people that might be sick. My mother was very gracious to allowed us room to bow out of the event to keep her home. I will get to see my extended family for Christmas. That should be fun. (The best part is that Ashley is, I believe, number 20 great grandchild for my grandparents. They are both still living. I can't wait for them to see her. I think my larger than average family is very intriguing to them.) So we stayed home.
I had a really bad attitude about my previous bedrest in October. But I finally figured out that God had a purpose for it. I discovered "30-minute Meals" with Rachel Ray on the Food Channel. Now that we have a DISH I can use the DVR nd record as many as I want. She had a "60-Minute Thanksgiving" special several weeks ago that I recorded. It looked so simple and easy. At least simple enough for someone that is VERY intimidated by cooking a whole Thanksgiving Meal. Usually Underdog cooks our big holiday dinners. But what Rachel did looked doable. So I went to look up the recipes online and watched the special at least 5 times so I knew exactly what to do.
Our Thanksgiving Menu included:
* Apple Cranberries cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting (I made these homemade using part of Kamut bread. I also made the apple filling from scratch and added dried cranberries. It was AWESOME!!!!! We had these for breakfast!)
* Sage Parsley Turkey breast
* Rustic Potatoes Au Gartin
* Green Bean Casserole (not Rachel's but a family fav)
* Apple Onion Stuffin' Muffins (de with homemade garlic toasted Kamut Bread - YUMMY!!!!)
* Homemade Cranberry Sauce
* Homemade Pumpkin Pie with homemade whipped cream
I made all of this from scratch yesterday in a little under 2 hours (except the pie and cranberry sauce. I made those the day before.) It wasn't the 60 minute Thanksgiving the Rachel did BUT I was limited because I didn't have as many pots NOR the experience that she has. hehehe!!!!
This was very exciting for me because up until recently I have really despised being in the kitchen. I don't have many kitchen skills except maybe browning ground beef (which I got really at when making those Hamburger Helper meals for my mom (bleech!!! My mom doesn't even eat them anymore. LOL!!!!) But watching Rachel Ray has given me the confidence to simply experiment and see what works and doesn't work. She cooks alot like I do. She rarely measures things out. For the few dinners I do make for my children (that isn't convenience foods) I cook alot like Ratatouille (from the Pixar movie.) LOL!!! A little of this and a pinch of that. I suppose that Rachel Ray makes it look easy. I am really enjoying watching her cook and learning some of her secrets.
Underdog told me yesterday that he's never really looked forward to eating a Thanksgiving meal in the past. But yesterday he was really excited. Schmoo and LBSK, who are both on a hunger strike right now, finished nearly everything on their plate yesterday. LBSK even finished off Schmoo's stuffin' muffin. He's making up for lost time. I didn't make enough for us to have many leftovers. I did that on purpose. I wanted to make sure it worked. Now that I know what I make is good I will make more at Christmas so we can have some yummy turkey leftovers and play around with something other the after turkey day sandwich, now known as the Dickens in our family. (Oh, I improvised alot with this meal. I didn't follow it all the way through)
Today will be fun. My mom invited us over for some soup. She asked if our family would eat soup and I had to be honest and tell her all but 2 of us will. LOL!!! The usual - Schmoo and LBSK!! (I am not a short order cook at home. But I refuse to torture other people with their quirkiness right now. . .at least my mom who feels bad when they go hungry.) The only soup they will eat is Mom's Creamy Tomato Soup. So I am going to cook dinner for my family and my parents tonight. I LOVE making tomatoe soup. My kids love it. I am also going to make grilled cheese sandwiches the old fashioned way (with butter and REAL cheese, of course) and try a few of my newly found secrets to cooking. There is still a part of me that really desires to please my parents so I hope they like it.
Oh, I forgot to add above. I made everything above using only the sweetner Agave Nectar. It was all so good. I have an Agave Nectar cook book. It's a good sweetner that my whole family can have and it won't feed Candida like everything else does. It's the only sweetner I cook with except for honey in my Kamut bread.
Long before I was ever born, it was written into one of God's books (so I imagine) that on November 11, 2008 at 11:24am, a deceptively large baby, 9lbs 12 oz to be exact (she doesn't look it), would be born into our family. She will be known as Finale on this blog as she is just that. . .The Finale.
I had been asking God throughout this pregnancy to either change my husbands heart about being done or to change mine. I wanted to be submissive to his desire to be finished with our family but I wrestled so much with many of the arguments I have seen against family planning and for allowing God to plan your family. I believe that God changed my heart though. The end of this pregnancy was not an easy one for any of us. I was unexpectantly put on bedrest. I had complications beyond just my liver backing up and causing me to itch. I was put on diet restrictions that were really, really hard to handle (especially when I was already an emotional wreck and extremely tired.) My body is, well, old. But I knew I would be done for good about half way through the labor. Here is my story.
We tried a couple of times before my due date to jump start labor. We tired it using a special herb formula. But I am firm believer in the idea that induction doesn't work unless the body is ready. And my body wasn't ready. As I finally came to realize and accept, it simply wasn't God's timing. I think I finally released her birthday into God's hands last Friday. That was the day after I took a immense amount of the herbs to start labor and had nothing happen.
As Sunday rolled around I had to drag myself to church. I love my church and I am finally beginning to realize that the people in this church love me. I find it so hard to let people love me. Like must pregnant women, I was reaching the end with the comments about how she hadn't arrived yet. I was beginning to feel like a watched pot that just wouldn't boil. HA!!!! But I got to church and had a great time. I prayed that morning that God would allow me to go into labor sometime that day but most importantly that I would go to church with my focus solely on Him. My worship time was great and I listened to a great sermon and was able to participate in the Lord's Supper that ended our series on the Atonement. Wow!!!!!
I came home and took a nap like always. I have been taking lots of naps hoping that I would wake up in active labor after resting. LOL!!!! Hope springs eternal. I woke up and found that my brother had come to visit. That was such a nice surprise. I noticed while we were talking that I was having contractions. I didn't want to pay attention to them so I ignored them. After he left I had this sudden feeling that we needed to go grocery shopping instead of saving it for Monday. I mostly needed to get out of the house. So we made our list and all filed into the car. Over the next 3 hours of shopping and driving around I managed to start labor. . .there were finally at 3-4 minutes when I called my midwife from Walmart. We agreed that I should go home and take more herbs and time them after the kids went to bed. i had a total of FIVE really hard contractions after getting home. . .then NOTHING!!!!! URGH!!!!! I wasn't too upset. My midwife called and I told her that I was just going to go to bed. I needed the rest rather than staying up and waiting.
I woke up the next morning rested but no contractions. I just simply and peacefully went through my day. It was my due date. LOL!!!! I was resting in the idea that God did not make me an elephant. They are pregnant for 2 years. YIKES!!!! My due date had come and I could see the end was near. I was healthy (having finally gotten my iron levels up and my liver cleaned out) and baby was healthy and strong. My midwife came that night for my appointment and we decided to strip my membranes. I had never done that before. Can't say that I would do it again. OWEEEE!!!! I did realize one thing as bedtime was nearing. For some reason I was having alot of fear around this labor and delivery. Normally birth doesn't bother me. But this had been building. The Lord gave me Joshua 1:9 as my verse to pray when I felt scared. I prayed as I turned out the light that God would allow me at least 4 hours of sleep before labor started (if that was His will.) Then I feel asleep.
