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I feel like my life has been the hokey-pokey as of late- except that when the music stops, I am exhausted and lacking in joy...the surgery I had- it's taken a turn for the frustrating. I went to have my stitches out only to get a new set put in- without the benefit of sleepy medicine...just a local anesthetic. I am in pain this time and feeling discouraged that rather than moving forward, I have just lost 3 weeks. Life lessons are so hard ot learn, would you not say? I know that the Lord is on control. This whole exercise has had a lot to do with letting go and being less of a control freak....anyone reading this identify? |
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Two weeks ago today I was hungry and on my way to a surgery center...it's been a fortnight and I confess, I minimized the whole affair- sure, in the grand scheme of things, a few weeks of pain and discomfort and hobbling are nothing if the end result is a healthy leg. But have you ever tried sweeping a very crusty floor while on crutches? Not something I think I will try.
On the plus side, I have gotton a fair amount of school planning and paperwork tye stuff done- not to mention reading for pleasure, so who cares if the floor is starting to look like the Oregon trail....
Now if I can only decalcify my coffeemaker- I have a feeling I could use some caffeine before I get underway... |
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This might only be brief but I haven't blogged in ages- forgive me. Mom's visit was good- short but good. We had probably the best time ever here on US soil. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that the Lord has done some growing in both of us since we were last together! WHat a blessing that is!
She left about a fortnight ago and we had a week's worth of vacation Bible school at Church for DD6- whcih would be a blog entry all in and of itself...she had a blast though!
I spent last week preparing for our upcoming trip to Michigan and for the foot surgery I had yesterday. So I am sitting here at 9:05 in the morning, exhausted form coming downstairs after taking a modified bath (picture a bathing buddha-that's what it felt like) and sending an e-mail update to friends and family. The nerve block to my foot is starting to wear off and I can tell from how many times I have missed keys and used backspace that my brain is still not quite over the anesthesia from yesterday.
Other than the foot and the crutches- and the foggy brain, I am very well- and my hubby is realizing that being the Mom is more work than he thought...
Not too sure if or whether I will be able to have internet access while at Mom-in- law's but will definitely try and be a more faithful blogger upon our return! Blessings Heidie |
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I tried to cut and paste as I had been tagged but could not for the life of me figure out how to bring uniformity to the subsequent post...I am a classic firstborn, prone to perfectionistic tendencies...also, I didn't want to have to erase and start over, typing out the answers to the questions...forgive me for being lax but dinner needs cooking...oh- and before I forget- MY MAMA'S HERE!!!!! We have been visiting and having a good time! The girls are especially happy to see her and that makes both her and my heart's glad! Will think of who to tag in this crazy game.... |
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I've Been Tagged.........
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My Mom is coming!!!! Right now she is somewhere over Africa, heading north to Heathrow. Tomorrow at noon I will fetch her at the airport- I am sooooo excited! I am getting her room set and trying to do some stuff that I won't then have to do the first couple of days. I need to let go and let God provide times of sweet fellowship. let love cover a mulitude of wrongs...you get the picture. Let my only expectation be that we enjoy each other's company and visit over countless cups of coffee.... |
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What a blessing that the Lord's mercies are new every morning and that His faithfulness endures forever! If He had chosen to heap all His grace on us at our conversion and then be done, we would be in a world of hurt!!!!! I am greatful for the grace for today.
Seems like the plans for this day are changing already- and we only fell out of bed a little while ago...we were going to play with friends...DD6 has a slight fever and isn't feeling well. We will roll with the punches. This summer has been fun so far- the kids can play with friends in the neighbourhood and friends who we don't see too much during the year because of school and schedules. We should really be finishing up some work from this past year but as of yet, we have not. THen there's planning for next year- and figuring out a curriculum fit for DDalmost 5- with a learing style very different than the firstborn.
AND MY MOM COMES IN A WEEK!!!! ALL THE WAY FROM SOUTH AFRICA!!!!!!!! Looking forward to that, I can tell you!
Off to adventure through my day. |
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Not that she can read this but I have the need to lay my thoughts down...yesterday this world bid farewell to one of the most Godly woman that I have had the pleasure of knowing. God has welcomed her home and I look very much forward to the day when we will be reunited in Glory! She has left an indelible mark on my life- she loved and showed me what real faith looks like. As she fought the cancer that slowly invaded her earthly shell, she was a model of faith in action, persistent prayer and healthy focus- not on her trials but on her Lord, who carried her through them and now holds her in His arms. I am greatful for having known her and been known by her. Losing her hurts like no pain I have ever known. But God promises to never break the twig that is bruised or snuff out the wick that is smoldering. To His promises I will cling! I love you, Betsy! |
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I had an "Aha!" moment about myself yesterday...I so seek affirmation that I will go to extreme lengths to get it and create for myself a viscious circle
Not to much about motherhood is affirming- or am I the exception to those whose preschool aged children rise up daily and call them blessed...so I take on more and more responsibility in the hopes that SOMEONE will notice my efforts and affirm me for them. No-one does. I get frustrated, tired and angry, blow up at those I love most in this world and feel awful- needing love and affirmation, which I don't get....
