Dec. 21, 2009 - The Simple Woman's Daybook ~#58~ 12/21/09
The Simple Woman Daybook

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Dec. 20, 2009 - a little breakdown
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Late last night I was trying to fall asleep but I couldn't.  I kept thinking about the one letter I wrote to my adopted brother. 
Just a little background.  My mother who adopted me (not officially) had already raised two other adopted children.  One sister who was married with children and one brother who was a teen when I joined the family.  when I was 5 my mother died and after some shuffling around I moved in with my brother who had recently married..actually a few days before our mother died.
I only lived with them for a very very short while..not sure the exact amount..months maybe.
Then he sent me to live with our sister..who had 2 older children.  One teenager and one my age.  I lived there for a year or so and then she sent me to live with my natural mother...(that did not last either)
Anyway, I tried to get in contact with the sister but found she had passed.  I found my brother but haven't made any attempt to contact him UNTIL yesterday.
I wrote him a long letter pretty much pouring my heart out to him.  I hadn't seen him since he left me with my sister. 
funny, when I reunited with my mother, one of the first questions she asked was about him. 
That got me thinking of him and 2 years after reunion...I finally wrote a letter to him.
Its printed, sealed and ready to send out.
But last night I started to chicken out.  Last night I started feeling scared...last night I missed my mother..my adopted mother..last night I need her so badly..last night I had a little meltdown.
I thought to myself, "why send the letter?"  What do I want out of this?  Do I really want to know him again?
Or is it that I just want to have my family back.  My adopted family...my mom and brother and sister..
I haven't had that since I was 5 years old..
why now?
do I really want to contact him or am I just missing my mother?
I am not sure what to do now!

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Dec. 19, 2009 - 3 (surgeries) + 1 (surgery) = 4 surgeries in 2009
General

I only thought our family would be closing out 2009 with three surgeries.  On Friday morning as Brooks was getting out of bed he felt and heard a pop.  We ended up at the doctor's office.  The x-ray revealed that one of the three anchors/screws popped loose out of the bone so on Monday we will be returning to the surgery center for another surgery.  Our doctor was in surgery all day on Friday so we saw another doctor in the practice.  He was quite surprised that it had come loose and said that it is rare for that to happen.  Because our doctor was in surgery all day, we were told to keep our Tuesday appointment and a plan would be made from there.  Friday evening we recv'd a phone call from the surgery center letting us know that our doctor had looked at Brooks' x-ray and he would be coming in on his day off, Monday, to repair it.  So at 6am on Monday, we'll be back at the surgery center.

All of this could be very overwhelming and I certainly have my moments but at the same time it could always be so much worse.  I am continually reminded to keep a Holy perspective.  God is in control.  None of this is taking Him by surprise. 

Prayers are much appreciated for this surgery and recovery.

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Dec. 18, 2009 - sending my father a letter
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Whats so special about that you might ask?  Sending your father a letter...so?  I guess, its not that special unless you just found your dad almost 2 years ago and finally had a face to face during Thanksgiving and finally put your feelings down on paper, and actually sealed in an envelope.  Those are huge milestones for an adoptee with major abandonment issues and one who is second guesses herself over every little thing in this reunion.
I sent my bmom and bdad a Christmas card, but nothing personal.  I went up and down the isles looking for something that one might send to a parent for Christmas. 
1.  I don't know what they like and what they have.  This is just our second Christmas in reunion.
2.  don't know sizes
3  gifts for mothers and father with cute sayings...don't seem to apply. 
I might skip this Christmas and wait for a lesser holiday or a birthday to send something.
I didn't get anything last year from either, so maybe they are just as confused about that too.
So..eventually I might feel comfortable enough to send a little something something to my parents.
Just maybe.

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Dec. 18, 2009 - things to consider about adoption
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I just read an awesome blog post.  I read lots, as I keep mentioning, but this one post put into words those feelings that I sometimes have when speaking to an adoptive mother who cringes at the thought her child's first mother. 
Words that I sometimes want to say, but can't seem to string together into a coherent thought.
Sometimes I wonder why adopted mothers need to feel so much gratitude.  Not all mother, my mother didn't seem to need it..or maybe she didn't live long enough to demand it.
My first mother is full of guilt and only wants forgiveness.  I know she had the opportunity to parent me more than once and she didn't take that opportunity. 
My adopted mother, my "real" mother, she jumped at the opportunity to parent me...and I love her for that.  I really love her.  And I never got to see her demand gratitude, get upset because I needed to find my  mother, but thinking about it..I would love to have her now, here with me..even if she demanded those things because I miss her so much.
here is the link to that blog.
http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/but-how-can-there-be-another-mom/

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Dec. 18, 2009 - Baby Shower Gift Tip
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This was another idea that I saw at a Baby Shower recently.  Again, very simple, but I had never thought of doing a baby gift like that OR seen it at another baby shower.