I started having contractions through the night. According to Underdog I was pretty noisy but I had no idea I was really in labor. If a contraction started I just quoted Joshua 1:9 to myself and got through it. I finally woke at 3:45 starving. That was close enough to 4 hours sleep (did I mention that I had gone to bed at midnight?) My contractions were coming about 4 minutes apart after I got something to eat. I finally decided to get Underdog up at 5:30 and call my midwife. When I got upstairs they seemed to stop. Again, I was frustrated. I hate false alarms. My midwife wanted me to time them again for an hour and I agreed. Suddenly things changed. I started having contractions that I couldn't breathe through anymore. They were all in the back and they HURT. Emotions took over. I started crying. I couldn't control the crying. I was scared. The only time I have ever cried in labor like that was right at the end. There was no way I could be in transition. My midwife wasn't there. Underdog had gone to Starbucks. I was ALONE. He got back and felt better but still very emotional. I asked him to call my midwife and ask her to come NOW. Then I got in my tub.
The next several hours are kind of blur to me. I wasn't in transition. I was at a 5 when my midwife got there But I went from 5 to 7 cm in an hour. My kids were in and out checking on me. Schmoo was especially worried. The only thing I remember is that I was having intense back labor and would often find myself crying through them. I kept saying I couldn't do this anymore. But I never once asked for help. That was victory enough for me. As usual, my water didn't break until my midwife broke it at 8 cm. I figured out that it was another 45 minutes after that that she born. I kept feeling a pinch in my right side. Rose Marie told me that if I felt a pinch I probably wasn't finished dilating. So I didn't try to push too much. Honestly, I didn't feel much like it. The pain was so intense. Even baring down didn't help. I just wanted the whole experience to be over. All I wanted was to hold my baby. All of a sudden I had the overwhelming need to push. She came so fast. I had wanted to catch her out of the water. At that point I didn't care. My midwife reached down to check for the cord and then she slipped right out. I found out later that the pinch in my right side was from her little hand being up at her face (where is seems to be permanently attached as we try to nurse.) She had also done alot of wiggling during labor. All that wiggling had tangled her several times over in her cord. Silly girl. But she was here. And it was OVER!!!!
Have you ever received something from the Lord that you don't feel you deserve? What happened the day of my labor has left me feeling completely undeserving of His goodness and grace toward me. For one thing I had been such a baby through the end of my pregnancy. Instead of truly praying for the grace to endure the things that were coming my way, I begged Him often to bring it to an end and even tried to control the timing of her birth. I had also been humbled. I love all things birth. I have considered birth education and midwifery as possibilities in my future. My previous birth had been a very long labor but my son slipped peacefully into this world when I pushed him out with all the strength the Lord had given me. But that had created some pride in my heart. If was as if I had come to believe that I had a corner on the market for the perfect birth. This birth was nothing like I had pictured and in some ways I felt ashamed. In some ways I felt as if I had let God down.
I know now that isn't the case. I didn't let God down. It was exact opposite. He was there all along. He was giving me strength. He was holding me up. In most cases He was doing that through Underdog, who so faithfully stood by my side during that time. He has been there through my family who has served me during my recovery and in their love and adoration of Finale. God has even been there in the midst of my recovery. As hard as that birth was, He's blessed me immensely after it was all said and done. I have healed so quickly. I am no longer sore from the delivery. I only had a small tear that is healing beautifully. Nursing has been a breeze (although our night nursing still needs work.) This baby is a lovely little girl and such a blessing to me. I just keep thinking to myself that I don't deserve this at all.
I have included a couple of pictures of my Finale. She looks like a difference sibling everyday. She did one of those reflex smiles a while ago and revealed that she has Schmoos crocked baby smile. She doesn't look like a 9 lb baby but she is. She's is well loved by everyone in this house. I think they are already ready for her to be up crawling around. hehehe!!! I think I need a bit of extra time before that takes place.
Underdog and I are looking at our future as a new chapter. What will God bring our way? Who knows? But Finale is the baby and as far as we know will stay that way.
The shirt says is all.
I call this "zonked". She spent the early morning nursing. . .ALOT. She was awake for so long that she couldn't go back to sleep. then she cried for 1 1/2 hours. This is what happens when you get overtired and can't go back to sleep.
Sleeping with daddy after being cleaned up and weighed.
Tomorrow I will try to post some picture of Finale with her siblings. They are so awesome with her.
I felt like posting just a few ramblings for the morning.
**We got our first cold front of the year yesterday and a pretty significant cool down. I think my children forgot how cold it can get (although going North of TX would certainly give them a shock to the system when they felt how cold it can get elsewhere.) So with the cold front comes another first. . .Christmas music. LOL!!!! JB got her chore cards done early this morning so I let her come down and make breakfast this morning. She found my iPod and all the Christmas music I had stored on there. Right now I am listening to Big Daddy Weave's version of "Go Tell it on the Moutain." Apparently this is one of the reasons she LOVES Christmas. She loves this song. Who knew?
**Speaking of Christmas, I am supposed to eat nothing but front for 4 hours in the morning. I started that at 6am this morning. Here's my question: Does Fruit Cake count as fruit? I am so tired of eating fruit right now. I think after Finale is born I never want to see another piece of fruit again. bleech!!!!!!
**BTW, we change baby ANTs name. Now she's not baby ANT anymore. Gramps is now calling her AJ because her middle name will be JOY. LOL!!!!! Just another addition to my "'Tis The Season" post. JOY to the World. Now she's back to being "Finale".
**Uh Oh. I need to pack the Operation Christmas Child boxes so we can have those ready in November for drop off. Add that to the massive list of nesting that must be done.
**Although it's not Jesus' birthday right now, we do get to have a birthday celebration this week. Schmoo will turn 6 tomorrow. Wow!!!! I still see her as a baby. But she's not. She's starting to read just a bit and has already started the Alpha book for Math U See. I am seeing her ability to do certain chores and I am challenging her to step up. I think JB and BroncoFan appreciate that. HA!!!! Schmoo wanted to have a horse theme for her family celebration so I bought that for all her party plates and such. Then she wanted a pumpkin birthday cake. We'll see.
**I love cold weather. Unfortunately, I have discovered that a cold front will quickly send an almost due pregnant woman into prelabor. And it's not just a few simply hours of prelabor contractions, for certain women it's nearly 8 hours of prelabor contractions. Boy that was fun. In fact, about half way through it I was so tired that I needed a nap. That just set more in motion because I was rested after that nap. Finale is very low and making me just a bit uncomfortable. She's a big girl. I don't dread her size though. I think she's competin with Knucklehead (K-Head) for the biggest baby in the family. Hmm, maybe I should worry. Nah, if I can do 10.3 lbs without knowing he's that big, I can do anything. hehehe!!!!
**We're sorting out summer clothes from fall/winter clothes today. I hate this particilar job. Everyone has a favorite this or favorite that they don't want to put away. Then, of course, all their new clothes are their favorite. Sometimes I just don't have the guts to tell them to just put it all away. And the weather doesn't help with that. It will warm up a bit this weekend before the next cold front. They will at least need a couple of short sleeve shirts left out.
