Last week was spent camping in the remote mountains of northern Potter County, Pennsylvania where we were treated to the most spectacular of nature walks and sighted deer, many different reptiles and amphibians, including the sweet tempered red eft, many different birds, including purple martins, and we even heard a turkey (the day before and the day AFTER its season closed *smirk*).  When we weren’t on a nature walk, nature came to us, like in the form of this Mourning Cloak that flew in the driver’s side window and landed on my head as I turned off Route 49.   

Yes, I freaked…and knocked it to the floor mat, then pulled over to see what had caused such commotion and scooped up the stunned butterfly in the coffee cup that my husband left in my truck when fishing that morning.   But, this was not what unnerved our nature walks.  It was the fresh tracks on the old logging trail that rounds behind the cabin.  Just as we started off on our adventure I saw this:

It must be a bear track I thought and I began to be a little nervous since I was alone in the wilderness with 4 children under 8, one of whom was riding in the backpack.  I noticed nearby an identical track, only smaller.  Great.  Momma and cubs.   Then about 15 feet away, I noticed this track. 

Uh, wait this looks more like a bear, and it is wider, about 6" across.  What could the other have been? When we returned I consulted my best field guide, a 1950s that is written by a true naturalist and combines prose and poetry, his personal opinions, and scientific fact in one wonderfully written field guide.  (*whispers* sometimes I actually read this field guide…for fun.)  Well there was only one animal that makes a track this size and shape:  the mountain lion.  The problem here is the Commission denies their existence in PA.  The Commission claims that the last known pair of wild mountain lions was killed in Clinton County in 1871. Then a mountain lion was killed by a hunter in Potter County in 1967 and the Commission claimed that animal was an escaped pet.  You know how many pet mountain lions get out and roam the neighborhood, right?  I could email the commission and show them my track but then what?  They could claim it is a declawed bear with a missing toe, perhaps an escaped pet, walking up the trail with his friend the bobcat.   

Friday evening I packed a picnic supper and we hiked the Ken Lockwood Gorge while Bill did some fly fishing.  We are so blessed to live a couple miles from here so that we can just pick up and go any time.  Our first find were swarms of puddling butterflies...

Apparently puddling butterflies are NOT really bothered by much.

We also saw a huge millepede.  These are 5 year old hands here but still that is one big millepede. 

 Oh yes, and this is the result of too much nice weather and sandals -- stripey feet ala Big Bird!

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

What about when that season comes to an end?  Winter warms and melts into spring.  Spring warms and soaks the earth gradually getting warmer and dries into summer.  The summer sun dries and cracks the ground until the autumn frost kills the flora and the leaves fall to the ground covering what is left of the green with a brown blanket. All the things of the previous season disappear with the new: the snow, the mud, the blooms, the leaves, each giving way to the next without resistance.

The seasons seem to move along changing sometimes subtly into the next and other times more drastically, like the first killing frost of autumn that turns greens to browns and causes the trees that were a yellow and red haze yesterday to stand bare against the clear blue sky. 

Sometimes we hold on to a season, it seems to linger, allowing us to wear our flip flops well into November.  That is, until it becomes uncomfortable enough for us to change.  Sometimes we hold on to the seasons of our lives that way, especially the ones that are comfortable and easy going or the ones that are cozy and warm.  Its like not being quite ready to shed that old wool sweater and give up our cozy place by the fireside to feel the warm spring sun on our skin. Do we hold on because it is comfy or do we not realize that old sweater has become itchy?  Either way, we know we need to shed that old wool to feel the warmth of the spring sunshine. 

As I watched my youngest play with the globe during lessons the other morning it occurred to me that even she could touch the world.  

As my family struggles now with the comfortable complacency of the Christian community there is something within cries out, “STOP!  I want to step off.”  Yet just as my children leave handprints over everything they touch, we leave our handprint on what or who we touch.  What kind of hand print are you leaving?  Are you leaving God’s handprint or an angry red slap mark? 

