Sep. 29, 2006 - Another bad day
And the hits just keep on coming.... ok, in all fairness, there's been a LOT of good days in the last month... i only seem to post, on the really bad ones... its not so much a really bad day really, as it is the culmination of a lot of stressful circumstances... our car, the one dh uses as a commuter car just had the clutch go out yesterday.. which means he's using our 30 yr old van as his commuter car, granted, works not very far away but that van is on its last legs and its what gets our family of 7 to church and grocery shopping, so its very very essential... which makes me nervous and scared. the post baby finances are a nightmare... just trying to hold on till tax return time, or at LEAST jan 1 when we can take out our post tax savings from his work plan, but then next year at this time of year we will be in the same predicament... but it beats throwing more money into overdrafts and payday loans! ugg... we start to get ahead and it doesn't even make a dent into the big picture.. it seems so hopeless...
And as for me.. i'm doing OK, if i can manage to remember my st. johns wort.which i haven't because i'm on antibiotics for mastitis, which i've had for the 4th TIME since leif was born 2 mos ago... i'd been able to fight it off without antibiotics till this time when the fever and aches and not to mention boob situation just would not go away. But i think at this point i'm just plain too rundown... the nonsensible side of me just plain feels like i'm going to drop dead at any given point from exhaustion but the realistic side of me knows that exhaustion is never that merciful.. that i'll end up floating around in this state of walking dead for at least the next 6 months. i'm only 2 months into the new baby thing, and i'm cooking now, a little, which for my family is definately a good thing.. they've subsisted on junk for FAR too long... but i'm already sick of the just barely squeaking by perspective, in EVERY area of life... its getting really really old! i'm just having one of those "i want my mommy" moments, but then its like, "oh yeah, i dont' have one!" she's ALIVE, she just plain doesn't want me anymore, why i torture myself with stuff like this is beyond me... just because its TRUE doesn't mean i have to dwell on it, right??? hopefully i'll manage to post an entry on a good day, because i'm thinking anyone reading at this point, thinks i'm a completely insane loser embedded in self-pity, which is not entirely true! if you knew me in person, you'd probably like me :-)
Off to serve lunch!
R
