We lost a baby on February 25.  I had started having problems before I even knew I was pregnant. I was in the ER on one Monday, and by the following Monday, I was sent into emergency surgery.  I had an ectopic pregnancy and was bleeding into my abdominal cavity.  If it had not been caught in time, I would have died.

Up until yesterday, I thought the pregnancy was an ovarian ectopic pregnancy and did not involve my tube.  But at my followup appointment I found out that the placenta was in the middle of my tube and my tube had to be cut open to remove it.  The baby was, indeed, on my ovary.  My tube is still there.  But the way the tube heals and the possibility of scar tissue may affect my fertility.

This was a tough thing to go through and there are so many stages of emotion that follow something like this.  The first few days after the surgery, I felt happy to be alive and I felt so much better physically.  By Thursday, the grief hit.  I think in some ways it was easier because I didn't know I was pregnant until after I started having problems.  I never allowed myself to feel the joy I normally feel when I find out we're expecting another bundle.  I hoped that everything would be okay, but I didn't know. 

The grief comes and goes, now.  But God has been faithful and very gracious to me through it all.  Beloved and I are praying that my fertility will not have been affected.  And, we hope to be blessed again soon.

I call the baby Grace, because number five represents grace, and this would have been our fifth child.  We don't know the gender, of course, but I feel it is appropriate nonetheless.  And we know Baby Grace is in Jesus' arms, waiting for us to join him or her one day.  Especially on November first, when I would have been due, I will remind myself that the Lord wanted our little one to join Him sooner than the rest of us.  And I will not second guess His plan.

This year, we have decided to make our own Christmas gifts instead getting involved in the commercialism of the holidays.

We have two reasons for this.  One is budget.  Things are getting a little tight this year as things slow down and folks hold onto their money a little tighter than usual.

The second reason is we have noticed that our children tend to take things for granted and want their own way too much.  Beloved would like to take them to a third world country to show them what they have so they'll appreciate it more.  Short of that, getting creative about gifts this year should open their eyes a little.  And, it's not like they really need anything.

So the idea of doing this is getting a little overwhelming for me as we get closer to Christmas and I haven't figured out what to do for the boys, yet.  I also haven't really started anything either.

But I hope to get over this feeling soon and enjoy planning the holidays with my children.  I really want to make them special in a different way for them this year.

How do you all celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving?  Please share!

Kris

I pray you all have a wonderful day today.  And to quote from my Christmas 2006 letter:

Please remember the reason for the season as you gather with family and friends this week.  We feel the wonder at what the Lord has done for all of us in sending that precious little baby that first Christmas night so long ago.  Consider that He gave that little baby boy up for you. Yes, just for you.  And celebrate this season with us in thankfulness and joy!

Merry Christmas from Miss Kris!

My Beloved and I watched the newly released DVD, World Trade Center last night.  Wednesdays often end up being our movie night together, since the week is halfway over and we are often ready to do some veging.

I went to www.pluggedinonline.com first, to see what they had to say about the movie.  The review was good.  We watched it and felt it was well done.  I was surprised at the respectful handling of Christian themes and experiences.  Oliver Stone included John McLaughlin praying the Lord's prayer and Will Jimeno's experience in seeing Jesus bringing him water.  It was realistic, in that Donna McLaughlin uses the "a" word once, and the pregnant Alison Jimeno's top is a bit low cut, all things mentioned in the online review.  But we found the movie to be enlightening and worth our time. 

My Beloved mentioned that he had read about the Marine Hero in the movie.  I guess when they made it, they didn't really know who he was.  He had not come forward afterward, so the person that played him did not give us much information, because Carnes didn't give fellow rescuers even his full name at the time.  So I found him to be an undeveloped character, but that was naturally no one's fault.  I understand he came forward after the movie was made.  There must be an interesting story there I would like to find out about.  I also didn't realize how many FDNY men we lost, 343.  That is just too painful for me to think about.  All those men who were there to rescue others losing their lives in sacrifice.  All those widows left behind.

Aren't you glad we live in the US?  There is something about the American spirit that we can bind together to help each other during and then bounce back from a tragedy like 911.  I am proud to be an American.  And now I will be singing that song all day.

Anyway, we recommend the movie for anyone looking for something generally clean and who likes true stories.  We love them. 

I do get snippets of rest throughout the day when I am nursing my baby.  I think this is one of the reasons God made our bodies the way he did.  We probably wouldn’t sit down and rest if He hadn’t.  But I know that He created us to work hard and then rest on one full day.  I find, in my opinion, following the Lord’s commandments to be beneficial for our health.  He set aside this day of rest to energize us for the week of work ahead.  Just like our bodies repair themselves while we sleep, so the extra day of rest rejuvenates our tired muscles and clears our minds to prioritize the tasks ahead.

To be completely honest with you all, the second bucket of apples went to waste.  Well, I suppose we could’ve used them to make apple wine, since they were beginning to ferment.  LOL.  But that didn’t seem practical since we don’t drink.  I was never able to get to them. See, I am not the perfect homemaker –just trying real hard!  Lesson learned: Don’t take on more than you can handle.  I’m not sure how many times the Lord has to teach it to me.  It’s a good thing He is the patient and forgiving One.

Please bear with me as Part Two of Can We Do It All? is still being written.  There may even be a Part Three somewhere in the recesses of my mind. 

I would love to hear your comments.  I know there are quite a few visitors here because of the web counter and I would enjoy making new friends.   It makes me think of the song that came out about 7 years ago, "Anybody Out There?" by Burlap to Cashmere.  Anybody remember them? Smile.

Grace and Peace to you,

Miss Kris