The media is saturated with the message that it is all about YOU.  You want it.  You need it.  You DESERVE it.  Us believers think we are wise against this.  We KNOW it is not about us, but do we really know what it is about?  Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. (James 3:13 NIV)

When you pull out of your driveway rushing off to church while your neighbor sits on her porch smoking a cigarette, sad that her husband left her, have you remembered what it is about?

When you step over the homeless guy on your way to mail a check to your sponsored child have you remembered what it is about?

When you look crossly at the woman whose small children are running wild, have you remembered what it is about?

When something pulls at your heart but you turn your head away, have you remembered what it is about?

Do you even know what it is?

It is that by our love for one another all men will recognize us as His disciples. (John 13:35)

It is that we ought to be doing what we can to fill the needs of another.  (1 John 3:17)

It seems the onus of reaching “the lost” has been placed on the church.  It seems that people have reached a sense of security in showing up on Sunday morning, participating in their ministries and sending off their financial offerings.  I came.  I served.  I tithed.  Great…what have you done the rest of the week?  After you have rushed off to church do you take notice of the people around you or do you still keep going?

Even you can touch the world.  Start by touching your sister, your brother and your neighbor and leaving behind the handprint of God.

Saturday morning we awoke and my husband went fishing and I had some time to watch the birds, journal and pray before the kids awoke.  While journaling, my husband calls me.  He found 4 chairs on the roadside AND he was agreeable to picking them up for me.  We are desperately in need of kitchen chairs being that we only have 2 and a long bench.  He brought them home and one was an odd chair, they were not really my style (very 70s pine).  After breakfast we headed out into the yard.  Yesterday was in the high 70s and not a single cloud.  After 2 months of almost all rain and clouds I needed that…badly. 

Whilst thinking about what to do with the chairs, I began digging up the yard to level out that area, plant some things and put down some grass.  I began to find that someone had buried garbage.  I got curious and distracted by pretending to be an archeologist.  I determined that I would not make a good archeologist because I shoveled right through a ceramic something.  By this time I had a hole about 6’ X 3’ and 3’ deep.  I decided to bury some of the scrap wood my husband had piled next to the shed that he’d been meaning to take to the dump for the past 2 years.  Then I shoveled all the dirt back over and leveled it out and planted.  By that time I had determined that I would paint the chairs black and that they would be very nice like that.  So I cleaned up the chairs and began painting.  I got a coat on 2 chairs and ran out of paint. 

My husband came home from fishing and had caught 2 trout, one of which was tagged.  Even after removing the tag, the fish was alive and kicking.  So we put him in our pond and revived him.  The girls named him Nemo.  Nemo seeped very happy.  That is until, unbeknownst to us, Nemo jumped out of the pond, landing on the rocks in the sun, effectively committing suicide.  *sigh*, oh Nemo, being a big fish in a small pond isn’t that bad of a place to be.  Nemo was buried under one of our rose bushes.  My husband noticed there was another chair out so I walked down to check and would you just know it…it matched!  Now we have 4 matching chairs.   

My husband then took my 20 year old truck to inspection and it PASSED.  It better pass bc we did about $800 worth of work to it, but all the same, it passed.  He fixed his truck too so that will pass next week.  He also fixed my trellis which bc the parts that stick in the ground got snapped off during a bad wind storm last spring and its been crooked ever since.  He also drilled the holes in the aluminum tent poles that I salvaged to fix my umbrella style clothesline, so I fixed the clothesline and restrung it, which was no small task. Then I planted lettuce garden and a tea garden while the temperature rose.  The girls ended up in the kiddie pool splashing around.  That kept them contained and busy. 

Afterwards my husband announced that our tax return had been wired into our account and this is the first year that it was not already slated to pay something or another.  He suggested going out to eat but then I suggested he go buy a new grill and something special to go on it, and while he was picking up the grill, he could pick me up some more paint to finish up those chairs.

He returned with a grill, porterhouse steaks and shrimp, so we had that with salad and sweet potatoes for supper.  Putting together the grill took him a little longer than he’d planned but I was able to get the chairs painted.  We threw the bone to our dog, Pax. 

