“You are my friend, you are special;

You are my friend, you’re special to me.

There is not anyone like you, like you, my friend,

I like you.”

Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood

Mr. Rogers’ message of friendship was a simple one… liking someone simply affirms that each person is special.

My grandson, Garrett, went off to Kindergarten last week.  It was a big moment…one of courage for him…as it is for every kindergartner, as well as their moms and dads!  Getting help on his Big Leap Forward into the unknown was his new friend, Andy, who he had met a week earlier as they became soccer team members.  These two, new buddies were in the same classroom and already had a budding friendship in the making as they faced their New World together. 

Friendship is an incredible gift to experience.  We all know that friendship is a divine tonic worth gulping down daily.  But, savoring the tonic of friendship requires placing priority on building caring connections with others.  It is a skill that all kids must develop for social and emotional health.   In doing so, they shape one of the greatest virtues of character…caring.

Parent and teachers must give conscious, focused attention to this character theme in order to create a climate where children know they are special….valued…and that they belong to a community of friendship.

In her 2009-10 academic year that launches next week, my wife is teaching a 2^nd-3^rd grade combo class.  She plans to put loads of attention on her first few days with her children so they can practice the skills of showing care for each other that creates a classroom atmosphere of respect among all…for friendships to emerge.

What if thinking and acting toward people as if they were special…was part of the landscape of adult life? What if civility was the gateway back to grade school learning for adult character mentors?   That’s a question that every adult reading this article might ponder.  Am I personally  giving attention to a child’s world of learning to care and build up the story of specialness in others?  Or do I go about my day saving “Special” for the few and diminishing or trashing everybody else in sight?

It’s worth thinking about…getting back to School Life Basics… in the everyday schoolhouse of life.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org. 

 Courage is resistance to fear… not absence of fear.

                                                                                         Mark Twain

Parents can help their kids know that it takes courage to begin a new school year.  Why? The answer is in the word new.  Whether we’re young or old, the willingness to face a new situation calls for courage!  Courage says I can and I will when I first think, I can’t.

Kids don't have to be in a life-threatening circumstance to put on the armor of courage to meet a fear-filled moment.  New situations like meeting a new teacher, doing something you have never done before, going to the lunch table, finding your locker or seeing how you will fit in with others can prompt fears of self-doubt. 

Often, new experiences can take us back to snapshots in the picture album of our mind where we met with discomfort, rejection or failure causing us to fast forward the past into the present and place the message of  I Can’t Do This…on a new situation.  Parent awareness about guiding their kids to be courageous New Beginners can help turn past episodes of fear into opportunities for positive action.

A new school year is a time for parents to help their budding kids of character face down their fears.  So, what is the best parental strategy?  First, listen to your child share their fear. Then, have a personal story ready from your childhood when you faced a new situation with courage…and moved through it!

Where does the action of courage begin for every child who must learn to confront their fear as they experience something new?     Maxwell Maltz delivered the answer with unvarnished truth when he once wrote, "This is where you win the battle…in the playhouse of your mind.”  

Like every lesson of character growth, facing a new situation with courage is a test, but not a 1-Time Pass-Fail A or F test!   Rather, embracing the New is a journey to discover possibilities!  So parents can play their role as a Courage Coach by letting their kids know that their willingness to face something New with courage is the biggest and most exciting thing about life.

Parent mentors focused on character discovery know that the courage lesson accompanying their children’s new moments is a lesson learned with many tests, as parents help their children win the fear battle by seizing the high ground of courage.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org. 

Just make up your mind from the very outset…

you are going to stamp a superior quality upon everything…

whatever you do shall bear the hallmark of excellence.

Orison Marden

It's here!  The 2009-10 school bell is ringing across America for K-12 kids.  Oh, yes, there are new clothes, supplies, books, classrooms and teachers!   But, most important there are new attitudes for achievement that parents can guide kids to focus on and practice to set the table for a fantastic school year.

What is required to help guide your child to pursue excellence?  Let me share the I Am, I Can I Will checklist, which when applied to a child's daily mental preparation for school, can help them successfully leap out of the gate:

·          I am!  I am a student with a fresh beginning!  I am a success in the classroom. This is my time to begin again. I am ready. I am capable. I am competent.

·         I can!   My efforts bring rewards.  I carry an I can attitude into each classroom experience.   I don't try to just get by.  I choose to pursue my best.  I perform to excel.

