Jul. 5, 2009 - Teenage Sibling Relationships

Over the weekend I’ve been thinking about teenage sibling relationships.  There has been a subtle change in how deep our children’s friendship goes, the older they get.  And unfortunately there are some things that I need to pull back and get back into proper alignment.  What should teenage sibling relationships look like?

When the kids were little we focused on family identity – we were the Letchfords.  They were to be best friends – and they were.  But I’ve noticed a slight change in attitudes and something is niggling me about it.  It is as if as they grow older they start to focus on who they are as an individual and that ever so subtly becomes a little stronger than who they are as a family.  The family still looks strong because a good foundation has been laid but when you start to look at individual relationships – there are red flags waving.

What is a red flag waving – remember Tootle the train – he was warned not to go off the tracks, but he ignored the red flags and ended up in trouble.  Red flags to parents are the little indications that something needs attention – else trouble is on its way.

Our teenagers are growing up, they are establishing who they are and yet here we have a conflict.  The world tells our teenagers that they need to find their identity in and of themselves, and yet does that line up with the Bible.  The natural family is the training ground for functioning in the body of Christ.  God uses the language of a natural family to illustrate the spiritual.  We find our function, our identity as a Christian in the body – so too should our teenage children – they can find their identity, their function in the family.  This is not the way we are taught, this is not what our children will encounter as they circle of acquaintances broadens.  Will it be the way of our family?

With these thoughts I have been challenged to maintain the intentional strengthening of family bonds, to maintain the ideals that we are to be each other’s best friend and that family comes first.  What do these things look like in a teenager’s life?  Here are some of the red flags waving:

• Joking – one of the marks of growing up is the change in how our children joke.  Australians are all too comfortable with knocking people down, taking the ‘mickey’ out of someone.  This is the lowest form of humour and therefore so easy to pick up.  I need to remind my children that even our joking needs to be edifying.
• Serving – our sibling relationships are not only a practice and training ground for the body of Christ but also for marriages.  Is my son serving his sister, is my daughter serving her brother?  The love that drove them to do things for each other when they were little needs to be not forgotten, and encouraged to be expressed.  The world tells them that this is not normal – the Bible says it is to be expected!
• Being there for each other – as a young family being there for each other was easy, the kids didn’t have individual interests, friends and activities.  We did things as a family.  I need to ensure that this remains a part of our family culture.  Once again, the things that I allow to happen will either build this ideal, or make it easy to slip aside; after all I control/monitor the family calendar.   When I say someone can do something I need to consider the affects on family relationships, and the other commitments we have.

Over the next little while I am going to keep an eye out for those red flags.  We need to elevate family relationships so that the balance between family and individual is healthy.

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Jul. 5, 2009 - The Homeschool Day Planner Giveaway!

“The Homeschool Day Planner” has donated 2 CD’s of their Homeschool day Planner (A $20 value each) . This CD provides the materials you need not only for your HOMESCHOOL efforts but for your FAMILY and your LIFE with over 80 printable pages that give you every type of method to organize and plan various aspects of your life.

To Enter:  Do one of three things...

• Become a Fan of our new Homeschool Toolbar Facebook page!
• If you are already Fan you can share the Giveaway event on your Facebook  profile page.
• Share about our Giveaway in a blog post and let me know in the comments below!

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Saturday, July 4, 2009 - Happy 4th!

On the topic of fireworks, let's not forget why we are celebrating today. Reread the Declaration of Independence (it's short). Thomas Jefferson and the Continental Congress lay out the reasons why a people not only have the right, but the duty before God, to dissolve one form of government in order to create another, when that government usurps authority not given it by God, and instead of serving the security and liberty of its people, change into the people's tyrannical despot.

Yes, God has imposed boundaries upon governments, and they cannot do whatever they wish. Romans 13 makes it clear that the government bears the sword in order to punish those who do evil, and to secure and reward those who do good. And what is the definition of good and evil? Since the authority to wield the sword comes from God, who as Creator of the universe is the absolute authority over all, it is His definition of good and evil that must be applied, and not man's, which is much different.

His definition is found in Torah, the dictionary for the entire Scriptures. God is immutable; His nature is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His Word is immutable. It is fixed in the heavens, and even when heaven and earth pass away, His Word will not pass away. Neither have His definitions of good and evil, right and wrong, which are explained in Torah, changed.

So we are much less free today than we were 200 years ago, but where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. We are free to live just as God has called us to live, in love and obedience to Him from the Spirit. We may be opposed by evil men, but greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world! Our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, has overcome the world. Even if our lives are forfeit, our life which is hid in Christ in God, is not forfeit. For the abundant life that is the free gift of God by grace through faith in His Son, can never be taken from us. On the day our temporal shells die, we simply cross the threshold from this world where man, sin, and pain rule to the next where God, our loving Daddy, reigns in mercy and righteousness on His throne.

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Jul. 3, 2009 - Passions

This week I’ve been thinking about passion – what is my passion?  What is passion?  Thanks to Hollywood we think of romantic passion but I believe there is more.  Jesus was passionate – Paul was passionate – the early Christians were passionate.  The early Christians – they turned the world upside down!  You can’t do that without passion.  But what about me?  Am I passionate about the things God would have me be passionate about.  I think of Paul again – as Saul he was a passionate man, and yet Jesus apprehended him and he came to see that the things he was passionate about were not the things the Lord Jesus was passionate about.  Saul, changing his name to Paul, changed his passions to be in line with Jesus.  We need to do the same.  What passions will I be known for?

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Jul. 1, 2009 - Our family collage

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Jun. 30, 2009 - Independent study - to what aim?

One of the things we have been working on with my youngest two (10/12yo) is independent study skills.  They have the ability to do some work independently and yet they lack the self discipline to get in and do it.  This is the area we have been working on.

