Hi... so not to much going on..

Everyone is slowly getting better from the great black plague.. Mom and I are still coughing however.

Tomorrow should start my week off like it normall goes.. which'll be nice/weird as the last two weeks have been completely untypical, with the fair one week, and not going anywhere/doing anything last week from being stuck home sick. 

So we'll see how things go.. hopefully I'll get my room all cleaned up :) It's quite messy and its startign to get on my nervous! ..actually there are a plethra of things that need to be done this week- so many that it sorta stresses me out.. funny, I never use to get stressed out.. so much so that one day in Sunday School when teacher was goign around the room and having us all say what stressed us out the most, I said "nothing" and when he looked at me like I must be joking, my brother agreeded with me and said "No, really, she doesnt stress out about anything." How I wish it were true now! ---So much to do!

Lets make a list! -Lists are so comforting- they show what needs to be done, and nothign more. Once the list is done, then its done.. okay, here go:

1- Make Timmy's jacket (the one I told him would be done by fall)

2- Sew the sleeve back onto my friends dress so she can have it back

3- Do all my math homework by tomorrow at noon... about 40-50 probolems worth...

4- Clean my room. Hard-core. / try to move out of my room or somethign so that my space will be my own again isntead of shared with my aunt, litttle sister, and now little brother too.. ERG

5- Keep the kitchen cleaned at ALL times

6- Do the chores. Figure out a way for the chickens to stop eatign the dog food

7- Give the dog a bath... she smells.. BAD...

8- Spend time with dog so that she'll stop being so obnoxious/explain to Susan how she cant continually tell my dog "NO" for absolutly NO reason!

9- Organize my school stuff

10- Call my employler about whatever that yard work was she wanted me to get done

11- ............. Forget all this junk and focus on God.

..okay, well I guess that about sums up my life just now. .. number eleven. Glad we got to the bottom of all this. I guess I'll be gettin' along now- I hope you have a delightful week!!

Sincerely,

Mara

So I've come down with some obnoxious flu of sorts..me, my older sister, my mom has broncitis too :P We're all dieing my inches lol My brothers fiance (who pretty much lives over here lol) has something too, but not what the rest of us have.. its like the black death ahhhh!! lol

We're a pretty pathetic lot really.. Sarah's doing better however, so she motivted us to actually get something done today- I loaded the dishwasher, and got some containers out of her van.. I thougth I might drop dead from exhaustion! lol.. not much different than Sarah and Momma lol, like I said, pretty pathetic lol

Really not to much has been happening, I havent left my house since Sunday, before that however was the entire fair week- which was amazing as ever!!! I <3 the fair!! lol

The fair is always excitng- Chicken show, apple slushies, cows, meandering through the art hall, deep fried food all week, apple slushies, seeing my best friends every day!, apple sluhies! -yep! the fair is happiness!

Okay, well I really am drawing a blank now of things to say...I guess I jsut felt like posting? lol

Talk to ya'll later perhaps,

Mara

So life goes on.... for the most part.

Grief is a funny thing, I've never felt so isolated in something. I feel like I cant share my pain, because who wants to hear about it?

I often want to just sit around and tell someone who didnt know my Gma everythign about her.... to go on and on, and cry, and hug them, and then I feel like things would be better. I dont want to go to my mom, or other family members.. they're hurtign too, and I have a feelign my hurt would just make them hurt more.

I can be standing in a crowd of people.. but I feel so alone, so hurt, so dead. I want to cry out, to ask for some extra love, or support...but, I dont want to make everythign awkward. What they dont know wont hurt htem right?

It's random times too...usually when a particular memory or something hits....Tonight it was at evenign service, when at the end, two younger girls came up and sang the first verse to Blessed Assurance, and then we all joined in. The last time I sang that song, my little brother Isaac started us out, he sang the first verse, then we all joined in for the rest. That was at my Gma's funeral.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to tell someone. I wanted to cry. I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted to sing the song.

In the end, I told no one, why should I ruin it? I sang in deep praise, this song has alwyas been a favorite, and I feel extra praising to God when I sing it. I might've told my Lea (best friend), but this service had been a special service for one of the members to give her testimony, and I didnt want to take away from that, even the tiniest bit! 

I feel bad, becuase I often feel like I'm beign such a wet blanket of late.. so I end up being extra happy, and crazy and such.. inside I've never felt so dead, so alone, so hurt, so mournful.

Dont get me wrong though! - I'm not in despair- I praise my Savior whenever I think of Gma! I'm sooo excited for her! I praise God more htan ever- actualy, God and I talk a lot.. and mostly it's just me saying "I love You, You're awsome beyond anyting! Thank you!" (pretty exciting, I know lol) My deep mournign for Gma is purely my own sense of loss. I knwo quite well that she is happier now than she has ever been- more than I can ever fathom while here on earth! - I can hardly wait to go and praise God with her.. funny, I'm not more excited to get to heaven so I can see her, but I am more excited to get to heaven so that I can praise my Creator with her, to join her in praise seems like the most wonderful thing!

I feel like I should be bitter, or that anyone who hears me speak of my utter sadness (which would be pretty much only you, the person reading this, lol) think that I am upset with God, and imbittered that my Gma is not here anymore, but I'm not. I love her, I miss her, I always will. She meant more to me than pretty much anything, but I will never/can never hold that against my Savior.. I think I actually praise Him for her death, as she is free, for the first time in her life! :)

I've been not posting anything on here as I like to post on this blog, things about which I've been thinking, and mostly my thoughts have been sad (like the above stuff about how I want to curl up and cry forever in grief of not havign my Gma), but I think I"m jsut giong to continue to post my thoughts, when I'm in a mood to blog, you're goign to get whatever it is! - I hope its not scary, or bad, or somethign as awkward as all that! lol

Tongiht you get my heart breaking...

I feel like someone is pressing on my chest. Like I cant breathe. As though there is just a continual wieght on my lungs making it impossible/hard to breathe. Sometimes, I forget why its there and I think "Why does my chest feel so tightend? Why is it so hard to breathe?" ..and then I remember. I think it's funny/odd that I forget so easily, so quickly.

I'll be in wretched mood one minute, and a great one the next.

But anways, so I was talkign to my mom, and she started to describe the same thing about how it was hard for her to breathe too!- exactly the same! I couldnt believe it. It was so comfortign to know that she was goign through the same thing!

I feel so alone in my grief and pain. I dont want to burden someone with it, why should I? I"m enough of I wet blanket when I get in my moods as it is.. why rain on other's parades. .... as I said, this only causes me to be more happy, and chipper, and cheerful with others, which makes me angry, becuase I want them to know how I'm actually about to drop dead from pain, and makes me sad that I dont want to share with others, and makes me irked, that this hurt will not go away!

Being with people has also become some wierd sort of comfort. Often I can forget why my chest does not let me breathe steadily, I can let go of my hurt. I can feel their love, and share in their joy. I love to make others laugh, I practicily live for the sound of laughing (that I was able to cause). Being with others lets me forget myself, I like to focus on what will make them smile and laugh, nothign makes me happier than to hear them laugh, or watch them supress a giggle if we're supposed to be a more sober group lol. I think that is hwy I'm known for being such a happy person, I love to make people laugh! :)

But yes, life does go on. Life keeps coming whether I think i can face another day or not. Somedays I'm soo physced for the coming day, other days I wish it'd just hold off a bit till I'm ready to handle it. But God says we will face nothing beyond what we can bare (bear? hm...). This one promise from Him that I've alwasy held an especiel praise for! Because I know now, that I can make it through all of lifes trials (the knowledge that He will never leave me nor forsake me helps too :)

Okay, well, I have no clue if this is coherent, hope it is.. I"m off to bed.. I'm coming down with something, I probably should've been in bed like, three hours ago.. now it's practicly midnight! aaaah, lol

Much love and/or what not I'm sure,

Mara

Hi.. there is so much I want to write, and yet I dont want to write anything either.. to say all that I wish to say, and say it right.. it'll take some doin'.... But I guess I should start at the begining.. a very good place to start.. :

So last Tuesday (September 22, 2009), my Gma got awful sick again.. and went back to the hospital. She had finally gotten back to Ohio, so she went up to Grant in Columbus. She was there all day Wednesday, and was really sick, ... throwing-up, diearia... and the doctors couldnt find any medicine that'd work to take away the sickness. But they didnt think she was in any danger, they were running some tests to see what was going on.... I had my church pray for at Wednesday night service that night. My mom decided to stay with her up at the hospital Wednesday night, since she didnt seem to be doing to well. Finally, she got some releif from some medicine that finally worked, and she got to fall asleep... that was around midnight. Around two a.m. my Gma passed away.

