What would you do if you know that person A likes to put on a show of appearance to be super nice and helpful but is often bad mouthing whoever she is helping out? And to top it off, the people whom A helps raves about what a great help she is?!

I know I should really mind my own business, right? Afterall, it is really none of my business who makes friends with whom, right?  And one should be discerning to suss out who's truly nice and who's not.

But it is really hard for me to agree whenever people speak about how nice A is. Makes my hair stand. Oh what a fix!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

I recently visited a friend's blog where she recounted her experience with the spooks in her own home. Reading through it brought back memories of our 1st marital home.

Part 1

We'd bought our 1st home at Keng Lee Road in 1994 (near Cambridge Road market which is now a very hot site with private condos sprouting up everywhere!). After renovating the place, we went straight from our wedding to our honeymoon without having lived in it.

On our 1st night there (1995), I was preparing to go to bed when I realised that the alarm clock I thought I had placed at the bedside table was on the dressing table. I didn't think much of it since we were busy unpacking and getting used to the new house.

The next day while dh was on the phone with his mom, I walked into our master bedroom and discovered that our heavy wooden bedside table with drawers full of stuff had moved - a whole 90 degrees!  Now this bedside table was sandwiched between the wall and the bed so it couldn't have been accidentally knocked into that position. Besides it was a clean 90 degree move.

I calmly walked out and waited for dh to finish his phonecall to his mom then asked him if he had moved the bedside table. He said "no" and so I asked him to come with me to the bedroom and take a look. There was silence between us as we both stared at the table.

At that point in time, I was a brand new Christian, never having encountered any spiritual beings and did not know anything of them except what I had learnt via the media! And he was a backslidden Christian who had just returned to the Lord.

Neither of us knew what to do. So we did what good Christians do - called the pastor! Lol!  Except that this was late at night. Would any pastor be in the office at that hour?! Never mind. We had to try.

The phone was picked up by a church worker who said that the pastors were all busy conducting baptism in the sanctuary and no one could take our call!!! After much negotiations (read : begging!) with him, he promised that he would get one of the pastors to call us back.

We did not dare to wait upstairs for the phone call. We went downstairs instead and thanked God for mobile phones!

Shortly after, one of the pastors called back and said he would come immediately to our house with some others. We were so relieved we wanted to hug them all when they turned up. 

However, there was no more drama. They went through every room - to check things out I guess?! Asked us a few questions - did we particpate in any dubious activities, gone anywhere dubious (we were in Bali for our honeymoon), buy any religious artefacts, did we know who the previous owner was and did they participate in any rituals (the house was tenanted and we didn't meet the owner).

Then they prayed with us and reminded us that the name of Jesus is above all, that :

(We) are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in (us) is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

Then they told us to move the table back by ourselves and they left! Hmmm....talk about having our little faith tested! And I didn't tell you this - the bedside table that moved was on MY side of the bed! No, I didn't chicken out. I still slept on that side of the bed.

Shortly after that dh had to go out of town and I was alone in the house! But fear not, I was no longer a sacredy cat. God use that little time to build up my faith to at least one notch higher.

And actually, due to that incident, we became more interested in what the Bible had to teach us, Indeed it spurred us on to know Him.

So one would think that's the end of the story right? But noooooo. Got Part 2!

Part 2

In 2005, only by the hand of God, we managed to sell the house off without an ad or an agent. No, we didn't sell the house coz of what happened. But it was a 2 room apartment and by then we were pregnant with #5! We had run out of space and God led us to move out (that is another awesome story).

After all the paperwork was completed and the deal done, the new owner's future son-in-law (confused yet?) moved in by himself 1st. Then we got a call from the buyer who asked dh if there had been any strange happenings in the house when we lived in it.

Naturally, dh asked her why. Then she told him that the future son-in-law had not been able to sleep in the house at all. At night, he would feel someone/thing pressing on him, suffocating him. So she called in Buddhist priests to come and pray over the house. She said that they saw a little girl in the house!