·         I will!  Everyday, I carry persistence.  I don't run away from a challenge. I dig in and attack the problem in front of me.  I don't waste time worrying.  I pour my attention into actions that move me where I need to go each day.

I can remember way back as a ten-year old 4^th grader when my father had me listen to a record called The Strangest Secret in the World.   I know the word record dates me… this was in the 50's, well before audio CD's and DVD's.   It was a recording by Earl Nightingale.   The message of the record is summed up in nine words: You are what you think about all day long.  I learned about Self-Talk…the internal conversation we are always having with ourselves.  Talking to yourself about pursuing excellence…will produce positive results.  Repetitive, positive self-talk, can move in the direction we want to go!

I Am, I Can, I Will is positive self-talk for starting off in the fast track as a new school year opens.  Be a purposeful parent as your children  begins their new school adventures.   Get them focused on the I Am, I Can, I Will self-talk that will guide them toward a super school year of success.

 Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.

Tell the truth.

Do what they say they will.

Behave consistently.

Show concern and compassion.

Exercise good judgment.

Stand strong on their values.

Motivate others to be and do the best they can.

Dianna Booher

In The Little Book of Big Questions: Answers To Life’s Perplexing Questions, Dianna Booher.  asks a big question: Why do some people have more credibility and influence than others?  Her comments, found above, provide great insight.

It is true that some kids grow up to be adults who carry personal credibility while many others do not.   It is the fortunate child who experiences significant parental mentoring that coaches for long term gain. But lots of kids learn another childhood lesson that becomes their life goal.  That lesson is “Get It for Me, NOW!”  That life restricting lesson narrowly focuses an individual on short term gain.

A child who has a meaningful character coach as a parent learns that long term gain and credibility are like having a personal savings account with endless cash reserves.  When we possess credibility we have intangible wealth known as trust and respect.  Credibility’s wealth is based upon being an upright person who means what he says, says what he means; cares for others; and vigilantly practices the fine art of being a decent human being..

Over my lifetime I have benefited from the mentoring of credible adults who helped to shape my Life Values education.   My father was the greatest influence as an educator of character.   Over the course of his lifetime, he consistently put into practice the aforementioned character skills that guided him to be a credible person. His Credibility Account had a big reserve all the time.   As a result he had significant influence with others and helped many people to become better human beings, including me.   Many of his friends affectionately called him, The Judge.

Parents, along with grandparents, teachers and coaches, underestimate their singularly significant role as ones who can profoundly shape the character qualities that help kids grow up to be adults animated by the quest to do good.  I can look into the story album of my life and hold gratitude for  the  many, who, like my father, taught me to respect and practice the character skills that answer the question: why do some people have more credibility and influence than others?  They were taught the importance of building their personal credibility account

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.

“It is easy enough to be pleasant,

When life flows by like a song,

But the one worthwhile is the one who can smile,

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble,

And it always comes with the years,

And the smile that is worth the praises of earth

Is the smile that shines through tears.”

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I was a 10 year old when my grandmother took me on trip to visit relatives who lived on a farm in the Mid West. The first day of my visit, I was put on a tame, ol’  horse for a ride. Things went fine until the horse stumbled on a rock and fell to its knees.  I slid over the saddle horn right down the horse’s mane to the ground. “Woe, Nelly!”

I was scared to tears! Everyone was momentarily startled. Before I had time to let fear grab hold of my psyche, Uncle Ernest put me back on the saddle, saying, “Let’s try again!

Wilcox’s words capture that moment. Whether we’re 7 or 70, we can count on things going wrong in our life. Often, when it does, adults instinctively shield kids from the hurt.  If shielding becomes the adult’s mentoring habit, kids grow up believing they are the problem.

Uncle Ernest got me up on the saddle to communicate…With my help, you can handle this situation.  Helping kids get a handle on their problems rather than rescuing them allows kids to practice the core character virtue of persistence.  Kids must learn that everyone fails into success. Personal failure is a stepping stone, not stop sign.

A bad test grade, a poor game performance, a slight by a friend…these are events that serve as golden moments for character mentors to nurture a child’s practice of persistence.  In doing so, mentors communicate a powerful message to a child: You are bigger than your problem!

Kids can discover the difference between having a problem versus being the problem.  The discovery includes understanding they are problem solvers who have competence and capability to move around and through their problems.  Kids can learn they have a capable mind that can navigate through treacherous waters of discouragement and failure.

