My first Mother's Day without my mom...  I held it together all day, until bedtime...  now the tears won't stop flowing.  Last Mother's Day after church, we (dh, kids, and I) walked into mom's hospital room to find her staring, mouth open, unable to move her right side.  Sometime in the early morning hours she had had a stroke.  I can still see her face and the room.  All hope was gone.  She'd already been in the hospital about 6 weeks after her surgery and she hadn't recovered.  I knew that this was it.  We held on to her another few weeks, to no avail.  She's gone.  She'll never see her grandkids.  My baby girl will never have any memories of her grammy.  My mom will never know that we are going back to China for another daughter...another grandchild. 

Looking back now, to see all that I missed in her life.  I never understood her ways, yet she was a simple woman.  She loved doing for the kids and me.  She lived for her grandkids.  She bragged about them everywhere she went; she carried pictures upon pictures to show to anyone who'd stand still long enough; she didn't care how much they messed up her hair when they played all over her.  They adored her.  I can still picture how excited they would get when she came over.  The squeals and jumping up and down.  They loved her so much.  She wanted to spoil them rotten, yet I held her back.  Why?  Don't know.  Power, thinking I knew better?  Now she's gone and can't...

If you're at odds with your mom, what can you do to make it right?  What if you knew this was your last Mother's Day with her?  What would you do different?

For me, it wouldn't be gifts or things; it would be time.  Real time, not time spent thinking about what else I could be doing.  Not resentful time, but time to share life.  One of the biggest things mom wanted was for me to bring the kids to her.  I couldn't understand why.  I always rationalized it away saying it was easier for her to come to us, she came to town anyway...  Looking back, did it matter why?  No.  It would have made her happy.  Isn't that what life is about?  Joy.  Love. 

You don't know what you have until it's gone...