Beyond Gethsemane (c) 2006 Sandy Westermann

Getting beyond Gethsemane

Past thankfulness in agony

Through the pressure one cannot bear

Core of one’s being starts to tear

Will and spirit peaceably part

Past wisdom of a wayward heart

Refining fire burns so deep

Destroying what we wish to keep

Gripping tightly what’s not ours

Refining fire just devours

Holy Spirit loosens my grip

Through my fingers the pain will slip

Once I’m beyond Gethsemane

I’m more like you and I am free

Step into the morning light

O sting of death where is your bite?

Entering the presence of peace

Worldly anguish not mine will cease.

How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light. Oh, continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You, And Your righteousness to the upright in heart. Let not the foot of pride come against me, And let not the hand of the wicked drive me away. Psalm 36:7-11

If contentment is being satisfied, what is being abundantly satisfied?  What does it really mean that I get to drink from the river of His pleasures, to experience the fullness of His house?  My mind cannot even fathom how wonderful this is.  Am I looking to settle for mediocrity because I seek in earnest only a season of peace?  The first thing I notice is that I need to “put my trust under the shadow of his wings”.  To be under the shadow of something is when things are unclear and have something large over you.  It is exactly those times when there is something large over me, and all seems unclear or unknown, that I need to trust in the Lord.  How many times when we are there do we want to hold on to all the things we know and not put our trust in the unknown or the indistinct uncertainties that lie under the shadow.   I also notice that there are two things that can keep me from being abundantly satisfied: the foot of pride and the hand of the wicked.   Okay, so it is obvious that the hand of the wicked can keep me from contentment.  Really, its how I respond to the hand of the wicked that keeps me from being content, but it certainly does make contentment come easier to avoid being involved in anything wicked.  Now, about that foot of pride... 

Today was my first day using the aerobic step and video I got from freecycle.  I am determined to drop 15 pounds and flatten my tummy.  My tummy is one thing about which I am discontented – that and my jeans that no longer fit, which includes all of them.  I was strangely confident as I popped in the video, sure it was about 15 years old, but people still do aerobics, right?  Memories of how cute Olivia Newton John looked as she got “physical” got me thinking how I might look as I do this video.   The lady on the video was not Olivia Newton John.  She is a monster.  She obviously does not eat.  I began to look like a windmill seriously out of control, as she shrieked, “woo!”, “Yeah!”  “Are ya with me?” No, lady.  I am not with you.  I am so not with you.  I don’t even know how you make your body go like that without falling.  Ouch that hurt.  I just missed my step.  My mind began to wander to the Proverbs 31 woman.  She was content and the Bible doesn’t mention exercise as part of her every day routine.  She was up at the crack of dawn and did not retire until all was done, yet no mention of discontentment or exercise.  I conclude that she was just too busy for discontentment and not discontented enough to exercise.  Perhaps I need more to do.  Seriously, I need to go about my daily routine intentionally, with purpose, as did Ms. P31.

During our school work today, while I’m promising more nature walks and outside time when it gets warmer, Schuyler exclaims, “I hate winter!”

I reply, “If you sit here and whine about this season you will never get through it.”

Suddenly it hit me.  Duh!  If I sit here and whine about this season I will never get through it.  Good advice.  If I know this, why am I complaining so much?  Will this season never end so long as I continue to whine through it?  God is graceful and good, giving me the key to finding my contentment as soon as I set my heart to it.  I have struggled with discontentment for as long as I became a Christian and now, as soon as I have set my heart to being content, God has told me how.  Quite simply, I am to stop whining, to do all things without complaining and disputing.  My goal is to get through this week without complaining and disputing about ALL THINGS.