Maplewood Cottage Home-Lessons

• Jan. 1, 2008 - Our Holiday

I planned for both some 'work' to be done around the house AND some soul searching.
Both were accomplished but not exactly in the same ways I had in mind LOL
NO, NO not by far!
Our first 4-5 days we were without HEAT the first day and a half we hesitated to call a repair man because we simply DON'T have the money. However, after following the simple directions for re-igniting the furnace ( twice) and getting very poor results including some kind of little motor burning out and smoking up the house with a rubber smell... We Called to inquire if the co that put the 'newer' ( 90's) furnace in would be willing to come take a look and possibly post pone our need to pay until later or... make up a payment plan for us ( of which I still am very unsure how we will pay) BUT TRUSTING!

First this made MIKE gloomy. It is always much harder for him to put all the 'stuff' we seem to be handed especially the last year or so.... BUT this opened up great honesty in both of us I was able to tell him I was a little nervous about what this all meant but wasn't worried or anxious but mostly wanted to be very sure to get out of the experience what I am meant too! I did a lot of praying and felt I was far more faithful to praying for my friend and her brothers and parents than I would have been if I was busy with my own festivities! This was a very deep blessing to me! It also caused me to pray for my friend that is a drunk and has told me that she was out on the streets a lot last winter! I was hoping we would talk again this holiday... ( and she did call me on Christmas Eve )

Mike was bummed out! We had a very sparse time planned and really the only reason we had much of anything was because of CHARITY and gifts from extended family.
I guess this bothers a man more because HE is to be provider of this family for the most part but I try to direct him to the fact that we all have a PROVIDER and that is the Father. His hand is what feeds us and protects us... We both know this but it is good to be confronted with it. It really is. Circumstance is often the best teacher!

We relished the lovely green apples that my Aunt sent us twenty five pounds of ... with a neat apple peeler, coring and slicing machine. My grandma sent us an assortment of goodies from Figi's and we just now are finishing them up on the New Year Day. Another grandma sent money and that provided for a Turkey and some other needed groceries. The local pantry included some small gifts for the children ( Mike was able to pick them out himself) So Lina got a little girly figure that works great in a old fisher price doll house we got for free last year during all pick up trash week and Sophia got a soft baby with a pacifier. This warmed my heart because they need all the soft feminine toys they can get. Luke and Tim got hats, mittens, pencils and erasers, a yoyo. Then a lady from the library gave some hat's and gloves too. Luke still needs some gloves but this is good to pray for because he is the one that helps daddy the most with shoveling.. technically he uses some that are mine but I will hope to get him some as well as boots soon probably at season's end I can get him some for next year cheap and he'll be set for all the BIG BOY outdoor jobs he'll have next winter! He IS getting big he is much bigger than Tim lately! Tim's boots that were new last year simply don't fit him anymore but it doesn't matter as much cus he doesn't stay out as long. I might call a local charity and see if they have anything for them now though.

We never got frozen! But at one point it was 52 degrees in here obviously much colder outside and very windy. I felt nothing but THANKFUL that we had some shelter! It helped that we have been reading about pioneers and the far NORTH countries etc... I do have a bit of a childish imagination that kicks in an shields me from being forlorn about many circumstances. I was able to make it fun for the kids we bundled up and read books on the bed.

The repairman did come out twice on Christmas eve. He'd let his guys off for the holiday but was willing to come out and help families that were needing work done. He however was not able to get ours up and working ... he left two small heaters that did make a huge difference to us keeping it in the 60's then the morning after Christmas day he sent a guy out and with all the parts we needed and yeap! It was working great afterward. So from that standpoint our home did get some attention. Though I didn't get painting done.
Best thing was I had something to give the owner that was here on Christmas eve. I had a lovely pineapple pie that someone at Mike's work had requested but then he couldn't be found on Friday sooo we had it already for the repairman... so happens he is a HUGE fan of pies and it made his day. I hoped it was good and he raved about it and then was sincerely shocked that it was my first pie I ever made. So I plan on treating him to a pie every now and again his shop is almost directly across from Mike's work so he can drop one off every several weeks.

Mike was more at ease after the repair was made.

After we thawed out we went to get a replacement fixture for the main room's ceiling fan. And it was nice to have light once again after a week of dark by late afternoon.
We had a store credit from a return and that helped!

I also was doing more reading and writing surrounding Abortion and the affects on the Family. This has been pretty deep. I feel very God directed. I recently met a lady online that is a CPC volunteer and was able to share a wealth of online finds. There is little to no literature on the subject but there are a few online sources I was not aware of until she directed me to them.