That's when she decided to ask us about it. Dh shared with her that yes, we had experienced the side table moving but that was the only incident and ever since then, no more strange things had happened. And that's why we continued to live in there for the next 10 years and had 4 children live there with us as well.

We don't know what happened to them after that as she never called back. But after I related the incident to my non-believers parents, they also said that they felt oppressed whenever they came to visit us in that house but never dared to say anything to us. That came as a surprise to me as we had many children visit us and none had ever acted strange - you know how people often say that children and animals are more sensitive to such things.

As we share this story with friends, we always stand amazed that how the hand of the Lord has kept us and protected us. It as as though, at the very moment we left the place, His presence went forth before us to our new place to keep and to hold us. And because His hand was no longer upon the old place, the spirits returned.

Praise be to God! May I never take His presence for granted.

Edited : Forgot to add, though it was not applicable to us and our experience, we have since then been very careful about items we buy. Eg. antiques, craft stuff, home decor items. Especially from unknown sources. In some religious countries, the craftsmen do pray over their crafts as they create their work of art. These items should not be brought into the house as it is an open doorway inviting these spirits to come in and visit.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

Being sick is no fun and being pregnant and sick and having to look after 6 children is worse!

The 1st day is often always the worst! The head is pounding, the throat is scratchy, causing one to cough incessantly. And when I do cough, it's phelmy. Yucks! And to top it off, the body aches. Oh and when one is pregnant, having bad coughing fits is erm...embarrasing too!

All in all, it's quite a miserable time.

And I am praying that the bug stops with me. Imagine it going round and round. How fun - not!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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Recently I was reading a well loved family magazine with all its encouraging and joyful stories about how the editor's and contributing writers' families all love the Lord and how their lives are just so great!

These stories, I presume, are meant to encourage fellow families to love the Lord and serve Him with passion and fervour. But suddenly they didn't seem to be all that encouraging to me anymore. In fact every story became downright discouraging to me.

It seemed as though these families have gotten their act together and their lives are just great. Well, my life is so not like that. Is anyone's life really like that?! Really? All the time?

Isn't it an unrealistic picture to paint? How come they don't face any obstacles? How come they don't have one-of-those-days? The magazine reminded me of some blogs or books I read which are always so upbeat.

Where they all are only too happy to tell me how to get my act together. And list down the 101 things that I gotta do so that my life can be just so. I told dh that these books actually don't serve to encourage me but rather make me feel worse! They tell me all the things I need to do - which I am unable to (for whatever reason) and make me feel like a failure or a lazy bum for being unable to do them all! I feel lousy and condemned.

So what's my strategy? I don't read them anymore! Haha! Really, unless it's some tips about cooking or home organisation, I don't read them them anymore. I don't even read homeschooling blogs that tell me all the fabulous activities mom does with junior to every day.

And let me tell you that my life is definitely not perfect nor great all the time. Sure there are good days with many moments of everything going just great : Children are obedient and cheerful and loving and school goes real fine. Then there are the bad days and the real bad days! Where I wish I was in another planet somewhere where I can actually eat a meal without 4 - or more! vultures hovering around me going, "Can I have some?, p-l-e-a-s-e?????" And when the day never seems to end.

That is why I wrote 10 Myths Debunked on my Building Up Moms website. Coz I certainly don't want anyone to think that I have got it all together. I know the principles to operate by but I am also human and I don't always do what I say. Ask my children!

I don't want to discourage anyone but to encourage. So, if by being real I can help someone, then great! And if you want some ra-ra type of reading material, sorry, you're at the wrong place!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

When I thought of moving the toddler into the Girls' Room, I was dreading the thought that the girls would wake her up too early as they usually wake up at 7:30am while she would wake up only at 8:30am.

But interestingly, she is the one now waking everyone up at 7am! And in order that I am not rushing to catch up with her, I have to wake up even earlier!

