Well, last night I braved the fireworks with my kids.  Daddy is a police officer in the Marines and he had to work (of course).  I decided that we would find a spot in the grass near to the mobile command unit/truck that he was in just in case there was a problem. 
Bug has sensory issues and doesn't do well with things like that.  In fact last year was a total disaster. But, this year he assured me that he would be ok and he wanted to try it.  I'm a sucker to please my kids if I can so I figured we could try it. 
As the night went on, he started getting really nervous.  He was obsessive about having a glow stick b/c he was afraid he wasn't going to be able to see.  They were handing them out and we managed to get one.  I thought that that would calm him enough.  The fireworks started and I was so busy watching Beau to see how he would respond (he's 13 months) that I didn't watch Bug for a few minutes.  When I did look over to him, he was covering his head with his blanket.  I told him he could sit in my lap and pulled him to me covering his ears and talking about how pretty they were.  He was trying so hard to be brave and not to embarss himself in front of his friends, but he started crying and said that he wanted to go home.  I took him to his daddy where he could see a little but not hear them and he was ok. 
He told me later that they are like bombs and he doesn't like them to explode like that. 
I hate that for him.  I'm glad that he handled it better than last year though, and I am pretty sure that next year we'll just skip that part of the festivities!
 

After all the talk about my sweetness son I thought I would post a pic of him.  Couldn't you just eat him up?!  God knew he had to be absolutely adorable so that I would melt when I looked at him.

I think that I have written at other times about my son and some of his struggles... I am becoming more and more vocal about it for several reasons- one I need the support of other mothers myself, two- i know that other mothers need to know they aren't alone in this, and three- my writing - some of which will probably be public soon deals with a lot of it- soooo it will be public soon enough!

Bug has had several diagnoses over his short life of almost 5 years- ADHD, mood disorder Not otherwise specified, and sensory integration.  all this means is that his poor little adorable body has a hard time processing things and that his moods are all over the place.

He doesn't sleep much.  Doctors have no idea why as this is something that doesn't seem to fit with all the other diagnoses.  Bug will often go to sleep around midnight and be awake by four for the day.  Wide awake, ready to go.  We have had him on some medication now for about 4 months to help with his sleeping, and it has helped some.  But there are always those nights- they come fairly often and are very hard.  Last night was one of them.  He woke up at 1:30am and didn't go back to sleep (until 5 minutes ago- 10am) This isn't a power issue, he isn't coming to our bed, in fact he stays in his room and turns on his lamp and some classical music and plays legos until he either falls asleep again or the sun comes up.  This was one of those all night times.  I heard him raking through the legos several times and he even called out to me around 3:30 for some water.  My husband left for work about 5 and he was still going at it. He finally called to me at 6:30 b/c the sun was up. 
I hate this for him.  I know he has a hard time- but yet he keeps a good attitude about it.  He has had a decent morning and just started falling apart.  So here he lays, on the floor at my feet- a superman cape made out of a blanket around his neck, his batman pjs and his red converse high tops.  worn out, tired from the demands his brain makes on his slight body and at peace. 
My beautiful son.  How I wish I could help you.

Hey there!
I have a feeling I will be writing to myself for awhile as I'm sure most of you have given up checking in for new posts.

I have kept up with my other blog www.xanga.com/hippmama but have neglected this one... not sure why...

I just got back from a Speakers/Writers Conference called SheSpeaks - it is done with Proverbs 31 ministries.  I pitched a book proposal and it went better than ok.  I'll give more details as i can. 
I was  blessed beyond belief.  Lots of good info in the workshops, and God moved mightily in my heart.  Always a little painful, but always so wonderful too.

I met some great women, homeschoolers too!  looking forward to finding them on here.

I need to get going for now- I want to hang out with my husband as I hadn't seen him since early last week. 
I'm glad to be back! 
I'll try much harder to stay up to date this time.

Daddy's home- obviously. :)  it's been close to a week so far. We're doing well. I got sick immediately when he got home (well, over night) and spent the first two days in bed. It was like my body had been holding on until he could get there.

