31 October 2009
Perfect Provision, Grace and Faith
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I often feel the need to reflect on the ways in which God has proven Himself to be faithful to me. I found myself doing that very thing as I chatted in my living room with my dad last night. He was telling some of my favorite stories from his childhood, and he was telling some stories from his childhood that weren't so great, stories that are probably not easy to share. I'm glad that he shared them with me because it helps me to see God's provision in my life starting at the very beginning even before I was born. It allows me to see the provision God has had for my Dad's life even in the worst of times. When I was an adolescent and even into adulthood, things weren't always great between my parents and me. Sometimes, we still have a fallout because we don't always understand each other. However, things are so much better than they could have been. My parents could have not met Christ at an Amway rally in the 80s (I know, of all places, right?). They could have chosen to raise me the way they were raised, the way my dad was raised. Don't get me wrong. I have baggage from my childhood. Things were said and done that shouldn't have been. I'm not going to focus this blog on those things. There definitely negative things on which I could focus, BUT...the simple truth is that my parents did a better job than their parents did. Hands down, they did a better job. They loved us in the way they knew how. Mom was great at taking care of us when we were sick, and I was sick A LOT. Bronchitis and strep throat were par for the course for me as a kid. Mom made me lots of chicken soup and hot tea, smothered me with Vicks Vap-o-rub, filled the vaporiser and made me do ridiculous things like wear bright purple bell bottoms w/a matching vest and ruffly 70s blouse to school in 4th grade or wear a ski mask to the bus stop in junior high. See? I told you I had baggage. Anyone who has to wear a ski mask to the bus stop at 13 yrs old has baggage. Haha! So that's not exactly baggage. I know, I know! The point is that she took care of us, and she did it well. Dad loved us differently. He has always been a great surprise maker. I remember driving to Toledo, where my grandparents lived, on the 4th of July and suddenly finding ourselves at Cedar Point for the late afternoon and evening and getting to watch the fireworks over the lake. We did make it it to Grandma and Grandpa's house that night too. I also remember spending a summer near Miami, FL, where Dad was working one year, and being surprised on the ride home with 2 days at Disney World. That was a great surprise. My favorite surprise memory was when I had one line in the school Christmas play in 6th grade. Dad was traveling for work then, and he had called me to let me know that he wished he could be there. I understood. I accepted it and was fine, but you better believe that I was nothing short of ecstatic when I saw his silhouette standing in the back of the auditorium that night, leaning against the wall in his stereotypical way. Dad also tried to make us feel special at holidays and birthdays. Each year on Christmas, we got a gift that was just from Dad. I remember the first ring he bought for me. It was gold with tiny diamonds. I still have it. Each Christmas after that until we got married, Dad bought us a piece of jewelry. I can't say that I had any complaints about that! On my sweet 16, Dad sent roses to me at school. I was thrilled, of course. The next day, I got another dozen roses from Dad also at school. The first ones were sweetheart roses, which I later found out was a mistake. He didn't mentioned the mistake made by the florist to me. He simply called them, reminded them that he had ordered long stemmed roses for his daughter, and I was surprised again the next day with more roses. As a teen, I believed that I had nothing in common with my parents. I think I'm just now, as I approach the mid-30s mark, realizing that I do have things in common with them, and not the things upon which I focused as a teenager, you know, not the things many teens think "I'll never do," but the things that went unnoticed by me in those troublesome years. Things like taking care of my family, cooking healthy meals, and probably even making my kids do things which they believe to be crazy just like Mom. Things like loving to write, giving the perfect gift, building gigantic snowmen and being wherever my kids need me to be at just the right moment just like Dad. They didn't know what they were doing. They didn't have great role models. They made mistakes, but, in the long run, God provided for me to become the person I am through them and the other adults and mentors that were placed in my path because of my parents. I know what my life could be like. I know what my life would be like without the grace of God because I see it in my own extended family. No, my parents didn't do things perfectly, but they did things better than their parents did, and I hope to do better than they did, and, some day, I hope that my children do better than I will do. God gives us all the tools we need even when we find it easy to make excuses and use our past to effect our future, when the truth is that we all have the right tools. Our past doesn't have to effect our future as much as we try to believe that it does. God's grace provides perfect provision for things like this, for all things. Sometimes I just forget to use the tools He provides for me. Sometimes, I have to say that I'm sorry or admit that I shouldn't have shouted or lost my temper. I have baggage. I have things to work through, but God's perfect provision for me has been at work for decades, even before I was born. Thanks Mom and Dad for doing your best for me, and thank you Jesus for the legacy of faith that I can see interwoven within my family's history, be it ever so difficult to find in some generations, be it ever so dim at times. If Aunt Ruby were here, I'd thank her as well, but she's not around to thank anymore. Aunt Ruby. Sigh. I miss her, but that, dear friends, is for another blog. |
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