Well, the good thing is that we are now all waking up early and getting more done before lunch! Now, if only I have the discipline to go to bed earlier instead of past midnight!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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Sigh. I am having another eczema attack. The itch is truly unbearable.

Usually when it happens I pop one Piriton tablet (Chlorpheniramine Maleate 4mg) and that takes care of the itch - well until the next attack comes on. It says on the box that may cause drowsiness. Now I can take it when I am not pregnant and I am totally unaffected by it except that it brings pure relief from the itching.

But the moment I am pregnant, I can't take it coz it causes an extreme drowsiness that renders me totally useless! And its effects last a whole 24 hours!

There were a few times I was itching so bad I took one tablet before bed, thinking the worst of the side effects will take place at night. But woah! I was so groggy the next day that it was a complete write-off. So after a few times of struggling to get through each day, I swore that I would just grit my teeth and bear with the itch until it passes. (The non-drowsy antistamines are not safe for pregnant or lactating moms).

And of course avoid all the known triggers - shellfish and dust and stress!

The thing is I don't know what caused today's major itch! I hadn't eaten any shellfish since Sunday. I didn't dust today and I was relatively calm today. Hmm....could it be an overload of wheat?! We had waffles for breakfast and I was so hungry that I must have wolfed down 4 of them!  Perhaps it's time to lay off wheat again.

And let me tell you where the eczema spots are - my lips (yes, you read that right!) and the area between my ring and little finger of my left hand. Now a rash on my hand I can take but on my lips?! The vain person in me protests!!!

It was bad enough 3 years ago when I discovered that I couldn't wear lipstick or my lips will peel dreadfully but now, I have itching, cracked and swollen lips! Sure makes one feel ugly!

Now let me see what I have tried - EPO, Coconut Oil, Vit E, Fish Oil (oral and topical) and all sorts of creams that supposedly healed many, many people worldwide, except me! I am now a total sceptic when people tell me that  product x works. I am like - ya, right.

The sad part is that my oldest dd suffers along with me.  She has it a lot worse - on her elbows, behind her knees and her lips! And what makes me feel guilty is that I somehow must have caused it for her coz when I was pregnant with her, I had the most horrid outbreak ever.

It was as though whatever I lacked then was passed on to her in utero and that's why she has it now. And what worries me more is that if I can't manage to find out the cause of this attack, I am again, passing it on to the unborn baby!

 Do pray for us!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

These are maternity and/or nursing clothes that I am no longer wearing (or can no longer wear!). Some are brand new while others are lightly used. Do check them out and help me clear them out. They are all priced at S$5.00 each only. Pass the word around!

Email me at buildingupmoms@gmail.com if you or your friends are interested.

 Almost new Denim Jumper (used 2x only). Good for Maternity and/or nursing. Has deep arm holes for easy nursing access. 2 side pockets. Shoulder-to-shoulder measures 14 inches. Ankle length (I am 1.6m). $5.00. 

 Printed Maternity dress. Fully lined. Shoulder 15inches. Ankle length (I am 1.6m). $5.00.

 Almost new cotton Maternity/Nursing dress. Worn twice only. Tailor-made. Nursing access - crop layer. However you'll need to sew on your own buttons. Shoulder measures 14 inches. $5.00 

 Close up of print on dress.

Maternity - ANANAS a-line dress with sweet embroidery on bodice. Size M. Navy blue. Can be used as maternity dress till 2nd trimester. $5.00. 

Maternity dress - British India button down blue checks dress in size M. Side pockets. Suitable for maternity wear till 2nd trimester. $5.00 

 Nursing top - Peasant style crop top in black. Lightly used. Size M. $5.00.

