Mar. 9, 2009
Talking With Children About "Disabilities"
How do you teach your children about other people with "disabilities?"
This is a recent TwitterMoms discussion and one I felt would be really good to address.
Being home educated, of course my children are not around a lot of people with disabilities. Even our church is very small, so this is not much of a place to talk about it.
We have learned that it is best to prepare the children a little bit by describing what they will see in scenarios where they will see folks getting special assistance. One of the things we have done is to try to take the "mystery" out of disability by taking them places such as nursing homes where they will encounter a lot of people who have physical (and sometimes mental) disabilities. We take them on special days where they can serve folks who are different, so the focus is not on the disabilities, but upon the children doing something fun to brighten their days. For example, for Valentines' Day one year, we made a ton of valentines and delivered them in the nursing home. We stayed for quite a while singing songs, delivering the cards, and peeking in patient rooms to say hello. Certain rooms were marked in a special way for residents hoping for visitors. This was not only a fun time for the children, but it diminished the mystery of wheel chairs and other disability equipment.
Another thing we have done is to take the children with us to work the Touched Twice clinics here in town and work in the local soup kitchens. At these clinics, we encourage our children to smile, shake hands, and look people in the face for polite conversations. Some of these people look "different to us" because they have a different way to dress or talk (or even smell).
I hope that these experiences have made them sensitive to the unique needs of all people. People with physical or mental disabilities, and people who are simply different from us in behavior or lifestyle are all precious to God and should be precious to us as well. By selectively and purposefully exposing our children to those people with special needs, we hope we are stripping away the inhibitions that will keep them from being comfortable around all people. It is my heart's desire that they simply see people as people and have no need to stare, point, or ignore them.
Before we go to one of these experiences we do talk a bit about what they may experience. For example, on nursing home trips we remind them that people like to be touched, but not to be rough around elderly people who may be delicate. They can offer to shake a hand, pat an arm. Some residents want hugs. We encourage these, too. We also encourage big smiles and remind them that these people are looking forward to seeing fresh, young faces. We do the same with the clinics, but since this can be a bit dangerous, we stay right with them while serving. In all our years working these clinics, we have never had an uncomfortable or dangerous situation occur, but I still practice "stranger" safety.
So far on the few occasions they have been around people with disabilities, they have been fine. I have seen them rush to open a door for a person in a wheel chair without any prompting. I have seen them move aside to make room for a person trying to get through a crowded room with a wheelchair. And I have witnessed them making polite small talk with strangers in wheelchairs, just as they would for any other person they meet in public, which is, in the long run my heart's desire. I hope the children will continue to be sensitive to special needs, but most importantly to see people as simply other children of God whom they are to love and treat the way they hope to be treated in the same scenario.
Do you have a family member with a disability or special needs? The following website is a good place for resources and information on this important topic:
http://www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com/
What about you? How are you preparing your children to include and love others with disabilities or special needs? Are you the parent of a special needs child? Are there things we should be doing to increase awareness and inclusion of your precious child?
Comments
Mar. 10, 2009 - Children with disablities...
Posted by Yvonne Hamrick
Malia,
I appreciate this post a lot. I have a son, whom we adopted, who has Angelman Syndrome. We knew we wanted to adopt a child with special needs because my nephew has severe autism. Before my nephew, I was not really exposed to to special needs much, and after him, I knew that God brought him into our lives and gave me a heart for children with special needs for a reason beyond what we had ever imagined in the first place. I am also a homeschool mom, and love homeschooling, but you are right there is not an exposure to people with disabilities so much when you homeschool. I don't have a fondness for PS, but I do appreciate the fact that kids with disabilities are so often included in reg ed classrooms now, I see in my own neighborhood the difference that this makes with the children! When I was in school, the kids with disabilities were kept so separate and were such a mystery to us all! Our neighbor children take to Josh in a way that never would have happened if not for inclusion. My son is 5 years old, he does not walk, or talk, and he drools a LOT. :-) The kids think he's awesome, they aren't afraid to ask questions (I love the directness of children's questions) and just accept Josh in a way that they wouldn't if they hadn't had the exposure that they do in school. ALL of that to say, I appreciate you making ANY effort to expose your children and talk about differences the way that you are. Thank you! Here is a link to help explain things to children also, it's about kids with autism, but it can really help to initiate conversation about many kids with disablilites. http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=54293689644&h=QKjx3&u=T3iW
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Mar. 14, 2009 - Don't act stressed
Posted by Anonymous
I have 3 outgoing children. They are color blind and mostly disability blind. We don't talk about either exactly - I just emphasize as it comes up that God created each person different and some people are more different than others. But God loves every person exactly the same.