That next morning, I hadnt heard anything.. but when I woke-up I heard my momma in the other room. There's a door that connects my bedroom to my parents room (happiest door ever), and I got up and went in there- I was soo excited to see my momma... I hugged her for a few minutes, I hadnt even thought of why she'd be home so early this morning.... when I was done, she looked at me and said "Mary." and I said "Mom, why are you home?" And she said "Mary" -and I said "Mom NO!" and she said, "Mary, Gma passed away last night."

That's the first time in my whole life I've heard news that made me immediatly cry. I'm not really a crier, I handle pretty much all emotion appatheticly, or so quietly it appears pretty appathetic to everyone else. I held her and cried on her shoulder for a few minutes... I realized other people were in the room.. Daddy, Timmy, Erin. Timmy sat there on momma's bed, crying quietly... tears streaming down his cheeks. Erin looked pretty broken up too, but like me, Erin's not a crier.

Mom and Dad brought Susan and Isaac in one at a time to tell them. Isaac took it pretty hard, but Susan really didnt know Gma to well.. she bounced back pretty quick.

After a bit, we finally got things to where the phone was rining off the hook.. I escaped, went outside and talked to Jesus.. I cried out to Him, and He comforted, then I sang to Him my most favorite hymn.. All Creatures Of Our God and King

... I think its incredible how quickly I asked Him "why?" -I knew exactly why- I didnt need to go askin' Him! - but I did.. it was so automatic...

After a while He whispered to my heart "She's with Me- she's not sick, she's in no pain, - she's free!" Oh my heavens- I started sobbing- I was soooo happy! I've never been that joyful in all my life! I was so happy for her! My Gma has had a terrible life- grew up in a coalmine camp completely desitute.. and she's been sick for as long as I can 'member! ..and from what I can tell, she's always been on the sicker side.. I was so excited that my Gma was free! She had a new body- one with no pain, no sickness! -- she was free forever! - and she was with her Creator! She was finally Home!!!

I cant even imagine how happy she is right now. And that made me happier than anything else in the world! Joy just overflowed from me! ...When I finally got back to the house.. I was alright.  

There was so much to be done- we started cleanign right away.. mom had more phone calls than she knew what to do with! - Gma had sixteen brothers and sister, and my Gpa had ten- everyone wanted to come! .. and 'most everyone is from out of state, mostly NC, and then a lot from WV too.

That day was a little numb for me. I went to my home school co-op.. hugged both my best friends. But mostly just avoided the thoughts of Gma no longer being there. That afternoon, we went to my Gma's to get the clothes in which she'd be burried... there was  meeting with the funeral home next mornin' and they wanted momma to bring in the the burrial clothes.

Being over there was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Because Gma wasnt there. She wasnt in her chair, she wasnt in the bedroom, she wasnt out iwth Gpa... It was one of one of the most awful times of my entire life. Thursday was a bad day. Eventuallly I escaped down to the basement, cried there for a bit.

Friday was a long day.... everyone but me and the kids were gone to make funeral arangments. I cleaned out the mudroom, scrubbed and organized the pantry.. cleaned the kitchen more times than I can count, and vacuumed the downstairs.

When everyone finally got home.. the house was filled with sorrow. It was so oppressive.. I was over-joyed when mom allowed me to take my little sister to a birthday party for a friend of ours! -I had more fun that night! All but one of my other mothers were there! It was so wonderful! Everyone was so happy, and loud, and we had a terrific time!

Saturday we cleaned all day. And by all day, I mean ALL day! lol Finally however, I escaped to another birthday party- thank goodness that so many people were born in fall! (or perhaps that Gma died in fall?). Again, it was so nice.. just to be with other people.. I had so much fun! :) It was terriffic!

Came home, cleaned some more.. then family started to show up everywhere! Timmy, Isaac, Susan and I went over to my sister's and Erin's appartment to spend the night.

Sunday was a small taste of  Hell. I dont know many other ways to describe it. Please dont think I'm swearing, but for me, to have to sit in a room, from 11-4 or 5 with my dead Gma laying up front, was the most awful experience of my whole life- I spent as much time as I could in the hallway. That day could never have been gotten through had it not been for Erin, two of my mothers that came, and another dear friend who's like an aunt... That day was terrible.

When we finally got to have the service, it was beautiful. One of the hardest hours or so of my life. We sang a hymn (Blessed Assurance), then my brother Matthew, Momma, and Sarah, got up and talked a bit about Gma.. they all cried while they were up there. Pastor (may God bless him all the days of his life!) gave a wonderful sermon/speach/whatever it's called at  a funeral, and he preached the way to salvation, and said over and over how Gma was in Heaven- becuase she is! My Gma was one of the strongest Christians I've ever known!

Then everyone was "let out" and they came down, hugged everyone in the front row (Gpa, his sister, Mom, mom's sister, Sarah, and my Dad (okay.. well, they shook Daddys hand...)). Somehow or other, since I was on the end of hte second row, I ended up with lots of hugs too.. which was really happy :)

I had started to cry a bit, here and there during the service, but nothing crazy, but I tel you what- I gave Timmy a hug.. and then I couldnt let go, and everything from the day came pouring out.. I sobbed. I sobbed fora bit, and then I felt Erin kinda give me a squeeze, and I turned 'right 'round and huged her, and cried on her shoulder, and then Matt kinda put his hand on my shoulder- and I started crying on his shoulder instead.... eventually I stopped.. but I that was still only the third time I'd cried since she'd died. I sobbed.

Finally, we all sorta shuffled out... said good bye, and went home.. where everyone came, and we ate tons of food, and told funny stories, cried, visited... so many family members were there.. over fifty people and only like, seven of them were not family lol!

I'd like to give kudos to the wonderful friends who set up all the food! -thank you Leu's, and Kara- you'll forever be hero's in my book! Especially you Kara- you were amaizng! Thank you ssoooooo much!!! I love you!

Finally, Sunday ended. Timmy, Erin and I headed back to Erin's appartment and bunked down. We got up this morning, came home, and then left for the graveside burial. Which was beautful, and awful...

Today is still Monday. I'm weeping as I type this entry. Today has been another long day.. but family is all gone now.. there willl be fewer distractions this week- more time to rember what happened- I dont know how well this week will go... I pray for strength to make it through.

With love in Christ,

I remain,

Mara

So my Momma came home this past Saturday *cheers* :D YAY!!!  It was really really happy!!!!

The week went well I think, I got a lot done, and everyone was happy, and there was almost always pretty good food for supper...lunch was a little harder, I will admit lol. We even got some school done!! :)

The house stayed mostly clean, I did a ton of laundry, and like I said, we ate some pretty good food :) lol (like the night I made this pasta, and mom told me how to make some home-made pasta sauce.. mmmmm!!!) But anways, the week went well... however towards the end I did start to get cabin fever, so kudos to those who made me beign gone all day Friday possible!