After church Sunday, still our old church, and I honestly still do not want to leave but that is a story for another day, we went to the Somerset Free4All.  I scored bigtime:  Sully from Monster’s Inc. (Tabi’s favorite movie), set of twin sheets NWT, open package containing 2 ruffled 2t panties, 2 24 month swimsuits, cool throw pillow NWT, a wool sweater, some beaded hemp necklaces, brand new dishtowel, sewing box (the kind that hinges and folds open and out on both sides, also brandy new), 2 binders (a bit dusty but needed),  2 sets water wings, plastic shoebox NWT, travel mug NWT, water bottles for the girls, a laminated practice writing tablet, visible woman anatomy kit with option parts to simulate pregnancy (not yet put together and sealed in plastic, this is very cool but I think we will wait until winter to do it, maybe even next year bc it will take lots of supervision), 6 boxes green dye we will use to revive some curtains, and a bunch of books and some classical music tapes (bc the Z doesn’t have a cd player).

“Its all about the lost.  We need to reach the lost.”

“Invite your neighbor to church.”

“We need programs to reach people with the Gospel.  Doing stuff for them is fine but we need to reach them with the Gospel.”

“I need to get fed on Sunday morning.  It’s the pastor’s job to feed his sheep.”

*sigh* purpose driven this and the latest that and being contagious.  As these things filter into my both ears to a noise level, my spinning mind nearly drowning out that quiet voice.  Christianese buzzwords flying, meaning NOTHING!

The more words the less the meaning and how does that profit anyone? – Ecclesiastes 6:11

...while I was in the shower this morning.

Nope, it is not just that the assignment was not done.

When I went to download the five flood pictures from the digital camera there were about 20 pictures like this:

And this:

 *sigh* we finally finished lessons around 3 in the afternoon after an early 7:00 am start.

In no particular order:

1.  Mom, can you really poke your eye out?

2.  Can you make a phone call for me?  Someone called me and I cannot remember her name and I accidentally deleted the voice mail. Can you call her back?

3.  Are rocks bad for you, like poison or something?

4.  There is SOMETHING in the yard and I’m not April foolin’.  What IS that thing?

5.  Can we mix together chemicals?  You know.  Like a scientist.

6.  Hey go in the basement and look at the pump of the boiler and follow the valve stem where it nineties does it have a red valve?

7.  Is it okay if Vani plays with that stuff you use for cooking, uh, flour?

8.  Were we good this week?  I know because none of us got yelled at, right?

9.  If I spill egg on the floor its okay to vacuum it up, right Momma?

10.  Is it okay if I wear shorts today even though its snowing?

Memorization and Recitation

Schuyler has memorized most of Hark to the Voice of the Wind by Adelaide Ann Procter and Thoughts by Sara Teasdale.  She is has become very interested in the work of Sara Teasdale and I have since ordered and await delivery of Flame and Shadow to reward her for her hard work and interest in this area.

Lyndsee has memorized two poems as well:  The First Snowfall by James Russel Lowell (not a favorite) and Mud by Polly Chase Boyden, which was much loved.

Schuyler continues to study the poetry of Sara Teasdale, Hilda Conkling, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and William Blake.  She and Lyndsee have independently taken up Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein and have committed much of this work to memory.

Schuyler and Lyndsee have memorized several selections of scripture thus far:  Psalm 8 (both children), Psalm 23 (Lyndsee), Ephesians 4:29-31 (Schuyler), Matthew 27:32-55 (both children).  They do not have the Matthew selection down pat yet but I am sure they will by the end of the week to recite for family on Easter.

Mathematics

Mathematics is Schuyler’s weakest subject.  At some point near the end of February I decided to take a month long hiatus from her curriculum to rebuild her confidence and enforce basic skills, so we began to use exclusively calculadders drill sheets.  We have just started again with her regular curriculum and she has improved greatly and is not easily frustrated with new concepts. 

