• Jun. 21, 2008 - Memories of a Mother Figure
Somehow today I began thinking about a gift that I made for my Aunt when I was about eight years old. I wanted to give her a gift but we had no money to buy one so I used items from our home to create something "special". I tore out a picture of some fruit and stapled it to a piece of old wood. Then I wrote on the back with a crayon. It really was a piece of junk but it was all I had to give her. When I was visiting her last year, I was looking around in her guest room and saw that board on her shelf. I couldn't believe that she had kept that hideous piece of junk but there it was, being proudly displayed right next to a picture of her daughter and I sitting together. I didn't ask why she still had that (maybe next time I will) but it obviously is meaningful to her.
Though I may write about all the difficult times I've had with my mother and unknown father, I need to take time to write about my role models. Aunt B. is one of them-she has consistenly been a loving Aunt and Christian example to me. I know that she doesn't like to talk about her past so I won't go into detail; but if you have heard a testimony of someone who was saved from the complete darkness of living in sin and now lives a completely different lifestyle, then you have heard my aunt's testimony. I have a few memories of her before she became a Christian and numerous memories of the aftermath of giving her life over to her Saviour. I especially recall her faithfulness to reading her Bible each night before going to bed. I can still see myself sitting on the couch in the living room, looking down the hall into her bedroom, where she sat and read her Bible. I'm sure that she doesn't even know that I remember that or even paid attention to it when I was younger but it has played in my mind often whenever I think of my Aunt B. She has never expressed much emotion but I have stood by her in church service and looked over during alter call to see tears rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't try to draw attention to herself so she cries silently and jokes only in the midst of family and close friends (which I feel a privilege to be a part of). She never tries to receive recognition for her accomplishments and hard work. Her focus has always been on others as she seeks to serve them. She has taught me to be hard-working and thoughtful. Aunt B. is one of several godly women whom God has placed in my life to grow me into the woman He wants me to be. |
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• Apr. 21, 2008 -
About 31 years ago, my 32 year old mother "decided" that she wanted to have a baby girl. She got pregnant and in her third trimester, while my father was in California fighting a forest fire, Mom left him. As he told it to me, he came home to Kentucky and didn't know where she had gone.
Mom was tired of the drunkeness stupor that my father maintained the majority of his days. And as became a pattern for her, she basically just got up and left, moving to Florida, near one of her older sisters. There she gave birth to me (30 years ago today) , with her sister sitting in the waiting room awaiting the news. My aunt said that she had a dream that I would be a pretty baby with big feet and sure enough, it came true.
My life has not been ordinary and my aunt and I are amazed that I even survived being raised by my mother. But I give the credit to many people in my life--the aunt whom I've mentioned and another aunt, Mom's younger sister. Also, my guardian mother, who is not related but very much a part of me for the rest of my life. The presence of my Mom's older sister and my guardian mother gave me the desire to make someone proud. I didn't want to disappoint them after they had invested so much into my life.
So, I end today, the first day of my 30th year with a sentimental heart full of appreciation for all the people whom God truly orchestrated to produce a sweet melody of faith in the face of trials and hope in the midst of devastation and love that lightens the darkness. I look forward to a life abounding in everlasting peace and joy. |
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• Feb. 19, 2008 - The Wedding Band China
Last January, the girls and I visited family in Alabama for a couple of weeks. One day, while sitting in the living room with my mom, my Aunt Freda asked me to come down to the basement. She took me to the back room that is used for storage and I helped her pull out a box of China that she wanted to give me. She told me that Mom had bought this China when she was nineteen years old but in need of some cash, she sold it to Aunt Freda.
Aunt Freda left me to look through the dishes. I was so surprised at how beautiful it was. I was expecting a busy floral pattern but instead, I pulled out an ivory colored cup with a platinum band wrapped around the top.
I began thinking of Aunt Freda's words...Mom had bought this for her hope chest. Tears began to run down my cheeks as I stood there, forty some years later, holding a piece of my Mother's hope in my hands. She once was a pretty young girl with dreams of romance and beauty filling her future. She never planned to experience the darkness of broken dreams and the harshness of a life filled with poor choices, poverty, and mental illness. What would that beautiful nineteen year old have thought if she knew what her future held for her?
Well, I wiped off the tears, placed the cup back in the box and went upstairs. I knew that if Mom had heard my thoughts, she would have told me to stop being so silly - Mom is not a very sentimental person. So, instead, I hope that Mom has seen her dreams realized through the life of her daughter and granddaughters; Because I am experiencing the life of romantic hope and finding beauty in each day. None of us know what our future holds so let's do our best to live life with no regrets and let love saturate our souls and joy fill our hearts as we take hold of each day with the same passion that Christ has for us.
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• Feb. 11, 2008 - You're Really Going to Be Something
In the summer of 1998, I had just completed my first year of college and was visiting family in Kentucky. My little cousin and I were taking a walk down the winding road that runs between two big beautiful hills and past the homes of both my Mother and my Father's relatives. We were enjoying the warm sunshine as we walked; and we stopped occassionally to pick the wild flowers or look down into the creek. A big red pick up truck had driven by us three times, coming and going down the road. Finally, on the third trip, it stopped beside us and a cousin on my Father's side leaned out the window. I don't know much of my Father's family but I did recognize Kent. He has thick black hair, tanned skin, and a black mustache. I always thought he should be on the front of a Marlboro carton with his horse beside him, wearing a big cowboy hat with a cigarette in his mouth.
He looked at me and asked (in that soothing southern drawl) "Your Joan's daughter aren't you?" I told him that yes, I was her daughter. He asked about Mom and what I was up to. I told him that I was visiting while on summer break from college.
I'll never forget what he said next..."Wow! You're really goin' to be somethin'".
At that moment I felt proud of myself. I was one of very few in my family to go to college and I had beaten the odds of making it.
According to the statistics, I was placed in a higher percentile of being at risk. At risk to be a highschool dropout, single mother living on welfare, tormented by mental illness and bad decisions. But thank the Lord, statistics didn't determine my future! God used what seemed so bad to help me break the cycle of poverty and apathy. I know many would look at me and think that I don't have much...but they don't know...they don't know what I've come from. I'm richer than I've ever been, both financially and spiritually. And none of it was accomplished through my own strength, it was ALL GOD ALL the TIME! So when I start to become discouraged, I just think of all that Father has done for me. He truly is my deliverer! I love Him so much! |
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