Adults who provide support to assist children to gain inner strength, can find sage counsel in the words of Lyman Abbot, “The highest qualities of character must be earned.”

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.

"The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread, but every time we repeat the act we strengthen the strand, add to it another filament, until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably in thought and act."

Orison Marden

When I read these words years ago, I thought of America’s classroom educators.  In 2009, I think about them as the metaphor for powerful parenting for character.   The simple vision of parenting… being the major voice of helping  my child shape invisible character habit threads into mighty cables of thought and action… is compelling.

Do parents need help in understanding this big picture with their teens?  Parental influence in years is a dynamic and delicate dance of communication.   The biggest influence a parent has is the steady branding of their messaging to help their child move into an adult world with a constructive frame of reference of character development that will, in turn, make a contribution to the lives of others.  

If parents are not constantly retoolingg the threads of character growth in their communications with their teens, they simply can’t expect their kids to be building their great character cable.

The strong character cable is not synonymous with parental expectations of No Error,
Do-Gooder teen behavior.  Everybody grows by goofing up.  That understanding is the context for the character work of parenting.  Kids do learn to stand up for doing what’s right as the-character-thread-becoming-a-strong-cable is constantly present with life skills parenting influence.  Character development requires parents helping kids re-focus on building positive thought and action habits...when the goof-ups occur, as well as when wise judgment has been exercised.

Clearly, teens will pursue positive life skills of personal responsibility, honesty, trustworthiness, faith and caring as they are constantly exposed to parental coaching and mentoring.    Most often, teens need more of the accompanying presence of their parents rather than the hammer of condemnation when their teen makes a mistake in judgment.  Parents who are in relationship with their teens as character examples offer incredible supportive context to help their kids continue to develop purposeful life skills.

It is the wise parent who, when looking at their teen adrift, says, What’s the lifeline of guidance my child needs right now?  More often than not, the answer is, “I need to re-enter my kid’s life by being part of her challenge…rather than stand on the sidelines saying “You should have known better.”

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.

Values in Action is the name of the outstanding character education work of Gene Bedley.   Gene has dedicated his professional life to help educators be influencers of character with children and youth..

One of the many publications produced by Values in Action is Essential Ethics Education for Teens.  In the workbook Gene has produced his Rules for Responsible Students.  They are  outstanding.  Here they are:

Rule 1 Making responsible choices means that I live with the consequences of my choices and I relinquish the alternatives.

Rule 2  If you make the wrong choice and find yourself in a hole, stop digging!

Rule 3  Do better today than you did yesterday.

Rule 4 Recognize that your feelings can lie to you and cause severe damage to you and your family.

Rule 5 Reject Rejection!

Rule 6 Be happy when you can manage it.  Happiness is a feeling you get expecting the feeling you want.

Rule 7 Consider assisting and helping others as an avenue for discovering your own self-worth.

Rule 8 Always evaluate respect by the ways you want your best friend treated.

Rule 9 Be self-disciplined.

Rule 10  See setbacks and mistakes as only temporary. Recognize that they can teach you what to do in the future.

If you're a parent of a teen, you might want to find a visible spot on your refrigerator door for Gene's top ten responsibility rules.   If you're a teacher of teens, they represent a great handout for your students this coming Fall. They're quite helpful for adults, as well!

If you're interested in learning more about Gene Bedley's work and Values in Action, go on the Character Education Center website at www.ethicsusa.com.  You will experience a wealth of excellent information on character education.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation. Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770-7602 or www.jeffersoncenter.org.

The Ethical Mind looks into crisis, conflict and challenge with the intent of providing trusted guidance…helping someone make sense out of chaos and concern.

Howard Gardner, Harvard University Professor of Cognition,

The Character Call.  What are the basic thought patterns that shape the ethical mind which Howard Gardner has researched over the last twenty-five years since writing Frames of Intelligence, his groundbreaking book on cognition.

Basically Gardner’s research suggests that the ethical mind represents the highest level of thinking exercised in relationship with others. 

Gardner’s research supports my conversations over the years with youth about The Character Call and an individual’s practice of what I call the core ethical intentions.  These intentions represent ways that the ethical mind is expressed.   They are an adaptation of the Six Pillars of Character presented by CHARACTER COUNTS! I intend:

·         to accept responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions.

·         to be fair to others by doing what's right.