**Next week is the one week of the year I really dread and can't wait to get over with. That's right, next Friday is Halloween. I HATE Halloween with a passion like no other. I began to question the purpose of Halloween as a teenager but it wasn't until I had children and the magnitude of the task to raise godly seed was upon us. I know that this is a decison that every family has to make on their own and I really don't want to stand in judgement over anyone. But I don't understand why Christians must celebrate and participate. It's a holiday that celebrates death and evil. Why would we want to celebrate death and evil if our Savior defeated death with His Resurrection. Shouldn't we be celebrating life? Again, I don't want to judge. I have some really good friends who use Halloween as an outreach in their neighborhood and have a Hall-o-weany party. They hand out free hot dogs and hot chocolate to those going around trick or treating. It's opened many doors to get to know people and introduce the gospel in a great light. I suppose that maybe that should be our focus as well. Their children are older and can distinguish between good and evil. My children are still young and struggle to see the evil in this celebration because even the cute things of their lives (like Pooh and Elmo and Blue) dress up for Halloween. We have made evil "fun" and so it's hard to discern good from evil anymore. Satan has sure taken something that we should know about and made a way to make it paletable. And don't get me started on the Fall Festival that just happens to fall on the same exact night and have some of the same themes (outside of the gross evil) as Halloween. How are these any different? I suppose that this truly is something that each family should decide and I guess I have expressed what our family believes.
**Once Halloween is gone, we begin to focus on the arrival of Finale and moving toward our season of Thanksgiving. We're going to make our annual turkey placemat. This will K-heads first turkey placemat. I wander what he's thankful for this year. I am pretty that there will be a running theme for each placemat. . .Finale. There will be so much to be thankful for when she arrives. Does it show that we're excited about her arrival?
I suppose it's time to get off and eat my next piece of fruit. Pear or apple? Neither. We're running low on fun fruit. We might run to the store this morning as we fold Mount Laundry and get all the new clothes in their new homes.
I had an opportunity several weeks ago to hear Carolyn McCulley speak at a retreat here in the Dallas area. It was so awesome. The focus was basically around her new book Radical Womanhood. It was so interesting to hear learn about the different waves of feminism in our history. She's been working on a 4 minute video to help promote this new book. I ordered my book today and I can't wait to get it. This is something that every Christian woman - young and old - should read. This will also become required reading for my girls as I disciple them toward Radical Womanhood (although I have already begun to educate them in small ways about these facts.) Check out the this short video and then order her book. You won't be disappointed. You will be energized to live out your womanhood in a very radical way.
I had my 35 weeks prenatal appointment on Tuesday. It didn't go as I expected. I found out that my iron is starting to go up slowly BUT my platelets have drop almost 30 points over the past several weeks. I am not sure what caused that. I also got on the scale and discovered that I have put on 6 lbs in water. I was already weighing much more than I usually do in a pregnancy. Talk about discouraged. I looked so big. In fact, most people are surprised to find out that I am not due for another month because I look like I am ready to pop. She suspects that my sluggish liver is causing the excess amniotic fluid. Now I am in a position where I MUST flush my liver and get it moving again AND I MUST bring up my platelet count.
I was feeling so overwhelmed on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. This is pretty much how I felt when I am pg with K-Head. And my MW told me that if this is what I did with my other pregnancies then it's no wander I always hit 36 weeks and want it to be over. There is so much of God's grace involved when people have compassion on you and validate how you are feeling. I suspect I had some of the same problems with previous pregnancies but my midwife was so crazy and uninvolved that she just didn't care. I found myself thanking God this morning, even after 20 months, for K-head's safe arrival in this world. I am even more thankful for just how hands on my new midwife is and I regret not having switch last time.
So I am on a new diet. I can only eat fruit in the morning. I have to eat fruit when I am hungry (which is alot when you're eating only fruit) for at least 4 hours. After that I can only have proteins (mostly in the form of meats), nuts, more fruits, and mostly vegetables. I am on a NO CARB diet. Now you have to understand, that is a very hard switch for me. I really do not like the low/no carb diets. I don't think they are healthy in the least. We need the fiber that WHOLE grains give us. But with the way my pregnancy has been going I have gone back to eating easy and I wasn't getting alot of whole grains. So I started all this yesterday. I thought it would be hard. But, by God's great grace, I was able to get through my day without thinking about it much. I did have a few instances where I went in to find a snack and didn't know what to do with myself. But I found alternatives and survived a day without my carbs.
I ended up waking up about 3am this morning when a child with a bad dream needed comfort. When that happens I rarely go back to sleep. So I didn't. I went downstairs and played on the computer. After my battery ran down on the computer, I journaled and prayed for while. But I started to notice that I wasn't having as many problems moving around. I felt. . .light. I went back to bed at 5am and slept in for a while. I love my kids. They play quietly when I am sleeping in (which is rare.) I asked my oldest if she thought I looked, well, smaller. She said maybe a bit. I was moving well and breathing well. I just felt good. I decided to step on the scale when I got downstairs. I LOST10 lbs. The excess amniotic fluid was gone!!!!!!!! No wander I felt so crumby before. I was partically carrying around another baby in there.
I put the word "Miracle" in my title. I don't like to use that word often. I think it's a word that is misused in many ways. But I think I witnessed a small one in my own life. The only thing different I did yesterday was stop eating bad carbs and increased my fruit. God blessed that for some reason. I feel so unworthy that His blessing.
I am still resting on the verse in Isaiah 26:3-4.
You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the LordGod is an everlasting rock.
This has become my life line in a time where I felt so weary and discouraged. And as my 5 and 7 yod are learning in children's ministry, God ALWAYS keeps His promises. I am living out that perfect peace when my mind is stayed on Him and I am trusting him. He's so awesome. Not because He allowed the water to go down and make my baby a little safer in the womb. He's awesome because He is a Holy God who doesn't have to bless us. . .but He does because He loves us. He is a rock and we can always trust Him no matter the outcome.
Does anyone have a child that just seems to run up medical bills with silly accidents? I have one of those. He's become known as K-Head (short for Knucklehead - affectionately named by his father, Underdog.) In the past 2 1/2 weeks, he's been to the ER with another head injury, an emergency pediatric clinic after having 1/2 a bottle of shampoo poured on his head and then rubbed in his eyes, and then his accident today.
Today was one of those "who-knew" moments for me. Schmoo has discovered that she was carry K-Head around. She loves it. She's practicing for the time with Baby ANT is old enough for her to carry. So K-head woke up kind of cranky this afternoon and she was trying to take care of him. But he weighs about 1/2 of what she does and it's all in his head. He's kind of hard to carry. So she picks him up and set him on the arm of the couch. She loses her grip on him and he falls backward. This is where the "who-knew" comes in. Did you know that if you are holding a sippy cup in you arms when you fall backwards onto a semi-hard surface you can get cut on your eye lid when it hits you in just the right spot? That's right!! K-head has a 1/2 inch gash on his left eye just below the eye brow.
I wavered back and forth on taking him to the clinic. Underdog and BroncoFan went to the Cowboy game this afternoon so I was home alone with 4 of the children. It didn't look bad and the bleeding had stopped. But everytime he blinked or rubbed it would bleed just a bit and slit open again. I finally decided to take him in. He's fine. But still. We are on COBRA right now and really have no idea right now what our coverage is. So I imagine K-head has cost us about $800 in medical bills in less than 3 weeks. That might be a bit of an exaggeration but the MRI at the ER will definitely send the cost up. Don't get me wrong. He's definitely worth it. He's still too young to communicate with me so sometimes I just can't tell. The most frustrating part of all this is that he's been fine with each trip. We can't take the chances though. It's just part of having children.
Oh, I forgot to mention. After arriving home, JB started making us a salad so we could have salad wraps. K-Head was standing on a chair watching her. I don't know what he did but somehow he pushed the chair backward and went right over with the chair as it fell. He hit his head again (and scared the bejeebers out of the dog eating dinner where he fell.) All I can say is praise God that he was fine after that one. The little Knucklehead!!! It will be fun to see what other kind of damage he can do to himself. I always expected the Linebacker Starter Kit to be the one with all the injuries. I have been surprised to find that K-Head seems to be falling into all that. I wander if I can just wrap him in bubblewrap for a few years until he gets a bit more steady. I am sure he'd find a way to get hurt even in the bubble wrap.
