Part of our family from January 2006 - June 2006

Justin is a bright, energetic little three year old.  When he came to us, we were completely new at this and so was he.  We had never taken in a foster child before and he had never been in foster care before so we learned together.

Step one was meeting mom.  One of the first decisions we made as foster parents was to make it a policy that I meet the birth parents as early into the placement as possible.  We believe we are called to minister to the parents as well as the child so we try to begin a relationship as soon as it's allowed.  We met his mom in the hallway of DSS less than a week after he came into our home.  I introduced myself and Ross and Gracie and told her we just wanted her to meet us so she would know who was taking care of Justin.  Ross took the opportunity to ask if she had ever taken Justin to church before and when she said yes, he replied, "Good, because we were planning on taking him whether you did or not!!"

Justin's mom worked hard to do everything DSS asked her to do in order to bring Justin back home.  We did our best to be flexible with setting up visits with her and made him available as much as possible.  As time went by, we slowly became friends.

A few months ago, our church held an ice cream social and we invited Justin's mom.  By the time we arrived, she had been greeted by several people.  To our surprise and delight, she brought Justin's uncle, brother and two sisters with her.  That night I had time to sit and talk with her about how we viewed foster parenting as a ministry to her and to Justin and that we wanted to do anything we could to support her.  I also was able to point to person after person in our church and say, "This person brought me clothes for Justin", "This person brought me bed sheets for Justin", "This person gave me a backpack and shoes for Justin", and on and on.  She was touched that so many people cared for him, and for her, so deeply.

Justin went home a little less than two weeks ago.  Because we took the time to develop a relationship with his mom, she has allowed us to continue to be very active in his life.  She asked me to help her choose his daycare and I'm able to pick him up occasionally.  He stays with us while she works on the weekend and she has said she wants him to continue to go to church with us, maybe even come herself.

I'm so thankful that God brought this precious little boy and his mom into our lives.  Yes he was a challenge at times and yes it did hurt when he went home but he's where he belongs.  We are looking forward to being there for him and his mom in the weeks and months to come and seeing the fruit of God's work in their lives.

About a month ago, the crystal in my watch cracked and fell out.  It was a great watch - pretty and feminine but not too dressy.  I received many compliments on it and it was by far my favorite watch I had ever owned.  But now it was time to buy a new one so off I went in search of the perfect watch.  I tried Walmart, Target and Kohls first with no luck.  I tried jewelry stores and the internet - eBay, QVC and HSN - all without finding what I was looking for.

Today is my birthday and though I need a watch, I didn't ask for one because I know that I want something specific and I didn't expect someone else to be able to find it when I couldn't.  Ross came to me this morning while I sat on the couch feeding the baby.

"Mommy, I have a birthday present for you," he said.  He pulled his hand out from behind his back and presented me with a lime green Grave Digger monster truck digital watch.  He had received the watch in a treat bag at a birthday party recently and had been so excited to have it since he had just learned to tell time.  "I know you have wanted a new watch for a long time and I decided that you need this one more than I do so I want you to have it," he continued.

In that moment, I wouldn't have traded that watch for any other watch in the world.  No it wasn't anything like the watch I had been searching for, but it was indeed the perfect watch for me.  Everytime I look to check the time, I am reminded of my little boy's sacrifical gift - giving the thing he wanted most to show his mama his love on her birthday.

So next time you need to know what time it is, just look for me and ask.  I'll be the mama with the lime green monster truck watch.

Gracie is our youngest child, just turned 3 years old.

Gracie is full of contradictions.  She is very prissy but rough and tumble.  She is bossy but sensitive to direction from others.  She is stubborn as a mule and sweet and pretty as spring flowers at the same time.

She is full of will and spirit, always taking things apart or getting into something she shouldn't.  She is the one that colors on the wall, fingerpaints on the floor with the dishwasher detergent, climbs the desk to reach the scissors on top of the hutch and figures out how to take apart the lid to the baby powder so she can dump it on the couch.

