Oct. 19, 2006
Am I really that selfish
I was reading a friends blog today, check it out (twaddlemenot) about fruitfulness. I would like to say 1st of all that I really have mixed feelings on this and am seeking the Lords wisdom and guidance.
Above all I want to do the will of the Lord. One person commented that people are just selfish always thinking about a hobby or traveling etc and that is why most people stop at 2 or 3 children. I agree the world is way to selfish, but what is wrong with having a hobby and taking the time to enjoy it. It is not about me it is about praising and loving God, but does he want us to just have so many children that we can never enjoy anything other than our children. Please do not get my wrong I love my children and that is about all I do is take care of , hs and enjoy them, and I only have two. I actually caught myself thinking just the other day , that I would be glad when they were a little older so that I could shoot my bow with my husband and get back to singing more. Then the rest of the time I am thinking how they are growing to fast and that my baby is almost 2.
Not only hobbys but what about the other things that God has called us to do. For example I use to sing but since my 2nd dd I have not practiced so I hardly ever sing anymore I love to sing. If I have more children will I ever make time to practice. Maybe it is about me making the time rather than that the dc keep me to busy.
I do believe that children are a blessing from God and I love the idea of letting God decide on the size of my family. However I also think that he gives us wisdom . If were are tired wore out, or sick how can we take care of a large family and be a wife.
I have so many question and comments I could go on and on but I will stop. Please don't scream at me...
Like I said I have mixed feelings about this, but it is a very important subject to me and I wanted to see what some more of your comments are on this.
Comments
Oct. 20, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by jengresak
Great entry! Very honest : ) I think it is an extremely personal decision for a husband and wife to make together. I know there is tons of pressure to be quiverful in the homeschool movement. If God is convicting you to surrender control in this area, then I think you have to obey. But don't let others conviction become your own, if they did not begin with God or your husband leading you in that direction. Without a clear cut "no birthcontrol" command in Scripture, you can go either way. I read Melissa's post as well. It was excellent and very thought provoking.
I suppose I should add that we are not quiverfull. I would love it, but my husband is not led of God to do so. We have four gorgeous kids...and we'll see what the future holds : )
Oct. 21, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by qfbrenda
I happened upon your blog, and wanted to offer my thoughts for you to consider in your decision making on this important issue. :) This got long... sorry.
***I really have mixed feelings on this and am seeking the Lords wisdom and guidance.***
Seeking the Lord's guidance is so very important! I would say that a very close second is to see what your husband thinks about it. Sometimes women grab onto a concept they hear about and mistakenly believe they need to lead the family toward a particular direction. But that's the husband's job! So when it comes down to it, I think what your husband thinks is incredibly important. Follow his direction!
***One person commented that people are just selfish always thinking about a hobby or traveling etc and that is why most people stop at 2 or 3 children. I agree the world is way to selfish, but what is wrong with having a hobby and taking the time to enjoy it.***
Please know that having lots of kids does NOT mean an enjoyment of a hobby has to go away! You will be more time-pressed, but usually you can find the time for the things you consider to be the most important. Personally, I love to read. And I find the time, even with 4-going-on-5-boys in the house. LOL It's important to me, so I carve out the time. It could be before the kids are up, after they are in bed, during rest time in the afternoon, or whenever they are playing quietly (and that does happen LOL).
A note on rest time... that has been key to my sanity and survival over the years. The little ones sleep, the ones just past naps are required to play quietly, and older ones can hang out quietly, read, or whatever. But that is my afternoon time to regather my brain and recharge.