We're enjoying having him back with us.  The boys are so much more secure with their Daddy home.

Not a whole lot to share- so much in the air, but so little that is concrete enough to "put on paper". 

Tonight I am going to a friends scrapbook store who is going out of business.  She has stamps for 5 cents, and paper for 5 cents and lots of other stuff- i'm totally excited!  WHOO HOO! Hope i find some great stuff!

I should get going- i'm headed outside to put some of my growing seedlings into the ground!!

YAY!

Friends- today my husband comes home.  WOW! I can hardly believe it's already here.  He graduates from the school (with honors I might add) this morning at 10:30 and then he'll be leaving the area about 1:30 to head home.  It takes him about 10 hours so I'll see him late tonight but he'll be here.
God has been so gracious to me while he's been gone.  It's been almost 2 months and we have done well. Bug has had some major struggles with all of this, but I have been able to respond to him in love and patience the whole time- evidence of God's perfect grace.
I am not telling him that Daddy will be here when he wakes up, only that he's coming home tomorrow.  I can't wait to see his little face.  Priceless.

Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts!
We are ready to welcome the man of our house back home.

Have a wonderful good Friday everyone- remember our Saviour and His sacrifice. 

Ok- Although I am a day late  It is time for the winner of the wonderful prize to be announced!

The winner of the best story is....

Redeemed !!! 
You'll have to go back and read the stories, but Redeemed well... wet her pants in public.  I felt that that story happening to an adult was worth the prize!

I had a blast doing the contest- so many great and funny stories! 
Thanks to all of you for sharing your blush worthy tales with me!

I truly do love books.  On a circulating email one of the questions asked is always "what store would you chose to max out a credit card if you had to"... my answer is always a BOOK STORE!  it seems that no matter how many books I get, I always want more!

Ever since I was little and learned to read (my mom taught me by age 4) I have devoured books.  I have several hundred of my own, but always desire more.    I would read at the table during meals, under my covers with a flashlight at night, on the screened porch in the swing, in the bathtub, at stoplights when I'm driving, whenever I possibly can!  When I was younger I wasn't allowed to read at the dinner table or if we were having a meal as a family (it wasn't a big deal if it was just me at the breakfast table with a bowl of cereal)  And the few times I did bring one to the table, I would sit with my knee sticking up over the top of the table curled up in my chair.  My dad would reach over with his fork and stab my knee!  To this day I hate having my kneecap touched!  

Anyways!  There is a fabulous website- all about books- BUT with a twist!  It is
http://www.bookcrossing.com/.  This site is about hiding and finding and sharing books.  Here's the deal in a nutshell- you get a book (can be a new one or something from a yard sale, or thrift store) you go to the website and "register" it.  Give is an ID number in the front inside, and then post in the boards where you are going to leave it.  Then... you wait!  Hoping that someone finds it and gets on the website to tell you about how they found it etc, or what they think of the book- things like that.  Also- you can go online and find books in your town- do the same thing and then hide it again if you like ! It is so fun!  This is happening all over the world and is like a bibliophile's little secret.  Of course, some places are more heavily covered than others (but anyone can change that!) and start hiding! 
I'd love to hear from you all if you find or hide a book! 

Go- spread literature, experience a wonderful journey of the written word!  Share the wealth- and be sure to come back and tell me all about it!

LOL!

You guys are telling great stories!

I didn't do this contest because I like to tease other people, or make them feel uncomfortable, or to laugh at their expense, I did it b/c telling funny or embarrassing stories makes us all a bit more "human".  We all have those moments, and we all wish we could melt into the floor- and hearing that other people have had those Oh Gosh moments too bonds us all.

I don't have to give the "most embarrassing" b/c I'm not competing- but thought I'd share one that happened around Christmas time.