This pregnancy continues to make life unpredictable. I can't remember if I blogged on this or not but my 31 week appointment with my midwife Baby ANT was in the breech position. Although it is still pretty early, my midwife did want me working on trying to turn her. She ended up turning on her own last week. I saw my chiropractor on Monday and found that she was, in fact, head down. I was very happy. But that was a bit clouded over by the fact that I began to itch this weekend. I did blog on that a few days ago. The itching goes in and out right now. When I do itch, it's bad but it's not continuous. Staying busying during that day seems to help with the itching. It's the worst in the morning and the evenings. The palms of my hands and soles of my feet hurt more than anything. They almost burn more than itch.
As I was sitting on our love seat this afternoon reading to my kids I started to have alot of Braxton Hicks contractions (still am.) No big deal until I noticed the shape of my abdomen when I had the contraction. Baby ANT is head up again. I can feel her head. She turned back around. I have alot of excess amniotic fluid right now because of the Cholestatis and the back up in the liver. That coupled with the fact that I have had many babies and there is lots of room to move make for a murky situation.
I feel so flusterd right now. I am struggling not to worry about her health and safety. I know in my heart that this is a burden and concern that needs to be placed at the foot of the cross. Where is that perfect peace that I wrote about a few days ago? Oh yea, my eyes must be fixed on Him.
I am supposed to go to a Pamper Chef party tonight. I am not really in the party mood but think it will be good to get out of the house. I have been a bit irritable with my children this afternoon. It didn't help that everytime I started to read from one of our read alouds someone would have a question. And the only good question that one of them asked was about the War of 1812. I don't remember the question but it was actually the one that made me just put it all away for the day. we have plenty of time to finish next week. I told BroncoFan, who asked the question, that his War of 1812 question was such a good question that only someone in college could answer it. LOL!!! I had to apologize to him later. He really did have a good question but I told him that it was just bad timing. But I know that my irritation is from worry. I shouldn't be worry. For how many hours can I add to my day when I don't worry. I need time to go pray. That should have been my first response before I got irritated with my kids. <> I hate sin.
Well, the inevitable has happened. I have now crossed the threshhold of normal pregnancy into a slightly higher risk pregnancy. This weekend I staredt having itching spells. It wasn't too bad but I did notice it. Yesterday morning I itched all over but I didn't have much more after noon. Today I have gone from a comfortable itch every once in a while to "THIS IS IRRITATING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (It's weird. It's mostly in my face.)
Cholestatis of Pregnancy is a condition of pregnant women where the flow of bile is impaired somehow. The result for most women with this. . .ITCHING!!!! Now don't get me wrong. All pregnant women itch. Dry skin can cause it. Most women will complain that their abdomen itches. Naturally, the skin is being stretched. Cholestatis in NOT average pregnancy itch. This is 24/7 itching. Hands and feet are the worst. You itch in your sleep, if you get to sleep with it. The average pregnancy itch can be alleviated by creams and lotions. There is NOTHING that will help the itch of Cholestatis except cleaning out the liver or taking some of the drugs that on the market to help. Often, those don't even help.
Cholestatis has no side effects for mom but itching. But it can lead to problems with the baby. I learned today (this is new information since I first learned of all this 9 years ago) that they think that cholestatis causes babies to pass meconium in utero. That would make sense to me. My 2nd dd passed her meconium. I always thought it was the castor oil that caused it. It could have been but I now understand that it could have also been caused by the cholestatis. There is also a recommendation that baby be delivered early. Sevearl years ago I was reading that the recommendation for inducement be around 38 weeks (that was the plan for JB.) Today I now see that has changed to 37 weeks. WOAW!!!!!!!
I have only ever had this with my girls. I wander if it's this excess estrogen being passed between mom and baby. I had it the worst with JB. I was using a OB at the time and she had actually heard of this. Many drs still haven't truly heard about Cholestatis of Pregnancy yet. She was treating me for that. But she wanted me to run more tests just to make sure we were treating the right thing. So she kept me home for a full day to collect my urine. I was 36 weeks. I got up the next morning to collect my last sample and my water broke. So much for the test. JB had horrible jaundice as well.
I didn't have any issues with my second baby so figured everything had worked itself out. When I was pregnant with my 3rd baby it was a really stressful pregnancy. One thing lead to another and I ended up with horrible itching in my last month of that pregnancy. My midwife wouldn't let me induce though. I finally called her when I was 39 weeks and begged (in tears) to induce labor. I was worried about the baby and I was just miserable. We were using several herbs and SAMe to clean out my liver. But we really hadn't been using them long enough to make a difference. Schmoo did pass meconium and we transported to the hospital (mostly from my exhaustion.) I give glory to God for the lives of my little girls. I don't believe JB wouldn't have lived for very long had we waited to induce until 38 weeks. I was really sick then. And He totally protected Schmoo from our delay in inducing AND He protected her when she passed her meconium. She was perfect when she was born.
So now what? I started taking a homeopathic liver drainage/cleanse yesterday. It's VERY gentle for me and baby. I also started taking some disecated liver. I am continuing my dandelion and milk thistle as well. I will see my midwife in 2 weeks. We aren't monitoring the baby by sonogram at this point. If my itching hasn't subsided by then, then I am going to discuss inducing labor with her. Hopefully, we won't have to do this and the Lord will cleanse the liver for me.
I am not worried or frightened at this point. Over the past several months I have constantly been confronted with my belief in God's Sovereignty. Do I believe that He is in control no matter what happens? I would have to say that "Yes, I do believe." I am staying with my midwife until she believes it's something that needs to go into a doctor's hands. I can't see Baby ANT right now but I trust the Father and trust that right now she's safe. I believe He will protect her. What if something happens? Then I still have to believe that His promise to work ALL things for good is true. This is a verse that I have been resting in lately:
You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the LordGod is an everlasting rock.
Isaiah 26:3-4
Perfect peace!!!! A mind stayed on Him!!! I am camping out at the foot of the cross constantly seeking grace to make it through the rough parts of my final months of pregnancy. I am having many these days. This will be no different. I believe that He will give me grace to trust Him and that He will help me in my unbelief. Baby ANT is in His Hands.
I would like to turn our “First School Days” to focus on my kindergartener.There is much debate in the homeschool world as to whether children this age should be doing school.After I have been homeschooling for several years now I have come to the conclusion that this is a silly debate.I don’t think it necessary for children this age to be in a classroom all day.This is the now the trend in most public schools.Kindergarten has gone from a fun and easy half day experience to a grueling full day.But for some children, starting a little early is a good thing for them.For most of my children, so far, starting “early” has been beneficial.
My focus, today, is to be on my 5 yod and our kindergarten.I must also add that she is about to turn 6 yod in 4 weeks.So although she would have missed the official cut off date for our state, we still find it necessary to begin just a bit of work with her.(I have always waited until my children were past 5 ½ yod to start any type of formal learning with them.) I also need to preface all of this by saying that Schmoo had to attend a preschool designed for speech therapy last year.It was all we could afford and it was truly all she needed.I was initially very nervous about sending her off to school so young.But I left it in God’s hands and He truly blessed that time for her.Not only did her speech issues correct BUT she also grew to appreciate being home with mom.
