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This is actually my post to another message board, but I wanted to include it here. It is so much a part of OUR path of faith and homeschooling, and is just one of those bits of wisdom I've gleaned throughout the years..................
Many people are quick to judge a father/husband's heart towards his family based on his involvement/interest in the schooling of the children. My husband is a quiet man and while he is interested in what our children do and is active in their lives, he is not continually and actively involved in the academic education our children. In our 10 years of homeschooling, I have seen a continual push to get fathers more involved in homeschooling their children and another teaching that wives should do whatever the husband demand or decides regarding homeschool styles or curriculum, without so much as a word. Conferences have lectures geared towards it, books are written about it, and so on. And I'm trying to figure out "why?".
In our home it is understood that DH goes to work during the day, and I stay home and manage the home and educate the children. We kiss each other goodbye at 6:30 a.m. and hello again at 5:00 p.m. and we're both pretty much uninvolved in what the other does during those hours. I trust him to do his job (earn a living for us) and I don't get involved in "how" he does that; and he trusts me to do my job (raise the kids and keep the house) and he doesn't get involved with it. Yes, he talks about work and asks my advice on how to handle some personal issues; but he doesn't ask me how to program the computers, what software to buy for the coorporation, or anything else that goes on at the office. And it would be very laughable if he did. If for no other reason than I don't have the necessary expertise and wouldn't have a clue what to tell him.
I'm making the assumption that most homeschool families are this way. With the exception of family run businesses, very few wives that I know are actively involved in their husbands' jobs. So, why do so many peoples think that dads should be so actively involved in the wife's day to day job of schooling the children and running the home? Homeschooling is my realm of responsibility and expertise, and while my husband and I discuss things pertaining to school and I seek his advice and council, the decisions in the end are mine. It is my area of expertise and training and he trusts me in this area. He could no more chose a curriculum or education style to fit the needs of our children, than I could pick out and program a software package to move natural gas along the pipelines from Texas to Colorado. Love, support and understanding (and occasionally a job to help pay bills) are what I provide for him to do his job; and love, support and understanding (and ccasional help with laundry or science) is what he provides to me to do my job.
We believe that much of this line of thinking that DH should make all the decisions while wife submits with a smile, goes back to what we feel is a misinterpretaion of the verses about submission. Many are quick to quote Ephesians 5:22 when talking about wife's submission to a husband in everything. However, the passage actually begins in 5:21 with "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" and includes 5:28 "...husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies" as part of the definition. We are equal in our marriage. Remember that G-d took Eve out of Adam. We are each others missing parts and only together can we be "one". The gifts, abilities, talents and responsibilities that G-d gave my husband are not the same as the one He gave me. My DH has his realms of responsibility and authority and I have mine. Where DH has the responsibility and authority (determining our salary, where we live, setting the budget), I yield and submit to him. But where I have the responsibility (schooling the kids, buying groceries, and managing the home), he yields the authority and submits to me.
Proverbs 31 states "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." This woman was "clothed with strength and dignity" and was far from being the doormat that couldn't (or wouldn't) make a decision without her husband. She ran the show. So much so that her DH was free to be involved in running the city (local politics) without any cares of what was going on at home. He knew it was taken care of (including the money and food). Many commentaries are quick to judge/blame a difficult marriage on the wife's lack of submission to her husband, but as they say "It takes two to Tango". Often time it's the husband who isn't "loving his wife as he loves himself" by not having as much confidence in her to do her job as he has in himself. I've seen far too many homeschool moms frustrated, in tears, and burnt out because DH won't "let them" homeschool the way they want to and demand to see this and that, and so on. And then these poor women get berated even further by being told that they are not submitting to their husbands. Wouldn't this be a case where the husband isn't "loving his wife" by not trusting her in her area of responsibility and expertise?
I'm sure there are marraiges where either husband or wife (usually both) is overstepping his/her boundaries and needs to learn to submit (ours included). But overall, it has been our observation in life that the happiest marriages are not only the ones where a wife knows her place, respects her husband, and doesn't try to usurp his authority; but also the
ones where a husband knows his place, loves his wife, and doesn't try to usurp her authority.
Happily Married and homeschooling our children together...
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