We were visiting family for Christmas and many of my relatives were there.  My siblings, sister in law, cousins and spouses, all their kids, my husband, our kids, my parents, aunt, uncle- you get the picture.  We decided to watch old family movies on a big screen.  It was great fun seeing ourselves 20-30 years ago, seeing how young my grandparents used to look, remembering great summers on the lake and skiing.  Yes, the memories.  they were beautiful.
Then there was this one- this one HORRIBLE movie that everyone remembers.  It was me and one of my little brothers. I was probably about 8 years old and so cute.  The camera was just on me, pretty close up and I.... SCRATCHED myself.  Yes.  I did.  IN front of everyone.  I was mortified.  There was an embarrassed silence, and then the snickering started.  I think my uncle said something like- Sure hope you got whatever you were looking for.
I wanted to die right then.  How embarrassing.  ACK!

So- there's mine.  Try not to laugh out loud, I'm still sensitive to it- and I might be able to hear you.

HI!  I am having a contest.  I am not sure how many readers I have out there, but want to make new friends and thought- why can't I offer a contest of sorts?  Redeemed offered me a good thought- she was telling me a story of embarassment and so that got me thinking.  We all have stories to tell- funny ones (NOW) that happened to us over the years- and so I want you to dust off your embarassing/and or unbelievably funny stories and send them in.
The RULES:
1.  It has to be a story/circumstance that directly involves YOU.
2.  It can't embarass anyone in your family unless they give you direct permission.
3.  It has to be clean
4.  I will stop it on April the 7th and annouce the winner. 

Tell your friends- pop in and let me get to know you- the REAL you just a bit more!

I DO have a prize!  That's the best part!
I have a (drum roll please.....)

Brand new, still in packaging, Live From Atlanta: Casting Crowns 2 Disc DVD/CD set.
If you've never heard them, you are missing something great.  They have wonderful songs with powerful lyrics.  I would consider it to be in the more modern worship style music!  You'll love it!!

Can't wait to start reading all of your great stories! Good luck!!

Today I finished starting all the seeds that I have wanted to get going.  I was so excited to share this with Bug and to kind of create a little lesson out of it- thinking to myself what a wonderful mother/son thing this would be!  Well... true to kid form- he totally surprised me.  He wasn't really interested.  I wanted to talk about the seeds, how they grow, what they need, and he just wanted to ride his bike and run in the yard! LOL!  I'm sure that this won't be the last time that a "lesson" I am planning gets derailed.  I just smiled and went along my merry way. Hopefully as they poke their heads through the dirt, he'll be excited enough to listen and talk about them then.  I realized that he didn't like sticking his hands into the dirt- he's a sensory sensitive child so this was nothing new to me.  Oh well- I'm excited to see what kind of food yield we get this year!

I love plants.  I worked in a nursery as a teenager for a couple of years and learned so much.  When I first got married I had plants all over and all around my house- but as we got so involved in church, and had a child, that was left behind.  I missed it and this year I got plants for my home as well as seeds to start a garden.
Funny story-
One year that I worked at the nursery I was alone.  This was very common as it was a family run business and I worked at the satellite store in a different town.  I was out in the tree and shrub area watering when I felt a sharp pain on my ankle.  I thought I had been bitten by a snake.  I looked down and saw the bite and started walking towards the green house.  My body had a huge allergic reaction and with the second step my whole1q leg went numb and just dragged behind me.  I dropped to my knees and crawled the rest of the way to the greenhouse.  I got to the counter, pulled myself up and decided to call my mom at work.  She wasn't there, and I got her voice mail- by this time I was feeling very very weird and my whole left side was numb.  I tried to remain calm, but left a message something like this:
Mom, this is Heather.  I got bit by a snake and I need help.  In fact, I think that I might be dying.  I love you and I just wanted you to know that.  Tell Dad I love him too. 

I was crying, slurring my words and getting pretty worked up.  I hung up and called 911- by this time i had slunk onto the floor and could barely speak- I really and truly thought I was going to die.  The dispatcher had me keep the phone at my head until the ambulance got there- (like I could get up to hang it up! ) and the ambulance came.  They gave me meds right away and took me to the hospital.  turns out it was a spider bite that I had a horrible reaction to- but the meds helped and by the time my dad got the message  and got to the hospital I was feeling fine.

