CDee and I had a serious chat this evening, in the car.
I asked how his 'walk' was going - meaning his purity walk. He said he was feeling really blessed in that way, as God really does protect him from thoughts and the world's freedoms and agendas entering his mind and heart. Considering my two oldest work, day in and day out, surrounded by so much of the world, in downtown Sin City Montreal, this was good to hear.
I asked if he was having any thoughts towards any of the young ladies of our/his acquaintance ... we don't know a lot, but I thought I should try and have my finger on the pulse, as it were. Dad isn't stepping up and supporting him this way, quite the contrary actually. So I think he needs to know someone has his back. We did 
a bit about "What if one of those young ladies on your board Mum, did end up being my wife - and me their husband. Can you imagine the conversation? Hey, Corbin, lovely wife you have there. Where'd y'all meet? Oh, our mothers set us up online. I met her for the first time at our wedding!" 
Seriously though, his answer to the interest question was a very quiet, "No."
He said his heart is growing daily for wanting children though. It is a strong pull and one that confuses him, as he doesn't think he's ready to properly look after a wife and children - monetarily. He said his heart is ready, but his "wallet and bank balance aren't up to the honour yet."
He talked about how hard it is to even begin to look. He said his standards are high - very high by today's world standard.
He explained what that meant for him. He told me about wanting a wife willing to either not work outside the home at all, or to willingly with joy, leave her employment when children were entering their family. He said it's so hard in today's world where he's almost considered a freak and anti-equality, chauvinistic, and well, just all the mumbo jumbo that the world throws at you, when it comes to women staying home, teaching and raising YOUR own children. He feels very small for the task of finding a mate. Doesn't even know where or how or when ... or anything to even begin looking. I told him to just give it all to God. I told him God already knows his wife. He already knows when they'll meet, how and where. I told him to just keep his heart and mind open to who God does bring him. All the packages are not equal, and one that might look - by others' standards - to not be good, may be exactly who God has planned for him.
He said he knows, too, by the world's standards his desire to give God full glory over their womb (as it were), is met with disapproval by many. Especially by many women. Most he said, seem to not mind the idea of 1 or two children ... 3 tops, but they are NOT going to stop working JUST to raise children. This mentality includes even his own Dad, and his Dad's GF, and both their families. "What? You want a woman to simply be an incubator for all the CDee's you want to turn out, hey? No one is going to go for that, boy. Makes you look chauvinistic and self-serving to even ask it of anyone!" Gee, with guidance like that, no wonder he feels a bit disheartened about the whole thing.
He does know he wants to have enough money put aside to put down on a home. He does want a wife willing to put her Lord, her husband and her children before everything else. He does want to home school his children.
He wants to do all he can to ensure the best for his family, and he believes that to be wife and children in the home - not out of it. Husband working to provide for his family, and laughing and growing with them. He wants to be a hands on Dad too. He likes, he said, my approach to parenting, and hopes he can do that with his. He wants a really good relationship with them. 
He said it's not even all the external stuff about a wife he's talking about. It's not about stuff like physical beauty, chubby, slim, long hair, short hair, in between hair, clothing, etc. He said it's the stay at home, raising our own children in our own home, schooling them at home, being like minded in faith, goals ... the 'big' stuff. It's her heart's character.
He has said he wants a wife who loves herself enough to be confident in choosing modest clothing. What this means to him will be different for some here. He likes the way his sister and his mother dress - feminine, pretty, but not just dresses and skirts ... but choosing tasteful, attractive classic to contemporary modest clothing.
Our talk, though upbeat, did give me a glimpse of his concerns about making the right choice. Listening, correctly, to God's direction. He tried to be light hearted about it, but he knows the 'good' women, who would meet his higher standard, may have Dads (and Mums) who count him as the lesser choice - because his parents are divorced. He kind of feels at even more of a disadvantage then a normal 'good' boy from a 'good' family would. 
I'm honoured my nearly 19 year old is willing to talk, very openly, about this stuff with me. It touches my heart to no end. I know I've been remiss in my prayer life, with regard to God's guiding hand in the wife department for my boys, of late. I need to make it a priority again.
Anyway, this isn't meant as a solicitation post 
. It just a glimpse in my young man's heart. Some of those glimpses made me yearn for him - the family his heart is growing towards, that he doesn't even know yet. Some of those glimpses made me want to just weep for him. Most of them made me smile, and nod, and just breathe in this quiet moment of happiness and sharing between us.
Comments
Oct. 12, 2007 - You have a
Posted by Sheri Hepworth
very wise son there, Lisa. He has his head in the right place and his priorities seem firmly planted in scripture. You have every right to be proud of him.