Mmmmnnn...
My Gran passed away on Sunday. I am sad by the loss but more saddened, I think, by the distance between my extended family and me- both geographical and emotional. And not for any reason other than that life gets hectic and relationships take work- and did I mention that I am a little maxed out in that department...for lack of affirmation. |
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Let's see...today I did laundry..and am still in the process, shopped for groceries, paid our property taxes ON TIME, answered a telephone survey about feminine products (what?!?) and faced heart wrenching news and disappointment. We haven't done schoolwork for a while now- I keep meaning to get around to it, thinking in terms of a summer schedule and not actually implementing anything that would resemble that...forgive me if I ramble, it has been a wild couple of weeks- #1 reason why I have not been a-blogging much. The #2 reason- the kids discovered the computer and want to play the Cd ROM's they bring home from the library...the bump in today's road was the news that my Grandmother is dying of lung cancer and that my Mom's trip here for the summer might not happen. I wish I could be there for her- to support her as she says goodbye...I wish she could be here- to see her granddaughters and be my flesh and blood Mommy for a while- I could use a good dose of mothering!!!! And all the while- through tears and sadness, my heart knows that all is well- God is aware of my need and hers and He has a plan far greater than mine. All part of learning. Still hurts though. Did I mention I have yet to take a shower.... |
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OK, if I've piqued your curiousity, I aplologize for juxtaposing food and sanitation...but this was my day.
I was privelaged to attend a conference for women at our Church presented by Moody Bible Institute. In order to accomplish this, my husband and I worked the schedule so that he could go to Bible Study and I could drop off the kids and go right to the conference. As an added incentive for leaving home early enough to accomplish this, I told the girls we could go and get donuts. We drove to the drive thru and placed out order- coffee for Mom, a chocolate frosted donut for DD6 and a strawberry frosted donut for DD4 ( the strong-willed, often challenging child!) You guessed it- they were out of strawberry frosted donuts. To which she calmly informs me, "We'll just have to go somewhere else!" If anyone is raising their son to be a godly man who is us for a challenge, we could arrange the match now....
As for the potty story- the conference was very encouraging and challenging. Worship was an uplifting experience. Around 2000 women were in attendance- and all the bathrooms went out- not enough water pressure. As I drove home, I thought about the plumbing situation in relation to my life- they think that there was a problem in the connection of the well to the Church's plumbing system, hence a problem when an event so big and devoid of men-who don't require as much flushing power- needed to bring the problem to light. Is my sin a little like that sometimes? Does it take a really big trial to bring to light some of the issues that I struggle with- our trial being that DD6 has a degenerative eye condition- some of the muck that has come to the surface for me- trusting that God's heart is good and that He is in control and that He didn't promise a life devoid of difficulty but that He promised to be with me...that I can have faith and trust Him to transform me from the inside out? |
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Dinner was a blessing from a neighbour- known as Easter Pizza- she handed it to me over the fence the other day and said, " I have been meaning to give you this". Not only did I have to do little for dinner prep. but the budget stretched to the end of the month- what a blessing. We were eating, and I had some sphaghetti sauce for dipping (Easter Pizza = calzone) DD6 had some, wasn't convinced that she liked it, but when dipped into the banana sauce, declared it good! |
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Shopping for myself is a rare occurance- especially for those torturous accessories known by my countrymen (women inferred) as stockings. Here one would expect such an item to be a pair of socks, if I am not mistaken- the malicious necessity I refer to may go by "tights, hose or nylons". Prior to bearing and birthing my 2 daughters, this might not have been the case. "Dressing up"- definition: anything that involves a skirt, dress or make-up- was an occurance that happened with greater frequency. Though my career of choice necessitated comfortable shoes and long pants, there was more of a need to purchase nylons and wear them...
Fast forward to Easter Sunday- walking into the auditorium at Church with my head and heart filled with the wonder of God's love and sacrifice, I noticed that gravity had begun a work that could end with embarressment...we usually seat ourselves on the side of the auditorium about halfway up, but being Easter, there were many more people present than usual (for which I am greatful). My predicament became more unnerving as we were ushered forward to the second row from the platform- by now the top of the tights had wound their way down and were at mid- thigh range, waiting to make their debut below my "just-below-the-knee-length" skirt...