My mom saved that message.  She made me listen to it several times.  HOW EMBARASSING!  It was horrible.  What an awful thing to do to a mother.  ACK!  I sure hope that God doesn't "pay me back" for all those things I've done to her.  Good grief.  What a mess I am. She still "reminds" me of that day sometimes and the whole family has a good laugh.  ah well.   

Only a mother's love.......

Bug is sleeping.
This is a monumental event.
Since he has been about 18 months old, he has really had a horrible time sleeping.  This isn't the "super nanny" power struggle of a kid jumping out of bed for attention.  This was serious, ongoing insomnia.  We had tried everything from the exact routine, to herbal remedies (that did work for about 2 months!) to closing the door and just letting him be awake, to locking the door from the outside, to yelling, spanking, everything.  everything.  Nothing was working.  I finally settled for locking him in- I didn't care if he was awake, only that I knew where he was and that he was safe.  So for a couple of months, we'd put him to bed and then lock the door so that I could sleep with peace.  This helped some, although he still didn't go to sleep until about 12 every night.  As you can imagine, severe sleep deprevation made for a very unhappy and unpredictable little boy.  He could be very angry, teary, agressive- and I think it was all exacerbated and often brought on by his tired body and mind. 
NOW!  He's on some medication to help him sleep.  This is the fourth try to help, and finally it is working.  I was hesistant b/c medicating my 4 yr old was making me nervous, but now that he is sleeping, with no ill effects during the day, I am thrilled that I decided to try.
We put him down about 8 and before 9 he is fast asleep. No more battles of us telling him to stop jumping on the bed, stop playing in his room, stop rolling around on the floor- I just tuck him in, and soon, he's off to slumber land.  Last night was the third night we've been home and he was sleeping.  I kept listening for him only to realize that this is really real- he's asleep!  He isn't waking at 2 and hiding under my bed, he isn't up at three staring me in the face until I jump awake- he's truly asleep.
Praise God for BIG miracles.  What a blessing sleep is!

As I was driving home the other day- through some of the major states included in the deep south, I was struch with how insensitive we as Christians are to the very group that we are trying to reach.

OK- warning- I am going to talk about some things that you may not have thought about, and/or may have just taken as "normal", but I see as truly weird.  :)

There is a big church in northern GA that has had on it's marquee for several months the old quip- "You catch 'em, God cleans 'em." 
Hmm.  I am sure some God fearing person came up with that some years back and was totally blown away by his or her wittiness, but when I read that through the eyes of someone who is unchurched, or doesn't know God i think WHAT THE HECK!?   why would a non christian want to visit a church that so clearly states that they are "dirty", in need of cleaning and somehow "less than" those who are already attending.  If our goal as the church is to reach those with the pure love of Jesus, and to introduce Him to them, why aren't we more careful about how we talk to and about the non christians RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM?!  I read a book this week called a.k.a "LOST" by Jim Henderson.  It was really powerful.  It's all about evangelism through our lives, through listening to people, to being real with them, by not preaching and trying to "close the sale" so to speak.  It was awesome.  I highly recommend it.  I had thought about that silly sign before but it really bothered me this time.  I don't think that we think very much about who we are trying to "catch"- for if we did, our signs might read something like this:
God wants you to have sex- and lots of it with your spouse!
Don't Worry, we don't need your money!
If God is so good, then why is there evil in this world? 
Don't have a suit to wear?!  Us either!  Join us as you are.
God- not just for Republicans.

If you listen to people who don't know God yet personally, these kind of things would speak to them.  Telling them they need to repent, give to your church or look a certain way is not only guaranteed to keep them OUT of your seats, it is also the total opposite of how Jesus shared His love. 

Just my thoughts for the morning.  We need to be careful as to how we present ourselves to the very group we want to see come to know Him.  We need to love as Jesus loves, not be so quick to follow an agenda, or a plan or to berate people with the "Love of God".  Jesus is love- he oozes it, and had a way of making people WANT to repent and come to him, just by being in his presence.  He didn't have to convince them that they were so unworthy that they should be on their knees in his presence (although they certainly should have been!) nope- he served THEM.  powerful powerful stuff.