·         to be trustworthy.

·         to respect myself and others regardless of ethnic or racial differences.

·         to be caring to others by not tearing down but by building up.

·         to be a citizen of my community, my nation and my world.

In conversations with teens I have encountered lively dialogues about the theme of respect, focusing on how easily  and quickly we can compartmentalize others and, in doing so, reduce others to be less than, not as good as, easily ridiculed, easily judged or condemned simply because another is different.

It is a challenge for teens to cultivate a mindset for respect.  It requires knowing and declaring your ethical intentions to yourself.  Character growth occurs as we hold ourselves accountable to character criteria that we use to continually observe our actions and reactions to each day's dose of living.   Our ethical intentions are like the sails of a ship that are available for use in lulling, stormy, or encouraging life seas.

The high school years are testing times for practicing all of the core ethical intentions.  They are also powerful years for the Character Call to become a meaningful focus leading into the adult years.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org. 

The world would be better off if people tried to become better.

And people would become better if they stopped trying to become better off.

For when everybody tries to become better off, nobody is better off.

But when everybody tries to become better, everybody is better off.                                              Peter Maurin

In delightful language filled with wisdom, Maurin offers two contrasting snapshots of a focused life.  The two images offer dramatic choices of where an individual points the lens of their daily attentions. As a parent coaching your children to become tomorrow’s citizens of character, it is of great importance to ask…how are you helping your kids focus their life lens?

When we focus the lens of daily living on becoming better off, we pay attention to getting. In contrast, when the lens is pointed at becoming better, we ultimately discover a life of giving.

It’s not true to contrast getting and giving in stark, bold images as bad vs. good.   Just as breathing requires inhaling and exhaling; just as everyday day provides the contrast of sunshine and darkness, so does Giving and Getting offer the polarities of life’s ongoing pendulum.

But, Maurin’s words do offer insight into the character call: Will our attentions be fixated on getting, acquiring and achieving for ourselves alone or will our attentions move freely toward giving, serving and helping others?  Will we focus on me and mine or we and us?

Parents can offer important counsel to their children to become kids of character by providing the lens of helping the kids they love experience life values such as personal responsibility to others, respect for others, honesty to others.  These values are significant foundations for a child’s life learning to put attention on their choices to serve others.

There are great opportunities be found in your community this summer for your children to experience doing just that…focusing their lens on serving others.  Check out the resources within your city to find a project, activity or event that can engage your child in the bold work of giving to another!

Over two-thousand years ago, Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”  Helping our children become better human beings by serving is a timeless gift we can give to develop kids of character.   

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.

 This week’s column is a summer reminder to parents who may be scrambling for quality daycare and youth programs for their kids.   

It's an annual challenge for working parents to meet the needs of their children during the summer months.  There is good reason for concern, I believe. Without quality supervision and programs, kids do find ways to get into trouble.  The reality is, however, that many parents can't afford to have their kids in fee-based childcare or youth programs all summer and consequently, kids can be found at home without supervision while parents are at work.

This parental challenge is a character management issue..  Parents and their children need to create structure and accountability of communications with each other about Home Alone time.

Here are a few pointers to be of help to place some boundaries of expectations:

1.      Have a 15-minute regular, weekly family meeting, preferably on Sunday, to talk about the upcoming week.  Involve your kids in talking about the week's schedule and the possible unsupervised time.

2.      Place a written schedule of the week on your refrigerator.  Keep a permanent list of telephone numbers right next to your weekly schedule.  Include on your telephone list, work numbers, emergency numbers, and neighborhood parental contacts.

3.      Involve your kids in setting up guidelines for TV and Internet. Decide what actions you need to take to prevent inappropriate TV or Internet usage. Put blocks on access to inappropriate sites.

4.      Engage your kids in planning and discussing the set of activities that they want to do and which you permit during the time they may be alone.   Make this planning a fun experience. Write onto your weekly schedule the activities that are approved and agreed upon.

5.      Reward your kids for the personal responsibility they demonstrate by following through on the plan that you and they have set up.  Rewards need not be costly.   Your rewards honor your child's decision to act responsibly.

The key to parental management of the summer months is about steady, vigilant communication.   Running out the door without a plan is an invitation for problems.  Planning that builds opportunities for children's personal responsibility is the strategy that most often brings success for the kids and reduces anxiety with parents.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770-7602 or www.passkeys.org.