To Gma for watchign the kids all afternoon and makign supper, to Timmy for saying he'd come home and put the kids to bed, and to Daddy, for givign me perssion to go to the home school thing, and the football game! -you're all keepers!!! :D lol

So yeah, the week went well, I hardly escaped the house except on a few occasions, so I got cabin fever pretty fast.. but I think we still all had a blast, and the kids said they miss me putting them to bed now *warm fuzzies* lol :)

Things are slowly getting back to normal around here however.. since Mom's home I dont have as much to do.. but I'll tell you right now, though things look back to normal- they're not! lol

..I've been cleanign the kitchen every night before I get online- WITHOUT Momma asking me to!!! lol

..I folded some laundry when the buzzer went off,and like a half-hour later or somthing (mom'd been in the middle of something earlier, which is why she didnt fold it right off), she came into the laundry room and was shocked/really excited becuaes the laundry had been folded already lol

So for my mom, I hope things will never be back to normal.. at least, I hope my non-slacking-off will perhaps become the new nomral :) lol  Because I realized this past week that she seriously does everything, with absolutly no help from anyone else at all.. I mean, I always new that, I guess I just didnt ever realize how much "everythign" really was lol

Okay.. so since my posts have been lackign in homor, here's some random quotes from the last down-home family reunion .. just to give you a taste of my North Carolina family.. they're from West Virginia originally.. and they're real hicks. Not the fake ones. Real ones. lol

So here's three favorite quotes my sister read to me that she'd written down from the last family reunion... which was about.. oh maybes six years back now?

Sarah to random cousin:  "So who are you related to?"

Random cousin: *thinks about it * "you."

LOL

Random Cousin to Dad [note.. all relatives, when you're not sure how they're related.. are your cousins lol]:  "So you still workin' ev'ryday?"

Dad: "Yep"

Cousin: *shakes head* "That's a shame...."

Dad: "Yes, but I am getting paid every day too."

LOL

Aunt Darby to Sarah who was holding Isaac.. who was two: "What's 'e drinkin'? Coke? Pepsi?"

Sarah: "Uh.. water? milk?"

Aunt Darby: *shakes head * "Your mom was always strick with ya'll... "

Sarah: "She does let us drink pop when we're older"

:) lol

So there's a breif glimpse into my down home family... it makes me laugh to think that a Wagner and Davis got married.. a hick and proper farmer kid... interesting combo.. I'd love to see a family reunion with both sides of my family...hehehe.. lol

Okay, well the hour is late, and I've been in a terrible mood to type of late, so I'll talk to ya'll later,

G'night!

~Mara

 PS- one other random story.. this one is from when my mom was down there this last time with my Gma:

My Aunt Darby (who's my Gma's sister), to my Gma, and mom: "Now Anna [my Gma], dont you worry 'bout dy'in' none- I got an extra grave! -when I bought my grave, they was buy one, get one free! - and I thought 'what the heck, never know when you might need one' - and lookie here- we just might! "

....also note... the accent-ish that I'm trying to put in here.. is totally ligit! lol.. its really strong.. really fun too.. I love going down-home and getting an accent! lol :)

So I've quickly noticed something I already knew.. if Mom doesnt do something, nobody will.

This is a pretty obvious statement really. It's just part of the way life is, no big deal... unless you're Mom. lol So yesterday was my first day of "If I dont do it,then nobody will." Which, this might not bother some people, but I'm quite seriously slightly OCD, so it really bothers me if somethings not done, not to mention I just want to make my Dad happy, and have Mom hear nice things about me when she gets back.

So yesterday was interesting.. I really dont do much usually, I'm a lazy bum. I might vacuume or clean the kitchen, but that's about it... I really have no idea what I do with the rest of my day, but I guess I must be doing something lol.

So yesterday, it all clicked, I already had known that I would be doing everything, but I didnt realize just how much nothing everyone else would be doing.

It was really obnoxious. I've cleaned the kitchen five times already, but it doesnt matter. Now that the movies over, and desserts been eaten, everyone else goes home, or to bed, or (in Timmy's case) up to their room to watch another movie. So who cleans the kitchen? I do. Becuase if I dont, nobody else will. lol, and it's true.

I dont mind it exactly.... actually, I rather like doing everything, I got so much done yesterday! But it's hard for me  to remember that Mom's not going to be doing anythiing.. like, when you're cleaning, and you come across something that you dont know where it goes, then you put it on Mom's bed and she'll put it away- but  you know what? If I put something on my mom's bed, it's not just goign to magiclly disappear! lol So I have to figure out where it might actualy go... oh yeah, I know, pretty pathetic. lol

When the dryer goes off, I cant just be like "...oh, well.. when Mom get's home she'll just fold them" becuase that will be at the least a week from now! -I have to fold the laundry! lol

So it's been fun, weird, exciting,and mostly just fun! My Gma was up and asking me with what she could help (My Gma lives up the driveway from us), and I told her I could handle it, no big deal really. And do you know what she said? She said " *chuckle* you say that today... you wont be able to all week!" --oooooh... you never give Mara such a chalenge as that! I'm not really much of a competive person, winning and losing, whatever, just do the best you can [..however I do believe that the best you can is pretty darn good, and in-general, "the best you can" in all reality, would probably be good enough to win.. so obviously, if you didnt win, or do a good job, you didnt really try your best (this doesnt appyly to everything of course.. just in-general).. but anyways,that's all a different story lol], but somehow, a dare, or challenge, or a "you cant do that" sort of thing.... Yeah, I have a weird sense of pride.. I remember a teacher I had at a homeschool co-op gave me a "B" for my speach after just announcing to the class that everyone had gotten an "A". I was steamed. So I the next speach, it was pretty darn good.. never knew I could do a speach like that, but I wanted to force her into givng me a good grade, I wanted her to have no option but to give me an "A"..and that's just what I did. So you see, I have this weird, competiveness with myself somehow.. or perhaps it's really just pride, but whatever you'd like to call it, my Gma often arrouses it.... and she did just that when she laughed at me in that condecending way and said "You wont be able to do that!"   HA! Watch me go! I will totally get it all done- I will do it, and do it well! Becuase I can do it, so I wil! ...just wait and see.. wait and see...  [mean while, any and all mothers reading this laugh at me in a condecending way and say "just wait and see.. wait and see..." lol]

~Mara

So my Momma left for North Carolina this evening to switch places with my older sister in helping to take care of Gma.

So guess who's incharge 'round here? Yep. Yep yep yep. Me. (I mean, my Dad'll be incharge, but I'm "incharge" ..make meals, watch kids, do laundry, clean house, do school with kido's.. that type of thing). It should be pretty interesting to say the least.

All I know though is it's a good thing that my Dad'll be here..if it was just Timmy and I, I think I'd go insane!!! - he lets them eat junk food all the time, watch tv, and play the computer.. he says we should be distracting them becuase they're really stressed out becuase mom's not home right now.. which is true, but I dont think we comfort them by helping them rot their brains, and teeth, and having them gain ten pounds! lol

Hopefully tomorow will go smoother.. Mom and Dad left this morning, and my Dad's getting back tonight.. but today, it was just Timmy, me, Erin (my brothers girlfriend/betrothed/fiance/reason he breathes), Isaac, and Susan.

Pretty much worked out that I got up, got the kids ready for Sunday School and church. Left. And then Timmy and Erin showed up for Church. I brought the kids home, started lunch while finding them-non church clothes, also while cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, and then Timmy and Erin get home and Timmy's like "isnt lunch ready yet??" and I"m like "no, shut-up and hang-on!"