Ahh. It's so good to be home.  In the last 24 hours I have traveled almost 13 driving hours with a 4 year old and a 10 month old- including a stay in a hotel.  I am very proud of myself for doing it and for surviving with a good attitude.  I am tired now, and there is oh so much to do, but it feels so good to be home and I am ready for my own bed.

Isn't God good?  He is such an artist.  I love  VA- I miss it immensely and often pine for the mountains and lush green fields.  But today, as I was driving home to GA I was struck with the vast array of green colors that God has designed.  The forests were a rainbow of color- all within the green family!  It was amazing.  There were splashes of purple, red and white as the trees are beginning to bud.  The wildflowers were popping up and opening their heads, and the grass was turning deeper shades of green.  I was awed at the beauty- I am afraid to admit that for the last 2 years I have thought VA far superior in it's glory and missed much of the beauty that was surrounding me.  Thank you Lord for the wake up call of your creativity. 

My dear friend blessed me upon my return home.  She watches out for me and is so gracious.  I had a 10 yr old boy feeding my cats and fish and bringing in my mail while I was gone.  Apparently- although I had made it a priority and very clear that I needed the litter to be scooped often, he hadn't done it.    She had come over this morning and realized how smelly the house was.  She cleaned out the box, raised some windows, vaccumed and washed my bedsheets-all  so I would feel clean.  What a true friend.  She has a busy life of her own with three little ones 4 and under and yet she found time to be Jesus's hands and feet. 

A friend and I in VA were just talking about this the other day- friendship.  She is a very dear friend and we were talking about how true friendship with women seems to be rare.  I was saying, a good friend saves magazine articles- just b/c she knows you'll enjoy reading them.  Or picks up your favorite coffee when she's out- or buys extra toys for your kids, or cleans your cat litter  .  I came home to blessings AND books she had "picked up for me, b/c she knew I would appreciate them".  What a good friend. 
The only sad thing is that we're all in the Marine Corps and somewhere down deep we both know that this close proximity and sharing we have will change drastically.  I do not look forward to that day.
   Such is life in the military.
I pray all of you can find friends as wonderful as i have.

OK- I'm editing myself.  I know precious few read this as it is! :)  and i need to cut myself off to make sure those who are reading will come back again!  i could write all day.  How theraputic.  And how intoxicating to think that maybe, just maybe someone is out there reading and smiling!

GOOD NIGHT !

I"m at my in-laws- although, I am leaving in the morning to share the weekend with dear friends.  I am really enjoying myself. It is good to have different things for Bug to do- to spend time wtih all of his grandparents and other family and to enjoy the fun things they have in each of their towns.

We went to the Discovery Museum in Charlottesville last week with my parents.  I love to watch Bug discover and learn and figure things out.  The museum is actually very small, but they have done a fabulous job of filling it with things that will stimulate the minds of children and spur them to imaginative play. He loved the cockroaches- and yes, they were an exhibit, not just pests.

Today I went to the Bead shoppe and made some good jewlery.  There is nothing better than making something beautiful with your hands. What fun!  If I wasn't so into scrapbooking- having poured lots of time and energy and money into that hobby, I would be ready to start being a jewlery maker at home. !!! :LOL!  It's amazing the things that you can make and create. I'm wearing a new creation of mine right now and If I do say so myself they are stunning!

I am reading an awesome book right now- it's called your Challenging Child.  It is so insightful- I am learning a lot!  I'll let you know if I discover anything monumental.  It just makes me relieved to read the "texbook" responses that my son has- that much of his defiance and frustration has nothing to do with me! 

I'm off- nothing wonderfully exciting to share- lots of things are up in the air right now with my husband and the marine corps- praying and thinking and reserarching- trying to discover if we are suposed to stay in or get out in 18 months.  What an intense thing to ponder.  Yet, I have no fear- which for me is powerful.  I struggle with fear- especailly when it comes to our future. I long to know what comes next, if we'll  be ok, where our money will come from- and yet, I know without doubt- that God is my source- not the Marines, not myself, not my husband. He alone. and He alone is sufficient.

on that note- i'm off to get some oreos for Bug and play a game- he's waiting for me~

I'm feeling better.