My 5 yod, Schmoo, has not been the most eager learner.For a very long time, she could take school or leave it.I ran with that and didn’t force it.Just this past summer, though, she started to show a significant interest in learning to read.Again, I wasn’t in a hurry.We just started to go slow.I realized a couple of months ago that this was moving faster than I was expecting.She is making stories up as she looked at the pictures in books so I knew it was time to really dive in.
I found Scaredy Cat Reading System last year at the annual book fair in Arlington, TX.I bought it originally to do a bit of review with my older two readers but this has turned out to be a lifesaver for me.The only draw back to the editions I bought is that there isn’t any specific plan for the week.I have followed the workbook mostly in the beginning.The newer additions to this curriculum have changed drastically.For one thing they will be using a DVD to help teach the vowels.I love video school.It often leads me in what to do next.We will start the Vowels portion of the curriculum next week actually.I wanted to make sure she had her sounds for each consonant letter before we moved on.She’s ready now so we start next week.I am excited for her.I think she’ll pick it up fairly quickly.
For Math we are working slowly through the Primer of Math U See.I love hands on learning for this age but I struggle on a personal level to be able to pull stuff like that together.This has been a nice balance for me.She loves to use the blocks and color in her book and it guides in what to do with her next.And she’s learning it.Just today she finally had a break through and remembered how to say a number in the 100’s.Yea!!!!!!!Since a lot of the last part of the Primer will be learned in Alpha I am considering going ahead and moving on to Alpha with her.But I don’t want to overwhelm her so I praying about it to make sure I make the right decision.(Oh, she’s also taking lead from her brother and sister and will often start her next Math page before I ever make it upstairs to start reading with everyone.I am proud that she’s learning to take initiative in this area.)
I found a language arts book this summer that I just LOVE for this age.Language Lessons for Little Ones is so perfect for this age.(You will have to scroll down on the left side of the linkd paged to find the Language Lessons.) Sandi Queen wrote this for her children and he follows a Charlotte Mason approach.I think CM is perfect for little ones this age.We do follow a classical style of homeschooling but for the early years, I prefer most of Charlotte Mason’s ideas.So this book fit us perfectly.Here is a description of the book from the website:
This sweet collection of lessons for preschoolers (ages 3-5) introduces the young child to the Charlotte Mason method of language arts with a simple, child-friendly feel.
180 daily lessons guide a child through picture study of full-color paintings, narration, introduction to the letters of the alphabet (capital and lowercase), copywork of letters, writing their name, poetry and story appreciation, creative expression, and more. Lessons are the perfect length - about 5 to 10 minutes per day on average, and give a nice variety along with a sequential review of concepts.
My daughter loves this book.I think her favorite is drawing pictures to help her narrate. I do not start grammar with my children until at least 2nd grade and is ONLY if they are truly ready. I don't think Schmoo will be ready like her older brother and sister but she could surprise me.
We are also using a new handwriting curriculum called Peterson Directed Handwriting.I made some HUGE mistakes with my older kids and their handwriting that I didn’t want to make with everyone else.So I found a curriculum that would give us specific guidance in making the letters and in teaching proper pencil grasp.She has enjoyed learning this although she does get most frustrated when I have to correct her pencil grasp or start her over when she starts a letter at the bottom.She’s eager to learn cursive writing and I have promised her when her manuscript looks GREAT we’ll move on (as I started cursive with my 7 yod when he was 6 yod as well.I couldn’t stop him.He started to teach himself the wrong way and now my dd is doing the same thing.)
On most days this takes us all about 45 minutes to complete.There are days when she’s asked to be done early.Depending on the day we’ll either put it all away or we work on the character quality of perseverance.JI will definitely NOT continue on any day when she’s emotional and crying.She’s only had a few of those though.For the most part, she loves school and gaining a love of learning through her time with me right now.
I almost forgot the most important part of any Kindergarten curriculum.READING!!!!This is an absolute MUST for this age.If we do nothing else all day we always read.Right now, Schmoo and I are working our way through On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder.Schmoo loves these books.She will also read with me when I read to my Little Boys.Reading is such an ingrained part of our family.We are even reading through Stewart Little in the afternoon before nap.
I am trying something new with Schmoo this year.She’s participating in co-op classes with our church group.She is in a science and PE class in the morning.Then she joins us in the afternoon (all of this is on Friday) for our Tapestry of Grace co-op.She struggles a bit through the TOG co-op but all the mom’s are very willing to allow her to work through the teaching portions of the class as she would at home.At home, while we are reading, she will color, build with blocks, and sometimes brush my hair while I read.She also does some of the projects.Next week we’ll be working on making her War of 1812 American flag (she’ll be painting it).She’s also going to work on making several pages of our family South American book that we will present during our Unit Celebration in Octobers.Again, I don’t force much of this on her.I want it to be fun for her and not a burden.There are some days when she ends up in my room with the LBSK to play with him while I finish reading to the Bigs.She tries hard to stay with us and I am proud of her for that.
My next post (when there is time) will be focused on my older children.I am going to combine my focus on them because they are using the same curriculum just at different levels. I may wait a few weeks so that I can feature some of their hard work for their Tapestry of Grace over the past 9 weeks. I am really proud of their work.
I am continuing my series on our First School Days with my post today.I wanted to make my first focus on the preschooler in our home. I have written posts in the past that were some what against home preschool. And I am not particularly changing my mind about that. Preschool is such an important time. They learn most by reading a ton and playing a ton.
Although I don’t believe that formal preschool in necessary (especially in another building away from mom), I remember being the mom who really wanted to do something school-like with my children.I probably worried WAY more than I needed to.Formal preschool never happened for us despite all my attempts (and wasted money.)But I have walked in the shoes of wanting to work with my preschoolers to do school.That is part of the reason I am posting this first.There are many moms out there who are eager to begin and I have a few ideas for them.
Before I get into what I am doing with my own preschooler this year, I wanted to remind those moms with younger children of a few things.
Make sure that your days are very relaxed but complete with some structure.The little ones thrive on structure.I don’t think this must be rigid.Despite having a very specific MOTH (Managers of Their Homes) schedule, I don’t follow it to a tee.We simply follow the routine.And it’s still a work in progress.
Spend LOTS of time reading.How do you create a reader?READ!!!!!
“Structured, sit down at a desk preschool” is overkill.That is especially true when using workbooks and programs.If your “program” takes you longer than 20 or 30 minutes, it is overkill.But you don’t even have to spend money to achieve what these “programs” are saying you can achieve.I’ll give you more on that in a moment.
If you have older students, teach your younger students FIRST.There is no better way to guarantee you will have time to teach an older student than to give the preschooler (and toddler if you have one of those as well) undivided attention from the very beginning.(Better yet, train your older children to work independently for a time so they can continue work while you focus on your little ones.)
Don’t underestimate the value of life skills lessons at this age.Preschoolers CAN do chores and you aren’t depriving them OR abusing them by having them do a few chores.They also feel like they are part of the family to have specific jobs to do on their level.(I will share more tomorrow about what we do for chores around our home.)
Don’t sweat the small stuff.Preschool was invented decades ago to give smaller children of working moms something to do while their moms worked.In all reality, it’s a socialist attempt to separate even the smallest members of the family from their children.Preschool isn’t necessary in order for them to learn to read.Can children learn from it?Absolutely.Is it necessary when you have a toddler and a newborn that need your attention as well?Not if it’s going to make you crazy trying to accomplish the work. Don’t sweat it at this point.