So Timmy starts a movie while I'm still making lunch/cleaning the kitchen. And then we get lunch, and finish the movie. After the movie he's all "dont you think we should go to the park or something?" and I'm all "I'm trying to take a nap here." lol

So Timmy was gracious enough to go away.. literally.. he went to town. lol

Then my sister called me.. she was on her way back to Ohio, so I talked to her, and since she woke me up, I might as well get up and clean the kitchen again right? lol. So I did. That was pretty exciting.. let me tell you! lol

Not much happened for a while.. kids were pretty quiet, Timmy was in town, Erin was sleeping, I was on the computer, or cleaning my room.... and then Timmy came home, and we went outside and played football.  Pretty exciting since Isaac is scared of the ball, (cowers every time you throw it to him) and Susan is just.... well not very cordinated... and Erin doesnt know the basics of the game, and I'm just bad at anything that takes any vauge amount of cordination skills lol. So it was Timmy and the kids agains Erin and I, though seriously, it could've been Timmy against us all and it still wouldn't've been fair to the rest of us! lol

[Erin and I won.. 14-0.. mostly becuase I knew that if we went easy, we'd get smooshed like the pathetic bugs that we are lol]

Then I got ready for church while Timmy and the kids (you guessed it!) watched a movie! lol So why they were doing that, I made supper (just threw a pizza in the oven) and cleaned the kitchen while I got ready for church[.... are we seeing a trend yet? Timmy puts in movie and "babysits the kids for me" I clean kitchen, make meals, and whatever else I personally need to do.. lol]

I finally left (late for church by fifteen minutes.. not bad considerinng I'm always that late for evening service lol) and when I finally got home, I came home to (you guessed it again!) Susan watchign another movie! Isaac wasnt however... he was on the computer... lol.

There were dishes from ice cream all over the coffee table, and the kitchen was a wreck from supper! lol

Timmy was on his way to go to town, so he left and I (you guessed it agian!) cleaned the kitchen. lol

Eventually I got the kids in bed (after pryign them from their electrical amusments), and then I (seriously) finished cleaning the kitchen. lol

Now I'm just waiting up for my Daddy to get home from NC before I go to bed.. which is part of the reason this is such a long entry lol

Hopefully however, startign tomorrow, since Daddy'll be home, Timmy wont feel the urge to "help" babysit, and Dad wont let him let the kids watch so many movies, and  perhaps I'll finally get to see Sarah again after two painfully long weeks!!! =D

I have no doubt the week will go well.. and like I said, I'm actaully kinda excited about it! :) I get to be mom for the week- it's an extremely thankless and hard job, but it'll be fun to see if I can keep up with all the work, and keep the kido's in line, and still get all my stuff done on top of that! =D A good challenge is always fun! lol

Please keep my Grandma in your prayers, her name is Anna.... she's the most amazing Gma ever, and she's just.. wonderful! I cannot describe how great she is to you! I love her so much!  And she really isnt doing to well...although considering she's had about four near death expericences in the past three weeks, and she's still very alive- I guess she's doing great! lol

G'night,

~Mara

Okay, I just wanted you to know, that I did a bit of editing to the "Jeremy" post. Not a lot, I just sort of, changed the ending, and added another "PS" so.. if you wanted to look at that, you might do that. That's all for now.. I'll get around to writing a real entry (and one hopefully shorter than that last one!) one of these days soon! :) bye for now!

---oh, and also, I highly suggest not reading "An Epic Jouney, An Epic Tale" as I even found it to long to re-read lol! ..just sugesting lol

~Mara

My Grandparents went down to North Carolina to visit some family the other week. That Friday, my Gpa called and said that Gma had had a minor heart attack, had phnemonia and was in the hospital. However, she was stable, going well, so we didnt need to rush down. The up-coming Monday, was the day for the finilaztion of my new little sister's adoption, so we really didnt want to go rushing down and have to change the court date and such. So we decided not to go,and that if she wasnt looking any better, we would just go down Monday afternoon.

Yesterday morning, as I sat in Sunday school, my dad popped his head in the door and told me he needed to talk to me. When I got out in the hallway he informed me that Gma had had another heart attack... a really bad one. 

As I left the church (I had driven myself because of a house-sitting gig) I waved faintly to the two people a the door, and started outside at a brisk pace to my van that was at the far back of the parking lot (not the best parker still.. lol). Suddenly however, I stopped, and sorta hopped as I took of one sandle, then the other and I took of runnign to my van. (not that this saved anytime.. all it probably did was provide the people watching me from the door with some entertainment lol. But it made me feel better to run.. very freeing)

When I got to the housesitting place I started grabbing all my junk and throwing it my car like crazy. I had no idea what was giogn to go on (like, who was giong down and such) but I wanted to hurry and get home. Upon arival there the place was in quite the uproar: Dad was swiftly packing a duffle bag, Mom was also packing-  shoving stuff into a doufle, grabbign sheets, the air mattress, other stuff, and of course talkign on the phone. There were three lines going all morning- everyone that rang wanted Mom! lol None of us had any idea who was going, who was staying, we all wanted to go though. In the end though,  Mom, Dad, Sarah, Timmy, my Aunt Oreatha, and I ended up going. We werent sure for how long, and Sarah and I knew that one or the other of us would most likely stay down in NC.

Our trip finally got really underway around noon.. we found about all this around nine thirty.. lol We drove straight through pracictally, making only like, three stops, and got there by seven.. the exact time of shift changes for the nurses, we werent aloud in 'til eight-thirty! :( So that was lame.. and there really isnt much to do in a hospital.. especially when everything there closes at seven! (the gift shop, the cafiteria.. everything!) So like I said, that was lame. We walked around the block.. found out our cell phones didnt work inside the hospital, and eventually sat down in the lobby (where I played hand-solitaire for about a half-hour or longer straight).

We finally got to see Gma (we could only go in two at a time because she was in the ICU), and she was pretty tuckered out... though she really didnt seem to bad especially considering she had come with a hairs-breath of dieing that morning.  So we all visited for a bit, and then we headed over to my great aunts house (My Gma's sister.. her names Darby, she's just like my Gma! -and when those two get together! LOL! Its great! They're two of the funniest people when they get going! lol!). We hung out there for a bit, decidign who was staying, and who was going back home. Mom and Dad determined that Mom was going to come back, we had to finalize the court date that Monday. (Susan (my new little sister) was getting pretty nervous that maybe we'd changed our minds.. and didnt want to adopt her after all.. so we had to put those fears to rest right off). And my Aunt flatly refused to go back, and Timmy  isnt the sort of person to leave to help out with a crisis.. he sorta.. well stressign like a maniac lol. So that left Sarah and I. We both wanted to stay, and we both had different mad skills to offer as assitance.

We were goign to play Paper-siccors-rock to decide who would win (aka, get to stay), but for some unknown reason, I'm realy good at that game (and to add to it, Sarah's really bad), so consequently, I always beat her.. so we chucked that option lol [although, it was her idea to begin wiht.. lol]

After talkign about it a bit Mom decided that Sarah should stay. She was better at listening to doctor's, figuring out whats going on, and she would be able to help out with driving. (My Aunt Darby's house was a good half hour from the hospital in Hickory.... they'd wanted to talk Gma to a bigger hospital). All I could do was bake cookies and be comforting lol (I mean, I CAN drive and remember stuff.. but I'm not very good at it, and it all comes very naturally to Sarah-dear).