All one lady did, was buy 3 sleepers BUT she bought them in graduated sizes.  6 months, 8 months and 12 months.  What a good idea!  I love it. 

Just thought I'd share it with you.....

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Dec. 18, 2009 - Gift Wrapping Tip
Crafts

This was something I saw at a Baby Shower a little while ago.  One lady had been to a craft show and bought 3 receiving blankets and a baby quilt for the baby.  What was so neat was how the receiving blankets were displayed.

They were tied together with strips of material.  SO simple, but so effective.  So, there were these 3 receiving blankets folded into a square, then they were kinda gift wrapped with a long strip of muslin material and had a small bow.  SOOO cute.

When I wrapped these holiday pillowcases , I did the same thing.  I folded them carefully to the same size and stacked them.  Then I used Christmas ribbon to tie them together.  I think they were a nicer presentation that way.  I need to remember this tip!  Smile

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Dec. 18, 2009 - Sewing for Christmas - Holiday Pillowcases!
Crafts

So, I have this little girl in my life that I babysit.  She comes from a pretty well off family that buys a lot.  I was trying to think of what to get her for Christmas and I thought of holiday pillowcases. 

I went to our local fabric store and they were having a GREAT sale on good fabric - almost all were $16 a meter and up - on sale for $4.  Yes!

I bought 4 cute prints - kites, Noah's Ark, space, and flowers....  But there the material sat.  I just haven't had time to sew them up AND my sewing area is a dungeon. 

(SIGH - I've combined my storage and laundry area this year - and my sewing area is in there, too.  It's not working well.  The sewing desk gets piled with items to be mended and it just isn't appealing to sit down to sew AND two days ago, our fluorescent lights stopped working in there.  I need some new lights, but I haven't had a chance to pick them up.....)

Was talking to a friend about it, and she suggested having the girls sew them.  What a good idea.  They are a gift for their friend, as well....  And I have been wanting to have them start sewing AND it is a perfect project for beginners - all straight lines....

Anyway, I brought our sewing machine upstairs to the dining room table.  Pinned one edge of a pillowcase and got one girl sewing.  Pinned as fast as I could - barely keeping ahead of them!  AND Redhead AND Jewel (12 and 10) sewed 2 pillowcases each!  They loved it.  Had no problem sewing a straight line (or mostly straight) and they were thrilled to actually make something usable.  Very cool!

Here are a couple links:

Easy Holiday Pillowcases - the easiest method possible!

Holiday Pillowcases by Crafty Chic - a little advanced with 2 different fabrics

It sure was a positive project AND making it part of our Christmas Home School got it done! 

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Dec. 17, 2009 - What I Don't Want for Christmas - A Gift Certificate of Death
Politically Incorrect

Every year my mom and I play this game that we call, "What I don't want for Christmas." We just tell each other all the things we do not want, from singing fish mounts to hideous sweaters. I could be shopping in a store and something will catch my eye and I have to call my mom right away to tell her that I don't want the new Barry Manilow CD, because you never know, she may have forgotten that I despise Barry Manilow and she could be buying it for me at that very moment. I'm a good daughter for helping her to spend her money wisely.

But this . . . this is by far at the top of my I Do Not Want list. Planned Parenthood is now offering gift certificates that can be used for abortions. How would you like to get that gift? "Here Loved One, I don't want you to experience the joy a baby brings into your life because I think you're stupid and should just find your joy in material objects that don't return love, teach you valuable lessons, and brings you closer in a relationship with a Creator."

A sagerat salute to The Pilgrim over at Defending. Contending. The link in that blog post to the resource is no longer working but you can read more at Fox News.

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Dec. 17, 2009 - ICE
General

On Monday before Brooks' surgery we went to the ICE show at Gaylord Opryland.  The theme this year is Charlie Brown.  The children had lots of fun and enjoyed the slide made of ice a great deal.

We had to get Mark's picture with Linus since he's our little Linus (loves his blankie)

My favorite part each year is the ICE Nativity scene.  It's always so beautiful.  I was frozen by the time we reached this point so I only have one picture of this scene.

As a side note -- The children hadn't ever seen any Charlie Brown shows.  It had been forever since I had seen any.  We got A Charlie Brown Christmas from Netflix so the children could see it and have an understanding of the theme of ICE.  Do you know how many times they call one another "stupid" in that show?  Way too many to count and certainly way too much to be a suitable show for our family.  I was surprised how mean they are to one another.  One of the children asked "why do they treat Charlie Brown that way".  All of the children thought it was a program we shouldn't watch again.  I was glad to see their discernment in that. 

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