Jun. 21, 2006
Trying to stay positive
I have that mixed up feeling when you keep telling yourself to "stay positive" and "don't get depressed". It's a time when I'm excited about so much and downcast at the same time. Tomorrow, I'm going on the annual HEART retreat for Homeschool moms. Looking forward to spending the weekend with my friend and meeting others who love being home with their children. At the same time, I would rather be at home with my children!
I'm enjoying the new life in the cold house in Auckland. At least that's what I keep telling myself. We got a new woodstove on the weekend but have to struggle with lighting it. Wet wood creates a smoky smell in the house. Drying clothes by the fire means smoky-smelling clothes and it doesn't actually heat the house, just the living room. What's the point!? We have to spend $400 on wood as we had ordered 2 cubic meters of wet wood and now have to order another 2 of dry wood. The irony of it is the name on the woodstove is Bronte. I feel like we are living in the 1800's with the Bronte sisters. At least that's when I think they lived?!
I have 2 dryers. One that came with the house (rental) and one that was given to us. Neither of them are working so it takes 2 days to dry the clothes on the clothes horse. It's raining constantly with short periods of sun so I don't bother hanging the clothes out. It's just like camping.
I call my mom every day. It's so good to hear her voice. I just wish she could come over for tea. I miss her so much. I also miss the nephews and neices. I almost feel like tossing it in and saying "time to go home". I'm not home here.
My dear friend is in hospital again. It's hard to be so far from friends and not be able to comfort them when they are suffering. I wish sometimes we had just come for a holiday and left it at that!!!
I'm reading a book called The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. It's wonderful and inspiring and thought provoking and comforting. I had not heard of her before and now everyone speaks of her. She came to NZ and spoke to the homeschoolers. Too bad I missed it. Better get dinner ready. TTFN
I'm enjoying the new life in the cold house in Auckland. At least that's what I keep telling myself. We got a new woodstove on the weekend but have to struggle with lighting it. Wet wood creates a smoky smell in the house. Drying clothes by the fire means smoky-smelling clothes and it doesn't actually heat the house, just the living room. What's the point!? We have to spend $400 on wood as we had ordered 2 cubic meters of wet wood and now have to order another 2 of dry wood. The irony of it is the name on the woodstove is Bronte. I feel like we are living in the 1800's with the Bronte sisters. At least that's when I think they lived?!
I have 2 dryers. One that came with the house (rental) and one that was given to us. Neither of them are working so it takes 2 days to dry the clothes on the clothes horse. It's raining constantly with short periods of sun so I don't bother hanging the clothes out. It's just like camping.
I call my mom every day. It's so good to hear her voice. I just wish she could come over for tea. I miss her so much. I also miss the nephews and neices. I almost feel like tossing it in and saying "time to go home". I'm not home here.
My dear friend is in hospital again. It's hard to be so far from friends and not be able to comfort them when they are suffering. I wish sometimes we had just come for a holiday and left it at that!!!
I'm reading a book called The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. It's wonderful and inspiring and thought provoking and comforting. I had not heard of her before and now everyone speaks of her. She came to NZ and spoke to the homeschoolers. Too bad I missed it. Better get dinner ready. TTFN
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Posted by WalkInFaith
Posted by joyismystrength
Posted by tcollettebarnes
Posted by tcollettebarnes
Comments
Jun. 21, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by WalkInFaith Blessings Sister!
I have to tell you, I've read and re-read this post...then went and read other posts on your blog to make sure I had a real feel for your situation. Dear one, you sound perfectly miserable. Thing is, I think I recognize that perfect misery from a somewhat similar experience I've been through with a move.
I tried to tell myself it was an adventure; to stop comparing "back there" with "here"; to keep my chin up, etc. What I ended up doing for a few years was masking feelings and never really resolving any of them - and I made matters worse by not truly handing it over to God. LOL, I was trying to manage on my own strength, silly human that I am!
Know when I actually came to appreciate that adventure? When, as a family, we forced a change of direction and moved "back there"... only to finally realize what blessings were overlooked and where God had really wanted us to be. We've been out of sorts and things out of whack in alot of senses since then. Oh, God has used us and has had blessings for us here too, but I know in my heart we failed Him. He's probably tired of me, lol, but my prayer now is to be given the opportunity once more to go back to that adventure place!
Maybe those things you can understand and relate to, maybe not, but either way I pray that you'll be able to resolve those mixed up feelings - and please, don't try to do it on your own strength - you'll wear yourself out. Let God carry you. Let His Spirit envelop you. I look back for myself and realize I had blinders on the whole time. I missed so much with my eyes wide open! If that is the case for you I pray those blinders be removed so you can see the "sights" God wants you to see.