There is no victory at bargain basement prices.

Dwight Eisenhower

The grand experiment of our democratic republic is celebrated this weekend.  Amidst the hotdogs and fireworks, America pauses in tough economic times to affirm its history and heritage.

What is the ultimate story line of America and the singular perennial value that guides this greatest nation on God’s green earth?  Dwight Eisenhower captured the story in sentence at a time when America and the world faced daunting challenges.  The 20^th century economist, Milton Friedman, said it in three words…there is no free lunch.   In the 19^th century Adam Smith said it best:  "The real price of everything, what everything really costs to the man who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble of acquiring it."

As Americans we earn our place at the table of freedom by individually practicing core values that are the hallmark of an enlightened citizenry.   Core values include: personal responsibility; respect for self and others; trustworthiness, courage to do the right; faith to persevere in spite of; service guided by cooperation; honesty borne of a commitment to practice the golden rule.

When do core values become real for an individual, a family, a community, a nation?   Is there anything noble in simply identifying and naming our values?  Not really. It is the living …the demonstrating…the practice…the toil…the effort…the lessons learned  in our homes, communities, and work in our individual and mutual commitment to serve the good of our nation that  truly captures the noble intentions of our republic and its people..

There is a price to be paid.  The price is the ethically-driven actions of the one…multiplied by tens of millions of American citizens.  We, the people are the ones who count.   We, the people, who walk in downtown Charleston and Chicago; We, the people, who ride a cab in the Big Apple or a pick-up on an Appalachian countryside road; We, the people, who set sail in windy Seattle or watch the Cardinals play to St. Louis; We, the people, who work a ranch outside Butte or serve coffee in Buffalo; We, the people from Sea to Shining Sea… we, who are blessed to be Americans, have the daily choice and responsibility to continuously pony up and pay America's daily bill of freedom by practicing core life values that have helped to define our nation for two-hundred thirty three years.

Happy birthday America!

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org 

A favorite story I love to share recalls the famous 19^th century Supreme Court Justice, Oliver Wendell Holmes, traveling the railroad in his late eighties.  When the conductor asked for his ticket, Justice Holmes couldn’t find it.  The conductor was sympathetic.  “Don’t worry, sir. The Pennsylvania Railroad trusts a distinguished gentleman like you. Once you reach your destination and find your ticket and you can mail it.” 

Mr. Holmes replied, “My dear man, my problem is not just ‘where is my ticket?  The real problem is ‘where am I going?’ ”

Parenting is about consistent messaging to provide children the valuable information that every day is a character arrival destination!   A wise friend once reminded me, “If you don’t care where you’re going, you’ll always get there!  Those words apply to character growth.  Positive character is conditioned on habit formation.  Kids who are coached to put daily energy and attention on positive character habits will build productive character muscles!

What is the consequence for 3-12 year-old children who receive little coaching to build muscles of personal responsibility and respect for others?   When those children enter Junior High, they will hear powerful peer mentoring messages about many alternative destinations to explore: “Let’s get drunk, do drugs, shoplift, cheat.”  Peer pressure can become the sole negative character guidance leading to big trouble.  Parents who have not provided character destination personal habits often discover that their failure to do the mentoring work in the early years results in extraordinarily painful parenting in the tough teen years when  a child’s peers take the Number One position of influence.

Parents are the initial character conductors for their children.  That means parents need to know their primary parenting destination, which is to equip their children with character habits that guide them to become individuals of goodness who can make a positive contribution to others in adulthood.  As the character conductor parents must model and coach responsibility and respect so their kids to experience daily workouts that build the courage to become a person of responsibility and respect.

Ultimately, our children learn to discover that they are their own Character Conductor who understands…As a person of character, I constantly ask myself this question: Will the decision and action I make right now move me in the direction I want to go? The Character Conductor is always interested in asking the big question: Where am I going?

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770-7602 or www.passkeys.org

 I am writing this week’s article on Sunday afternoon before Game 5 of the NBA Finals. It is not about Kobe Bryant or Dwight Howard.  No, these words are for the Heart of the Lakers, Derek Fisher, the man Phil Jackson called Mr. Character, following Fisher’s Game 4 heroics.

The 20^th century industrialist, Henry Ford, once wrote: "Life is a series of experiences, each one makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.  For the world was built to develop character and we must learn that the setbacks which we endure help us in our marching onward."

