Have you ever been so hurt or disappointed by someone that you could feel your heart ache? Sometimes tears immediately well up in your eyes after someone has hurt you. Other times, anger burns inside you.
You have probably felt just a small amount of the anger and outrage that Joseph felt when his brothers stripped him of his coat, threw him into a pit in the desert, and sold him as a slave to some Ishmaelite traders. The story of Joseph's life is found in Genesis 37-50. Yet, despite the great pain and anger their action caused him, and the many years he suffered in an Egyptian prison, Joseph somehow eventually found the strength to forgive his brothers for the great evil they had done against him. When he finally confronted them years later, although he had the perfect opportunity to get revenge on them, he said:
"I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.... So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Ge. 45:4-8, 50:19-21)
Joseph gives us a powerful example of forgiveness. He forgave his brothers fully from the heart and he then provided for them and their children.
What does it mean to forgive someone?
When you forgive someone it means you are choosing to release them from the anger in your heart for the way they have offended you. When you hold anger in your heart toward someone, it is as if your anger puts them in a prison. Imagine your anger being the rod iron bars to a jail cell. This anger holds the person who offended you as a prisoner inside your heart for the way they have treated you. But Jesus commands us in His Word to forgive them - to release them from the prison in our heart.
For a Parable about Unforgiveness, look up and read Matthew 18:23-35 in your Bible.
How many times do I forgive someone?
In Matt. 18:21, Peter asked "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me?" "Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times seven." Peter must have had someone who had offended him to ask Jesus that question. In fact, that person must have offended Peter more than once and he thought surely there must be a limit to the number of times I have to forgive. Jesus corrected Peter and said to multiply that number times seventy. This meant that Peter was to forgive this person every time he was wronged, no matter how many times.
What happens if I don't forgive someone?
When anger stays in our heart for a long time, it then turns to bitterness. Bitterness is like poison in our heart. The Bible warns us about bitterness - "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled." Hebrews 12:15. Just as poison inside of your body could slowly kill you, bitterness in your heart can slowly "kill" your heart by causing it to become hardened and incapable of feeling tenderness.
Forgiveness is hard, who can help me?
Forgiveness doesn't happen naturally, we have to depend on God, the Holy Spirit and the Bible to help us.
WHAT PRINCIPLES WILL HELP ME TO FORGIVE WHEN IT HURTS?
1. Remember the Greatest Act of Forgiveness, When Jesus Died On The Cross For Your Sins, And Understood How Much YOU Needed To Be Forgiven.
Ro. 5:7-8 - For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
I Jn. 1:8-10 - If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
Ps. 19:12 - Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.
Ps. 25:11 - For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity, for it is great.
Ps. 25:7 - Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord.
2. God Requires Us To Forgive Others in Order For Us to be Forgiven.
Matt. 6: 14-15 - Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Mk. 11:25 - And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any; that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mk. 6:37 - He answered and said unto them, "Give ye them to eat." And they say unto him, "Shall we go and buy two hundred pennyworth of bread, and give them to eat?"
Col 3:13-14 - Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
3. Those Who Sin Against You Do Not Really Understand What They are Doing.
In Lk. 23:32, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Like Joseph, He was able to forgive those that had so viciously sinned against Him.
4. There Is Danger In Letting Satan Get A Foothold Through Unforgiveness.
2 Cor. 2:5-11 - But if any have caused grief, he hath not grieved me, but in part; that I may not overcharge you all. Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with over much sorrow, wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him, for to thisend also did I write,that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things. To whom ye forgive anything, I forgive also; for if I forgave anything to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.
Pr. 17:9- He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
Eph. 4:31-32 - Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; and be ye kind on to another, tenderheated, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Pr. 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
5. Look for God's Purposes In Your Suffering.
In Ge. 50:19-21, Joseph said, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…"
The Principles That Can Help You
When someone has offended you, take the principles listed above to heart. Immediately go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you forgive the person. Here is an example:
First of all, speak to Him as if He is sitting there right beside you. Because He really is. God knows exactly what happened, but you should tell Him anyway. It will help you vent. Tell Him how you feel (angry, hurt, etc.) and ask for Him to help you forgive that person. You need to try, too! Tell God you are sorry (only if you really are) and ask Him to forgive you for your anger. Ask Him to fill you with His love for that person. He can heal the hurt and pain you feel if you'll only ask Him. Ask Him to help you feel compassion towards that person.
Then go to the Bible and read verses on forgiveness (the ones mentioned above are a good place to start). The Bible says that when we put the Word of God in our heart, it keeps us from sin. So continue to read your Bible verses daily, and continue to pray.
It may take some time, but if you are sincere, soon you will find that the poison of unforgiveness has been washed out of your heart by God's Holy Spirit!
As God leads you to, and when you feel you are ready, renew your relationship with the other person by initiating friendly conversation with them or reaching out to them in some other kind way. When all is said and done, you just might find that, like Joseph, your heart of love toward the other person has grown bigger despite the pain and hurt you suffered.
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Dec. 13, 2008 - Untitled Comment
You are welcome to the picture! I just found it somewhere on line! :-)
Have a good day!
Amy :O)