This is a touchy subject but I would say that the TV needs to be severally limited with preschoolers.I have noticed with all my children that when I turn off the TV during the day and we rarely watch it on the weekend, they play and learn better.They have a better imagination AND they use it more readily.If we do watch TV at some point in the day, they have a harder time finding things to do in their free time.This isn’t proven science and I would never condemn anyone for using it.I can’t tell you how much I used it when my older children were little.Having 2 or more children under the age of 5 can be a true challenge.You are in the trenches.Sometimes it’s just necessary to plop them down in front of a short TV show.But even doing that, I would encourage you to limit that time.If you need time to clean the house, involve them in that work or work to organize yourself so the work gets done with a husband is home or your can hire a mother’s helper.I will also explain a bit more about how I organize my days to help keep my home.
If you don’t already do this, start rotating toys AND get rid of the massive amounts of toys you have.Nothing stifles play more than too many toys to choose from.You will find that their imagination is so much fuller and lively if they have only a few toys at a time to work with. I would also discourage the use of too many toys that use batteries.Let your kids make the noise for the vacuum or the fire engine.
These are just a few things that I have learned through the years.They apply to all preschoolers regardless of that unrevealed learning style and personality.J
All that said, I have changed a bit in my view in preschool in general. What I have witnessed over the past few weeks has made me seriously consider the idea that perhaps there is some merit to starting a bit earlier with them. I would certainly not be a proponent of sitting down to do formal learning with your child. No way. But I have been having such a great time just spending time with our Little Linebacker Starter Kit (LBSK) and I think this is something that all moms can do with their preschoolers (assuming there aren’t major life changes taking place in the home – like a new baby.)
This is the first year I have had 3 children doing "formal" school so I knew that I needed a better schedule (routine.) I also have two little boys very close in age with a tendency toward bored destruction. I NEEDED a fairly tight routine. I wanted to keep my younger set pretty regimented through at least the morning time. So I created playtimes and cribtimes for the two young ones and opportunities to build responsibility into my 5 yod as she plays with K-head (formally Si-bay) for a while.
This is our preschool/kindergarten schedule:
9:00am Reading; "Bible Truths for Little Kids" (catechisms); great living books; "Juniors Colors" for K-head.
9:45am Preschool for LBSK (will cover below)
10:15am Snack with everyone and (hopefully) exercise - it's been too hot though
10:45am Kindergarten with Schmoo (more tomorrow)
11:30am Clean up for everyone
That's the general routine.
I am so excited about the LBSK “school” this year. I love watching him get so excited to have something of his own.We're making a preschool Alphabet Book. I will share pictures below but I must first share that I got this idea from a website called Lapbook Lessons. I love lapbooking but it seems that I never really have time to finish any of these with my kids. But they had one idea that actually seemed achievable so I adapted it to fit our family. The idea came off their Alphabugs book. All I did was simply change our book to an Alphabet Book and used the same idea.
I have several resources that I pull from. The first being simply an idea that I got after reading Marilyn Boyer's book called "HOME EDUCATION with Babies and Toddlers." Most of the information I pretty much already knew. But I was sincerely challenged by her admonition to be placing the Word in the hearts of our preschoolers. I bought her "Proverbs for Preschoolers" book as well. This is our guide for the Alphabet Book. We are memorizing 2-3 Proverbs for each letter now. LBSK loves it.He's so proud that he can recite these verses on his own.
Our focus is mainly on scripture that is related to our letter.Beyond that I pull coloring pictures and projects off a few favorite websites. He gets a choice of what he wants to do each week. To be honest, he's mostly coloring and pasting while I review letters and their sounds.He grows excited every time he recognizes his letter for the week. He'll stop whatever he's playing to come announce to me that he found a specific letter.
ColoringCastle is being used to review shapes and numbers.We will be making books of these.Once a week, we'll do a coloring page with a shape and a number on it. I will be making him a special book of his very own to review shapes and numbers when he's finished. He knows his colors backward and forward so I am not focusing on those to much unless they start with the letter we're focusing on.
We have a few other things we work on if he doesn’t want to work on his book that day.I have taken the time through the years to make file folder games so I have a good collection of those that he will work on as well. We work on stringing beads and puzzles as well. I have a special board called a Trace Erase Board that I bought used at a local book fair.
Let me share some of the pictures so you see first hand what he has done recently.
Front Cover
“Aa” page front cover
Inside the “Aa” book; the red cardstock contains the Proverbs for the week and a picture.
This is the inside of the “Bb” book.I had my 5 yod hold the side up so you can see where it folds like a book.
This won't be a long post. I think I just need to put how I am feeling into words and my journal isn't available right now.
I am struggling so much with the latter part of this pregnancy. I am sure you could go back into my archives and see the same type of post with my previous pregnancy. What is it about the last trimester that causes me to simply withdrawal from life? My kitchen is still waiting for the dinner dishes to be loaded. It's so hard to stand at the sink to wash dishes when there is a extra 30lb lump in the way. My 19 mod wants to wrestle at every chance he gets. Wrestle? He obviously doesn't notice that I don't move much anymore. My little 5 yod has been hinting all evening that she just simply needs my undivided attention for even a few minutes. I have been shooing her off to play or what have you. URGH!!!!!! On top of this, we are so tired and waiting to see if the colds that are starting with my children will turn into chicken pox. I told my children yesterday and a watched pot doesn't boil. It's hard to not to watch though. BroncosFan is miserable right now. Schmoo didn't feel well today. The LineBacker Starter Kick started to complain that his tummy hurt and then he told me this throat hurt. K-Head is just being a toddler boy and he's rather agreesive about it. Jennibear seems to be skipping over it and it wanting peole to play with. I got tired just watching everyone be sick today.
We found out on Monday night that the baby is in a breech position. I am only 31 weeks so there is still plenty of room and time for the baby to turn. I must admit there is concern there. I have wrestled for a long time with worry over this baby. She's my last. My experience with my friend and her loss haven't helped me. Part of me wanders if she's secretly praying that I would lose my baby just to spite me. I don't mean that as a judgment on her. I mean that as a judgment on my lack of faith in the Sovereignty of God. I suppose that is where I stand right now. I am having a bit of faith crisis. I am fearful of preterm labor. I am fearful that I will wake one morning and not receive the happy "Good Morning Mommy" kicks that I receive from this little girl right now. I am fearful that when she's born something will be wrong. . .and I will reject her. How could a mother reject her child but I am afraid that I will. I am now fearful that she won't turn and I will end up with a breech baby for the first time. I know that woman can give birth to a breech baby and that midwives do deliver that way. But I will admit, I am not sure I would take the chance. That would put me right back in the very position I have fought so hard to avoid. All in God's Sovereign will but my evil pride doesn't want to end up on an operating room table because I am such an advocate for natural home births. In that scenerio, I am fearful of her not nursing well just like her oldest sister. I LOVE nursing. I don't want to loose that relationship. I have friends who are supplementing with formula. It's been necessary for these women. But I just can't do it. I almost supplemented my 3rd baby (first to nurse) with formula. I cried through that whole almost feeding (she fought the bottle the whole time as well.) I mean no judgement against those that bottlefeed their babies. But my heart is to have my babies at my breast exclusively for as long as possible. That is me as a mother. Home birthing is what I am as a mother. While I have strong opinions and I do blog on them every once in a while, I would hope my opinions would never offend anyone. I just want to make women think. But they are my passions. They are who I am. Perhaps I fear loosing ME. Isn't that what we're supposed to do though. . .loose ourselves? We're to die to ourselves? This life isn't about me. It's about glorifying God.