Ford’s words triumphantly apply to the veteran Laker.  He has had a tough play-off season… ridiculed as too-old; criticized for being too slow; condemned for missing countless 3-pointers.

It’s late in Game 4 and Fisher has not proved he should be on the court.  But Jackson has him on the floor with the game on the line.  What does he do?  He doesn’t just hit the 3-pointer to tie the game in regulation. He nails another 3-pointer for the win in overtime.   Failure after failure throughout the Playoffs for Fisher and then, Success!

In remarks to the media after the game, Jackson didn’t speak about Fisher’s ball shooting skills. He spoke about the elegance of the man’s character, commenting that Fisher is the one who handles tough times with grace and takes moments of success in equal stride.  He is steady. He knows who he is. His teammates understand that about him.

Challenge and character are about knowing you can get out of a ditch. It’s knowing that yesterday’s failure does not define today’s opportunity. It’s the courage to keep trying, staying mentally and emotionally in yourself and not manipulated by people and conditions ready to tear you up and spit you out.

Most people are not born in the ditch of a tough situation.  America’s kids of characters can learn from their important mentors what Fish has learned:  When you find yourself in the ditch, dig out…one thought, choice, decision, action at a time. It’s true that most of us won’t hear the crowd roar when we succeed in taking our step out of the ditch.  The roar does not matter.  I am sure Fisher would mentor every kid of character to know that what does matter is the strong silent knowing that understands, “Yes, I can try again.”

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation~Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770-7602 or www.passkeys.org

"There is no more noble work than shaping a boy into a man."

Meg Meeker, M.D.

In the most recent excellence & ethics newsletter presented by the Center for the 4^th and 5^th ‘s R’s and the Institute for Excellence & Ethics, Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatric physician specializing in adolescent medicine and counseling, is featured in an article about her book, Boys Should Be Boys: Seven Secrets To Raising Healthy Sons.  Below are Dr. Meeker’s seven principles with abbreviated commentary on raising boys to men which appeared in the article:

Know that you can change his world. His relationship with you (dad and mom) sets the template for his world.

Teach him to serve. We must help our children develop the tools to love well.  Boys who learn to serve others develop patience and compassion. They talk less about themselves; they look outward.

Help him find purpose and passion.  Every boy needs to know that he exists to do something and to be someone unique.  If he has this since of purpose, he is more apt to believe that some higher power is there to help him.

Foster a healthy sexuality. Nearly half of boys between 3^rd and 8^th-grade have visited a pornographic websites.  Pornography warps the natural development of sexuality in boys.  Their morality, their sense of what is acceptable, is shaped by it.

Encourage healthy competition.  A boy learns important lessons about himself and life in general through competitive sports.  Sports offer a boy an excellent venue to gain control over his body; getting his body to perform the way he wants it to is a monumental task. 

Watch with the eyes of a hawk.  Many parents make the terrible mistake of trivializing boys’ mischief.  Mischief that is sexual and violent violates the innocence that even teenage boys should have.  We need to protect our sons’ innocence if we care about their health and character.

Teach him about your faith.  If you don’t have one, figure out what you believe and why.  The evidence tells us that not only do our sons want detailed, well-reasoned answers about God, they need them.  It makes their lives better. Kids are less likely to get into trouble…God is good for kids.

Dr. Meeker’s book  is a storehouse of wisdom to help parents raise boys to men.   She can be reached at mjmeeker@juno.com. To subscribe to excellence & ethics, email info@excellenceandethics.com

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org 

"The real price of everything, what everything really costs to the man who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble of acquiring it."

Adam Smith

In the 20^th century Milton Friedman, the American economist, re-stated Smith’s words commenting there is no free lunch, bluntly proclaiming that with all things… tangible and intangible… there is a price to pay to acquire or achieve desire thing.  Doing so demands the currency of letting the Lesser to achieve the More.

Our just celebrated Memorial Day is a poignant reminder that there has been and shall be a price to be paid for the freedom we enjoy.  Countless Americans understand that freedom's price rests on a citizenry’s commitment to exercise the Paying the Price value. 

Can America’s parents, grandparents, teachers and community leaders help children and youth discover and practice this essential character lesson?  This is the challenging question of our times as short-term-feel-good gain overshadows the message of long-term-earn-your-way daily actions. 