She wants to do everything herself whether she can or not and most times we let her try.  However, if she doesn't want to do it then it won't happen.  Our house has come to a dead stop many times for a showdown between Gracie and Mama or Daddy when she is told to do something she doesn't want to do and is not allowed to move on until she has done it - she is beginning to learn that Mama can outlast anybody.

She has already been to the emergency room more times than Ross, who is twice her age.

She is also the one who needs the most affection and reassurance, the one who gives the most kisses and smiles.  She is the first one to the front door when her Daddy comes home at night.

She is our wild one and our angel all rolled into one...and we wouldn't want her any other way.

Ross is our oldest child, now 7 years old. 

He loves science and all forms of creating (drawing, building, inventing).

He always has a new buddy - a cup he drew a face on, a new little stuffed animal, a rubber band he has named.

He loves to sigh and smile when he's happy or pleased with himself.  He is our emotional child - when he's happy, he's escstatic and when he's sad, the world is coming to an end.

Right now he wants to be an astronaut when he grows up.  He has already moved past doctor (fixing people), veterinarian (fixing animals), auto mechanic (fixing cars) and engineer (fixing buildings).

The saying "Kids say the darnedest things" was made because of Ross.  You never know what he'll say next and he's constantly amazing us and making us laugh.  Read through our Rossisms link for his latest words.

Right now I am reading Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline by Lisa Welchel.  So far this is a great read!  It came recommended by my cousin Beckie who borrowed it from her friend after waiting for several other people to borrow it to read - apparently it's a popular book so I had to get my hands on it.  Because we are not allowed to spank our foster children as we do our biological children, I am interested to see if I can find ways besides spanking to discipline our foster children in ways that address their heart and point them to their need for a Savior.  By the description of the book, I am hopeful I will find what I'm searching for.

Lisa Welchel played Blair on The Facts of Life and is now a homeschooling mom of three children and wife of an associate pastor.  The book is published by Focus on the Family.  The chapters each focus on a particular area and are each followed by a toolbox chapter full of practical application.  The list of chapters are:

1. The Facts of My Life (basically an introduction to her and her family)

2.  Learning from the Ultimate Parent and toolbox

3.  The Heart of Obedience and toolbox

4.  Seeing the Big Picture and toolbox

5.  Creative Correction and toolbox

6.  Let's Talk about Child-Rearing and toolbox

7.  WWIII: The Sibling Conflict and toolbox

8.  God's Topsy-Turvy Truths and toolbox

9.  Grace n' Failure and toolbox

10.  That's a Great Idea!

I have only finished the first two chapters and have already taken a lot of notes!  The toolbox for chapter two is an alphabetical listing of behaviors such as anger, complaining, greed, etc followed by two or three Scriptures that apply.

I already have a favorite quote from this book that I will share with you.  In chapter two, she is talking about how we are to model our parenting after the way God the Father parents us, essentially being Christ's image to our children.  She says, "Modeling God to our kids is a tall order.  In fact, I would be the first to admit my representation of God is imperfect.  But that's the nature of a reflection.  It's backward in a mirror, upside-down in a spoon, blurry in a window and always one-dimensional.  Though we should strive to be godly, we can never perfectly reflect God.  Instead, our goal should be to ensure that our reflection of God draws our children closer to Him - and that it makes them long to touch the real thing."  This is such an awesome picture of our responsibility as parents and how God knows there is no way we can measure up to His example.  We don't have to be perfect, we just have to keeping pointing to Him so our children will see that they too can do nothing outside of Christ.  And it's only by His grace and mercy that we are able to do that.

We were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner after Gracie's birthday party when Ross blurted out one of those kinds of sentences that makes any mother cringe: "Hey Mama, do you want to hear the best cuss word I know?  Well actually, it's the only cuss word I know, but do you want to hear it?"  I was stunned into silence, mentally reviewing the movies he had seen recently, people he had talked to, music he had heard, etc.  After deciding that there was nothing he could have possibly heard that was offensive, I finally answered hesitantly, "Sure Ross, what cuss word do you know?"  "Custard," came the reply.  It was all I could do to clamp my hand across my mouth and hold in my laughter until I reached my bedroom.  Michael and I were immediately on the phone to our mothers to tell them about Ross' "cus" word.

