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Until my twins were 3 or more, I struggled with anxiety, depression, fear--and couldn't understand it. In my case, everything in my world was wonderful and there was no cause for this. I talked to God, my pastor, Godly older women, Christian peers, my bible study group. One of my childhood girlfreinds had to return from the foreign mission fileds at about this same time for the same problems. She was so embarrassed. Her whole life she wanted to be a missionary. Her husband was gifted and enjoyed the work. She learned an aunt of hers had had the same problem--at the same age! A Chrisitan room mate from college (Chrisitan) told me about an aunt she had who had similar problems. Our bodies are not perfect, and they can make us ill. Hormones change and drive insomnia and both contribute to emotional turmoil. Being a Christian does not protect us from being women who can suffer from these physiological responses. Some Christians deny this and behave as if no one should ever suffer from emotional disorders or depression. But that is to act as if we aren't really a part of our bodies. Do we need to struggle against it and work to overcome it? yes. Do we sin if we worry or fail to act kindly? yes. But does it mean we are not really a Christian, not really saved or not loved by God? No. No more than having a cold or flu or broken leg does. Our bodies and minds and souls are not seperable at this point. They affect each other. In my case, I went on a hormone patch to correct a menstrual problem. Voila! The emotional stuff all went away like magic and I was me again. God laughed with me. I had been so afraid. Sometimes we just need to endure and trust what God says, not what we feel. And visiting a doctor doesn't hurt either. In my case, they didn't know what the problem was and it was only by fixing another physical symptom that it incidently fixed the emotional one.
BTW, I did have to come off the patch and hated it. But I got through it and it was easier when the symptoms returned becauseI knew the cause. I also made some diet and lifestyle changes and time has passed. I'm not menopausal yet and this was happening in my 30's and early 40's so it's not just for women "in the change". Having babies changes your hormones and wears you down too. Lots of things that you may not even realize can affect you physically and emotionally. I try to trust God's promises and not my "was it something I ate" emotions. He is faithful. He saved me--I didn't save myself in the first place anyway. I guess he is able to keep me even if I'm sad, sick, and sorry.
I didn't mean to make this a sermon, which you don't need, and it is old news now anyway. But I wanted to share. This is kinda a soap box topic with me. I get so mad when Chrisitans who by the grace of God don't struggle with this, put down those that do!
Yikes! more I want to add: the ladies in the bible study couldn't understand my fear and insomnia. They wanted to tell me to just trust God and read his word. They were uncomfortable with me. I could tell them the right answers. I have studied God's word and been a Christian since I was little. But one old woman said "Honey! I know you are afraid, and it isn't your theology or relationship with God. It's your body. I don't know what's going to help you, but one thing not to worry about is your relationship with God. He can take care of that." I didn't really believe her. I still thought it was a spiritual problem. But she was the only one who wasn't a little bit critical or condescending toward me. And she let me pour out my fears--which sometimes I couldn't even name. She just loved me through it. I hope someone does that for you if you ever need it. (Most Husbands aren't great at this I've learned BTW)
Edited by thystledown on Jul. 15, 2009 at 11:45 PM
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