 Nursing Top - Mother-Two-Be peasant style crop top. Orange and white checks. Lightly used. Good condition. Size M (American sizing). $5.00 

 Nursing top - AngelBliss 3/4 sleeve crop top nursing tee. Brand new. Pale pink. Size L. $5.00

 Nursing top - Ravissant nursing top in stripes. Size M. Lightly used. $5.00

Lot of THREE nursing tops. Well used. Good for home wear. $5.00 for all 3.

Change #1

Two weeks ago, our youngest child self-weaned. It was a surprise to me as she had been most unwilling to let go of the morning and night nursing session just before that.

Every morning when she wakes up, she'd ask to be nursed and if I should delay her by say, bathing before nursing her, she would scream blue murder! But on that fateful day, 10th September, she just lay on the bed and did not ask to nurse. I waited for about 10 minutes and still she didn't ask. I took that opportunity to bathe her and she didn't protest.

Come after dinner, where she usually fusses to nurse, she again did not ask to nurse! In fact, she looked for her bottle of water to sip just before I brought her up to sleep.

And that was it. Our nursing relationship came to an end.

Am I sad? Not really, especially since this time round it was really a non-event. I didn't have to encourage her to wean or to say "no" to her. I really dislike nursing when I am pregnant and I usually can take it till the 2nd trimester. Longer than that, I cringe every time they nurse. It really grates on my nerves each time they latch on.

I am glad that it was so smooth sailing this time.

Change #2

24th Spetember, the littlest one - so far - moved into the Girls' Room. She was a bit disoriented in the beginning and protested a little. But she slept right through. It was really nice to have our master bedroom back to ourselves! Dh called it - the reclaiming of the Promised Land! Lol!

The only downside is that she now wakes up earlier than normal. A whole hour earlier! She is an extremely light sleeper and every little sound would stir her. So, since the common bathroom is right next to the Girls' Room, sounds of any of the children going in to wash up before coming down for breakfast inevitably wakes her up. Well, she just has to learn to get used to these noises.

Reaction from the girls have been sweet. They are so thrilled to have her in their room.  And in order to accommodate all the 4 girls in the room, I have had to re-arrange the furniture in the bedrooms. Which always thrills everyone. They love to have a new look to their rooms every few months.

Changes - we have changes very often around here. Keeps us on our toes! Sometimes it gets tiring but other times, it helps to jazz things up a bit.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

At last! I hit Week 16!

Sometime last week I started to feel much better. Nausea was not all day but the exhaustion was still there. When I finally hit Week 16, I felt even better. But I suddenly required 2 naps a day!

Well, I still feel nauseous on and off. But I know what the triggers are for this period - exhaustion (going to the dr for the check up made me exhausted! ) and eating too much wheat-based products.

So if I can remember to continue to not over exert myself and not over indulge in pasta and noodles, I should be fine - I hope!

Separately, do you feel the heat of the past week?! It is so hot I broke out in a heat rash all over my neck! So much for Being Frugal! The air con is going to get a real work out if this hot season continues!

And I was thinking - if I feel hot now, I don't dare to imagine how I'll feel in my 3rd trimester!

Oh and no, I didn't do a scan this week so we have to wait till the next appointment to find out the gender of the baby. Unlike some moms who have the patience to wait til the birth to find out the gender of the baby, I want to know now! Lol!

It helps us in the naming of the baby. I don't believe in having a checklist of names to be just picked off when the baby comes. And just saving the other names not picked for whoever comes along next.

What we do is pray and seek the Lord for the baby's name once we know the gender of the baby. This takes an awful long time since dh and I have to agree on the name. Especially when the baby is a girl. We are running out of Old Testament girl names that we like!  Then comes the torturous part of choosing a Chinese name.

Why torturous? Coz we are so, so, bad in Chinese! And you know how Chinese names must not only mean well, they must sound right. And some characters just don't go with others.

Anyway, do stick around if you want to know if the children's prayers are answered!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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No, not one of our children!

But a neighbour's kid. Living in an HDB flat does lead to many interesting observations. The close proximity of each black of flats to the other makes privacy a rare commodity.