At this point, and thinking back on all this now, I realize not all of my blindness was my own silly human fault. I allowed Satan to play havoc with my will. This kind of trickery is common, so you know you're not alone if you feel this is what's going on for you. I pray for you. And I know this is a conquerable thing!
I'd love to hear how you're doing so I'll check back in ocassionally. Feel blessed... because you ARE!
I have to tell you, I've read and re-read this post...then went and read other posts on your blog to make sure I had a real feel for your situation. Dear one, you sound perfectly miserable. Thing is, I think I recognize that perfect misery from a somewhat similar experience I've been through with a move.
I tried to tell myself it was an adventure; to stop comparing "back there" with "here"; to keep my chin up, etc. What I ended up doing for a few years was masking feelings and never really resolving any of them - and I made matters worse by not truly handing it over to God. LOL, I was trying to manage on my own strength, silly human that I am!
Know when I actually came to appreciate that adventure? When, as a family, we forced a change of direction and moved "back there"... only to finally realize what blessings were overlooked and where God had really wanted us to be. We've been out of sorts and things out of whack in alot of senses since then. Oh, God has used us and has had blessings for us here too, but I know in my heart we failed Him. He's probably tired of me, lol, but my prayer now is to be given the opportunity once more to go back to that adventure place!
Maybe those things you can understand and relate to, maybe not, but either way I pray that you'll be able to resolve those mixed up feelings - and please, don't try to do it on your own strength - you'll wear yourself out. Let God carry you. Let His Spirit envelop you. I look back for myself and realize I had blinders on the whole time. I missed so much with my eyes wide open! If that is the case for you I pray those blinders be removed so you can see the "sights" God wants you to see.
At this point, and thinking back on all this now, I realize not all of my blindness was my own silly human fault. I allowed Satan to play havoc with my will. This kind of trickery is common, so you know you're not alone if you feel this is what's going on for you. I pray for you. And I know this is a conquerable thing!
I'd love to hear how you're doing so I'll check back in ocassionally. Feel blessed... because you ARE!
Jun. 21, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by joyismystrength Dear Marilyn,
You've been through so many moves in the past 10 years that I can hardly fathom it. From Langley to Coquitlam, to Grand Forks, to Alice Lake, to West Vancouver, to Omokoroa, and now to Auckland...whew! (Did I miss any?) I get exhausted just looking at the list and thinking about all that packing and unpacking, get acquainted and leaving behind, attaching and disengaging, drumming up courage to get involved and shutting down your emotions to deal with saying goodbye.
I think you've earned the priviledge of feeling tired, overwhelmed, and emotional. And, I imagine that some days are better than others. Some days really bad.
It doesn't seem to matter where we are on the planet. We always imagine something better somewhere else. But, I think we face the same struggles, and loneliness can be a hardest one to handle.
Please know that you are not alone. You can email me to organize a chat anytime you like!! I do think of you often and try to get on chat with you. Alas, with the time difference and opposing schedules we just can't seem connect without some kind of planning. Pathetic really, isn't it?
I pray that you will be uplifted today through a very real sense of God's arms enfolding you like a soft warm blanket, and His voice of love consoling you that, "All (truly) is well." This season will pass just like the others have. You will settle in. You will make some friends. You will get connected. Just wait on the Lord, and He will bring it to pass. He has lead you to this new place, you have followed, and I KNOW that He is looking forward to revealing the blessings He has ready for you in Auckland.
We're dealing with some of the same challenges in our new house, even though we didn't move that far from our old place. It's amazing the changes wrought in our lives. The kids especially feel the loss of the old neighbourhood friends. Other people who used to stop by on-route to somewhere else have ceased to do so because we're more out-of-the-way.
I am searching to find my place here. Why did you bring me HERE God? I too am feeling loneliness, often restless, sometimes depressed. But, I am trusting in God's greater knowledge. He has been there with us in the past and has not failed us. He will not fail me now! I must trust.
Sending you warm hugs, Jan
You've been through so many moves in the past 10 years that I can hardly fathom it. From Langley to Coquitlam, to Grand Forks, to Alice Lake, to West Vancouver, to Omokoroa, and now to Auckland...whew! (Did I miss any?) I get exhausted just looking at the list and thinking about all that packing and unpacking, get acquainted and leaving behind, attaching and disengaging, drumming up courage to get involved and shutting down your emotions to deal with saying goodbye.
I think you've earned the priviledge of feeling tired, overwhelmed, and emotional. And, I imagine that some days are better than others. Some days really bad.