So we got back on the road around midnight or eleven-thirty.. we were in my Dad's Honda Pilot.. a luxury vehicle really, but for some stupid reason, only the front seats and the first row of back seats were designed with the intent of them beign sat upon- for the back seats are _AWFULL_ --and by that I mean TERRIBLE!!! ..I still have bruises and its been a week! lol The stupid seat belts are two close together, and they stick out to much.. like, there's a big plastic hole where they come out, and thats rigth where your bottom goes.... even my sister who's like hard-core skinny couldnt sit without sitting on them! lol And of course, the back row is a fold up-or-down row, so there's quite literally no leg room. I had my knees to my chin all hte way down.. the way home was better as I could stretch out long-ways becuase my sister wasnt there.. but that still was no good becuase then the seatbelt dug into your back lol.. oh well... At least everyone else was hard-core comfy :)

So not to much happened on the way home.. Dad never fell asleep.. none of us really slept much.. I slept the most, which was probably a total of three hours, Timmy didnt sleep at all. He had his computer, so he watched some movies, nad listened to music.

It was pretty chilly that night (for no apparent reason) and Timmy and I were both sooo cold! So when we stopped at this one rest stop, Timmy went and asked them if they sold hot chocolate... the guy said yes (in what was apparently haulting English) and that it was three dollars. Timmy grudgingly agreed to this price and the guy handed Timmy two cups (Timmy'd gotten me one too -isnt he sweet? :D lol) and two packets of instant hot-chocolate mix, and then pointed at the hot water dispenser.. yeah.. high quailty.... lol!!!

As we drove home, it took forever for the hot chocolate to cool off.. in the end I burnt the back of my throat, my tounge, under my tougne, roof of my mouth, and the inside of my cheek. lol However, I dont think there will ever be any hot-chocolate to compare with how good that hot chocolate was!!! Mmmmmm!!!......I mean, in all reality, it was pretty nasty, watered down hot choc. without much flavor and was super hot. But I was so longing for hot choc. and somethign warm to drink- it will forever be ingrained in my mind as the best ever hot chocolate!  lol

We got home around six-thirty A.M. that morning. Susan's adoption finilaztion was at nine. All of us knew that if we went to bed there'd be no awkakening us.. lol, so we didnt go back to bed.

Dad and I took the trash up to the end of the lane.. carried the whole quarter-mile... it was pretty cold out too, especially for my shorts, T-shirt, and flip-flops! lol

Then I got on the comptuer and tried to stay awake.. I started writing this entry as a matter of fact.... but eventualy I ended up on the couch watching an episode of Curious George with Isaac and Susan (my little Siblings) -- I LOVE Curious George! =D lol

I think I fell asleep for about a half hour though, becuase next thing I knew, I was watchign Sid the Science Kid instead of Curious George. lol

We packed up, and headed off to the adoption. It was pretty exciting.. Susan is now a part of our family by law! :)  The judge asked Susan at the end, if there was anything else she'd like to add - we all held our breathe waiting.. worried.... (Susan has a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at.. well, the wrong time.. but then, dont most little kids? lol). She said "WELL, I do have _one_ little thing: We live in a woods" (sigh of relief) "...with spiders!" (oh.. well.... thats not bad) ".. I hate spiders" (thats a little awkward.. but funny, not bad lol) "..but I guess that's good, becuase now I'm not as afraid of spiders as I use to be" (finish sigh from relief) lol . So it all went well =D

When we got home, everyone headed off to the nearest soft horizontal surface to sleep.... I had to go over to the house sitting place and let the dog out, so I put on my pj's, grabbed my big fluffy aqua blue robe, got in my van, and drove over there. Now, if ever there was a time for me to get pulled over and look rediculus, this was it... and really I had pretty good chances since I"d only slept about five out of the last twenty-seven or so hours. However, I was blessed, and it was a nice uneventful journey as usual lol

I let the dog out, brought her back in, then proceded to turn on the tv (for the much needed backround noise that one who lives in a house of eight is use to) laid donw on the couch... and fell asleep for the next three hours lol.

I cannot tell you how weird the rest of that day was... it felt like we hadnt been anywhere, like it was still Sunday.... my entire week proceeded to be messed up becuase I kept forgettting what day it was for real lol! But I really wasnt to tired all things considered, and I didnt really feel like I'd missed any sleep at all.

The rest of the week went well.. though we were all crazy tired, Gma got better, and eventually moved to a normal room instead of the ICU =D *cheers*

One thing that I personally found funny though, was that Monday night, I called a friend of mine, and asked her if she wanted to come spend the night with me at the house sitting place. (we hadnt hung-out in a while, and I wasnt doing anything  in particular, and neither was she, so it sounded like it should work, right? lol) So I called her, and she said she was actually busy that night, hanging out with some other friends, I was like, "okay, no big deal, we'll get together some other time" and she's like "yeah, totally!". So no big deal right? Wrong.

I hung up, and started bawling!!! lol.. I had had it... I was emotionally crazy all of a sudden... my Gma was dying down in North Carolina- the dog had died that weekend too- I had only slept four-to-five of the last 48 hours, and I had to go and spend the rest of the night at the house sitting place alone. I called her back, and asked if I could meet her somewhere..at this point I just needed a hug. Forget the haning out part. lol

So she answered..I couldnt stop crying, she's like, "yeah, come meet me at Texas Road House, thats where I am" So I did.. and as soon as I saw her I was good. We stood in the parking lot and hugged for like ten minutes....yeah, we got a lot of weird stares.. lol She was realy there for me though, I'll never be able explain how much I needed nothing more than that hug. I was better right then. I've been okay ever since (meaning, I've not been emotionally distraught), all I needed was that moment of sympathy. After that we just joked and laughed and talked like normal.. becuase everythign was normal again somehow. :)

Okay, well there is yet more to this tale.. but I think it has grown long enough now. I'll spare you the rest.. although I might be goign back down this weekend.. and if so, we'll have anotehr epic tale :D lol  I know this entry was crazy long, I congratulate anyone how actually made it all the way through.. I'm so sorry you wasted a half-hour reading it! .. I've not even re-read it becuase it's so long! lol So I'm proud of you!

G'night all, sleep well,

Mara

Hello! So yeah, today was an amazing day! Got to babysit! I love babysitting! :D ..well, ingeneral I do, unless you get kids that are real brats, or taht you cant punish... then its just lame beyond all reason. But today I had kids that were really basically perfect- and so adorable it was almost painful, and I could punish them if they were bad (which was hard-core unlikly) lol. So all in all, that all by itself would make today incredibly happy! :D

Then I got to go home and eat supper there (hasnt happened in a while), and I got to hang out with my mother, which might have been the happiest part of my entire week! (no offense to anyone else I have/will spent/d time with this week) I always scare my mom when I come home from someplace becuase (pretty much everytime) I just go over, and look at her really sad like, till she stops doign whatever she's doign, then I sigh, put my hads on her shoulders, and then I hug her. The whole time I'm thinking "Oh my gosh- I love you! I"m soooo happy to be right here.. in your arms... my momma's arms.. I love my momma!" apparently however the whole time she's thinking "Oh my gosh- what happened?? what happened??? did you almost die, or kill someone, or what???" .. I know this becuase as soon as I sigh, she starts to ask those questions, lol. And then I'm like "nothing, I'm just soooo happy to see you" (no, seriously, I"m not making this up lol). and then she's all like "aww...." (as though I"ve never said that before and its startling to hear how much I love her lol) But I guess I really havent been home much to tell her (or show her) how much I love her... I"m kinda a loser donut (okay.. "kinda" is used rather loosly here... )

My life seems to be crazy talk just now... happy crazy talk, but still crazy talk! lol .. house sitting like mad, babysitting, and pulling weeds up for some (very nice) older ladies that my sister met while house-sitting for them lol. All are great jobs- weed pulling especially as I've been makign about $10 an hour (which is pretty crazy happy for me), and I've been averaging $35 when I go over.. and its really not a hard job.. I told her she didtn need to give me that much.. but you know, if she wants to pay me extra, she's rich, so I'm not going to quible over finaical issues wiht her when she's been rather adement about the $10 an hour thing lol.