I realize that I have so far to go as a parent and yet I also know that His grace is so sufficient.  I was thinking about the comment that writmm wrote concerning how we so often ignore God's commands to us.  I have thought many times that probably only due to God's perfect nature does he refrain from anger at our continual sinning and unresponsiveness to his word.  I know that through this journey of motherhood I have learned much more about the relationship between God and His children.  It's not easy being a parent. 

I do realize that God paired me up with the perfect child for me- it's amazing how that seems to work!  Bug needs so much stimulation and creativity and attention- he isn't content to lay in front of the TV or play quietly for long stretches of time- I know that with my personality, if I had a super compliant child, I would be as lazy as he let me be.  Because Bug requires more, I have had to grow out of my selfishness and laziness much more quickly. It has made me a better mother- one who seeks to find things to do with him, to teach him, to experience with him.  God knew that I needed that constant pressure of his hyperactivity to keep me out of selfish inactivity. What a wonderful God we serve. 

praise God that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!

I am in VA now visiting friends and family while my husband is out of town.  Good grief do we miss him!

I have been thinking and praying and musing and wondering and worrying and mulling over the fact that I seem to have an anger issue with my first son.   How painful that is to see in print- to realize how often I get angry at him and talk to him in a less-than gracious, nurturing tone, and how I live in regret of those moments. 
It is interesting to go back through the generations of my family and realize the legacy of anger that we have passed through to each other and the knowledge of this being an ongoing issue has spurred me to prayers of desperation to put an end to it.  By the sheer grace of God I have been able to "control" my frustration, but parenting a strong willed child with ADHD and other diagnoses from BP disorder to Mood disorder not otherwise specified, to regulatory issues, often pushes me into realms of discomfort and fear that are painful to manage. 
Bug is an incredible child.  He is exceptionally bright, very sensitive, curious, strong, and absloluetly breathtakingly adorable (Ok, so i'm his mom and I tend to favor those blueberry colored eyes and dirty blonde hair!)  He is also hyper, impulsive, occasionally violent, frustrated, and not a good sleeper.
I think as most moms do, I have a tendency to get frustrated with him when my agenda is derailed.  In our family- this most often happens at night time.  My nights often go something like this:
put the baby down for bed- easy as pie!  he's eager for his bed and snuggles in quickly and quietly.
Turn my sites on Bug.  Start the wind-down process with pj's a snack, books, songs, prayers and then lights out.  Close the door, and go to relax my pregnant body to prepare for the next day. 
Within 3 minutes he is out of his room.  I tell him to get back to bed and not to get out again or there will be consequences.  I mumble a prayer under my breath as I calmly tuck him in again.  This process is often repeated 5-10 more times over the course of the next hour.  Each time there are consequences that I am praying will deter him from coming out again- I implement everything from spanking to privelege revocation.  At this point, being without my husband, I start to get frustrated.  Growing a baby, so I've heard, is equivilent to running a marathon DAILY and so my tired swelling body longs for the comfort of my bed.  I know that Bug has yet to settle down so i just get ready for bed and lay down either to read or watch TV until i know he is asleep and therefore safe.   On a regular basis I fall asleep waiting to hear that he has either stopped appearing in the hallway or that he has stopped bouncing off of the walls in his room.  I don't mind him being awake as long as he stays put- often that is the crux of the battle!  At this point, is is usually anywhere from 10-12 at night. We had started this process at 8:30.  I am annoyed, getting more and more frustrated and more and more tired and getting absolutely paranoid that his shrieks (either of joy or sadness depending on the day) will awaken my youngest.  This is when the anger sets in.  I am desperate to sleep, full of fear because none of my parenting "techniques" have produced anything vaguely resembling obedience, and feeling very out of control of the actions of my 4 year old son.  The son who should heed my commands, and obey my creeds- especially after 3 hours of hearing them! 
Many times I fall asleep duing this process- and many times he appears under my bed.  On top of the fact that this scares me awake-realizing that anything alive larger than a spider is crawling around under your bed is a frightening experience- I am also now fearful of the fact that i have been asleep while he has been potentially wandering around the house unsupervised! 
I start, or continue to get mad.  I pull him out from the bed march him back to his room all the while grinding my teeth, and telling him firmly to go to sleep, that i am tired of this, that i am upset that he has disobeyed again and that I am not happy.  I plop him in bed.  Choke back the scream of frustration, then turn to squeak out- stay in your bed and do not get up again!!
Ah yes.  The power of peace, serenity and grace. YEAH RIGHT!  I go back to bed straining my ears to hear the opening of his door, and hearing the crying of rejection because my son's sweet mama- ME has once again succumbed to my flesh and indulged myself to speak harshly and with ice. 
I lay in bed sad at yet another interaction between my most favorite big kid ever and I and beg God to take away the anger, replace it with mercy and to please help me understand how to get his attention.