1. Heart.  We have had many conversations about the idea of growing up, not only physically but also morally.  I have put the idea out there for them to slowly latch onto that they need to start being self disciplined – making the right decisions for themselves, not because I am there telling them what to do or checking up on them.  This is something that takes a while for them to grasp and run with so we are slowly putting the idea out there.  I can’t make them grow up, I can’t make them mature, but I can surround them with opportunities for them to make choices and then be diligent with ensuring they have to live out the consequences of their choices.

2. Habits.  Habits are a helpful thing – we practice something so much that we don’t think about it.  Like breathing!  In order to establish habit each of my children have two lists that they work on in the morning.  Personal Responsibilities and Independent Study.  The idea is that this list is their reminder, their prompt, instead of me.  While in training I do remind them to check their list – referring to a list is yet another habit to be developed.  I need to help them establish a habit and yet not remove all sense of responsibility and thinking from them.  I need to remind them to think, rather than remind them to do.

Their independent studies lists

Nomi:

Piano
Math

Writing

Reading / Journal

Art

Daniel:

Typing

Math

Writing

Having our children work independently is an admirable goal – one that is high on my priorities but it must be kept in balance with the idea that we are discipling our children.  That means, we need to spend time with them, sharing our heart, and building their hearts and lives.  Imagine Jesus with his disciples encouraging them to go be independent as they learnt of him.  No, Jesus had his disciples with him, observing him, talking with him and questioning him, being involved in the things that he was involved in.  We must keep a discipleship balance in our lives.

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Jun. 30, 2009 - One life - one organiser

I have blogged about this before but I get asked this question often so I thought I'd post again.  Besides, as I write this up it helps me simplify and consolidate my system in my head – which is a good thing.

My diary, my control journal (a Flylady term), my organiser, my homemakers notebook:  regardless of what you call it - I have a system that keeps all my notes and to-dos in one place helping me with all the different responsibilities that I carry.  Many of the commercial diaries or time management systems are around the idea that you have a business life and then you have a home life, that weekends are uneventful times, and that your day is divided up into 1/2 hour slots where you make appointments.  But that isn't my life.  I wanted a system that stopped me from compartmentalising my life and yet keep me on track. 

When I began to put this binder together I found it helpful to know what I wanted from it: I wanted to be able to carry it with me like a diary, I only wanted one place for information (not another diary, calendar, list filed or kept somewhere else).  I remembered back to another time when I used to have a system like this but the binder became so heavy it was impossible to carry with me so this time I considered a5 size binder for that reason but the time factor of reducing everything to a5 made it not efficient.  The solution was to be careful what I put in it.  It was to be used on a daily basis, not a place to store papers.  It was to keep me efficient not something that required a lot of time to maintain.

I use an a4 size ring-binder with dividers.  Here are my divisions:

·        Daily to-do - I use simplemom's daily docket as my template though I have tweaked it to suit me and my brain (and what needs to be remembered).  My daily docket includes my daily routine (on the left side) and (on the right) Heart focus, Priorities, Commitments, Menu, Lessons, Online activity.

·        Discipleship plans - Discipleship covers all areas of a child’s life.  This is where I keep my notes – heart training, lifeskills, and study lists (assignment sheets and study routines)  

·        Office Lists - office to-do lists (both Master list and current to-do) as well as my office routine schedule - this keeps me on track with office work for both family and business (much like my housework routines do). I also keep notes of ideas for a blog post or article I want to write here.

·        Menu Planning - this week's menu, freezer and pantry lists, list on quick to make meals, list of the meals my children can prepare or want to learn.

·        Shopping list - I keep this list in a separate tab than the menu planning so the children can find it quickly and add to the shopping list.  I have a shopping list typed up by shopping isles but I let the kids just write a quick list on blank paper as they run out of an item or need something to be bought and I transfer it to my organised shopping list the day before I go shopping.

·        Housework rosters and chore lists (For both myself and the kids)

·        Lists:  Birthday dates, gift ideas, phone numbers,

·        Calendar - a block style monthly calendar that has all my commitments recorded - reoccurring as well as one-offs. 

·        Blank paper - I like to keep blank paper in the back of the binder as well.  This is for those times that I want to take notes.  I am trying to discipline myself to keep everything centered in this binder, reducing bits of paper here and there. 

My binder sits on my kitchen table and only gets put away when we have visitors - it then goes in the office.  Wherever I go it goes (well, maybe not to a wedding, but it does go to Church with me) It is my diary so I need it with me.

Every Sunday afternoon (or evening) Pete and I have planning time where we set to and plan our week and let each other know what we are doing. My diary helps me through this process.

·        I print off another set of daily to-do lists and fill in the Commitments, Menu and Lessons sections for the week.  I refer to all the sections of my diary for the relevant information.  I have found that if I write these things in by hand weekly, I am a lot more in tune with what needs to happen rather than printing off routine checklists each week.

·        I find that it works better if I leave Heart training and Priorities to write up on the day or night before so I can keep in tune with what is really important. 

·        The rest of my planning session is spent preparing any lessons that I have listed for the coming week and these are kept to a minimum.

The big question is – do I follow it?  Well, yes and no.  It is there as my guide.  My best days are the days that happen closest to my plan but life happens!  I reckon you need somewhere to start from, a base from which you can be flexible.  Flexible isn’t to be without a plan, flexible is holding onto that plan loosely.

But a willingness to be flexible has to be in balance with a willingness to work hard, and apply self-discipline.  I know my life on paper looks different than real life.  I try hard to get them to match and yet I want my plan on paper to include the goals that I am striving towards.  I am working hard at using my time wisely, using my time for its intended purpose. 

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