House sitting is pretty great too, except where I am now the dog is as dumb as a box of very stupid rocks.. she's a year or so old, still doesnt even know her own name... But its really nice over here, a very queit neighborhood, and the dog's really pretty well behaved even though she's stupid, and its not far from home, which is really terriffic as well! :)

Babysitting is always terrific! I have three particular familes that I especiallly love to babysit for ..okay, so there are only three familes for whom I babysit.... ever.... lol But I really love babysitting for them all- I think it'd be really fun if I could watch them altogether! (not by myself though.. that'd be 16 kids.. I"m not sure if I could handle that.. unless I had a lot of open space! lol)  But yeah, so I got to babysit today, and it was exceedingly happy! -it was my first time there, but I've been wantign to babysit for them for a loong time- it was just as fun as I knew it'd be! :D

One weird thing about house-sittign is all the alone time with which it provides me... its really weird, not gonna lie. In a family of eight, you dont get a lot of alone time, especially not with two younger siblings. You might get time "alone" (meaning, in a room by yourself) but its not the same as havign the place ot yourself. The queit around here gets to me sometimes....its a little eieary (eary? eiry? hm...), in general I like to keep the tv on... it makes noise, so I can blame any and all noises on the tv lol ...the worst part of the silence however is how much it allows me to think...really clearly. Not these glancing thoughts of what needs done, or what I"m doign tomorrow, or what time I need to get up, or how that book ends, but like, real thoughts. Thoughts that remind me that I'm in a house, all by myself, with my Bible, and instead of usign this time wisely, I'm readign a novel, or watchign some stupid show, or borrowing the internet (like now). Usually I push the thoughts aside, and pick up the flipper, or a book, or if I'm really desperate, a school book! lol... why is it that when I think about reading The Word it sounds really intimadating, really hard, really difficult, but when I pick it up and actually read it, I can hardly put it down? My parched spirit soaks up the much needed Words of hope, and joy, and unconditional love... and just God ingeneral from the precious book that I hold in my hands with such joy, and eargerness, it makes me wonder why I dont do it every day? ... or every minute of my day? or memorize it more thoroughly so I can be thinking of it more easily throughout my day? ..okay, thats all I got on that one..  [I guess the answer would be: I allow myself to to easilly fall into the belief that reading my Bible will be boring, hard to understand, and take to long. Therefore, I go do something else.]

Still havent gotten much school done this summer.. every time I start, I somehow dont get it done. Its really frustrating! Whenever anyone asks me when I'm graduating I tell them January 1st. That was my goal this past spring, but now that summer's over and I'm not any closer to having my work done, I think my dream might very easily not come true. :( however I keep telling people that I'm goign to graduate on this date so that I might arouse my deep pride and have everythign done by then just becuase I dotn want to tell all these people that I failled to finish. That I didnt get it done becuase I am so lazy. So hopefully my plan willl work, however for me to be able to get any school done I"m goign to have to start being home... and stop doing stuff all the time! The master plan is that starting tomorrow I'm just going to be a hermit. No, seriously. I've always wanted to be a hermit...with lots of cats, a dog or two, and a passel of chickens. :) lol

Okay, well its really late, i have to get up almost-early tomorrow, and do lots of stuff, and I think this could already be the longest entry I've ever written.  I have not the slightest clue what ever even possesed me to write so much! (I guess I just have the opposite of writers block lol)

G'night all!
~Mara

I was talkign to my sister the other day and she was telling me how that Sunday at her church was "Bring Your Sin to Church" day. They were going to bring in their sin. If it was something they could physically bring they were going to put in in a box placed on an alter at the front of the church, if it was something that was not like, an object, they could write it on a piece of paper and place that in the box too. The Pastor was then giogn to take the stuff and trash it somewhere, and put all the papers through the shredder.

My sister's church is often doing fun stuff like this ("fun" used loosly here lol), and things where you have to interact, and I think it really adds acountability. But anyways, so we were talking a bit, and I was thinking how for me, my biggest issue was my computer, Lyle. I got Lyle on my birthday this past January, (I'd been savign up my money for a few months) and he was pretty much the happiest thing I owned! I wasted tons of tme on Lyle and I knew that even though what I was doign on the comptuer was not sinful, I was still dishonorign my mother with my actions of beign on there at all when there were other things she would rather have me doing.

I told Sarah how I didnt think I could take in my "Sin" not nessicarily becuaes it was so precious to me (Becuase I determined I could live without Lyle without to many diffifculities- I'd only gotten him five months ago!), but becuase of the fact that Lyle was about six-hundred dollars, and I'd feel as though I was just throwing that away- not to mention all the good things that came from Lyle.  Sarah then explain about the papers and how Pastor was going to send those through the shredder. (becuaes really Lyle wasnt my issue.. my own lack of self-will was/is)

 But I still was thinking of how my computer would continue to help my down fall- Matthew something or other- about if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out, for it is better to enter the kingdom of heaven with only one eye, than to burn in fiery hell for ever. And I was wondering how I could not give up my computer, how could I ever sacrifice anythign to God?

Well,  I dont go to my sister's church anywyays, so it wasnt as if I was jsut going to show-up for one Sunday, put my "sin" in a box,and then leave. lol But I did consider the idea of gettign rid of Lyle one way  or another, I dismissed this idea however and simply determined to stop beign online as much. This all took place Monday, Tuesday night, my computer died.

"That was ironic" was really all I had to say on the matter (Besides the tears of anguish, the desperate saddness, and utter loss of all hope of ever having my dear Lyle back, of course). I knew of course, it wasnt irony, it was God. This sounds silly to a lot of people, I have no doubt "my computer breaking was devine intervention" sounds stupid, and like "overly Christian" but thats not exactly what I mean. I mean that God definitly had a hand in the timing of the death of my computer (Just as He would whether it was to teach me a lesson or not), and this time, it was with, what I believe, was a specific purpose to make me more thankful, and less obsessive about my computer.

This all happened last week. Its been a terribly long week and a half. The only other computer in this house is my sister's old laptop which decided that in no longer wished to get online, and which goes slower than the usal dial-up even, not to mention it likes to lock-up just for kicks when you're in the middle of somthing really important, and I havent even touch on the subject of how facebook doesnt begin to work on here, and how I can hardly check my email even if its ina good mood.  Her computer has begun to behave better, and I can now do more, but those first ..oh everyday till now... were pretty irksome as the only thing I coudl do on here was nothing except try to connect to the internet. lol

A friend of mine is repairing my computer (hopefully Lyle will soon again be counted among hte living, lol), but he said that it may be up to even three more weeks before Lyle's all better. For me, that is simply insane. I have to admit that I have a very definite obsession, even just in this one week though, I have learned a lot aobut self control, and patience, and how it's okay if I can only check my email every-other day lol. But three weeks is a long time, I have no doubt God will continue to use this time to show me all the more useful things I could be doing with my time... one of which would probably not be the reading of all the books I've consumed since Lyle died lol.

Well, this entry is getting rather long, sorry about that, I guess I do tend to have rather long entries, its not intenional, I'm just bad at reining in my thoughts and placeing them in a coherent fashion on the page.  I'll go away for now, just remember that not every situations is purely a "that's ironic" situation... it can often quite easily (to easily if you ask me :P lol) be linked to a lesson God's been trying to teach you. Okay, well, G'night all!

~Mara~

Jeremy.

To most that is just a name (perhaps to some that is your name), but to me Jeremy is the name of someone very special: Jeremy Elwood Saunders.  Who is this person you may ask (or why do we care who he is, is what you really are probably asking) well I’ll tell you, Jeremy is my “imaginary friend”.  Yes strange I know for a 17 year old girl to have an imaginary friend, but its true, I have one….