A few minutes later after a quick discussion, we discovered that he thought a cuss word was a word that begins with "cus".  No, we didn't correct him and tell him what a cuss word really is.  He knows there are words that are not okay to say because they don't honor God, but we've never called them cuss words. 

The next day I thought of a new "cus" word - custom - and shared it with him.  After I explained to him what it meant, he immediately ran off to tell Daddy the "new cuss word Mama just taught" him.  A couple days passed and the homeschooling mama in me finally got the better of me and we dug out the dictionary to see just how many "cus" words there are.  Turns out, there are three root "cus" words - custard, custom and custody - and all other "cus" words come from those three root words - customary, custodian, etc.  So in the end, the misunderstood word became just another opportunity for learning.  And gave us another Rossism to remember and cherish forever.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Philippians 3:20-21

Before I post anything else on this blog, I want to take time to thank God for all the ways He has provided for and blessed our family since we began our adventure in foster parenting. Not only has He provided for us materially and financially, He has also blessed us with friends and family to encourage and pray for us and give us biblical council. Below is a list of all the ways God has provided for our family as foster parents and the avenues through which He provided. WARNING: This is a long list!!!...ain't God good?!

1. Our first provision was the prayers of our family, friends and Care Group as we first began to feel the call to foster parent. Along with these prayers came teaching, prophetic words and wise counsel from many around us that not only encouraged us but helped to confirm the call we felt God had placed on our lives. Specifically, we want to thank the Wittemanns, Wanda Thomas, the Robbins and Kim Jamison for the prayers and counsel and words we received from them.

2. Our next provision was in the form of many hours of childcare during our foster parent training classes. Many families opened their doors to welcome Ross and Gracie, feeding them dinner and caring for them. We want to thank Elizabeth Wittemann for taking on the task of finding sitters for us and coordinating a schedule - without her time and attention to this vital area we may have stopped before we ever got started. Also thank you to the Wittemanns, Goddards, Sneads, Dowdys, Raes and Nanny for the care you gave to our children.

3. The email wish list.  What happened next will always amaze me...We sent out a simple email asking for our friends and family to be on the look out for a list of things we needed before we accepted the first child into our home. We were hoping to find out about yard sales, people selling furniture their children had outgrown, etc. God had something better in mind and within 48 hours of sending the email, we had more than half the things on our list promised to us and most of them for free!! God provided crib sheets, a crib mattress, 2 toddler beds, an infant carrier seat (one that matched my stroller and latched onto it), a chest of drawers and a kitchen chair. Thank you to all of you who gave so generously as a means of God's provision to us.

4. No passports!! As we finished up our training and the last few things we needed to do to be licensed, we were starting to come up short on cash. One week we needed to apply for passports for our upcoming anniversary cruise we were taking but we also had numerous other expenses (Christmas gifts, fire extinguisher so we could pass our fire inspection, etc). We shared our struggle in our couple's Care Group and prayed for provision and clear priorities. The next day we found out that the new passport law had been delayed one year and we would no longer need to have a passport for our cruise - $200 saved!  We were able to go ahead with the remaining things needed to be licensed so we were ready when the first phone call came.  God is good all the time...all the time God is good.

5. He needs everything...With everything in place, the waiting for the first child began. Finally we received a phone call on January 3, 2006 that Justin would be coming to stay with us. He came with nothing and needed everything. Again it only took one little email...thank you to Beth Blackburn for the shoes and backpack and clothes and to Yolanda Bernard for the clothing not only for the current season but the next one too!!

