Apr. 22, 2008 - Bittersweet
Special Needs

I know it has been a long time since I have posted on my blog.  I am not gone and I do hope to pick back up with a lot more entries on our homeschooling adventures.  Since I blogged here last I have made a few entries on my other blog and I have been working to redesign our family website. 

School with Prince "T" and Princess "C" has been great this year.  We have really enjoyed this school year.  While this hasn't been our favorite Sonlight Core, we have been on many learning adventures.   Things have run smoothly throughout the year and we have pretty much stayed on schedule.  I have stayed caught up on grading which is a MAJOR accomplishment for me.

School with the littles has been a different story. 

Lady "M" has made some wonderful progress this year.  Her speech has such a long ways to go as it has been so delayed because her closest playmate is Sir "C".  She loves school and has such a passion for learning.  And I can't say it enough that this sweet girl has the best imagination I have ever seen.  We took a couple of months break from pre-school but we started it back up again today and she was so excited that she was once again "doing school"

As I indicated in our last post Sir "C" is special needs and would be having doctors appts. during the year to firm up his diagnosis.  I can honestly say we have had lots of appointments but we still have no diagnosis.  While some genetics diagnosis have been ruled out, everything else is still floating around.  While we personally believe here on the homestead that he falls somewhere on the autism spectrum, doctors are telling me at this point, regardless of the diagnosis, the treatment is still the same and at this point they don't want to give him a permanent diagnosis.  I can't begin to tell you how completely frustrating that is to hear.  While it is all good and well  that the treatment is all the same, it makes it next to impossible to get services for a child when a diagnosis doesn't exist. 

Here is the thing- I am at my wits end.  It is both frustrating and completely heartbreaking to work with a child on a skill over and over and you can see it in there eyes that there is no comprehension.  Or on the other hand, you teach a child a skill and it clicks and even as early as five minutes later they look at you like this is the first time you have ever introduced the skill to them.  This hasn't been about slow and steady wins the race.  He simply doesn't get it.  And I am not teaching the child to read.  I am just talking about basic living skills and very beginning preschool skills. 

Our family life completely revolves around him and his needs.  There is constant turmoil because of his coping mechanisms and constant need for direction.  With children like this you don't just tell them no and move on about your day.  A simple no can turn into a 30 minute ordeal.  The whole family is wound up so tight we really feel like we are spinning out of control. 

I think one huge frustrating factor is that people look at this sweet, curly headed boy with an incredible smile and gorgeous brown eyes and by all accounts he looks "normal".  Whatever normal is anymore.   Instead what they get is a child who is on sensory overload and as a way to cope his behavior gets out of control.  When people see this, they don't see a little boy with special needs, they see a spoiled child who is out of control and all he needs is some discipline.  It is heartbreaking to watch your child have no social skills.  Everyone thinks it is so cute that he is so friendly.  It isn't cute- it is scary.  He would walk away with a total stranger and never think twice.  He looks out the car window into another car and genuinely thinks the people in the next car are his friends.  It is all so very overwhelming at times. 

I don't mean to sound negative and I realize there are many more out there who have children with far worse conditions.  But in keeping it real, I have say, I feel like a failure.  Right now I am hanging on by a thread and my only saving grace is knowing that while I feel like that last thread is about to unravel, if it does break, I will gently land in my Father's hands.

After much prayer and discussion here at the homestead we have come to a very difficult decision.  We are putting Sir "C" in public school in the special education program.  I will say that I was the last hold-out on this decision.  This decision caused me to set aside my pride and think not of myself and what I thought my children's lives would look like, but instead focus on the immediate needs of Sir "C".  This was no longer about whether or not I was a "successful" homeschooling mom but rather the needs of this sweet boy.  It has all been bittersweet because I never thought I would ever enroll one of my children in public school.  Simply put, right now he has needs that I can't meet and he needs therapies that I can't get locally.  We are very blessed that two of the therapist that will be working with Sir "C" go to our church.  He will be in a smaller special ed classroom with aides in the classroom to assist the teacher as needs arise.  We are also looking into another personal program for Sir "C", but I will talk about that more when I firm up the details. 

The last of his evaluations were done today and I have one more questionnaire to fill out before we meet for the planning meeting next week.  Once all of the goals are set in that meeting we will enroll him and he will finish out this year in kindergarten and then next year he will repeat kindergarten.  I feel a peace about our decision and know that the Lord will hold us close while He guides and directs us down this new path.  We will continue to pray for the needs of this sweet boy and will constantly evaluate if his needs are being met.  I ask that you would also pray for our family as we move forward.

This may not make sense tomorrow as often happens when I pour out my heart on my blog.  If so, I'll edit my post so it makes more sense. 

Now that I finally have a peace about Sir "C"'s education and therapy needs I can focus on some planning for Lady "M"'s kindergarten year and make some decisions about Prince "T"'s educational goals. 

hugs,
b

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May. 22, 2008 - You have my prayers!!!

Posted by deedeeuk

I totally understand something of the 'failure' syndrome. We have just had a foster son who is 'probably' on the autistic spectrum as well and about the same age (4 1/2). Unfortunatly we just had to ask for him to be moved to another foster home because we couldn't handle the things you described - blankness, never learning anything, needing specialised help, etc. My hubby described it as living the movie 'Groundhog day', we wake up every morning and start all over again with a child who remembers nothing that happened yesterday! I pray that God will give you the peace you need about the decision you have made. The Bible says to train up a child in teh way they should go.... and I believe that is a different path for each child. The ultimate goal is for their salvation, but the needs they have along the way will vary and we can't treat them like cookies that are all out of the same cutter. We need to do what God leads us to do to meet their individual needs. You also had to do what was neccesary for your other kids to get their education as well! With all the disruption, it sounds like it was affecting them as well. Just wanted to say - I understand and it was a brave step! You should be applauded for thinking of your son's needs above poplular opinion! God bless you on this venture! (PS - I just found you on a random blog trip!)

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