Occasionally we have moments in parenting where a stranger says something so outrageous that it is all we can do not to laugh out loud....if it were not so personal.

I have been a mom for 18 years now, and have had many such moments. As a seasoned mama, these comments are now much easier to take, but here are a sampling of some of these comments over the years:

-When I was in college I had a lovely woman babysitting my oldest daughter Christina.  I pumped milk at school (in the public bathroom with one of those noisy pumps).  I would bring this "liquid gold" to the sitters in a cooler every day.  Once, our sitter had her own doctor's appointment and had her mother come by to watch the children briefly.  When I arrived, I went to the fridge to pick up any leftover milk and the whole week's worth of milk was gone.  I quickly asked what happened to the milk.  Had it gone bad?  Did her mother feed it to the other children?  Here was the response, "I don't believe that babies should be fed breast milk.  You never know what is in there.  Formula is the healthiest choice." retorted her mother.  "So, I dumped it and gave her formula.  I know you are a young mother and just don't know better."

Or how about this one.  Christina never cried as a baby.  Well, almost never.  Some kids are just like that.  I think David (my 4th made up for it).  One day she did start crying.  It was a loud, painful crying that would not stop.  After several hours, I took her to the doctor.  I was frantic.  I had no idea what would change my usually sweet daughter into a screaming banshee, but it had happened.  As I waited anxiously in the little exam room, the doctor walked in and asked why I was there.  "She has been crying like this for three hours" I told her.  The doctor stood in the room, sort of staring at me in disbelief, then said, "Well, I cannot examine her like this.  I will come back when she has calmed down."  Unbelievable.

Then, there is my favorite:  Just 8 short years ago, I left my career in corporate America to come home full time and be a mommy.  As I told my plans to the day care director she said:  "I was off for two weeks with my daughter once and most days she sat in the corner with her hair unbrushed and food on her face.  I was sick of it and could not wait to get back to work.  You'll be back."  Seriously.  Those were her parting words to us as I took my children away from daycare forever. 

I guess for me all these comments stick in my mind because I wanted to be sure I never said anything like them.  All of these were from people who had no idea the work, the pain or the turmoil or sacrifices made for my parenting decisions.  Nursing my daughter while in college (young and in a NOT pumping friendly environment), humbling myself to seek help, and taking the HUGE leap to quit work to come home were all deeply personal decisions, and outsiders walking in and making a snap judgment with no basis in fact were all too common.  After all these years of parenting, I can now laugh at these stories and just pray I am not fodder for someone else's blog post in the future.

I just read about a website for people to use for referrals when they have to make important decisions about their own families.  http://www.care.com  is a referral network for babysitters, nannies, pet sitters and more.  If you are seeking help in any of these areas, this may be a good place to start.
Care.com helps families find trustworthy babysitters and nannies for their kids (including children with special needs). They also help moms connect to home care for seniors, pet care, tutors and teachers, and housekeepers -- everything you need to care for your loved ones and home. Find a babysitter, nanny, or other caregiver by reviewing profiles of care providers in your area, running free background checks, and checking references. To ensure the quality of caregivers, their team of working-at-home moms pre-screens all caregiver profiles before they allow them into the Care.com community.  If you are interested in their services, you can use the coupon code:  TWMOMS

Now, for advice for young moms dealing with these situations.  Here is what I learned pretty early on in the parenting thing:  Whenever I get unsolicited advice that baffles me, I always say: "Thanks for the idea.  I will think about it."  This allows me to acknowledge that at the core, most of these people are really trying to share some wisdom they think you need.  They are not being malicious.  I do not waste my energy trying to prove people wrong, or give them a ten point list for why I am right and they are wrong.  Unless they are seriosly in a position to put my child in danger, their deeply held convictions about nursing, working, or dealing with crying babies really is not my concern.  By responding with graciousness to strangers, we can maintain our own ability to show kindness and be witnesses in a dark world

To see more twittermoms comments about the shocking things said to mothers by strangers, you can read more stories here: http://www.twittermoms.com/forum/topics/oh-no-you-didnt-contest