Does the above paragraph express in anyway that I lost about 2 hours of sleep last night with terrible heartburn? The last time I had heartburn like that I had my appendix removed the following evening. I was also pregnant then. That won't be happening this time because there is nothing to remove. Orange juice mixed with alot of an herbal iron supplement do not make for happy sleep at night. I suppose the large bowl of buttered popcorn I had before that didn't help either. Needless to say, I am pretty tired and probably not thinking clearly. What I am most confident in right now is that I sense the Holy Spirit calling me to foot of cross. . .and I am being terribly rebellious. I need my Jesus and I need His grace to get me through the next 8 weeks or so. I am already tired. I am already big. I am already extremely uncomfortable. My hips will not stay in alignment. This precious girl has a mind of her own and it doesn't include sitting in the most comfortable position for Mommy. And my heart has one of the worst attitudes I think I have ever had in the midst of pregnancy. Sin abounds. . .grace abounds more. I think it's time I end this post and leave to go rest in the arms of my Savior.
What a day our family had!!!! We are trying a new adventure in our homeschool journey this year. We have joined a co-op. This is a special co-op because it's organized by our church right now. All of the children that my kids go to church with each week are part of this co-op (at least most of them.)
I wasn't sure what to expect. One thing I did expect was to sit around with lots of time on my hands. And there were wonderful people that opened their home for those of us that live far away and couldn't just go home and wait for an hour. I did learn today that there wasn't as much time to sit around and do nothing. Once you finally sat down after getting toddlers inside a home, explain the rules, and go to the potty, it was time to leave to pick everyone up. HA!!!!
My three oldest were enrolled in a Science and PE class. My oldest dd was also enrolled in a writing class. The moms that put all this together did such a great job.
My greatest struggle with co-op this year was going to be the addition of a new class (not associated with the morning co-op but put together by several moms and myself.) We decided to join with other moms and form a Tapestry of Grace co-op. I was really excitec about this until I found out that the only time we could meet was at 3pm. YIKES!!!! All of our classes were finished at noon today. What in the world do you do with a toddler and a 3 yod who need naps between noon and 3pm. I made up my mind this morning that I just wasn't going to be able to participate. But then I got an idea. Although we live pretty far away, with one of the highways near us, it only takes about 25 minutes to get home. That would leave 2 hours for naptime. Then it would take us 25 minutes to get back. So I decided to give it a try. It was perfect. Not only did my little ones get to nap and rest but "I" got a nap as well. My older children played together quietly or played alone.
At 2:25 pm we were off again for the rest of the co-op day. They really had a good time with it. We're alot further ahead than most of the other families but my children are also the youngest in the class. I think being ahead helped their confidence. I was proud to see them participating and answering questions. Broncos Fan made it obvious to several moms that he LOVES history. Jennibear got to show off her neatly finished state and president cards. And I was really proud of Schmoo for being so patient even though she was bored through the discussion time. I let one of the other moms know that I was going to bring something for her to color while she listens to discussions in the future. It won't always be discussions but at least we'll be prepared in the future if we do. I brought my laptop so the Linebacker Starter Kit could watch videos for an hour. I was actually able to occupy K-Head for an hour by simply changing things up every 15 minutes. Pretzels do wanders for a 19 month old with nothing to do. I will be glad when Baby Songs will entertain him for a longer periods of time than just 3 minutes.
Most of the children in this co-op have done this before so they didn't share the same enthusiasm toward classes that my kids did. Jennibear LOVED her writing class. She reported to me that she was the only one that didn't cheer when her teacher announced there would be no homework for the follow week. I don't know what her teacher did today but JB simply fell in love with her. She waited to be the last one out the door so she would give her teacher a hug and tell he she would see her at church on Sunday. She's very excited about writing. I hope this enthusiasm stays with her when it does get hard. This was a VERY light day for her. But she was able to tell me what she learned and that was worth it.
Overall it was a good and successful day. I am glad we decided to participate this year. Now all I need to do is figure out how our schedule for Thursdays are going to play out so we don't leave the house looking like WWIII was fought here the night before. I hated walking into the house all messy. But the priority this week was figuring out how co-op was going to work. Now that we know, I can tackle Thursday's schedule and have my week pretty much organized for our family. And at least I will get 2 months to enjoy it before Baby A arrives and causes all things normal to fall apart.
This post is the start of a short series I wanted to do around how our school is functioning this year.I had originally intended to post about how we are doing preschool first but that will come next.I was convicted this morning that this topic needed to come first.
This year I am starting the 5th year of our homeschool journey.It’s not a lot of time consider there are so many who have been doing this much longer.But for me, 5 years is a long time and I have gained a bit of wisdom from the experience so for.And considering that I am pregnant with our 6th and final child, I will have many more ahead of me.But this year has been a bit different in that I have had many people asking ME for advice.I have also been given the tremendous privilege to join a great friend and a veteran homeschooler in mentoring new homeschoolers.As I have been placed in these situation I have learned just how much I have learned over the past several years.
The Spirit convicted me this morning in how I am handling all this in my heart.I have made honest but feeble attempts to be humble with inquiries and in giving advice.And it’s very possible that on the outside it looks like I have been humble.But I know that deep in my heart I really haven’t been.I am enjoying the attention.(Ouch!!!That hurt to admit.)
The Lord brought me low this morning though.He reminded me that I am simply dust.
“For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.”
Psalm 103:14
There is nothing I do in all my life that is not done without His grace in my life.I have no room to become prideful any area of my life.Shamefully, I spent a good portion of my young motherhood NOT truly seeking the Lord.I spent a lot of that time seeking outside parenting advice from “Christian” author (mostly chock full of psycho-babble.)And I really wasn’t a very good mother.I used man-made wisdom to guide God-made children.I would say I had a similar situation with my early homeschooling years.Although I was doing a “quiet time” everyday, there was no meat in it.I was either reading homeschooling books that would inspire my day and make me “feel” good or I was journaling about a bunch of nothing.
In my own personal walk recently, I have been asking the Father to build in me a love of the Word.My favorite person online is Laine from Laine’s Letters.I stand in awe of her Bible knowledge and in the workings of the Father in her heart.I understand that she is fallible.We all are.But I consider her a tremendous Titus 2 mentor and the Spirit has used her to inspire me to greater things.God has also been gracious to provide some AWESOME in the flesh Titus 2 women from my church.I have learned so much from watching, listening, and learning from these seasoned women.Their knowledge of the Word amazes me.Most important, the knowledge and application of the gospel is something I have never experienced until recently.God is lifting the veil over my eyes to see the true meaning of His gospel and how it applies to my life.
It is these women in my life whom have led me to seek the Father in ways I never have.I am digging deeper into the Word.My prayers have become more purposeful and meaningful.They are full of His will and not my own.I still ask for the things that I need and desire but they are all with the vision of His will in my sight.It’s in this seeking and the Lord work in my life that I have realized that all I have accomplished this year (and much before this) is not of my own doing.All that I do successfully is made possible because of gifts God has given me AND is fuel by His grace in my life. I have done NOTHING worthy of boasting.All boasting MUST be in the Lord.And it’s should cause me to do nothing but bring honor and glory to Lord to realize just how much He has blessed me.
So it is in this frame of mind and heart that I start my series of blogs. . .with a boasting in the Lord.For all that I publish this week and next will be evidence of His grace in my life and in the life of my children.I hope that some of the lessons I share will be something that will encourage you.I hope that perhaps you might be able to walk away with a few good ideas.