It doesn't seem to matter where we are on the planet. We always imagine something better somewhere else. But, I think we face the same struggles, and loneliness can be a hardest one to handle.
Please know that you are not alone. You can email me to organize a chat anytime you like!! I do think of you often and try to get on chat with you. Alas, with the time difference and opposing schedules we just can't seem connect without some kind of planning. Pathetic really, isn't it?
I pray that you will be uplifted today through a very real sense of God's arms enfolding you like a soft warm blanket, and His voice of love consoling you that, "All (truly) is well." This season will pass just like the others have. You will settle in. You will make some friends. You will get connected. Just wait on the Lord, and He will bring it to pass. He has lead you to this new place, you have followed, and I KNOW that He is looking forward to revealing the blessings He has ready for you in Auckland.
We're dealing with some of the same challenges in our new house, even though we didn't move that far from our old place. It's amazing the changes wrought in our lives. The kids especially feel the loss of the old neighbourhood friends. Other people who used to stop by on-route to somewhere else have ceased to do so because we're more out-of-the-way.
I am searching to find my place here. Why did you bring me HERE God? I too am feeling loneliness, often restless, sometimes depressed. But, I am trusting in God's greater knowledge. He has been there with us in the past and has not failed us. He will not fail me now! I must trust.
Sending you warm hugs, Jan
Jun. 22, 2006 - You are Being Lifted Up
Posted by tcollettebarnes I feel for you and your situation. You don't have to move far away to feel the havoc of change...it can come steal your joy from just about anywhere. During the years I was growing up I lived all over the world and never in one place for more than about 4 or 5 years. It is hard to continue to connect and have to start the process of making a life all over again. But, time does allow you to settle in and in time the loneliness and all that comes with that will pass. And I know you have been told this a hundred times but it still remains the truth...God is with you and He will strengthen you and fill you to overflowing. Try your best to be patient, to stay close to him and stay nestled close to your children. This time, though hard as it is, will one day be an example of what God has done in your life. Remember that He uses adversity to bring about the best fruit in our lives. And just as I will there are a whole host of other brothers and sisters that will be praying for you and are always just a click away. I know it is not the same as having the ones you love close enough to come over for tea but God will bless you with new, intimate, close relationships. For now, as I stretch my arms out to you I pray.."May God's love, mercy and compassion be poured out upon this mother. Lord Jesus, help her to feel your loving arms around her and take away her loneliness. Fill the empty places in her and bless her abundantly. If it be your will, give her glimpses into what you are doing in her life to help strengthen her faith and to help keep her praising you. You know she loves you, Lord and is a faithful servant. Comfort her and bring her and her family into new friendships and Godly relationships. We praise you Lord in ALL things for we know how completely you love us. We know that every path you bring us down is for the glory of your Kingdom. As we wait and grow let us continue to trust in you and praise your precious name. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit...Amen"
He is with you always and the rest are just a click away....Blessings
Colette
He is with you always and the rest are just a click away....Blessings
Colette
Jun. 22, 2006 - You are Being Lifted Up
Posted by tcollettebarnes I feel for you and your situation. You don't have to move far away to feel the havoc of change...it can come steal your joy from just about anywhere. During the years I was growing up I lived all over the world and never in one place for more than about 4 or 5 years. It is hard to continue to connect and have to start the process of making a life all over again. But, time does allow you to settle in and in time the loneliness and all that comes with that will pass. And I know you have been told this a hundred times but it still remains the truth...God is with you and He will strengthen you and fill you to overflowing. Try your best to be patient, to stay close to him and stay nestled close to your children. This time, though hard as it is, will one day be an example of what God has done in your life. Remember that He uses adversity to bring about the best fruit in our lives. And just as I will there are a whole host of other brothers and sisters that will be praying for you and are always just a click away. I know it is not the same as having the ones you love close enough to come over for tea but God will bless you with new, intimate, close relationships. For now, as I stretch my arms out to you I pray.."May God's love, mercy and compassion be poured out upon this mother. Lord Jesus, help her to feel your loving arms around her and take away her loneliness. Fill the empty places in her and bless her abundantly. If it be your will, give her glimpses into what you are doing in her life to help strengthen her faith and to help keep her praising you. You know she loves you, Lord and is a faithful servant. Comfort her and bring her and her family into new friendships and Godly relationships. We praise you Lord in ALL things for we know how completely you love us. We know that every path you bring us down is for the glory of your Kingdom. As we wait and grow let us continue to trust in you and praise your precious name. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit...Amen"
He is with you always and the rest are just a click away....Blessings
Colette
He is with you always and the rest are just a click away....Blessings
Colette