This evening as we were spacing out infront of the tv, loud screams and crying was heard. Then there was the sound of a gate banging shut and man's voice shouting. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to see what was happening coz the crying was a terror-stricken cry, not the usual temper tantrum cry that I often hear.

And true enough there was a mini drama being played out in the block of flat opposite ours. A little boy, not more than 3 or 4 years old was screaming and hysterically trying to pry open the gate to his home and I could hear a man shouting, "Say sorry first!".

From where I was I could see the rest of the family calmy sitting down and probably watching tv! Hmmm...probably a usual occurence?!

Thankfully the boy was let in after a short while. And the crying stopped.

This reminded me of the time when I was chased out of the home. I was probably 6 or 7 years old then. According to my mom, I was being stubborn (as usual) and she was so infuriated that she asked me to leave the house. Apparently, I just left, without so much as a protest. However, I was saved by my maternal grandmother who happened to visit us just at that time.

She gave my mom a scolding and I guess that made my mom more furious than she already had been?

Anyhow, my point in writing all these? Just to say that anger and the lack of self-control often makes us do stupid things. Did you read about the man who threw his 7 year old son against the wall and ceiling coz the boy watched tv instead of doing his homework. Wow! Scary.

May the Lord have mercy and help us all as we raise our children!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

For moms of many, it is a common fact of life that we start showing much earlier with subsequent pregnancies than we did with our first few. Well, unless one was really hardworking to make sure our abdominal muscles are really tightened up and strong after each childbirth. Yes, yes, I know. We wish eh?

And so we end up wearing our maternity clothes much earlier compared to a first-time mom. I seemed to have really grown - sideways unfortunately - really fast this time round, despite the nausea. Coz the only time I feel less nauseous is when I am eating! So it was a great excuse to try looking for a few pieces of new clothes to update my maternity wardrobe.

But now that yahoo auctions has closed down, it has made my life a little more diffcult. Ebay Singapore just doesn't offer as much a range as Yahoo. So I browsed other online stores. But there's no way I am going to spend $60 - $70 for a maternity top!

But that is actually beside the point. Coz even if I were willing to spend that kind of money, the styles available nowadays do not appeal to me at all.

So here's my gripe - everything is tight, clingy, spaghetti-strapped and/or low cut. Pants are all below the belly style. I don't like them!!!

Call me boring and conservative but I don't want to go around showing everybody my belly and breasts just coz I am pregnant. I don't do it when I am not pregnant so why should I just coz I am pregnant?! I like my clothes fitting but flowing, not clingy.

And I absolutely detest under the belly pants, especially jeans. Hey! I don't want to accidentally expose myself while carrying my toddler, you know. And with tops getting shorter by the season, that happening is very possible. Ok - I know I am weird coz another thing about these under the belly pants. When I am in my final trimester, the band of the pants/jeans tend to press on my lower belly and trigger very intense braxton hicks contractions!

So where does that leave me? I guess I'll just have to dig out my old maternity clothes that I wore 10.5 years ago! I was hoping to update the wardrobe a little with a few new pieces. But that isn't going to happen. God's way of helping me save money?

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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According to BabyCenter.com, Braxton Hicks contractions (BH) start as early as 6weeks but most moms don't feel them till much later.

Let me tell you that as a mom of many, I do feel them that early! And it always amazes me since the uterus is barely grown at that stage. But yep. I feel them alright. Sporadic but it's there!

At 15 weeks now, I feel them more. Especially after a long tiring day.

As a first time mom more than 10 years ago, I never experienced any BH. So when I had some contractions, I immediately thought that that was it! I was in labour! In hindsight, that was probably not true labour. And if I had avoided being so kan cheong*, I would have had a much more pleasant birth experience!