Well, it turns out I am anemic. My midwife took a blood sample. She was able to check my iron levels and my glucose.
I am a pretty strict regimen of supplement now. Not only am I taking the chlorophyll for iron but now I have to force myself to take the nasty Floradix. I had to order them online so they haven't arrived yet. I am sooooo tired right now.
My glucose was a little low but nothing to concern her. I doing pretty good with my diet and have stopped gaining weight so quickly.
I can't remember if I had blogged before about our name. We have chosen to name our last little girl Ashley Nicole. I have been forbidden by my brother to name her this but it's because he dated a girl with that exact name. All I can say is, "get over it." We've been calling her Ashley for weeks now. It's weird already having named her. It's been over 9 years since we found out the sex of a baby. We found out this time so logistical reasons. It would be really hard to have 4 boys in a small room so we needed time to rearrange if it was needed. Besides, I have been dying to fill this house with pink again and I wanted to get started early on it. :)
Ashley is growing well. She loves strawberry chocolate smoothies. Her liveliest time of the night is around 9pm when Underdog and I sit down to watch a little TV. We ended up getting a DISH a few weeks ago because it was going to lower our bill for the internet and cable. It's actually been great because now we dictate when we sit to watch. We can also record with the DVR so we're in even more control. With the Olympics we just kind of fell into an enjoyable evening on the couch together watching "The Closer" or an older movie we've recorded. We also just enjoy watching Ashley's acrobatics. I can't wait to hold her but I must not let myself run off too far with that. That will just make time go by too slow.
There is a young couple at our church who lost their baby at 17 weeks. She caught me in the bathroom Sunday and asked me about bleeding. It didn't sound good but I wasn't sure what to tell her without scaring her. I simply told her that if it happens again she needed to call her dr. I suppose she started bleeding again in the middle of service because they left early. I found out on Monday night they were keeping her overnight to induce labor.
I haven't slept well since I found out. This is such a precious family. They have 3 little girls and were just so excited to add to their quiver. I even had a dream about them last night. But what I have struggled with most is what happened several weeks ago. I have a friend (close I thought) from college who lost her baby 26 weeks about 2 years ago. I simply cannot fathom ever going through that myself. I have tried to place myself in others shoes when it does happen. But even having a compassionate heart will never bring me to a point of knowing that kind of pain. So a few years ago I was honest with my friend and told her that I didn't want to say anything that hurt her and asked her to educate me on how to love another family through the loss. I have respected her space and have been sensitive toward her in all this. She asked me not to tell her with my youngest was born, and I didn't. Last year I mentioned that I was sewing baby blankets for other people and she asked me to sew one for her baby that died. She was to be involved in a walk with a group called MEND in her area to remember the short lives of the babies they've lost. They set up booths to show off their babies. I thought it was kind of cute idea. So I agree and was in the planning process. Things changed dramatically several weeks ago.
When I posted several weeks ago that we were having a girl, I sent the link to my blog through a mass email to all my friends. I received an email back from my friend telling me that she didn't feel I was being sensitive to her needs and that she didn't think we should be friends anymore. I was shocked. I think I cried for 2 hours after that. All I did was send an email out to all my friends asking them to rejoice with me over the news that we are having another little girl. I honestly didn't think I was asking too much when I asked everyone to rejoice with us over our news.
The reason that I didn't link the MEND page is that I have a very bad taste in my mouth concerning them. They are supposed to be a Christian organization. But from what I can tell they certainly don't teach the idea of forgiveness. I will fully admit that I possibly made a mistake when I sent my link to her. I made an honest mistake though. I thought she might rejoice with me because she is my friend. I didn't even get a chance to apologize for my error. She cut me off immediately and gave me no room to be forgiven. I suspect that MEND (at least the branch she is involved with) teach and encourage them to put up boundaries even if that means cutting people off, then do it. Does this group teach you to forgive when mistakes are made that might hurt you. People really do have the best of intentions when they are trying to comfort others who have been through a tragic loss. It's not like they set out wander how they can hurt people that day. And while I understand the need for boundaries, this seemed extreme to me. I haven't gone through her pain. I can't fathom it. But I had been nothing but sensitive. And to be honest, I have walked on egg shells around her for more than just this area of her life. (I know nothing about MEND and mean no offense to others who have benefited from their care and have give room for others to make mistakes. But my friend seems to have worshipped this group she's been in and it's honestly left a bad taste in my mouth.)
How is this related to the couple at church? Well, it's brought of bit pain to the surface for me. But the loss has helped me realize that I have built up some bitterness toward my friend. I was a lot more angry about it than I realized. It's not an anger or bitterness I want to hold onto so I have been in prayer over it all day. Although I love my friend, I don't want to hold her in a bondage that she's held me in for so long. And if I truly believe that God is Sovereign, then He planned for this to happen and He's in complete control of it. I have prayed He might convict her but mostly I have prayed He would heal her broken heart that pushes me away so often (this isn't the first time.) I have put up a boundary myself and will no longer have any contact with her (per her own request but to the relief of Underdog whose wanted me to do this for a long time so I don't get hurt anymore by this friend.) But what I really desire most is to see my friend come to understand the gospel as I have come to understand it over the past few years. We deserve nothing. We all, as sinners, deserving death. To have any unforgiveness toward people is to forget all that the Savior has done for us. The lack of forgiveness on both our parts is simply ungratefulness for Christ's sacrifice and pride on our parts. We deserve nothing.
I have been praying that God would give me words to speak encouragement and life into the lives of this family at church. I don't want to say anything to hurt them. But there is grace to cover me even if I did accidently say something hurtful. But this has done another thing for me. It's caused me to look at ALL my children with a more grateful heart. I deserve none of the little lives I have been given to nurture and love. They are gifts to me. They are on loan. God could easily take one of them from me. . .or all. And the little life within me has yet to arrive safely in this world. So much can change over night (as we've been reading this day of the family that lost their little 3 yod in a drowning.) My dh could be taken this night as he drives home from a late dinner meeting he's attending. I have spent too many years fearing that very thing. But I can't anymore. I trust the Father with it all now. I must hold them loosely and trust them in the hands of our Almighty God.
Before anyone would misunderstand, I love and desperately miss my friend. I think of her often and pray for her each time. I wish she would allow herself to share in the joy of other people. But God must work out that bitterness in her heart as much as he must work out the bitterness and hurt in my heart. OH, to see her walk in victory. To love that precious baby that she never nursed but to move on and relish in the joy of the Lord. That is truly where our joy should be found. If we find joy in anything but the Lord, then we've created an idol that very thing we seek joy in. Our joy needs to be found only in the Lord. And when it's hard to do that, then we MUST be on our knees in repentance for placing anything above Him. I need that lesson as much as my precious friend does.
I will be 30 weeks on Monday. I was hoping time wold be going by a bit faster as I am pretty, well, uncomfortable right now. But I am relishing this pregnancy right now. I love this baby already and trust her in the hands of the Father. Time will be hear soon enough and then I will move into another season of my life. . .simply raising the children I have been given. There will be no more pregnancies. There will be no more nursing after this baby. Our quiver is full unless we're called to adopt later on. The next time I will hold a baby close in my arms will be my grandchildren. I am struggling to except that season but Lord has been gracious to me. Mostly He's patient with me as I learn to submit to Underdog and his desires to be finished. The learning is so hard but I know that the Lord is building so much in me in this process of sanctification.
I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 19 months to 9 yod and our "Finale" due in November '08. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.