Lyndsee is using my button box as her manipulatives to create patterns and to perform simple addition.  She works about 5 problems daily using buttons or the abacus.  

Bible

We have worked through Power of A Praying Kid.  This book was captivating to all but the baby.  This took us a little longer as we were given a Jesus Tree by a dear friend and attempted to do that in addition to the Community Bible Study we started in January.  The CBS curriculum is challenging to Schuyler and a bit over her level as it is the same for all elementary students.  She is doing well but tires easily.  I am still working out what to push her to do and where to help her.  Our Jesus Tree project was nearly half way completed this year.  Next year I aspire to start earlier so that we can fit all the readings. 

Science

We are working our way through the body systems in The Body Atlas and nature study has been for the birds – literally.  We have used our measuring and kitchen skills to mix together different concoctions for different types of birds, many of which are quickly identified when they visit our yard.  We took part in Cornell’s Great Backyard Bird Count and made from scrap wood a bluebird nest box.  We’ve yet to have a nestling though we are hopeful for continued study next year.  The top is hinged as to aid our observation as it becomes occupied.  Schuyler used the screw driver on her swiss army knife to salvage the hinge off some scrap doors and then attached it properly to the lid with little help from me. 

The girls were excited to have lessons in physics.  Yes, I did say physics, thanks to the Ringling Brothers Circus Science program that we attended at the Newark Museum.  It was absolutely brilliant.

With the warming weather we started our garden studies as well.  We identified and irradiated many weeds.   We started some seedlings in trays to be dumped over by one certain child and then redone only to be toppled by yours truly.  We abandoned that for starting some cold loving veggies in the ground where they will remain for the growing season.  I believe Schuyler is beginning to discover food chains and lifecycles as I see the wheels of her mind turning as we feed the bunnies garden scraps and compost their droppings to return them to the garden. 

Language Arts

Schuyler is working through English for the thoughtful Child which we had abandoned last year as her writing ability was not to par to continue without difficulty.  She is having a much easier time as she has matured enough to reintroduce grammar lessons. 

Schuyler and Lyndsee are hearing Lamb’s Tales from Shakespeare twice weekly though some of the concepts are above their level they listen to half a chapter at a time without becoming to wiggly. 

Lyndsee is refreshing in her enjoyment of the Alphabet flash cards.  Though I mistakenly forced them upon Schuyler three years ago thinking she MUST learn them, Lyndsee takes joy in her letter drills and requests them often. 

Schuyler is writing on 1/3 inch wide-ruled paper now instead of the 1-inch wide ruled paper.  Her hand writing has improved much this way and I have decided to withhold cursive until she does a better job mastering her manuscript.  I expect to resume cursive in June.

Lyndsee is doing some copy but mostly trace letters of her poetry selections. 

Schuyler has been reading aloud daily to her younger sisters.  She completed the Big Treasury of Beatrix Potter.  They occasionally hear readings from Aesop, in addition  to Stellaluna (Cannon), Thumbelina, Amelia Bedelia, Sassafras (Penn), Brave Brush-tail Possum (Massie), and Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece Meets the Big O.  I will be adding some more selections for the second quarter.

Schuyler has done well with independent quiet reading, though she often skips and substitutes words distorting the meaning of what she has read.  This is not an issue of ability but perhaps maturity as she often rushes and can read the correct word when pushed to do so.  We have therefore reduced the quantity of the daily assignment to ensure quality.  Titles she has completed this far are:  Billy Whiskers (Montgomery), Sara Carew (Burnett), Reddy Fox (Burgess), Orphalines (Carlson), and Ringling Brothers Circus Family (Glendinning). 

We are covering a lesson of Latina Christiana over the course of two weeks.  This pace is appropriate for us and Schuyler is retaining most of the information come review time.

I have also read aloud Drummond by Sarry Farrel Odgers to Schuyler, Lyndsee and Tabitha.

