I am very pleased with the progress Love has been making since we started our homeschooling adventure. There's a lot more cooperation and a lot less attitude about us homeschooling in general. She is actually happy more frequently and looks forward to schooling... most days. It was such a fight at first! I could barely keep her on task and almost got a GPS for her so I would know where she ran off  to hide when I got distracted doing something else!

Through all of this I have had a lot of 'rude awakenings'. I didn't realize all the damage I was creating in my daughters life by just doing the 'normal' thing and having her in public school. I did want to homeschool, but as a single mom I didn't think I had a whole lot of choice. Her being at public school allowed me to work so I could provide for us. Besides, that's what we're supposed to do, put them in school, right?

I can remember the first day of kindergarten. My little Princess all dressed up so sweet with her new dress and new shoes and her curls all in the right place...crying and pleading with me to not make her go. We took a picture that day and that's exactly what she looks like. It breaks my heart to think about it. I felt awful, but public school was the next rite of passage in life, that's just what came next, right? 

Well, hind-sight is surely 20/20 because I now realize she wasn't more socially 'ready' just because she was more social than others. And she was definitely not mature enough to handle what was thrown at her socially. And now, our schools have recently changed the grade breakup into K-5 elementary, 6-8 middle school and they now have 9-12 for high school. She would be at the high school with kids way beyond her and I know that she would try to not try to try to emulate that. Did you catch that? Translated it means she would have such turmoil trying to fit in and then trying to not fit in because of her faith/convictions. She would be consumed enough with the 'socialization roller coaster' that she would have a hard time succeeding.  

I'm not sure if it's the same for boys, but for girls school IS a social event. Kayla wouldn't come home and tell me about the wonderful time she had learning about bugs or verbs or art class. She would come home crying and proceed to tell me all about how so-and-so said such-and-such, and how they were mean, and won't be my friend... The 'socialization' was one of our biggest PROBLEMS! It affected her schoolwork because she was so worried about the 'mean girls' and if so-and-so liked her that day. She wasn't worried about failing math as much as who said they would be her friend or not and fitting in. She even had girls tell her she'd fit in better by coloring her hair! Her beautiful blonde hair! People, I took her out the second half of 6th grade! These girls were serious and my little girl was believing these strangers. We're talking 10 and 11 year olds! 

Even to this day she will tell me the only thing she says she misses about public school are the 'friends' she had there. I've talked to her about how they probably really weren't her friends to begin with. I've mentioned they have changed over the years and she probably wouldn't want to be friends with them. I do to talk to her about the difference between real friends and acquaintances and that the people she knew in public school would be under the 'acquaintance' category.

She occasionally does see some of the kids she knew in school around town. Mostly, they don't really offer a lot, if anything really. They have gone on in life without her and some just kind of nod or wave, if that. It's really sad for her, but I think she's starting to understand more and let go. My poor baby. Sometimes I feel like I'm weaning her from the world's system.

I write this to say I don't want other moms to be constantly bombarded with this thought: 'I wonder if it would have been different if I would have just kept them home?'

I thank you Lord, that she IS home now. Blossoming into a beautiful young lady who loves You and wants to glorify and honor You and her parents.

traci  :)

P.S.The Lord's grace, strength and protection were always there for us through this time. I am so grateful He provided a way for us to eventually homeschool and that I eventually found the courage to do it!