It is my belief and hope that character mentors will engage young people in knowing the lesson of paying the price.  This core value is the cause and effect  life axiom that gets applied to learning personal responsibility; respect for self and others; trustworthiness; courage to do the right; faith to persevere and service guided by cooperation.

Is there a price for freedom?  Yes!  America’s kids can learn to pay the price.  The price is paid in the practice of one child…multiplied by tens of thousands of children throughout America.  Our children and youth count in building freedom’s story.   The count in downtown Charleston and Chicago; they count in the Big Apple and on an Appalachian country road; they count in breezy Seattle and in our golden Heartland. 

Our national Memorial Day remembrance offers story telling opportunities to inspire today’s kids to see the lesson of paying the price.   Children who are encouraged to hear the story of our nation and its noble heritage can build quiet reflections that will help them build their character today and shape tomorrow’s society.

America’s budding kids of character count in our nation’s ability to weave the tapestry of our living history, defined simply by, We, the people.  We, who are blessed to be Americans, have the daily responsibility to pay America's daily bill of freedom by practicing core life values that have defined our nation for nearly two-hundred thirty-three years.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation Jefferson Center for Character Education.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org 

We need to promote integrity...as opposed to policing dishonesty and then punishing that dishonesty.

                                         Don McCabe Center for Academic Integrity, Rutgers University

America’s cheating story. What is it?  In his book, The Cheating Culture, David Callahan writes, “By cheating I mean breaking the rules to get ahead academically, professionally and financially.  Some of this cheating involves violating the law; some does not.”  

Cheating is an America issue of expediency.  It exists in our high schools. In the magazine, Current Health, a polling of more than 3000 high school honor students revealed that 80% of the respondents admitted that they cheated.

The article stated: "More than 50% said they didn't think cheating was any big deal. Nowadays, many cheaters are the top students.”  As one commented, “There’s other people getting better grades than me and they’re cheating. Why am I not going to cheat? It’s almost stupid if you don’t.”

In a 2009 ABC Special, A Cheating Crisis In America’s Schools, Michael Josephson of the Josephson Institute of Ethics commented, “Students take their lead from adults.  They’re basically decent kids whose values and being totally corrupted by a world which is sanctioning stuff that even they know is wrong.” 

If Josephson is dead-on correct that our youth receive their Cheating Cues from adults, then we must turn to workers and professionals who are America’s Parents and ask the question: What positive role are you taking with kids to confront cheating?

Adults can coach the kids they love to understand that four major cheating forces are at play everywhere, according to David Callahan.  These forces will not go away.   Parents must engage kids in conversation and action plans to face Cheating’s Four Horsemen:

New Pressures: media inform kids that self interest is all that counts.

Temptation: I will get what I want now and it doesn’t matter how.

Bigger Rewards For Winning: There is a bigger prize for me to get.

Trickle Down Corruption: There is no problem.  I am just part of the game that’s going on. 

Parenting work as ethical educators is tough rowing in these times of our society’s cheating pandemic defined by values vagueness.  But history reveals that the heroic voices of perennial wisdom count.  Parents must see their parenting voice as one that shapes ethical influence and be the constant voice of promoting self-governance with children and youth.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org

The highest qualities of character must be earned.

Lyman Abbot

How do you earn your character?  It’s called problem solving life’s mistakes.   A mentoring-for-character parent knows that guiding a child work through their big and small mistakes is where character roots deepen.  In contrast, the parent who shields a child from acquiring self-management skills by not allowing him to experience the consequences of actions cripples a child’s character advancement. Parents bring meaningful life context to their kids by giving them the opportunity to face down troublesome, failed decisions.

When Manny Ramirez got the whistle blown on steroid usage and was levied a 50-game suspension and 7+ million dollar income loss, Dodger owner, Frank McCourt, knew that Manny had not yet paid the price for his big mistake.  Trust had been breached. A team, a community, a Sport had been trashed, once again, by a big mistake of a Big Leagues ballplayer.

What did McCourt do?  He requested a face to face meeting with the Dodger player.  His purpose?   It was not to tell the Dodger Slugger he was a bad apple.  No, McCourt used the meeting to address the two powerful messages on what it takes to shape character in the aftermath of a blunder:

a.        Own it;  Communicate it. Tell those you harmed, you are sorry.  Tell them to their face letting them feel your words and see your face as you address your failure.

b.       Move on. Make today’s failure a stepping stone to tomorrow’s more productive choices.