Forgiveness seems to be the obvious need in these cases but I can assure you there is much more beyond that .... here is something I wrote

I was wondering if you could remember me in prayer. I have been praying a lot lately about the 'feelings' and memories I have surrounding my mom and my sisters.

They are all unbelievers and there are many 'issues' and reasons why I can't be around them but that doesn't mean that I don't love them and care about them or forgive them.

I grieve them mostly...

One of the breaking points was back in 2002 when my sister aborted her baby my mom and other sister supported her in this ( thankfully no one pushed it on her ) she made the decision mostly one her own but the attitude was "We will support you in whatever you decide."
My sister went with her to the clinic and my mom came to me asking for some money so more anistesia ( sp) could be administered so sis could 'do it' with less fear. I was the only one that really resisted the decision( I DID NOT GIVE ANY MONEY ) I answered her questions about would God forgive her etc... I encouraged her to go to a CPC and she saw a ultra sound and heard the heart beat my mom and I were there too but she still made a wrong decision in the end.

My mom couldn't open up to me( us) about her abortion ( that we all knew she had) other than to say it was merited. I was eight at the time and her 'best friend' since birth so I knew most everything about mom. I was blessed by a sensitivity to spiritual things and eventually grew up ... My mom remains in bondage and she never grew up. She has rejected Christ over and over again.

After my sister's abortion I found it really hard to spend time with them... I wasn't really angry. I mostly felt numb and sad. Shortly afterward the Lord moved us away and I was raising our two boys with no grandma and no aunts... I was sad and struggling with the 'murder.'

A new online friend gave me some new resources to read about this and I am seeing it is very common for 'others' to be hurt by aborton not just the mom dad or grandparents but virtually anyone that was aware of the decision and felt helpless to save the baby and the others the pain of murder.

Over all CPC's are NOT equipped to counsel 'others' and there is little literature printed either.

Would you pray that the LORD would direct me to scripture that supports healing. I am reading in Jer. right now that has always been a place of healing for me.
I did pray a lot during that time and after but it seemed a very heavy oppressive burden for several months and is still there somewhat after all these years.

Also if anyone is interested in any of the resources I am being given let me know I will share!

Thanks so much !!!

The CPC's I have spoke with in person didn't have anything specific to use to mesh out the aftermath for the 'survivors' and the online friend's CPC in another area that is far more progressive than mine and has more experienced volunteers ( 20 plus years) told her they really weren't equipped to counsel family members etc...
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Here is a quote I really identified with

"I had forgiven my mom because I knew she had problems. I just now am understanding she had no life because she had no peace. She could not forget what she did no matter how much she drank, she never forgave herself. But only through Jesus could she have found peace.

Now that I understand how deep her hurt was I love her more than ever before. I would give anything if I could have her back, if only for a few minutes to put my arms around her, and tell her how much I miss her."
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My 'problem' is because my mom and sister are hurting THEY HURT OTHERS and just because I can forgive them through the work of the Holy Spirit because I am saved... it doesn't mean they are healthy enough to allow them to be a part of my life...
So I grieve those relationships along with the more obvious losses.

AND I struggle with how can I still be used as a channel of LOVE and FORGIVENESS when I can't be in contact with them.

PRAYER is the obvious first choice YET I often feel bogged down by hurt that isn't healed and I feel this hinders my consistency in prayer.

I know enough to realize asking "why" isn't productive and handing it over to The Lord is the first step to bringing closer... that in itself doesn't make it 'easier' to deal with things like having a hard time trusting others or seeing sometimes that I don't feel motivated to look forward to 'good things' in life. I often have to fight a subconscious expectation that something bad and out of my control is just on the horizon. The BIBLE tells us that we should think on lovely things and hope and TRUST in God's goodness regardless of the evil that seems to 'win.'

So keeping our spiritual eyes on truth is what we all need the most even if in life we have many evil things happening to us and around us.

I have done much study in Jer. several years ago but that was over ten years ago now that I think of it. I have recently heard a great sermon preached on Jer. rereading it now is very eye opening about how the Lord deals with people and sin... I am making an effort to read the fotenotes so I can get some NT links to the concepts being brought forth. When I studied there before I was using Lord Heal My Hurts by Kay Arthur. This was right after I had rededicated my life to the Lord and was out of my mom's house, going to church regularly and made a good friend that directed me to the study... meeting with me weekly!
I sure miss that kind of interaction. I am hoping that we can go to church soon. We sincerely tried last sunday but it was a no go for several reasons.

I so look forward to this New Year.

May you all be blessed.