Just the other day, my 3 1/2 year old son was eye balling a young teen girl in a wheel chair. Her legs were about the same size as his, but she was normal in upper body. Curiosity got the best of him and he bounced over to her and says loudly (in his not perfect English), "I Yuv your tar!" (I love your car!) At this point he is lovingly checking out the wheels and arms and trying to figure it out. The girl wasn't sure what he said, so I told her, and she let him push her all around the lobby and chatted with him as they walked. After about 8 - 10 minutes she came back with him and he gave her a huge hug and told her thank you. Her mom and sister were just beaming. The mom said, "I think he's made her day!"
Maybe I just got lucky in having outgoing children who love people no matter what they look like.
I know once, when my daughter was 5, she was happily playing with a little girl at the library when she suddenly noticed that the girl was missing her left arm from the elbow down, as she reached for the girl's hand to take her someplace. She was very worried that the arm hurt and asked the girl if it had hurt to loose her arm, the girl got very quiet, so the grandma explained that she had been born like that and assured her that it didn't hurt. At which point Vannan says, well, if I can't hold your hand, can I hold your elbow? The little girl was slightly reluctant, but Vannan didn't even flinch and the two were happily playing all over the children's department until the grandma said it was time to go. She gave her a big hug when they left. One thing I did notice was that while the girl had started out hiding her arm, once she knew Vannan didn't care, she used it quite a bit as they played, only hiding it when somebody new walked by.
As the kids have gotten older, I've stressed that no matter what people look like on the outside, God loves them and we should show God's love to them.
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Jun. 4, 2009 - Special Needs Children
Posted by Laura
I have a child with special needs and also work with children with special needs. It's very important to teach children how to react around others who have special needs. At the same time I think it's important to respect your child's emotions if they are having touble coping with someone with an outwardly obvious disability. It's a balance between learning to be tolerant and relate to others, yet being able to be comfortable.
My own child who is a recovered autistic has trouble with other children who are severely autistic. His feelings and reaction is a work in progress. Talking about it and discussing how it would feel to have a challenge and have others not understand has helped.
Great article!
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Jun. 19, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by WHilton
I really enjoyed your article! I have a daughter who has autism and is non-verbal. Of course her behavior is different than what most people expect from a 13-year-old, so many people don't know how to react to her.
When my daughter, Hannah, and I are in public, I have learned that other people are much more relaxed and less nervous around Hannah if they can tell that I am relaxed and comfortable. Most children, especially younger ones, are not nervous at all but are more curious. I encourage the parents to allow them to ask questions about Hannah's condition. They usually ask them in a very respectful and appropriate way. Then sometimes the parents will ask questions too. I think that the more open we parents of special needs kids can be, the better everyone will feel and get along.
Your post really gave some wonderful and appropriate information! I would like to add, though, that it is really important to Hannah and me that people talk to Hannah like a 13-year-old and not like a baby. Because Hannah acts much younger than her actual age, many people (including relatives) tend to speak to her as if she were a baby and not a young lady. I think it is disrespectful to talk to her that way. I do understand that they are not doing it intentionally. It's just a natural response to Hannah's behavior. I would urge parents, though, to be sure not to make this mistake and to address the issue with their children if needed as well.
Again, thanks so much for your great post! The things you suggested were right on target.
Wendy H. www.homeschoolblogger.com/ourcrewsship
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