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Nov. 11, 2006
The grass is greener RIGHT HERE
I LOOOOVE this time of year. I LOVE living in the Northwest and reveling in the changes of the seasons. Of course, this time of year, what that means is RAIN and a lot of it. (Okay, MOST times of the year it means rain and a lot of it....but hey, its green and lovely here.) But I can not describe the satisfaction I now get sitting in my house with my feet up on my windowsill, gazing past my new front porch and watching the rain. And even though the rivers are at flood stage and the wind is howling, it hasn't deterred all the birds in their quests to get at the bird feeders the girls and I put in the trees out front.
Perhaps its the fact that I'm getting older (my birthday is in two days), or perhaps its the contemplative state brought on by spending too much time staring at birds and falling rain, but this year, for the first time in my life, I feel truly content and thankful. So much of my life has been spent waiting for the next big thing or looking for that greener grass on the other side of the fence.
When my oldest daughter was first born, I had to continue working, albeit part time in order to clear up some debt. My husband and both grandmas were able to handle the childcare but I was in MISERY over the fact that I was not the one taking care of my precious gift full time. And I spent a great deal of time making sure that everyone knew just how miserable I was. Including my husband. A couple of years later he started his business and I had to return to work FULL time in order to make that happen. I spent a lot of time crying and feeling sorry for myself and just knowing that it couldn't possibly be God's will for me to send my child to someone else all day. Finally, in the throes of my anger and sadness and depression, I turned to God and realized that all that time, I had NOT been thankful for all the blessings I had been given. And I realized that I had NOT been trusting God to guide my life and the life of my family. I prayed and cried and repented and decided that if God wanted me to work, then I would work and trust that He had a plan for me if I would just trust and obey. Nearly immediately after that, I found out I was pregnant again, the business was doing well enough for me to quit, our debt was gone, the question of medical insurance was answered and after my 2nd daughter was born, I was able to be the stay-at-home mom I had always wanted to be.
God IS AWESOME!
I think of that time as my GODSMACK now. I learned so much about trusting in God, about looking to his Word, and in the years that followed, full of their own challenges, God has continued to work in me adding new lessons, bringing me through trials, leading me into new friendships and helping me to know Him better.
And so back to that sense of contemplative contentment. I am terrified and excited by the work that I know God is doing in my life and in the lives of my family. I am comforted and challenged by His Word and learning about the power of prayer and what it means to know Him better.
Mostly, I am thankful for the blessings I have been given. And out of thankfulness, comes joy, albeit sometimes fleeting as I babystep my way to a better understanding and a closer walk.
"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every stiatuion, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:11-13
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Nov. 16, 2006 - Untitled Comment