And Jeremy is not just your typical imaginary friend either, he’s my “boy-friend” (wow…..I know right?).  Why does a mostly perfectly sane girl have an imaginary boy-friend one might ask, well I’ll tell you, it’s a long story and I am telling it to clarify my sanity (or perhaps show that it doesn’t exist… my sanity that is) and also to try and convince a certain young friend of mine to not get crazy ideas of creating her own “Jeremy”. 

So here it is, Jeremy, why he’s around, why you shouldn’t be afraid of him, but also why you should probably not go about creating your own:

About, oh four years ago now, I was already starting to get weighed down by the worlds standards that I should already have me a man even though I was only fourteen.  And frankly having a boyfriend sounds like fun, so I was kinda bummed out that I didn’t have one. I think I would’ve been okay with this if it hadn’t been for the fact that no guy had ever even really liked me in that way, which somehow seemed to make my situation yet more pitiful to myself.  So I created Jeremy. 

I didn’t exactly just go “oh, I don’t have a boyfriend and I really want one, lets make an imaginary one” by any means at all! I like to write stories and Jeremy has just been the recurring character that was always the best friend of my main character.  Jeremy’s like that you know…not the main character, but a great supporting role!  And I really liked Jeremy, he was exactly what I wanted in a man:  Godly, conservative, good with computers and all that jazz, had a good sense of humor, was an extravert, tall with black hair and blue eyes, liked chickens, and other animals, he had a farm.  A generally cheerful person, though really rather quiet.  Good with words.  Really he was just sort of the opposite of me in a lot of his personality traits, which was good, it sort of balanced out my introverted but somehow still very loud, rambunctious personality.  So, so far I’m sure I sound quite insane, I not only have an imaginary dude that I date, but he’s got a character, morals, personality, personal preferences….yes, it is rather freaky really, but not exactly.  Haven’t you ever really liked a character in a book and determined that if they were a real person you’d marry them?  I have. Lots of people have, or if not marry them at least you’d be good friends.  That’s all it was with Jeremy, only I was the original creator.

Now that I had Jeremy I didn’t really care if a guy liked me.  It wasn’t a big deal.  Who cared if so-and-so liked me- Jeremy was perfect, and he loved me! It was nice.  So I pretty much stopped struggling with that age old issue that has bogged down Christians for years: teenagers wanting a relationship when they’re to young to even understand what that really means, much less have one!

When I was around fifteen or sixteen some friends of mine sort of found out about Jeremy and it became the joke that Mara was going out with someone who didn’t exist.  As time progressed Jeremy became more and more of a person brought up in normal conversation, by this point pretty much everybody knew about Jeremy. I was teased or found that younger girls were making their own “version” of Jeremy.  It all seemed to be going out of control!  It reached the final climax when a friend of mine created their Jeremy parallel “Wesley A. Saunders” and gave him a facebook.   I gave Jeremy one too- it was kinda fun!  I started filling in his profile without a problem, I knew Jeremy so well, we’d been together for so long, his preferences were similar to mine, but different.  It was fun!   But too many people began to find out who Jeremy really was.  That he was just my imagination gone wild, a bit of a joke for fun.

But they were wrong.  This is not who, or what Jeremy is.  Jeremy is like a good book that one loves to read.  He is a character in a play that you love to watch, an actor in your favorite movie. To have him become "just my imaginary friend" changes him. It altered who he was.. what he stood for... somehow, he was no longer my Jeremy, the Jeremy I had made.

People seem to think that I created Jeremy for kicks and that he has no reason but for a passing bit of fun.  I’ve been teased about Jeremy so many times by people who don’t understand that he’s not some creepy imaginary thing, or that he was made up because I wanted a boyfriend, and that that is purely what he is.  See, that’s wrong.  I created Jeremy for the sole purpose of keeping me from thinking about boys for real.  He was not made to be my boyfriend, as much as to keep me from having one..or wanting one.

Eventually, Jeremy for me, became a code word for two different people [warning this sounds kinda sac-religious]: Jesus, and the dude that I like in real life.  Now, he does not always refer to these two people (really, not very often), and  never at the same time!  But you know since I created Jeremy to keep my thoughts pure from thinking of guys during this time in my life, that I want to date but cant and shouldn’t, he often is just my other name for Jesus because I’m really not dating not because of Jeremy, but because of Jesus and my want to stay committed to Him.

The other reason Jeremy was created was because I want to get me a man one of these days, so he can often just be code for the guy I like since I don’t really want people to know who that is.  

People didnt/dont see that though, and dont seem to get it. I understand that it's hard to explain, and hard to understand.. it is exremely odd I suppose for someone (especially my age) to have imaginary friends. But people just dont understand him. (He's so misunderstood *sob* LOL..sorry...) They dont understand his true purpose somehow. Now matter how it is explained. The other girls who began makign their own "versions" of Jeremy, mixed things up, becuase instead of creating a person to keep them from thinking of boys, and to keep them focused on God, they reversed it- they became obsessed with their imginary boyfriends.  Sort of.. to make guys jealous I guess you might say. That is pretty much as opposite from the purpose of Jeremy as you can get. And that is why I broke up with Jeremy.

So hi! Its been so long since I was on here... sorry 'bout that...since I know tons of peopleare reading this!

So much has happened...and yet not much... the funest thing thats been happenign is my sister and I went on a trip, if you want to check out our blog for that its http://exoticdestinationslikedesmoines.wordpress.com/.  My sister Sarah wrote most of the entries, so they're actually interesting and entertaining, lol.

I'm kinda bummed...this summer I"ll be doign history, math, chemistry, and probably some writing too... I guess thats the consequences for not doing it during the school year.... oh well, the more I get into a groove with my school, the more I'm actually looking forward to doing it! And if I do what I'm supposed to- I'll be done with high school by January first! yay!!!

I've really gotten into making lists lately, I dont have a clue what I'd do without them! I really dont think I'd be able to get much of anythign done without a list to follow! So I made a list of some of my bigger random goals for summer:

1- Place God back as the center of my life (kinda been a loser about that lately)

2- Complete and understand Algebra 2 book

3- Understand Chemistry (notice I dont have to complete this one..just so long as I'm finally understanding it, thats the important part)

4- Be able to make a basket in basketball from wherever I stand...even when I'm behind the hoop [we finaly got up our basketball hoop (out in the middle of a feild of course..seems to be all you can find out here, feilds) and I'm really bad at it, so I'm goign to remedy that this summer]

5-Really read the Word

I have more goals of course, but these are the one of main focus, that I will be working on all summer. I really hope they'll all get done, but I suppose only time will tell if I'll snap of my loser state and into a productive state of productivity. (I'm not really sure if htat sentence made sense... lol)

All winter a feeling of oppression has been weighing me down, I've felt as though I couldnt get anythign accomplished, and as a result, I didnt. So I just decided to put off school till summer- whats a bit of school for a home schooler with no social life? lol But then as summer roled in...I realized what a bummer that really was goign to be- who cares that I'll be home all summer- how lame is doign school 24/7? 

But somehow or other I dragged out my math books, found my chemistry notebook, relocated my history book, and started to do them again..and you know what? I feel so excited about doing school this summer! I havent felt this good in so long! Just that feelign that at the end of the day I've actually acomplished something- how fun is that????

I'm really enjoying history- who cares that people are morons and now I"m forced to read about it becuase it was in the past? - its facinating! Algebra [I've actually always loved math] is a real challenge- but there are so many amazing patterns- God even gave numbers a rythem! And Chemistry!....yeah..I cant actually make that sound amaizng, its still a big pit of non-understanding there...but I"m srue eventually it'll all click into place- my Gma was a chemist so it should be in the blood right? lol

Okay, well speaking of all this school, in reality I need to go and get some done, otherwise i wont be on the computer ever again... lol

Bye!