I read also that being dehydrated causes one to have more BH. But I drink lotsof water throughout the day so I guess that doesn't apply to me. It doesn't bother me at this stage but it does get uncomfortable in the later stages especially when I have to carry a toddler up and down the stairs!

A funny - the under the belly style of maternity denim jeans triggers BH for me! Lol! So I have to avoid that style, especially in the 3rd trimester.

* kan cheong - Cantonese for being panicky and impatient

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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Today's Straits Times touched on how sensitive Singaporeans are about religion and how our idea of tolerance in this multi-racial and multi-religious society is to not talk about religion at all.

Then it interviewed 3 persons who have dared to talk about it and even researched extensively it. It was most interesting to note that out of the 3, 2 said they rejected Christianity because it was exclusive. One said that the thought of her relatives going to hell unless they converted to Christianity turned her off. The other said that she was disturbed when she knew that her grandmother was not headed to heaven coz she wasn't Christian. For both, the religion they finally chose was inclusive - it accepts all other religions, unlike Christianity.

So it seems to me that it is the exclusiveness of Christianity that often offends those who are yet unsaved.

I suppose the premise offends because it puts Christianity above all other religions and because Christianity refuses to be lumped together with the other religions.

Generally, the other religions say all gods are the same. The proverbial - all roads lead to Rome thinking.

But that's not what the bible teaches. Jesus says,

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me".  John 14:6

There is  no other way. Jesus is the  way.

Yes it means that your if I declare myself a true Christian and then when my beloved grandmother/ mother/uncle/etc who is not a Christian dies I would never see them ever again. There are no two ways about it. I will go to be with Jesus, but they would head off to face the burning lake of fire.

Sad? Scary? Unfair? Perhaps then it should spur us on to share the good news to them instead of lamenting over the unfairness of it all by saying things like, " But he/she is such a good person". Being good is not a criteria to enter the Kingdom of God. Faith and belief in Jesus Christ as the only way, is.

And if one worships the true God and other gods, we are commiting spiritual adultery. For the Lord says :

You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 6

Offensive? Probably.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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I read off the AsiaParents list that someone actually paid $6,000 to a slimming centre to lose weight! Wow!

I doubt I'd ever do that. Maybe if someone would pay ME $6,000, I would lose weight! Lol!

I guess I have never been that desperate. But isn't $6,000 a lot??? And I was just thinking - wouldn't paying that amount for a personal trainer or a gym membership be better??? At least there's the physical benefit of working out and getting the endorphins going. And tighening those loose muscles.

I suppose the pressure to be slim and sexy after one becomes a mom is very great. Otherwise why would these companies always be targeting their ads at moms? Slimmng ads, saggy breast ads, etc...

The sad thing is that without maintenance, the weight tends to come back. It is the same as those women who swear by the massage and binding post partum. Sure the tummy may be flatter and tighter immediately after the sessions but if there is no maintenance, then the tummy bulge will slowly return. So is it worth it?

Just musing.

But I would love to have a personal trainer!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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I have been asked many times - so how do you do it? Especially now when they know I am nauseous and tired and grumpy and ache-y (is there such a word?) and still have to cook and do school.

I don't have any super spiritual answer. My answer is simple - JUST DO IT!

Really. Sometimes not having a choice is a blessing. You don't have to angst about choice #1 or #2 or #20. You have only ONE option. And in the case of cooking - it's either cook or eat Mac's everyday - yucks! or instant noodles - double yucks!

It's not as if dh can come home every evening with food like some other moms I know who have this luxury. So it's cook or starve. Though today, I did try bribing the kids not to eat lunch! Haha! I was that desperate!

And with school - do I really want the kids to go amok in the house with boredom? No thank you. So I make myself do school - pared down and just the basics and then they can go play to their hearts content. In this case, it is not as if I can pack them off to school and not deal with the school stuff, right?