6. We thank God every day for the Robbins family! While Michael and I were on our anniversary cruise, just two weeks after we took Justin in, the Robbins cared for Justin and fell in love with him!! We will never be able to express what a blessing it was to have someone to care for him for nine days and love him the way that they did. Justin is lucky to now have three mamas...Mommy, Mommy Jenny and Mommy Lisa.  God has a jewel for your crowns, Mark and Lisa!

7. Here we grow again!!  Shortly after we returned from our cruise, Kash came to stay with us. With the addition of another child came the need for another crib mattress. Again, God provided for us through a family in our church we had never even met!! They left the mattress for us in the lost and found area to save us the hassle of trying to find them in the crowd at church. Thank you for giving of what you have even to those you do not know!!

8. Goodbye and hello...Kash was not with us long until it was time for him to leave. Two days before he left we got the call that we would be getting not one but two children (sisters). Shaquice came to us that day but her sister Kamiya was in the hospital for three weeks before she could come to us too. Those three weeks were full of need - baby clothes, childcare to go to the hospital, LOTS of prayer. Again God was good to us. Thank you to all the nurses that cared for Kamiya, for the Easter shoes given to all of our children (5 at the time), for Nurse Mary who organized a clothing drive and collected clothes for the girls including Easter dresses complete with lacy socks and a bonnet for the baby, for nurses in our church and on our street who offered to help care for Kamiya when she came home, and a special thank you to Yolanda Bernard for showing me all there is to know about black hair care (you're a lifesaver!) and being there to answer all my questions, no matter how silly.

9. WIC, Medicaid and board checks. We are so grateful that DSS gives every child they send to us Medicaid for medical and dental expenses; WIC for those under five to get formula, milk, eggs, cheese, cereal, juice and peanut butter; and board checks to offset some of the expense we incur from having these children in our home. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot make money by bringing these kids into your home and collecting a check. Most if not all of the children come to you with little to no clothing or toys. They need everything...socks, underwear, pajamas, toiletries. They eat your food, use your water and electricity, burn your gas going to doctor's appointments and visits with parents. If you care for these children in the same manner you care for your own children, you end up in the red at the end of the month not in the black. Just another avenue God uses to provide for us so that we can provide for these children when no one else can.

10. Our church families...yes, that's supposed to be plural. God has blessed us with not one church family, but three!! CrossWay Community Church is our home and heart. We are so blessed to belong to a wonderful church full of people who long to be Jesus to each other. They have served not only us but the children and their parents in countless ways.  Without them, there is no way we could do this!!! Fisher Street Baptist Church is the church of Michael's side of the family and they love us like their own. God used them to provide for us at Easter time and we will always be grateful. We love to be there as often as we can. Thank you to Joey Spry, Adam McManus and all the members of Fisher Street. Graham Chapel Wesleyan Church is the church of my side of the family and going to visit there feels like home. When we finally build our house in the country out in Cowpens, SC, we already know this will be our church home. Thank you to Preston and Donna Edmonds, Miss Millie and all the members of Graham Chapel.

11.  Opportunities to witness...Countless times I have been stopped in the grocery store and asked, "How can you do it?  There are so many children and they are all so young!"  I can answer with joy, "Only by God's grace...I could never do this in my own strength and I'm so grateful every day that God's grace never runs out, there's always enough."  Countless times we have been asked why we foster parent and the door is opened to share our testimony of God's calling on our lives and the ministry we feel our family has been given to work.  It has opened the door to share the gospel in a nonthreatening way with people that we otherwise may not have had an opportunity to share with.  We thank God that the life He has called us to lead continues to point back to Him and cause those around us to ask why we are different.

Well, that's the end of the list. Praise God it's not the end of His provision. We will continue to give God the glory for all He is accomplishing in us and through us.

Ross is such a great kid...he's smart as a whip and you never know what he is going to say!  From the time he started talking in complete sentences, he has said so many things that were hilarious or profound or just from such a different perspective that it threw us off for a minute.  I have started to refer to these as "Rossisms" and here is where I will share them with you.  Check back often...you never know what Ross is going to say next!!