History

Our approach to history has become its own animal.  This Country of Ours (H.E. Marshall) was intended to be our objective for this year, however its content is boring to her.  Therefore I have shortened the reading selection and have additionally taken an interest and opportunity based approach.  Schuyler’s ability to narrate the shortened selection has improved greatly as a result of this.  Schuyler has been to presentations on the Civil War and WW I.  Schuyler, Lyndsee and Tabitha participated in a Civil War Museum with the Free Union Homeschoolers, dressing in period clothing as they created a display on fashion. Schuyler enjoyed the research aspect to this as well.  The maple sugaring display at Millbrook, NJ was enjoyed by all.  Consequently, we will use This Country of Ours as our history book for this and next year, allowing more time for interactive experiences.

Life Skills

Schuyler, Lyndsee and Tabitha are all in ballet classes and Schuyler is assisting her instructor with the younger children’s class.  Our music and art studies remain informal, touching on Mary Cassat and Monet, and an assortment of music which they have found interesting, most recently an affinity for bluegrass.  Our art experimentation has been lacking though they did manage to do self-portraits, wire sculptures, and Schuyler is learning what is and is not an appropriate application to the functionality of her Swiss army knife. The girls enjoyed (some more than others) the New Jersey Intergenerational Orchestra's winter concert.  We concluded the quarter with Schuyler and Lyndsee’s first experience with theater, seeing Mary Poppins on Broadway.   

In no particular order:

• All my children are different and therefore I do NOT need to give them all the very same experiences.
• Relationships take priority over academics.
• I need to have a plan for the day. 
• Nothing terrible happens if I do not stick to the plan.
• My children are learning despite my faults.

Every time I open my little pocket Bible, the one I carry with me where ever I go,  I know the fear of the Lord.   It is not because of the Scriptures though, it is something I placed in there; a photograph.   It is a photograph of a tiny little baby with tubes and wires going in and out of her, her little head smaller than the thermometer.  It is the Polaroid picture the hospital social worker took of my daughter, Evangeline who made her debut eight weeks early.  As I write this I tremble and my eyes flow over as I recall the majesty and power of the Lord, as I am humbled that he would show favor to me, that when other babies were not surviving, my daughter was thriving.   

This week I have been kicked in the pants by my theme (and yes, dear, I stole your phrase).  Every area of my life has reared up and become unstable.  Everything.  My home life, my church life (our pastor quit), our homeschooling, my relationship with my children, my husband, and oh yes, add to that a certain one year old that is pushing through both of her “bunny teeth” at the same time.  I am struggling with that yir’ ah ‘tude.  Scripture tells us that we need to be disciplined to know better and to learn the fear of the Lord (Proverb 1:7 and 29).  Fear of the Lord is learned by listening (Psalm 34:11).  Now don’t you just love when God confirms something?   Two hours after writing the previous statement I am sitting with my daughter doing Latin.  Actually, the truth is I am not sitting, I am making cheese sauce for tonight’s mac and cheese and a salad for tonight because we will be at dance class during the time I would normally prepare supper, taking 5 lbs of cooked chicken that is till a little too warm off the bone for supper tomorrow night and another meal, and burning the pumpkin granola.  The translation she must do is, Salvete, discipuli; Hello, students.  She says, discupuli, like discipline?  Yes, exactly.  Just like discipline is required to learn.  Yup.  This kid apparently gets derivatives. 

Thinks that look level often are not.  Trust me on this.  I live in a house that is nearly 200 years old.   Level is not always parallel.  I once hung a mirror in said house.  The top of the mirror was parallel with the line where the wall met the ceiling.  Though the mirror appeared level, it was an inch off.  I adjusted said mirror, making it level. I took a few steps back and it looked crooked.  Things in the periphery can make the level look crooked.  The only way to determine if something is truly level is to have something against which to measure it up.  Eyeing it up is just a bad idea.

Fortunately for me God has provided a holy level:  His Living Word.  So how to apply what I know about level?  Ground that appears level on first glance may not be.  The only way to be sure is to align it against scripture.  Things I see in the periphery can make what is level appear skewed.  Therefore worldly influence can make God’s Word appear to be what it is not.  If level may not be parallel than moving with the popular opinion might not be level ground.