I just thank God I am not throwing up. Just nauseous - even at 15weeks! I thought I had my energy returning yesterday as I was able to go shopping for clothes for ds#1 who needed more formal clothes for playing in the worship band. But boy! did I crash out when we returned home and at night and then crashed out again this morning as I struggled to finish school in double quick time!

By the way have you tried grading problem solving sums when all you want to do is sleep? Amazing how all the words merge together and even simple addition puzzle me!

Anyhow, all I want to say is I don't have an answer besides the simple truth that the Lord equips me and on my part, I just DO IT and meanwhile, try not to whinge too much about it.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

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Pregnancy at 28 is different from pregnancy at 39!

1st pregnancy is different from 7th pregnancy.

The nausea (non-existent in my 1st pregnancy) has gotten worse with each subsequent pregnancy. The backache (non-existent in my 1st pregnancy) has gotten worse with each pregnancy.

The energy I had with my 1st pregnancy is non-existent with my 7th pregnancy.

But one good thing has come out of all this - I have been forced to slow down and to take better care of myself. I have no choice or I'll feel worse than I already do.

The things that I thought mattered have to be re-thought. Do I really need to do ....(fill in the blanks) ... or can it wait? Or can it - gasp!- not be done at all?

A friend mentioned that I am very relaxed. I told her that if I have not learnt how to take things slow and easy by now, I wouldn't be here! I was a task-oriented, Type A personality - or so I thought. Then I had all these children! If I don't change, I'd go crazy.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

You know I am stressed when I start blogging A LOT - like I have the past few days.

But every time I feel like wallowing in my misery, I get sent an article, a video, or s story that in effect tells me - "Snap out of it! Stop having a pity party!" These stories provide a different perspective on life - that no matter what a bad day it has been, there are many out there who are truly suffering and that I should just focus on the positive things that are happening and deal with the negatives in a positive way.

Today, I read this post from Rocks In My Dryer, Living With A Chronic Illness. It made me cry. Her life is hard but she isn't letting it hold her back or hold her down.

If you are like me, grumbling and complaining about how hard life is, perhaps this story give you a different perspective on life. That we should stop complaining about our lot and start being thankful for our children (and the mess they create!), our health, our dhs, the home we have....truly learn to count our blessings.

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

Hmm...am now thinking if I should have a post partum massage and binding done after I birth this baby - God willing, of course!

I have never had it done. Why? In the 1st place, there's the stress of dealing with a crying baby in the middle of a massage session. You know how they always need to feed when you are busy with something, in the newborn stage? Or they need to nurse every hour or so? I guess I could pump but I seriously doubt I'd be so hardworking! Plus I have thrown away my breastpump since I don't know when.

Then there's the smell and stickiness of the oils. And mostly, as I understand it, for the massage and binding to be effective in restoring one's figure, one needs to be bound tightly for a certain minimum number of hours.

My mom warned me that it would be very hot and itchy. A check with most friends agreed that this was true. One even scratched till her skin broke! Hmm...since I have a tendency to eczema, I think I'll definitely suffer from the itch!

Then there's the modesty issue - yikes! I have to be almost naked when the massage is done!

So why the change of mind? Well, I can feel that my ligaments are much looser this time round and I sure don't want it to over stretch and then end up with everything hanging out, kwim?

So I am torn - to massage and bind or not to?!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

I know this is so politically incorrect to say and post, but it is lovely to have fresh air again!

Bring tired and nauseous and having to breathe in incense-filled air is just not comfortable! Yes, I am thankful that the Hungry Ghost Month is over!

My immediate neighbour is very devout in celebrating all these festivals so they'll start burning their joss sticks and incense paper on the eve of the festival, often causing us to scramble in double quick time to shut all of the windows and turn on the airconditioning!

It is really suffocating if we do not do that. And to make matters worse, it was recently reported in Straits Times that the smoke-filled air is carcinogenic!!!