We do need to be careful that our enjoyment of a hobby does not become selfish, because it sure can become that way. If the kids aren't getting enough attention, your house is a mess, and your husband's priorities for you aren't happening, then hobby time should probably be set aside until you get your home back in order. But it is possible to keep your house up and enjoy a hobby too. :)
***I actually caught myself thinking just the other day , that I would be glad when they were a little older so that I could shoot my bow with my husband and get back to singing more. Then the rest of the time I am thinking how they are growing to fast and that my baby is almost 2.***
Do keep in mind that even if you are quiverfull, your kids grow up! They start to be productive, if you have trained them all along to be obedient and good workers. When the family can all work together, the work can be done much faster. I spend way less time cleaning that I used to, because I have helpers. You are at the hardest part, when all of yours are under 5/6 yrs old. That age seemed to be when we started turning the corner from them just needing me, to being able to help. I'm not a slave driver... they have plenty of time to just be kids. But a little work sure won't hurt them....they need to learn those skills anyway, and need to learn to be diligent workers. After all, they will be providing for their families someday. :) But I remember having 3 boys under 4.5 yrs old... that was hard. Having my 5th baby will seem easier than that, I'm sure.
***Not only hobbys but what about the other things that God has called us to do. For example I use to sing but since my 2nd dd I have not practiced so I hardly ever sing anymore I love to sing. If I have more children will I ever make time to practice. Maybe it is about me making the time rather than that the dc keep me to busy.***
I think you hit the nail on the head already. Why don't you sing with and to your kids? They'll love it! And you can sing all sorts of things... they will love hearing it. And they will start learning songs that you love, just from hearing you. Please don't think that having kids might stop you from singing! I even know a mom of 6-going-on-7 kids that not only sings, she often sings solos or in the choir in church. It's doable, if it's a priority for you. :)
***I do believe that children are a blessing from God and I love the idea of letting God decide on the size of my family. However I also think that he gives us wisdom . If were are tired wore out, or sick how can we take care of a large family and be a wife.***
That is a good question. We all have days where we are tired, or just have to go into survival mode. Those are tough days, for sure. But it's amazing what strength God gives you when you have other people to take care of.
I can tell you how my husband and I came to be quiverfull. First we looked though the Old Testament and noticed how often it mentions God opening and closing wombs... of individuals, and also of whole cities. And the opening of wombs is always mentioned as a blessing, while the closing is always said to be a curse. When God blessed people, children were almost always part of the deal. I think an important thing to consider is whether you believe God has changed. If he opened and closed wombs in the Old Testament times, then isn't it likely that he still does?
I'm sure you are also familiar with verses such as Blessed is the man whose quiver is full. And in Micah, it says that God created marriage because He desired godly offspring.
Another thing to think about is how would you prevent kids? My husband and I refuse to use any form of birth control that is hormonal, because all such methods have a back up system that creates a hostile environment for a fertilized egg. So for example, it is possible to be on the pill, conceive, and lose the baby without ever knowing you were pregnant. We are just not willing to let that happen. Removing hormonal birth control from your options doesn't leave a lot of great options, if you know what I mean! LOL For us, just nursing a lot, round the clock, has spaced our kids from 2-3 years apart without any birth control at all. However ach woman's body is different. Some people I know use Natural Family Planning with great success to space their children, with no appliances or hormones involved.
Our final conclusion was that if we could come up with a very good reason to prevent kids, then we would without guilt. One example I can think of is a woman I know who suffers from hyperemesis gravidarium, meaning she throws up terribly when pregnant. She's even had to be revived with paddles once because her heart stopped! Yikes! She is currently pregnant and planning on having her tubes tied after this one is born. Would I do the same thing? I don't know... can't tell without walking in her shoes. But I'm sure not going to throw tomatoes at her. That would be an incredibly hard thing to deal with. So for us, that very well might be a good enough reason to use birth control.
But for us, we have not ever had a reason that wasn't either truly selfish or doubting God's provision. We take it one baby at a time. :)
I'm not really trying to convince you one way or another, though it might sound that way! LOL I only wanted to give you some things to think about. I am glad to hear that you are considering it. Too many Christians today just assume birth control is perfectly fine to use whenever they want to, without a second thought. I think that's sad. Even just giving it some prayer and hard thought is a great thing. :) I pray that God will grant you wisdom in your decision.