All I know is I cannot trust my own eyes to tell me what level ground looks like.  I can trust God’s word.  Ah, now only to get into the habit of breaking out that level instead of eyeing it up.  As I look forward to this year I see ahead of me a huge mountain, alas to align myself with God’s Word seems insurmountable and then I remember, things that don’t appear level may very well be. 

With 2006 coming to a close I was wondering what would be my theme for 2007.  A nudge from the Holy Spirit brought to mind a journal entry from November 28^th:

And he went into all the region around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins, as it is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet, saying: "The voice of one crying in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord; Make His paths straight. Every valley shall be filled And every mountain and hill brought low; The crooked places shall be made straight And the rough ways smooth; And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.' " Luke 3:3-6

Every valley filled in and every mountain made low?  Are the ups and downs of life a lie we buy into? Can it all be level ground with Jesus? 

As I considered these things, it occurred to me that I expect life to be like an emotional roller coaster.  As I examine the scriptures, I wonder if life with Jesus should not be one of ups and downs. 

This is not to say that there won’t be mountain top experiences or moments where we are not just in the slimy pit but feel like we ARE the slime in the pit.  It is, however, a statement that we don’t need to exist in either one of these extremes.   Scripture seems to indicate that, for the most part, we should be on level ground.

Isaiah tells us that God makes level the paths of the righteous (26:7) and Jeremiah (31:7-9) says that the level path is a promise for repentance.  Proverbs (4:26) charges us to make level paths for our own feet and Hebrews (12:13) adds that by doing so we can heal rather than disable the lame.  Hmm…powerful stuff.

Shouldn't we just love people, unselfishly filling whatever need we see?  

God's word says: 

He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 22:16

And also:

This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.   (1 John 3:16-18)

It seems that evangelism has become synonymous with increasing the numbers at your local church; a Sunday morning headcount of sorts. Shouldn't we just be seeing people's needs and looking for a way to fill them and telling them what God has done for us?  Showing them a lifestyle that is NOT American pop-culture, showing them that our values are not monetary, showing them that our morals are not compromised, giving all we have to follow Him?  Won't that more effectively make disciples?   It worked for the apostles, maybe it will work for us:

All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:45-47)

So I am left wondering, is this about seeking the Kingdom or is this about numbers on Sunday morning?  Is this a sense of entitlement, that we should be sowing AND reaping, forget about the water and sunshine?   I suspect the low numbers on Sunday have a lot more to do with apathy and complacency, with stepping over the homeless guy on the way to mail your check to your sponsored child, with selfishly storing up earthly treasure, with standing on common sense instead of faith.

Well, school is done for the year and after one day of no lessons, my children have picked up learning on their own.  At the ripe old age of 7.5, Schuyler is expert at bossing around….uh…um…I mean carefully orchestrating the lives of her siblings.  This morning she has taken the book Plays for the Classroom from the shelf and is making her sister’s act out Androcles and the Lion.  In one dramatic line, she has Tabitha (3) ask, “Do you want to be a SLAVE?!?! To be OWNED like a DOG”.  Tabitha faithfully repeats the line, with all the emotion and fire of a soldier to die for his cause, followed by a low, defiant, “I wanna be a dog”.  Schuyler is mortified but manages to sputter, “There is no dog.  There is a lion and a soldier and YOU are the soldier.”  Tabitha just stares at her, dollar store light saber in one hand and pot lid, uh, I mean shield, in the other.

“Okay, let’s do it again for real, and remember, Tabi, there is NO dog.”

“But I have a tail.”

“That is your sword.”

“But it looks like a tail.”

“Okay, I will make you a new sword”.  Schuyler whispers in my ear as she walks past, “Mom, I don’t think Tabi gets this.”