~Mara

PS- I dont re-read stuff (unwise, I know) so sorry if lots of it doenst make sense, just muddle through as best you can...if somethings really terrible and bothers you a great deal or something, you can comment and tell me I need to get on fixing it lol

Lol, the name of this entry is a quote from one of my favorite movies (You Cant Take it With You)- it describes life so well! =)

So not to much is really happening in my life really... I've just finished up drivers ed, so if I ever convince my mother I can go and try to take the driver's test and get my license! yay!!!
Its been a crazy experience learing how to drive!  So many near deaths....  I've thought about takign people out driving with me as  a wittnessing tool - "if you died right now -- oh my gosh!!! big truck! -- where would you go?" lol... when my brother came back from takign me driving the other day he said "I'm glad I made peace with my Maker" ...yes, I inspire one to look at life from a new angle- the angle that your life might not be lastign much longer. lol

But I think I"ve really improved of late with my driving, which is definitly a good thing! I can make turns without hitting somebody, and I can go over fourty-five without swerving all over the road. *cheers*

I'm really excited about gettign to be able to drive...I must admit that as I'm becoming more confident with driving, I'm becoming more and more excited about being able to drive by myself too! When I told my friends that I got my temps, they were all really jealous- to teen's it seems that drivng is just another word for FREE!!!! lol, which it is I suppose, though when I first started in on the process of learnign to drive for me it was because my mom hates taking me places so much.  People kept askign me if I was excited about "beign free" and I'm like "no" and they're like "your nuts" and I'm like "yeah". lol ... I am excited now though about beign able to go for a drive on  a pretty day, maybe getting a job somewhere, that'll be really nice...still I dont think license spells freedom however, it spells responsibility [a word I cant spell! lol], and I hope I'll remember that when I'm out and about..if I'm ever aloud to be out and about! lol

Wow, this is a really random blog! rather a bit of a ramble...maybe I'll make somehting more coherent later..but for now, you're stuck with this I'm afraid; sorry that writing is not my forte so to speak. 

Have a wonderful day! - and if you live in Ohio- watch out- there's a new driver on the road...with a parent or guardian by her side ; ) lol

~Mara Rose

So I've been away from here for quite a while now.... I dont have a clue what to write, but I feel that I should at least post something.  Especially since the person who forced me to get this blog told me that if I didtn post something soon she'd have my head!!! lol

So since I really dont have much to say I'm just goign to plagiarize and place a bunch of my favorite quotes here! :)  

Ve get too soon oldt, und too late schmart.

 I'd be an atheist if it wasnt for God

There is no "I" in "team", but there is in "win"!

I require books as I require air.

The grass is always greener where you water it.

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait on the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Till sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet.

I don't understand this! Not a single part of my horoscope came true! ... The paper should print Mom's daily predictions. Those sure come true.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

Every tear,
I ever cried,
Turned to pearl,
Before it died.
Every pain,
that in me burned,
Forged to wisdom,
I had earned.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

The greener grass on the other side, could turn out to be artificial turf.

My whole life flashed before my eyes! - It was really boring.

A cup of sun....
A daisy...
A thimbleful of snow...
A leaf turned red by frost's first touch....
This much of God I know.

If you keep your mouth shut you will stay out of trouble.

If you love something, set it free. If it never comes back-- hunt it down and shoot it!!!

Second place is the first loser.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary carries that lamb to school,
between two hunks of bread.

What can this Spring say
that other Springs have not already told us?
And yet, each year, how happily we listen!

Given the point that we’re all just going to die, what’s the piont of learning integers?

I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept.

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. But it is too late to change anything.

It must be awful being a girl. I’m sure it must be frustraiting to know that men are bigger, stronger, and better at abstract thought than women. Really, if you were a girl, what would make you go on living?

Success is a garden
with too much sun.
Be careful it does not dry your roots.

Loneliness speaks to lonelines.
And though we mask ourselves
with words or silences,
our needs leap out from all we do
and speak to those alike.

"Are you confused?"
Yes.
"Good, life is very confusing."

Every minute in your presence becomes the my new favorite minute of my life!!

Self-importance
sits in the back seat,
and directs all our travels.

"That's a beautiful stuffed tiger you've got there! Where did you get him?"
In India when I was on a hunting expedition, with my uncle.
"What is he stuffed with?"
My uncle.

Just outside my wisdom,
are words that would answer everything.

I did not hear
the words you said.
Instead,
I heard the love.

What is poetry,
if it is not the silent singing
each man hears
within his own heart?

So my sister asked me an interesting question today, 

"So today's Ash Wednesday are you giving anything up for lent?" 

I really wasnt sure.  I had no idea that it was even Ash Wednesday, so I really hadnt planned on giving anything up.  Usually every year about a week after Ash Wednesday, when everyone is in the first and painful stages of withdraw from whatever is it that they have given up, I ask why they've given it up, and they're like "duh- lent!" lol..but yeah.  So I was like "Snap! usually I dont know on or before Wednesday that its coming up....but now I do...so I should give something up I suppose..."

So I thought through all the things that are most distracting to me.  Foods kind of distracting, but not really, so I decided not to bother with giving up sugary foods or bread or something like that.  Books are generally the type of thing I give up because I like reading so much, but latly there hasnt really been much time for books, so they didnt seem to be such a temptation to laziness and distraction from God. 

I finally hit on something- I knew it was what I should give up since it was the one thing so far about which I thought "I dunno... I know I COULD do without it for six weeks... why bother proving it?"  When I think about somethign in such a light, I know thats what my biggest distraction must be!   And you know what it was that I thought of? The internet. 

So until Easter, I bid you all a farewell!  I'm sure in the time between now and Easter, however, I'll type up many blogs that I shall have ready to post- so keep a watchful eye for me if you like!

Bye for now!

PS- just as a challenge for anyone who comes across this and has NOT given up anything for lent- I challenge you to do so.  whether there's only three days left or three weeks.  I hope you take me up on this challenge!  [mostly becuase then ya'll will have to suffer with me! Bwhahahahaha....ahem..I mean, mostly becuase then you can be growign in the strength and knowledge of our Lord!  lol]

When I was really little "Paulianna" was the one one of my favorite movies the scene where the paster is yelling "DEATH COMES UNEXPECTEDLY!" was one of my most favorite! I thought it was funny seeing the startled faces of the people who were listening to his sermon, and as I got older and realized what he meant by saying "death comes unexpectedly" I really thought about this issue of death more. Now I have no fears of death, my Savior Jesus Christ has seen to that, but I've been thinking, what does that mean "Death comes unexpectedly"? People who get cancer (and other terminal desieses) and face them with bravery, are considered so incredible- and I dont mean to EVER say that they are not brave in all that they have to face, but somehow, in reality, what makes us think that we will be living longer? is it just that we do not know the exact time of our death that it makes us not as brave as those who do?

[This was goign to be longer...but I dont know where to go from here, so I hope maybe the way it ends in a question makes you think about it more, and perhaps you might also look over all my grammatical errors and misspellings, that would be terrific! thanks! ]

I am rather new to this whole blogging idea..and I'm gettign one because a certain thirteen-year-old told me I had to......

I'm not realy to sure about how this is all going to work., but I'm sure we'll soon find out. 

I dont think I'm going to be a very interesting person to read randomness about, but perhaps sometime you will stumble across this and find it amusing enough to bring a smile to your face, perhaps if I'm lucky, even a little laugh shall escape you as well, but that would probably only be on a good day. 

So I dont have to much else to say, I dont really know what one places on a blog, do you?  You probably do, since you are probably only reading this if you already have a blog...... okay, well I guess I'll go.  I'm sure I'lll type more nonesense on here soon enough!

TTFN! (Ta Ta For Now)