Trust is the glue that connects us to each other.  A character breech, large or small, is always a moment when what appeared to be a strong bond has been loosened, cracked or shattered. Character mistakes are not simply moments for self reflection on what I can do better.  Character mistakes are relationship errors. 

Parents who understand that cover up is the biggest issue in  handling a character breech can help their child discover that, tough as it is, the real  character growth occurs by dealing with broken trust, whether it be a tiny fracture or a major breakdown.

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Parents who coach their kids to manage mistakes can communicate a core character lesson: It is every person’s privilege to live with responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions. Parents must constantly remind their children of this privilege offering them opportunities to experience practice personal responsibility by failing into success.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation.  For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org

“Loving a child doesn’t mean giving in to all his whims;

To love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.”

Nadia Boulanger

What is parenting’s big picture?  It’s character development.  Period.  That vision requires a strategy: you want your kids to handle life’s ups and downs with integrity.  That means your kids will experience integrity not as a prize to be won but a process to be lived.  Guiding that process is parenting’s heavy lifting.  It is not easy work. 

Often parenting feels like the story told about the famous 19^th century Supreme Court Justice, Oliver Wendell Holmes.  At 88 Justice Holmes was riding the Pennsylvania Railroad when the conductor approached him asking for his ticket.   The jurist could not find it and was terribly upset.  The conductor was sympathetic.  “Don’t worry, sir.  The Pennsylvania Railroad will be happy to trust such a distinguished gentleman as you.  Once you reach your destination, you’ll find your ticket and you can mail it to us.”  Still upset, Mr. Holmes replied, “My dear man, my problem is not ‘where is my ticket?  My real problem is ‘where am I going?’ ”

Guiding your child’s discovery of integrity skills requires unyielding parenting determination, knowing where you are going!   Parents don’t realize that character mentoring is found in the mundane activities of your child’s life.  An example: your child has been assigned a chore that goes undone.  Rather than requiring your child to complete the task, you do it and wait for another day when your parenting attention sticks to love’s focus on what is difficult for a child… namely responsibility and accountability. 

Cleary, every parent wrestles with short term/long term issues.  Said differently to make a point, parents do not always earn an A in their daily parenting efforts.  However, they can earn an A over the lifetime of their parenting if they fundamentally know their big picture parenting vision of coaching character’s process of integrity.  This tough love lesson is doggedly pursued to teach and model for the purpose of your child demonstrating he is a responsible person who does what is right for others and self. 

If you don’t care where you’re going, you’ll always get there!  America’s parents do have a  Finish Line to care about.  It’s the promise made that your child will mature into a citizen of character. 

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation. For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org. 

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is her for a brief sojourn;for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.”

 Albert Einstein

Influence is a curious word. Often we hear it used in a negative light… influence as corrupting…under the counter…for personal gratification. It’s true.  But, if you apply the word, influence, to Einstein’s words, you realize that influence is positive and sacred.  Influence is the action of our life connected to another.

Our personal influence is heroic whenever its exercise affirms the life of another.  When a mother listens to her son’s disappointment not making the team...or a father takes time to listen to his daughter’s fears about not fitting in at school…these are moments where influence takes its stand to help another face conflict and disappointment.

Influence is the work of character mentors.   Our character work as influencers can take on moments of corrective surgery just as it can nurse with words of encouragement.   Character influencers do not usurp the self-governance that every person has over their own life.  Rather, they come alongside with a firm understanding that we are here for each other.

The heroic influence of the character mentor always moves with the winds of virtues surrounding their actions. The virtues are the habitual thought patterns that noble minds know are important to their life.  The fundamental virtues, respect and responsibility, usually blossom into life skills fragrances like reverence, courage, cooperation and kindness. 

These virtues become the atmosphere in which influence does its work of helping another step under, around or over a troublesome life moment…very often with the metaphorical skinned knee or black eye…but always with the knowledge that the one of noble influence was there with the hand reaching out.

The young person touched by the influencing hand of the character mentor may not remember what was said or what was done.  They will remember how they felt to be under the watchful presence of the character accompanier.

I have had such people in my life offer the Hero of Influence open hand.  Do you recall those heroes in your life?  As you recall those Influencers, also know that you are being called to be the one who is ready to find a way to pay forward the powerful gift of noble influence.

Russell Williams is President of Passkeys Foundation. For more information contact 949.770.7602 or www.passkeys.org.