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Welcome to my blog!! I have had this for a while now and have gone thru some pretty bad stuff. I have been told that my blog was too depressing because my blog has been my journal taking me thru my depression. Thank you for those who have stuck with me!! I want this to be a fun place to go now! So please, come on in! Sit and Enjoy! And please, leave comments and feel free to give any suggestions on how to make this blog even better! Im still learning!
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The Dream
Im blogging about this because i do not ever want to forget it. 3 1/2 years ago, my brother died. we kinda expected it to happen sometime, but it seems that it happened so suddenly. so much that i wanted to say to him still. so much that i should've said to him still. so many regrets. im not sure ill ever get over it. still, after all this time, ill just start crying because i miss him so much.
My birthday is next week, I will be the age that he was when he died. he loved birthdays, so around my birthday (mine more than his for some reason) i really struggle with all this. So, ive been having a hard time.
when i was coming to terms with my abortion, i read a book called Tilly. it was about this women who had an abortion, but she had dreamed of her baby and how she was in heaven and she got to talk to her and it was just beautiful. i always (and still do sometimes) begged God to give me a "tilly dream" so i could see my baby. now, im not saying that a dream would be actually "seeing" the baby, but seeing in my mind is good enough for me for now. anyways, back to my actual dream, a while ago, i prayed that God would allow me to have a dream about my brother. just that "to see him one more time" type thing. dont get me wrong, i realize a dream is just a dream, but i wanted and needed that.
God answered that prayer last night!
I was in my house when someone came to my door and walked on in. he had a hoodie on with the hood over his head. He walked in and sat down on a chair that was weirdly placed right in front of the door. I asked my husband, "who is that?" i couldnt see a face. He said "You dont k now??" and then my brother slowly took the hat off and looked at me and smiled. It really was Robb!! now in my dream, he had been dead, he had been on a long trip somewhere, i dont remember where. but he gave me a hug, and i didnt want to let him go. He talked about how he hated where he had been and how glad he was to be back. And how glad i was to have him back!
The look on his face, he was actually so happy to see me. I didnt want to wake up. I wanted to sit and talk to him, the way we used to. Play video games with him, stay up all night talking, order a pizza, then go outside and sit on the porch when it started raining. oh how i miss those things. How i miss my big bubby!!
Now, Im not saying that I think that i actually saw him or anything, but Im praising God for letting me have a dream about him. I havent had one about him since he died. Ive tried. I wanted to so bad. Last night, I finally got to see him. Only in a dream, but i got a hug.
Now i have to find a way to not let my kids seeing that Im bawling. They'll know. They miss him terribly too. If your reading this, Id love to hear what you think. Id love to have some comments on this. Feel free to leave some comments... please!!
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Posted: 10:04 AM, Apr. 3, 2008 |
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