It is interesting that this block that I live at in Bishan seems to be a hive of activity whenever these festivals roll around. You should see the edges of the grass verge the morning after these "big days" are celebrated. (Poor cleaners!) One would think everywhere would be the same. But as I thought back of the places I had lived in - Toa Payoh, Ang Mo Kio, Keng Lee Road - none had such zealous believers.

I used to live on a 4th floor flat so I would definitely know if the neighbours burned incense paper and joss sticks but nope, the occassions they burnt their joss sticks and incense papers were few and far between.

But over here, on top of these festivals, there's also burning on the 1st and 15th of every Lunar month! And the daily lighting of joss sticks!

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Articles for the Christian SAHM can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com

This is not a new concept. I don't know if it exists in the Western countries or not but I believe it is not unusual in Asian countries. Not common but not unusual either.

But it is something that really bugs me!

Here is how it usually plays out : Baby is born, mother and child go through the traditional confinement month and thereafter, the baby is handed over to a nanny (could be a stranger or a relative) and the mom returns to work. The nanny takes over all care of the baby 5 to 6 days per week - day and night. The new parents only see the baby after work - if at all - and takes the baby home only for the weekends.

I am sure we all know of someone here in Singapore who does that. I personally know of 4 couples!

I feel sad for the baby. Sure, there must be some circumstances that forces one to do this, right?! Is it really true, that one is forced to do this? Or is it a case of wanting everything but not wanting to give up anything?

Can a child ever be close to his parents when this happens? Maybe. You can never underestimate the grace of God, especially in those truly desperate situations. But, in these cases that I know of, none are desperate cases.  It is all a matter of convenience - for the parents, of course.

Does anyone ever asks the child how he feels? Will the child end up always having a sense of rejection and inferiority? Yes, the nanny may love the child very much and care for him as her own but the fact remains that she is not his mother.

There are of course other repercussions - discipline is one big major issue. Does the nanny discipline the child the way you want her to? And if she doesn't, what do you do?

What about the values of the nanny? Are they the same as yours or only similar? We are often told - values are caught, not taught. This simply means that the child will pick up the values of the person he spends the most time with. And we all know how impressionable children are. How much time do these parents spend with the child compared with the nanny? And even then, the time the parents spend with the child is not even in one's own home but the nanny's home.

And for those who farm out their child to the grandparents - grandparents should be able to be grandparents, not parents.

Yes, I am very disturbed by this. Especially since the cases I know of are the result of the mom not wanting to give up their careers or veer off the career path they have planned. Like it or not, parenting causes lifestyle changes. To expect it to progress as though life is the same sans children is childish and selfish - there! I have said it. I have made my judgement even as I told myself not to!  

I am sorry - but why have a child if you are not going to be there for the child? Is one's career so important? Can it not be slowed down, put aside, temporarily, for the sake of one's own child?

Do not tell me that one has to work. There are lots of working moms out there who do not farm out their child in this manner. There are also couples out there who scaled down their financial commitments in order for mom to stay home and be there for the child. We sold off our old home at a loss in order to be debt free. How important is your child's welfare to you?

How can one farm out their child in this manner? A child is not a pet - there for you when you need it and to be put aside when you are busy and tired. Yes, parenting is tiring. And it is a long term commitment.

But what about quality time you may ask - is there such a thing??? It is somethng drummed up by the "experts" to make the working mom feel less guilty. A young child doesn't understand the concept of quality time. But the child understands how it feels to want to tell something to mom and mom is not there.

And to play the emotional card - how does it feel when your child runs to the nanny when he wants comfort instead of to you?

I say again, sure, there may be cases where the situation is dire and mom really cannot handle looking after the children and working and needs to use this arrangement - perhaps being widowed? But by and large the people who choose this option are not in this situation.

And yet I suppose I shouldn't be shocked if more people take up this option. Afterall, we have wombs for rental, why not moms for rent too, eh?  Sigh....

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Articles for the Christian SAHMs can be found at :

www.BuildingUpMoms.com