Okay, so this post is going to upset its share of people.  I am truly wondering where the Christian church got the idea that we ought to invite the unsaved to church?  That somehow, they will be saved if only they would come to church.  Like the Holy Spirit is just waiting in a pew somewhere to change the heart of the first unsaved person to enter through the church doors.  I have done this myself and as I explore these thoughts I am convicted.  Now, the church is the body of Christ and each of us are a part.  Even the least of all parts, say the pinky toe, is still an important and part and needed for the body on a whole to function properly.  Okay, stay with me here…say include the member of another body, one not made in the image of God, say we attach the hoof of a pig instead of the little pinky toe, then what?  Could it be that this is what has caused the church body to be so ineffective? 

The Great Commission charges that we GO and make disciples.  We are not instructed to invite them into our sterile environment.   Jesus went to the home of Matthew the tax collection and ate in the company of sinners.  He did not bring them to the temple to be taught. 

We call ourselves the Evangelical Church yet we think we are doing our part in telling the good news to invite our friends or neighbors to church.   When was the last time you shared with them what Christ has done for you that morning?  Have you made disciples?  Have you told them what it means to follow Him?  I have fallen short and I suspect that I have had my fair share of pearls trampled by swine.

This morning was one of those mornings.  You know, one of those mornings you’d like to forget.  It was 7:30 as I sat down to breakfast with my four girls and I had planned to read to them the Bible during this meal as they would pay better attention.  It had worked yesterday.  I get not two verses and someone doesn’t like her eggs, another verse, and someone wants more juice, another two verses and someone needs to use the potty.  I feel myself getting tense as I remind them that they should not interrupt while I am reading.  Another couple of verses and my eldest announces that she’d like more cinnamon toast and this is where I lost it.  I start thinking that mornings are the most difficult time here.  I am trying to get the girls fed and the younger three dressed, teeth brushed, hair brushed and the eldest to do her chores and be ready to start her lessons.  I draw on scriptures I know to be reassured that I am following God’s plan for mornings.  Quite time?  Check.  Prayer?  Check.  Well, I wonder, what is the problem then?  God tells me to see what else he has to say about mornings, so to His Word I turn.  Turns out He has quite a bit to say as morning is mentioned 218 times and there are 10 occurrences of dawn. 

Just when I think I am getting somewhere in my walk God opens my eyes a little more and shows me that I have so much further to go.  Its like getting a new prescription for my glasses.  All the sudden I realize that the things I thought I saw so clearly look a bit different and it is not all that comfortable.   As a new Christian I was quickly enamored by the Cardboard Cutout Christian (C3) , you know, the Christian that does all those things a Christian should do – go to church, join a Bible study, read the Bible, find some way to serve at the local church, looking good and righteous the whole time doing it.  So when I started seeking I put on my Sunday clothes and my Sunday face and there I sat in church all smiling when inside I was a disaster and my life was like a potential train wreck spiraling out of control.   This was easy and familiar; it reminded me of the church I had grown up in.  For a while I sat among other C3s with their false smiles plastered across their faces and exchanged pleasantries such as “how was your week?”, “oh, just fine”.  Yes, just fine indeed.  Then God opened my eyes a little more.  He revealed three words to me:  Keep. It. Real.  Hmm…keep it real?  What?!?  I began to squirm in my seat and the other Cardboard Cutouts began to stare.  Squirming is not acceptable behavior for Cardboard Cutouts, and sadly, neither are relationships.  This is where my true relationship with my Savior began.  Years gone by and I’ve just been given another pair of godly glasses.  As my vision came into focus I saw Be Who You Are and I thought, man is this going to upset some people.

Beyond Gethsemane (c) 2006 Sandy Westermann

Getting beyond Gethsemane

Past thankfulness in agony

Through the pressure one cannot bear

Core of one’s being starts to tear

Will and spirit peaceably part

Past wisdom of a wayward heart

Refining fire burns so deep

Destroying what we wish to keep

Gripping tightly what’s not ours

Refining fire just devours

Holy Spirit loosens my grip

Through my fingers the pain will slip

Once I’m beyond Gethsemane

I’m more like you and I am free

Step into the morning light

O sting of death where is your bite?

Entering the presence of peace

Worldly anguish not mine will cease.