I was thankfully able to hold on to one side or the other and refused to allow this to be a distraction to the worship or message- my comfort level increased exponentially when we were encouraged to be seated...I was able to slip out before the masses and wrestle them to submission before anyone other than the girlfriends I told were any the wiser....
There is absolutely no reason for this story. I am not fond of tights- I thought you might like to know! |
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What a joy and privelage to celebrate our Lord's sacrifice and victory over sin and death as the world around us is being reborn from the dormancy and starkness of winter! And to know that we are reborn spiritually in that same way so that the risen glory of Jesus can be seen in us...more than I can get my head around!
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Those places where something eternal steps into the mundane and one can almost hear heaven sigh in satisfaction...It had been a long day with my daughter. DD4 and I have round after round of limit testing-limit setting- self control testing (for me)-consequences (for her)...anyone relate to the child whose will routinely defies with a "Parent me! I dare you!" ??? Such was our day. She should have napped- but we had a friend coming over and by the time she could nap, the window was lost. She crawled up on my lap and seemed ready to crash for the night. She and I went upstairs and had a little quiet time together- and that is when it happened...we talked of spider webs in "mysterious places", of frogs and their ghastly dietary needs, of whether or not bugs are dirty...and my tired brain was awakened by the realization that this little one is a curious mind and asks all the questions- except I am often too busy with her co-operative sister to notice...I am so thankful for that moment, for the insight, and I need to pray for the application. I join the ranks of those of us who at times feel so inadequate- parenting is difficult enough and though I love being here with the kids, there are days and moments when I wished I didn't have to revisit the same issue for the umpteenth time with one who seems incapable of reason...aren't I the greatful one that my heavenly Father is patient and long suffering and will inspire thoughts such as the ones I was able to have tonight....you bet I am! |
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I am preaching to the choir, I'm sure...the time in the day when the child is tired but WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES admit that long enough to allow her body the much needed sleep that she needs. Do they think that by napping, they will miss out on some social interaction never to be duplicated in their lifetime? Or do they think that we will conspire with the older sibling and have so much fun in their absence that they will never catch up on the fun if they dare to slumber?
Tell me, at what point in normal development does logic develop??? Does logic develop??? Anyone.....??? |
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Don't ask me why, but once in a while- OK, so I won't admit to frequency for fear of being committed- I wonder what an alien would think, should he observe some of the rituals and customs of our modern world. Or someone from an isolated tribal culture....A voice speaking from a speaker, a hand appears through an aperture in the wall and an exchange takes place. The wall below the window stained with a mysterious brown elixir- this place? The drive though window at Starbucks! |
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I am so thankful for the very tangible reminders that I have had of the Father's love for me. We are feeling stress from many quarters of late and on Tuesday, I felt heavy, burdened and about to derail....the wheels on my bus weren't wanting to go round and round....Yesterday- Wednesday- I saw God reach into my life and deposit 2 very specific answers to prayer in the form of people- one that I worked with many years ago and another whom I have never met. Thank you Lord for being such an amazing provider! |
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I was so good at blogging- could feel the posts percolating in my head...now I go a week or more between posts- could it be that the "cheap therapy" is working? Life is very lively right now- much on the proverbial plate and not nearly enough time or the right utensils to dive into the feast!!!! I am wrong about the utensils...I have all of the Lord's undergirding and wisdom and the indwelling Holy Spirit at my disposal!!!
Dinner is cooking and I could happily partake and go to bed! Not that that is too much of an option. I can't help but think right now how truely incredible God's timing is and how He brings people into our lives at just the right times!!!! Not rocket science, I know, but I could stand to remind myself! I am rambling here, so had better check on the progress of the cooking food...
Blessings |
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Who knew I would find it interesting to watch a snowboarder hurl themselves down an icy tunnel? Who could have dreamed that seeing a figure skating pair continue on in their program after the woman took a fall so horrible she MUST have damaged knee ligaments would bring me to tears...most notably- who would have dreamed that I would choose to watch in lieu of SLEEP!!!!!
I confess, I'm hooked. Thankfully, DH's birthday present 2 years ago included the ability to record television easily and be able to skip through the parts that hold no interest...Watching the opening ceremony, I couldn't help but think of Heaven- with the slight difference in that we would all be united under the blood of Christ...and that we would be in awe of Him not our own human achievements.... |