SO! there you have it.  I write this because it happened yet again last night.  Here at my parents house the boys and I are sharing a room, and Bug was taking great pleasure in trying to wake his brother.  We moved to a seperate bedroom.  I hissed through my teeth GO TO SLEEP- knowing in my more logical part of my brain that no person eagerly settles down deep into their blankets, takes a long soothing breath and closes their eyes into peaceful slumber after being commanded by an annoyed, tired woman to GO TO SLEEP.  And yet- the power of self.  I continue with the huffing and sighing, somehow down deep thinking that the release of the frustration will make me feel better and possibly even cajole my son into the behavior that I so desire.
what a crock of lunacy.

And so. 

I had a good day with him.  It is almost time for bed, and I am praying for the extended patience to deal with him peacefully and lovingly no matter how long he takes to settle down.  I am pondering why I respond this way- why I am still so selfish that the draw of my own bed and the repeated denial of sleep is enough to bring me to talk to my son in a manner that if I heard spouted out of another human directed towards him I would go to battle in his defense. 

GOD help me to be like you.  Help me to have wisdom in the moment of frustration to know how to respond to my child who is made differently than me.  Help me to be a source of comfort and peace to my children- a vessel of water that runs deep, and pure.  And God, please forgive me for my selfishness and my frustration as I give into my flesh and indulge that part of me that desires control.  Be with my son Lord, and protect him from my past responses.  Thank you that he loves me and feels safe with me.  I know I have so far to go Lord, purify my heart..
 

UPDATE!  - thanks to my first reader/poster!  YAY!  I am
"published"!! 
I noticed after I posted that the font was strange- good advice to change it- so here it is, in it's new and hopefully more "readable" glory ! ( look at this- learning things from you all already! )
 

And so I am off....
the beginning of my weblog- wondering if and when anyone will be reading this!

I decided to join as we are starting homeschooling this year and I am so excited at all the support and knowledge that is floating around this blog site- I had to be a part of it!

This week has been a hard one- I Have 2 boys- "Bug" is 4 and "Beau" is 9 months.  My husband is in the marines and left one week ago for 2 months to attend a special school about 10 hours away.
The day before he left Bug got very sick and we found out after Dh left that he had strep and mono!  What a mess!  He's been on medication now for a little over a week and is doing much better, however he is super sensitive to food dyes which I keep him from - until he gets sick- and then he's on those awful meds chock full of color.  That makes me so frustrated! He gets impulsive, hyper, angry, moody and I knew that though he needed the meds to get better that he would be a time bomb b/c of the colors.  I was right.  Wed night he lost it.  It is made all the harder b/c my husband, who can usually calm him, was gone.  But, God is so good, and I managed to keep calm and get through the struggles over the last few days.  We are hanging on until tuesday when I leave for VA to visit family!  How exciting!
Oh!  And I am 11 weeks pregnant with #3, so my tummy has been a little queasy recently! I'll be glad to be at home with my parents who can enjoy the boys since I feel so tied and ill right now.  They are going to have a blast!

That's it.  My first entry.  Can't wait to see where this will go over the next years as we enter into the homeschooling journey officially!  What fun to be a part of a group!